New FF: Sau Dard Ch17 pg67 Apr 19 - Page 45

Present –

As Prem thought back to his last night with Heer his eyes burned with tears. Even though much time had passed since that night, he remembered it like it was yesterday. He could still smell the hospital, he could hear the beeping of all the machines, he could feel Heer's cold grasp on him, but above all else, he could feel the pain he felt that night as if it were happening in front of his eyes right now.

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Past –

When Prem's eyes met with Heer's it shattered his already broken heart even more. There were no words necessary between the two of them, because through their eyes they were able to understand just how the other one felt. Prem could take it so he looked away, hiding his tears in the process.

There was one major thought in Prem's mind – God, did she look sickly. It was like every time he came in to see her she just became more and more pale – she was nearly as white as the sheets around her. It seemed like it was taking all of her energy to just sit up and keep her eyes open.

Not wanting to go inside, Prem just stood by the door way staring at her. He didn't know what to say to her – he didn't even know how to face her. After all, it was his fault she was in this situation to begin with. She had wanted to give him the special gift he had always longed for, and in the process he had given up her life. Her life for the life of their daughter. Prem was brought back to reality when he heard Heer calling out to him.

"Prem…" she called softly.

Prem slowly lifted his eyes to meet with hers again.

"Don't you want to sit with me?" Heer asked.

He heard her giggle slightly when he looked away and shook his head in the negative like a stubborn child.

"Don't you want to spend time with me before…before there is no time left to spend?" she asked as her voice cracked.

That did it, Prem could take no more. He was at her side in an instant. Gently, not wanting to put the slightest pressure on anything in fear that me may break her, Prem sat next to Heer. Once again, he could feel the piercing sting of tears in the back of his eyes – tears that threatened to fall at any second.

Looking at her he asked, "Why Heer? Why did you do this? Why are you leaving me?"

"I had to," Heer replied placing her hand weakly on his right cheek. "I wanted to give you the child that your heart longed for. I had no other choice."

"Yes you did!" Prem roared as he leapt off the bed. "I was happy with just you and Sonny, I didn't need this! What I need is you, but you are leaving me." Prem turned his back to her.

"I will never leave you," Heer assured. "I will always be in your heart, remember that. I will always be here watching over you…always."

Turning back to face Heer, Prem asked, "What am I supposed to do now? My life is nothing without you in it. Without you by my side, I'm lost."

"You are not lost," Heer said as she held out one of her hands making Prem come back and sit next to her on the bed. "You have two beautiful children that are your life's purpose. They will give your life meaning, they will make your life whole."

Shaking his head Prem said, "My life will always be empty without you. Don't you know that? Don't you know hose much you mean to me…how much I love you?"

"I love you too," Heer said cradling his face in her palms. "It's because I love you that I did this. When your baby girl was born and you saw her for the first time, that smile on your face was enough to let me know I'd done the right thing. The smile was filled with pride, joy and affection. That one smile showed me that I'd made the right decision – the only decision. I have no regrets for what I did."

"How can you say that?" Once again Prem felt his anger rise. Once again he got up and stepped away from Heer as he said, "You're leaving your family behind…you'll never see your children grow up."

"Prem, don't do this to me," Heer said as she began to sob. "Please don't argue with me…not now. What's done is done, I cant change it."

"But why did you lie?! Why?!"

"If I had told you the truth, would you have let me have the baby?" Heer asked.

"No!" Prem answered without missing a beat.

"That's why," Heer said with a sad smile. "No matter how mad you are at me, I know that you are happy that you have a child of your own."

"I have Sonny!" Prem yelled.

"Yes, and he will always be out boy. But now you have a daughter too. A complete family."

"No! My family is not complete!" Prem came back to the bed and leaned his forehead on Heer's as he said, "Without you everything is incomplete…I'm incomplete."

Tears sprang to Heer's eyes once again. "Prem please…stop this," she said as she pushed him away. "I don't want to spend my last moments arguing with you."

"But…"

"No, please," she said as she looked up at him with tear filled eyes. "I want…I want to see the baby. I want to see your baby girl."

"What?" Prem asked confused. "You haven't seen…I mean…"

"I became unconscious as soon as she was born so I never saw her. Will you go get her?" Heer asked. "I want to see her before…" Heer couldn't finish the sentence as the tears began to flow once again.

Without another word, Prem headed to the nursery. Less than a minute later he walked in pushing a bassinet with a baby curled in it. He gently lifted her and walked towards Heer – just that sight brought tears to Heer's eyes again. She knew that for this one moment, all her sacrifices and all her pain had been worth it. Her baby in the arms of her husband…perfect.

Prem came and sat next to Heer, his shoulder touching hers. He turned to place the baby in Heer's arms when she turned away and refused.

"Heer…you have to hold her," Prem said.

"No Prem…"

"Don't be stubborn," Prem said, his voice rising slightly, "You have to hold her."

"No…" Heer said as her voice cracked, "I…I can't…"

"Why the hell not?!" Prem asked.

In between her sobs Heer managed to say, "Because I'm afraid that if I hold her now I may not be able to let go. If I hold her close to my heart I won't be able to let her go."

Once again, Prem's heart shattered. Gently he said, "You can't deprive this innocent life the warmth of her mother, even if it's only for a short while."

With that, Prem placed the baby into Heer's arms. As Heer cradled the baby, his heart swelled with pride. His child and the mother of his child…together.

"She is beautiful," Heer said as she smiled.

"Of course she is," Prem said as he gently ran a finger across the baby's cheek. "Just like her mother…beautiful." Prem pushed a loose strand of hair behind Heer's ears. "After all, she is your baby…she is our baby."

"No Prem, she is not my baby. She never was my baby," Heer said.

"But…"

"She was never meant to be mine. She has been, is and will always be your baby," Heer said softly.

Like a ton of bricks, it finally hit Prem. Ever since the beginning of her pregnancy Heer had never referred to the baby as 'mine' or 'ours', she had always said 'your' baby. It had never occurred to him s to why she never accepted the baby as hers.

As Heer stared down at the baby, she asked, "Can you look at the precious face and tell me to take back what I did? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you regret my decision?"

Prem was silent.

"Prem…will you do something for me?" she asked.

"Anything," Prem said.

"I want you to name her Chahat…Chahat Jhuneja."

"Chahat?" Prem asked. Chahat was not one of the names that they had discussed earlier.

"Yeah. She is a symbol of our love, of our strength, of us. She will bring love into your life once again. Along with Sonny, she will complete your life."

"No…" Prem began to say, causing Heer's face to fall. "I wont name her Chahat Jhuneja, but I will name her Chahat Heer Jhuneja."

"Prem…" Heer said in shock.

"If nothing else, she will carry your name. She is part of you Heer, no matter how many times you say she is only mine."

Tearing up, Heer spoke to the baby. "Chahat. Hi Chahat, I'm your Mamma an di love you," she said as she began to cry. "I'm so sorry that I have to leave but I'll always be with you…always. Chahat…Chahat…"

As if on cue, the baby stirred in Heer's arms and slowly opened her eyes. As she looked up at her mother, both Heer and Prem noticed the big brown eyes looking back at them, just like Heer. Prem was floored at how much like Heer she already looked. He knew that she would always be a reminder of his Heer. As both parents proudly looked down, Chahat balled up her tiny hands into fists and gave a hearty yawn. It was the cutest and most adorable face, but Heer couldn't take it any more. The tears were no rolling freely from her eyes as she silently handed the baby over to Prem. Understanding her pain, Prem took Chahat and placed her back in the bassinet. Coming back to the bed he gathered Heer in his arms and simply held her as she wept. Burying her face in Prem's chest, Heer cried her heart and soul out.

In between the sobs she was able to say "Prem, please watch after my children. Make sure that they know how much their Mamma loved them, that I didn't want to leave them but………make sure you pay special attention to Sonny. My baby boy is my world and I don't want him to feel like I abandoned him. I'm trusting you with my two most cherished possessions – treasure them, love them."

"Always…I always will," Prem said as he rocked her body.

With that, Prem's own tears began to flow. His heart ached, physically ached, when he had to take the children out of Heer's arms, especially Sonny. The look on Heer's face made him feel like he was taking candy from a child. It was like her life was being taken away from her, and in a sense it was. Her family was her life and soon, she wouldn't have that.

Prem didn't know when or how, but he fell asleep as he held on to Heer. He was awakened a short while later to the sound of someone calling out to him weakly. As he lifted his head and looked down he saw that it was Heer who called out to him. However, looking at Heer now he knew…he knew the end was near.

"Prem," she whispered.

"Yes, Heer…" he said as he held her upright.

"I don't have…much time left…" she said as she breathed heavily. "I need…breathe…I can't…"

Prem immediately understood what she needed. Reaching over, he brought her the oxygen mast and held it over her nose.

"Heer…please…please don't leave me," Prem cried.

"I have to…I cant…I cant hold on anymore…I cant…"

"Please Heer…please!" Prem pleaded.

"I love you," Heer said, "With my whole heart and soul. You're the only one for me…I…I want you to find love again…be happy…"

"No, never! You were it for me…forever. I love you," Prem said.

Prem's barriers finally broke; he could no longer be strong for Heer. He cried as he couldn't hold in the pain and anguish any more.

"Prem…" Heer called.

" Heer…Heer…"

"I…I love you…P…Prem…" she whispered.

With that last testament to their love, Heer was gone. With her final breath she had uttered his name and then…she was gone. She had left him, alone once again. Prem's heart and soul shattered as he lay with his head resting on the hand of the woman who was his life, the woman who meant the world to him. Prem lay with his head resting on the hand of his dead wife.

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Present –

The night that Heer had left him, the night that she died, a big part of him had died as well. A party of his heart and soul was missing and no one could replace it. People always said that time healed even the deepest wounds, but some wounds stay with you forever. The loss of Heer would stay with Prem forever.