FROM BANI TO BABY KRISHNA - Page 2

😭 Sab its so emotional and i know how you felt while penned it,well the first is always a special,

If I see another baby.
I will think of you then, too.
Wondering what you'd have looked like
As you giggle, cry, and coo.

It brought tears in my eyes 😭

Originally posted by: joakash

erhm i think it has potential. it was heartfelt i kow but you shld use more literary devices. also you shld pay attention to the rythm of your poem, sometimes your lines rhyme but the rythm is off due to your over- lengthening (is there such a word XD) of some lines. but overall good job, im sure you can be a great poet if you use a few tricks of the trade(:

i don't mean to sound rude, but just want to point this much out to you, that i did not put this down with the prospect of seeing how much potential my emotions and feelings can have on the forum.

am atleast glad that u realised it was heartfelt. sorry if it was not upto the mark for u, the next time i want to cry my heart out, i will make sure i use all the literary devices available, just so that i make it worth ur while ............... will definitely make sure that the rhyming and rhythm are all attended to, and the post is not too lengthy.

So very nicely put....and very true...from experience I can tell you there is no pain such as losing a child!!!!!

Please continue you write so well!!!

Originally posted by: joakash

erhm i think it has potential. it was heartfelt i kow but you shld use more literary devices. also you shld pay attention to the rythm of your poem, sometimes your lines rhyme but the rythm is off due to your over- lengthening (is there such a word XD) of some lines. but overall good job, im sure you can be a great poet if you use a few tricks of the trade(:

U think it has potential...aren't we glad😳... I don't know why but u give me a feeling that we are here to prove our writing skills....Its not a bad idea to have apropriate skills...writing or whatever,....but the reason why this forum exists is to help us express ourselves just as we are... getting in a professional mode is great but not the only reason of writing...

I don't mean to offend u .... you must be a master of poetry...

Sabsj ...u've written beautifully sweetheart... 👏

Sabsj,

Very, very well written. It was straight from the heart and it touched me no end. 😭

heyy sabsj
im sorry if you felt offended or anything ok! i didnt mean it in that way! but the point is that im only trying to offer you some constructive critisism. i didnt know that it would be met so badly. pooja, ive pmed you on the matter. but sabsj, i only replied to your post because i liked the poem enough to try and give you the only thing i could, suggestions to improve. because no ones perfect. and i personally value every comment i get on my work. and well i usually act upon it. so if you dont like me commenting i shant any more,just know that i was simply trying to help, and i was only doing what i myself would have been greatful for if i were in your shoes.
kav

Originally posted by: joakash

heyy sabsj
im sorry if you felt offended or anything ok! i didnt mean it in that way! but the point is that im only trying to offer you some constructive critisism. i didnt know that it would be met so badly. pooja, ive pmed you on the matter. but sabsj, i only replied to your post because i liked the poem enough to try and give you the only thing i could, suggestions to improve. because no ones perfect. and i personally value every comment i get on my work. and well i usually act upon it. so if you dont like me commenting i shant any more,just know that i was simply trying to help, and i was only doing what i myself would have been greatful for if i were in your shoes.
kav

Guys, lets just be friends ok. We all have our differences...😊

wonderful writing skills and so much meaning... I feel sad just reading it through once.. touche'... bravo dear.. and heartfelt sympathy for bani

Originally posted by: putturani

Guys, lets just be friends ok. We all have our differences...😊

Yes lets all be friends....no hard feelings what so ever....

heeyy sabsj...
aww u hadd me in ters.....!! the feelingss wer describedd soo perfectlyy...awww.....!! i am feelin soo senti knww.. 😭
well thnksxx for diss..atleast it providess us all with a new...perspctivee to look at ...and not jst say thingss...!!
thnksxxx 😃