I am an old person, an old person catching up with old episodes of an odd show, at a really odd time... and I watched first, second, and now watching the third...
And I see poor Dury hanging on the great wall of the torment hall...
Suddenly an arrow strikes, and break loose all arrows that held Dury so tight like the clutches of a wife... Dury falls down...
A young man shouts aloud - "Abey, kiss andhe ne mujhe push kiya? Ram ji ki kripa se mera tan aur mann tandurust hai. Nahin to girte hi mar jaata."
And the blah blah blah goes on... Adhirath and co arrive...
Karna - "Main Raadhee..."
Shona [interrupting] - "Guru Dron, yeh humare bhaiya humare maa ki husband ki beta nahin hai..."
Karna [concentrating] - "Main Raadhey tha...Radhe..."
Shona [interrupting] - "Who kya hain naa...ek din maa tel lene gayi wo ganga nadi mein..."
Karna [biting his teeth] - "Main Radhey tha... Radhey hoon, aur Radhe..."
Shona [interrupting again] - "...aur unhe nadi mein ek suit-case mila...toh uss se mila hai bhaiya ko..."
Karna [shouts angrily] - "Chup kar Shon. Ek toh tu ne mujhe upar se gira diya. Ab yeh dialogue toh bolne do...
Shona - "Haan bhaiya. Main toh bass aap ki woh..."
Karna - "Chup.!!! Main Radhey..."
Karna continues his speech... Dury crowns him King.
Uruvi [thinks] - "Ooohh... Who is this HAAWWTTT guy? I am getting beep-beep below my belly... Par iss ki body kyon nahin dikhayi deta?"
Uruvi [to pitamah] - "Pitamah, jaat ke naam pe yeh adharm kyon? Agar jaat hi manushya ki sab kuch nirnay karta hai, toh yeh bandaa kshatriy jaise itna HAAWT kaise ban gaya? Kyaa aap ko inn ki HAAWTNESS dikaayi nahin deti?"
Pitamah - "Beti, I am not gay."
Pitamah ponders for a while, slowly pulls down his long beard, and speaks calmly - "Neech hokar bhi haawt hona iss ki galati nahin hai. Yeh toh iss ki maa ki galti hai..."
Kunti [listens to this, weeps inside, caressing her long hairs] - "Hey Bhagwaan! Hey bhakt valsal... Aap ne mujhe ek Bollywood diva kyon bana diya? Mere baal itne straight kyon karwaa di? Mujhe pitamah ki daadi jaise ghise-pite baal kyon nahi di? Kyon bhagwaan kyon?"
Uruvi - "Piamah, afwaayein aisi faili hai ki Arjun ke six-pack asli nahin hai, bas make-up man se paint karwaya hai. Aap please iss HAAWT bande ko apni full body pradarshan karne ki anumati dijiye. Nahin toh sab log usse Arjun ka haar maan lenge."
Pitamah - "Theek hai. Anumati deta hoon."
Contest begins.
Uruvi gets on Arjuna's chariot to get a clear view of Karna's body. In a while, his earrings shine brightly.
Uruvi [thinks] - 'HIS BLING BLING!!! It was his bling bling that blinded my blinking eyes.'
Kunti - "Hey Sooryadev, kripya aap sagar mein kood jayiye. Tabhi toh who Uruvi wapis ayegi. Hastinapur mein sirf ek hi Bollywod diva ki zaroorat hai. Aur who sirf iss Kunti hoon."
Light goes off. Kunti shouts happily.
Pitamah - "Andhera ho gaya hai. Ab yeh show nahin hoga."
Karna - "Toh hume kal karne ki anumati dijiye."
Pitamah - "Nahin."
Arjuna - "Please Pitamah."
Pitamah [to Arjuna] - "Electricity walon ne connection cut kiya hai. Bill aaya hai saat number ka. Tu bharega kya?"
Arjuna keeps his eyes down.
Pitamah - "Din raat PUBG khelte waqt sochna chayiye tha aisa bhi ek din ayega. Bolne aya hai bada, please Pitamah."
Show is over.
Kunti sits in her room, before the large mirror, caressing her long hairs.
Kunti [speaks sadly to herself] - "Kaash mere baal itne Bollywood nahin hote."
Shubhra - "Toh bahut saare naukron ki kaam chale jaate."
Kunti - "Kaise?"
Shubhra - "Chalte waqt aap ke baal iss mehal ki saaf-safaayi jo karte hai..."
Kunti - "Oh, mat yaad dilao mujhe puraani baatein. Ek Bollywood diva hona itnaa bada apraadh hai kya?"
Shubhra - "No. But Bollywood divas do behave well in balconies that are open."
Kunti [biting her lips melodramatically] - "Not my mistake." [hums slowly..] Aisi nazar se dekha uss zalim ne chowk par, humne kaleja rakh diya chaku ki nok par... [shouts suddenly] Now just tell me what shall I do with this born-in-balcony beta?"
Shubhra - "Ek upaay hai. Main kal Uruvi ko bina make-up uss ke bath room main bhej doongi. Nanga ho toh bhi darr ke bhaag jaayega. Jab tak zinda rahega, laut kar iss Hastinapur mein aane ka himmat nahin dikhayega."
P.S As I wait to watch today's episode to know whether Uruvi succeeded in shooing Karna away, let me add that this post is intended only for entertainment and nonsense purpose. Anyone getting irritated will be doing so at the risk of their own intelligence.
