I believe every living being on this planet develops it's own coping mechanism to survive life, pain and hurt. it is very involuntary. Like a child might be fearful of dark , either he avoids it and pretends that it doesn't exist or fight and strive to create a flicker of light to face the darkness. This is how Manik and Nandini learnt to face their darkness.
Manik specially took to pretending and zoning out because , he seemed to have spent many nights, wailing, wishing and having his hopes crushed repeatedly to expect any light. Nobody told him to fight or encouraged him , he was just flung around to deal with his issues on his own . Hence he developed his own mechanism, he started masking his emotions, vulnerabilities because if he can zone them out they won't be visible to others to hurt him, he won't have to deal with them. This is why he prefers to be the bad boy, because the good in him gave up on hope. Hoping comes with pain and hurt. He always stared at those stars because they reflected something which he was never meant to have- the light. He envies this light , the will to shine in all the darkness because for some reason he gave up believing that he could illuminate too. He took to working hard and letting his friends shine, protect them because somewhere they reflected some light in his life, he needed to take the blows and appear invincible to them because these kids would become like him , otherwise. He became that guardian , who he never had in his lifetime.
Yes it's the Zidd because he has always trusted himself , his instincts - he cannot let that go because he doesn't know anything else. Nobody has given him the "other perspective" . he was raised by his own struggles and experiences , hence he struggles to read the other POV.
Ego- he hides his vulnerabilities by his ego because there is a deep sense of insecurity. he is a boy who was told to always be perfect. he tries to be one for his friends and for his mask. So there is no margin of a Manik who will break down, be comfortable of acknowledging his mistakes because he never had someone he could do that with . He watches his friends and see them deriving their will from his strength , he thinks they might not be able to handle his break-down , so he puts the mask, because this arrogant, egoistic guy was told that showing or emoting vulnerabilities is a sigh of weakness.
He looks for tangibles in actions and words, because that has been stepping blocks for all his validations. He cares, he will show you. He needs the physical touch to feel his emotions because the intangible, abstract part of emotions were never part of his life. This is why when he see Nandini walking away , he overlooks her care and her gestures. Because to him that is one memory , one vision he has always associated to him being left alone by people he always wanted to be loved from. Therefore he zones out the unconditional care and love Nandu pours in her hug and care.
Love- He struggles with this word, what is it, he doesn't know . He has heard or felt that it is a very coveted prized position that probably is earned after years of knowing each other or which he is so out of his reach. He has no memory , event or person to associate this feelings. This love is different from what he feels with fab5, they are his family - the one he acquired , but where he has to hide his heart's conflicts , hence he cannot share the unconditional with them, because he cares and loves them too much to burden them with his heart's ache.
Nandini- She is anomaly of his life, the "other" to his being. Because her approach to life and conflicts is so contrasting to his. He refuses to acknowledge dark, she embraces it with a smile. She has that light which he thinks he cannot ever be. She taught him that life is not about give and take, there are some emotions , actions and relationships which are above them. Including friendship, so if for Manik compensating for Dhruv's debt was giving up on his love, it was not right. Her punch was to remind him that if he applies this philosophy to intangibles like friendship, love- there will be a collateral damage which will have far reaching conclusions.
He makes mistakes with her, she gives those free advises but he always searches and internalizes her words, actions because that has been his reference point. While she goes for the depth , he looks at the surface. This is the struggle, they both are teaching how life really is and should be lived. He feels that hope with her, the desire of the unconditional because she doesn't label his vulnerabilities as imperfections , that is why she is spotless light, the one to be loved, worshiped and revered. That someone , he always wanted but never thought himself to be worthy to be.
Self-destruction
Nobody has told him to value life. Friendship taught him to put himself on the line if need be but Nandini is teaching him to embrace and live life for himself. Because if he cannot love and appreciate himself, he will never know how he adds value to others life. Why he is so precious to her and others.
For a 19 year old boy he has a lot of hang-ups, understandable , he is at an age where angst is everything, and emotional stunting seems to be convenient and the cool thing. It's easier to run away than to face problems. It's because his circle was so accommodating to his mechanism until Nandini arrived. She is the outsider who has shaken his world , so she becomes the fulcrum of his growing up . She and life in general will make a man out of this boy. Too young, too sheltered right now to have his own realizations. Nandini is the guide to teach him and open his mind to emotions, new experiences and life.
Mukti is like Manik self-destructing , sticks to her opinion , fab5 because changing that will make her vulnerable and she has never been able to handle it well. She needs fab5 as a constant because she despises change , probably she associates that with pain, misery and too hurt. So she prefers to fake it , revel in the misery and struggle to maintain the constant of her life. Because being alone is something she is most fearful about.
Cabir has had his brush with outside world, he had his guide in his mom - who taught him how to lead life with respect . He loved and realized that hiding behind the veil is more suffocating than facing a hostile crowd. He is the one who is more welcomed to outside environment and branches out , which is why he is sorted and realizes that all his friends hide behind facades and that is fab5 stick together because it's easy , comfortable and enabling.
Particularly for Manik , Nandini is the branch to the outside world. She is the push he needs to step outside from his self-percieved dark world.
So this is all I can think right now, Doc. Gotta sort our save the date cards, you reckon we can go out on a date soon?
Edited by charminggenie - 10 years ago
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