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Manik Malhotra has made The most difficult decision of his life some days back and he still is struggling to make sense of whatever is going on his life...
So much happened on that fateful night...Musicana, Feb 5, Cabir and Harshad. I am sure there is some part of Manik that is thankful that all did happen. If not for these unwanted distractions then he would have spend his days and nights mourning the love he thinks he doesn't deserve nor can have...
Manik is an insecure creature, has always been. Every action of his, since the start, shows how unsure and insecure he is when it comes to feelings, people he loves and cares about. And Nandini is the one person who has the ability to make him feel worthless and priceless at the same time.
Manik may have taken the decision to let go Nandini impulsively, but also has so many reason to not back out. He may not be aware of the reason consciously, but his words, now and then indicates that his brain do knowledge them...If not then Manik would have regret his impulsiveness and have already realized what distrer he was making of his life...
Dhruv is just one of the reasons. The most profound reason why he took that decision was because she just hold so much power over him. She makes him doubt when he is confident. She makes him think when he wants to act. She makes him feel when he wants to stay numb.
"This girl has the power to make me crazy..."
We all know that Manik is more experienced one. But what we don't realize is that there are some disadvantage of being the experience one. The assurance of the fact that the more experienced one knows better.
When a person is experiencing something for the first time. Like Nandini, for who everything is new...They let the other person to lead them, to guide them... The same way she let Manik take the lead and surrender herself to her feelings and him. Yes, that showed her trust but it also established that Manik is the one who has the responsibility to lead her, them. She is testing those waters for the first time and he has already, he may not have gone that deep but still he isn't new...
When he was with Alya, he didn't feel what he feels when he is with Nandini. He knows the feelings are more deep, more consuming, everything is more breathtaking and intense. Before Nandini, he never thought he could feel something like he feels now.
He can tell the difference. He knows for sure that what he has with Nandini is something more...Nandini doesn't. She is new to all this. Everything is new for her. So who can tell that Manik isn't her Alya? That whatever she feels for Manik is not just attraction but love. Who says that whatever she feels for Manik has the same depth and intensity that his feelings have for her?
Manik knows what is attraction and what is the uncontroable attraction. He knows the difference between being with someone and being in love with someone...
This is what makes Manik insecure, even though it should have made him more confident about them. He doesn't know what she feels fo him...And if whatever she feels for him is love and not just attraction...He has done the same thing, mistake attraction as love...So what if she is doing the same mistake?
Manik has always seen something between Nandini and Dhruv that was not even there. He still does...So what if one day she will realize what she feels for him is nothing compared to what she can feel for Dhruv...
Because let's face it, Dhruv and Nandini, Nandini and Dhruv...Two people who for Manik are pure...They never lie, are selfless, are symbol of goodness for Manik. Whites to his gray...
Dhruv and Nandini...they both smile at each other, have soft corner for each other, used to lie their friends to meet each other...So there has to be something, Nahi? And that is what lead Manik to believe that he is the one who came in between...Because all the while Dhruv did so much for Nandini, what he did?
"I hate Nandini. I hate her with the bottom of my heart...I just can't stand her..."
Oh Yes, he was the one who used to tell others that he hates her...He used to ensure his mind while tapping his fist on his heart to silence it when it screamed in protest...
This is what he used to do that time...So how come he can be the one to claim to be in love with her? How can he, when he can see that Dhruv was on the path on love since the start...
He can't...He won't...
And why would he? They are perfect. They are perfect for each other.
So what and who tells that Manik that he can hold her back, that what she feels for him will be enough to make her stay? That he is being just a freak, letting all his insecurity make him miss out all the good in his life...Nothing and no one...
Manik doesn't see things as we see...He never had the prove or assurance of the feelings Nandini feels for him. Fate didn't gave him time to reveal and analyze what happened between them that night...
So there is no way he can know for sure that what Nandini feels for him isn't just simple, plan attraction which could be over looked when she will get to know a perfect person like Dhruv...
What if Manik is just her Alya? And Nandini is meant for Dhruv? What if he would not be able to hold her back, make her stay with him?
There are so many what-if with no answers for Manik...
Isn't the most safest and less heart-breaking thing for everyone is letting go...?? Because how could Manik ever be better and more deserving than Dhruv?
Another reason is Manik's believe that whoever will be the girl who will come in Dhruv life will be the most luckiest one and most happiest one...Because Dhruv will make her so happy. He so strongly believes that Dhruv will be a perfect lover and his love story will be the most beautiful one...
And by doing whatever he is doing, isn't he making sure that Nandini will be that person? The most luckiest one and most happiest one? The one who will be truly happy with someone like Dhruv, who is perfect...
It isn't how love is supposed to be? To be selfless...To want the person you love always happy...Isn't what Manik is doing? Unconsciously and consciously...
Manik may go around saying that he isn't in love with Nandini, but his heart knows and his mind plans to make sure she stays happy...And this is the most perfect way to do that...Because he also will be able to control things if they go wrong...
For Manik, he may not be able to keep her happy. And with Dhruv, there isn't any way he will stay without being happy...Because Dhruv ko toh dekhte hi she smiles...
But when if he is doing all this and his pain is unbearable, no one can tell tell him that this all is unnecessary because he is on love...Because he will say:-
"Pyar nahi hai woh..."
"Yeh pyar nahi hai..."
He denies every time when someone tells him that he is in love because he doesn't want it to be love. Because if he accepts it as love, letting her go will be more difficult with that knowledge.
Harshad doesn't need to trap Manik because he is already trapped. A trap far more dangerous, confusing and consuming than any trap Harshad come up with...
He is trapped by his own feelings and emotions...
Manik, at this point, is nothing more than a man standing in the desert, sand's taste in his mouth, having class of water in his hand but in company of a boy who could die from thirst...
If he goes ahead and drinks the water, he knows the boy will die. And he, if not from thirst than by guilt, will die too. And like any man he chooses the boy's life over his. Because this way at least the person who will have water will live...
So that's what he will do...Deny himself the water when though the temptation is more stronger than anything he never felt before...He will let the boy live...He has too...
So that is what Manik is doing nowadays...Denying himself water, even when the sun is high on the sky, even when the taste of sand becomes unbearable, even when giving it seems like the only solution to end his misery...
It doesn't matter if he finds himself on her door every time he is confused, can't decide, needs comfort or some wise advice...That fact for him will always remain that he has to denying himself of her...
PRE-CAP
So all inner turmoil, the dilemma, the confusion, the longing, the yearning, the hesitation and the giving in in the end...all of that will take Manik no where...Even after whatever will happen between them in Jungle at the night won't change much for him...Because before the dawn comes, Manik will push Nandini away more harder and more violently than ever...
He will tell her whatever will come in his mind as an excuse...He will hurt her so he can feel the pain ten times worse than what she will feel, so it will make her not come close to him...
For punishing himself he will make her hate him...He will do whatever it takes to save the boy, even if that whatever will do things worse than death to him...
At least in this way he will be the one who will be in control of his destruction...This way he will be the only one who will know about his destruction...He will be the one who lead it to himself...While for the world he will be The Manik Malhotra of always...
The Indestructible, The untouchable...More strong than steel and with the heart of a sadistic monster. The Manik Malhotra...
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