Hi my lovlies. Well as I anticipate the next episode,I am writing down the rohit sippy POV of sonakshi being mad at him. Wanting to explore and expose his vulnerable side. Let me know how it was. On a side note,mental health is very important and anxiety and all related mental health issues can happen to anybody anywhere.lets be kind to each other always. (You will realize why I mentioned it as you read the follwing today.) as always chappals and roses are equally welcome.thank you for all the love,appreciation and support.
He closed the door behind,as he felt his heart being ripped into pieces. This was not how he wanted to be spend the first morning of the first new year he was spending with his sona. She has avoided him since the whole truth surfaced in a very brutal manner which was downright against his favour few hours ago. He followed her everywhere possible in this grandeous mansion to say how sorry he was,just to be unseen and unheard and unnoticed. She has used the pending new year party’s preparations as an excuse to avoid him and spend time with his family downstairs.
Walking through their room,he found nothing but emptiness. His eyes scanned every little space of the room and memories came flowing through.
That was the same bed where they got intimate a little during the new years’ eve,which now was empty just as his whole being.
That was the space behind the couch that they both fell on top of each other causing his stubborn heart to scream silently against having to get up from her embrace,Which now was empty just as his whole being.
That was where she sat and he caressed her temples wanting to take all her pains and tensions away-the same mirror through which they watched each other as that happened,which was now empty just as his whole being.
That was where she showed him his Christmas gift which he never expected-giving him so much feels that he had never felt before-so belonged so treasured so valued so important all together,which now was empty just as his whole being.
Kaali toh hoga hi,aakhir nahi hein yahaan mere saat wo.nahi hein Iss Rohit Sippy ko poora karne waali. Nahi hein mere sona mere saat.Nahi hein mere paas wo ab.
He found his tears renewing at the thought of it.
Turning back,His eyes found an alien thing in their cupboard,among her sarees and he slowly stretched his hand to take it.it wasn’t difficult for him to figure out that it’s the little picture album of sonakshi. He hugged it to his chest and walked to their bed next.
Turning page by page,he saw his sona’s first picture after birth,first year birthday, then some more and he came and halted at one.all the pictures till now was indeed so cute but this very picture he was eyeing on now topped it all. He found his fingers running over her cute little smiling face,holding some soft toy in her hand and dressed in a pink little dress and those chubby cheeks,his heart swell and he felt his lips forming into the first little smile among the tears in his eyes.
“Sona.”
He took her name ever so lovingly at that picture while taking it off the album, planted a kiss on it and hugged that to his hollow chest,weighing himself to the pillow which was against the headboard till now.
There was a few minutes of sukhoon as if he had her right there next to him while he stared at that beaming smile she has had from her little days till now.
Her smile.
that one smile which cures him inside out every freaking time.
To a bright sunny evening at Malabar hills it was.since few hours back,they were all playing downstairs-him and his two younger brothers rohan and ajit and their two years old little sister pooji.Them three little boys who never knew how it felt like to have a sister were elated to have one tiny baby girl at house now.Nishi bua and YK had come home from UK after bua’s three year foreign training was over,and the three boys were the most excited to meet their sister at their arrival.Ever since then pooji had become the apple of their eye and they loved her so much unconditionally.
Today,pooji has fallen asleep in his lap and he decided to carry her all the way to her little crib at bua’s room.The door was half way opened and his arms were tucked safely around his sister so he couldn’t really knock.he was about to enter but halted on his tracks hearing some voices which were unaware of his presence.not only that He couldn’t believe what he was hearing but also he wasn’t that childish to understand what his bua and YK was discussing.he knew that eavesdropping was bad manners but he couldn’t help it.
Ek jhatke se,everything changed for Rohit sippy,the thirteen year old who was only used to see happiness,togetherness and smiles in life. Every little thing changed in his view, except for the love for his mother and his sister pooji and the respect for his bua and YK.
In a trance he handed over his now OWN sister to the shocked adoptive parents whose discussion revealed him of what a dhokebaaz his so called father naren sippy has been to his mother secretly. He heard his name being called repeatedly but he just wanted to run away from this harsh reality. And indeed he did,he started running as fast as he could,til he lost all his strengths and ability to breathe. His legs gave away at some place and he fell down. His knees started bleeding and his elbows got bruised but does he even care? He buried his head among his knees which he clunged to his chest and started crying,unable to face this truth which would destroy everything,and his most treasured possession-his mother being the first to be out of that.
Rohit stirred in his sleep,halfway realizing that he troubled with the scary flashback of the past which time to time still manages to come to him in a form of nightmare. He was about to come out of it but then,this time the dream changes and he slumber s back to sleep.
Suddenly a hand rests on his shoulder and he raises his head up.A pink dress with a soft toy in hand,chubby cheeks and big brown eyes together is staring at him. Despite of all those,what he noted was the beaming smile the pink dress was showering upon him.
“Ro kyun rahe ho?” Asks her then and he looks away wanting to be alone.
Pink dress take a seat next to him uninvitedly and clutches his shoulder,turning him to her then.
“kya Naam hein tumara?” Another question and he feels slightly annoyed.
“Myshelf shonakshi rastogi.Tum mujhe shona kehe sakte hoon.mumma ki tarha.”
She goes on and rohit wonders why doesn’t she lets me be. But wonderously he starts talking.
“Shona?” He askes in some confusion and she starts nodding in negative.
“Arey Shona nahi.shona.shona bolona.”
“Wahi toh kahaan mein neh,shona...”
“Oh foo.nahi naa.shona nahi.shona hein.”
“What are you blabbering? Leave me alone.go away.”
“Arey itna gussha kyun horahein hoon? Shona bolona.tum toh h add karta hein beechmein issiliye problem horahahein.zyaada mat shocho,itna mushkil Nahi hein karna.Shona bolona,without h.”
He wonders a bit while figuring out what she is saying.
“Sona?” Says he next and then she starts cheering.
“yay!!! Ye hui naa baat,liya tum meri naam.i told you,itna mushkil nahi hein.sab problemsh ki sholutions hota hein.”
He stares at her in disbelief,and unknown to him his worries seemes to have disappeared for a while.
“Khudh apna naam bhi teek se bol nahi sakte,badi aayi mujhe lectures dene phir bhi....” he says and she narrows her brows.
“Itna khadoos mat bano....I am here to help you.itna pooch rahi hoon mein phir bhi tum kuch nahi share karte mujhse.tell me what is the matter?”
She asks and he looks down.
“I have been living in a lie...My dad.he....lied to us....he cheated on my mom....” he doesn’t know how or when did he find courage to tell her that. And he finds his tears flowing down his cheeks. Meanwhile ‘shona’ stands up and kneels infront of him and holds his hands. Looking up to her eyes, he finds her little hands wiping his tears off. He stares at her in an awe.
“Jo already hochuka hein uske baaremein eisa cry cry hokar what’s the use nah?”
“Kya karu phir mein sona?”
“Kaun kahaan keishe kyun jhoot bola...ishhe ab farak nahi padta. What important ish ki tum eisa naa banu.kabhi naa banu.Ok?”
She asks and he nods fast in approval.
“Toh ab teek feels hota hein khadoos ko?”
He smiles among the tears.
“Mera naam rohit hein.rohit sippy.” Tells him again.
“Naish name...shippy....” she chuckles and he shuts his eyes trying to stop himself from laughing at her h problem and shrugs it off. She stands up from there indicating to leave and a sudden loneliness creeps back to him. He wants her to stay but till when? He wonders again.
“agar shindagi mein dubara kabhi eishe problemsh hongi naa toh phir yaad rakhna shona will alwaysh be there with you.aur mein naa,tumari shaari problems dhoor karungi,rohit shippy.yaad rakhna.”
She smiles,picking up the soft toy she put at a side to talk to him and leaves from there. His loneliness increases and he raises his hand to call her but for some reason his voice doesn’t come out. He stares at her leaving form helplessly and she turns back to him one last time before waving him a good bye that cringes his heart and suddenly everything gets hollow.
“Sona!!!”
He jerked into waking up,calling her name,sweat all over his being and tears all over his face. His painful past in a nightmare first. And then sona coming to him to heal him in a form of a little girl. He tried to let the ends of the chain of dreams meet but he felt his head is so heavy. He couldn’t figure out what’s happening. He saw the picture of sona he was looking at before falling into sleep,it’s still clutched in his hand. Slowly he remembers everything happened and fears engulf him.what if she really leaves?
Would this be a forever?
Would she really leave him?
Would she go away from him?
Would she go so far that he wouldn’t even be able to find her again?
Numerous questions of the same kind around the same topic at the same time started wandering in his head,no.Not wandering.those questions literally started haunting in his head. And he thought that he is clearly going crazy at that very moment. This pain on his chest was familiar,this heaviness on his heart was familiar,this breathless feel was familiar and this uneasiness was clearly familiar.
His eyes closed and sonakshi walking away from him-giving him to raima that night at sumit’s flashbacked real quick in his mind and baam! He jut opened his eyes holding his chest from his palm. This was the exact truckloads of feelings he suffered from,that night.
Rohit sippy tried to catch his breath,panting really hard and looked around helplessly. Panic washed throughout his whole being and as he was almost about to give in he saw a glass of water nearby and he reached it with so much of difficulty. He gulped three four sips of water and his hand felt so numb the next moment. Holding the glass next from both his hands tight fearing that it might fall down he waited a moment. His thoughts were yet troubling him so much that he then ended up taking the glass way above and spilling all the remaining water all over his being from head to toe. His fingers gave in and the glass fell off of him,dropped into the floor,shattered into million pieces,few of it piercing his skin as a reflex of the fall,him bleeding and his sona entering all of them happened at the same time.
“Rohit!!!!”
He heard her screaming his name as she approached and soon he felt her hands scooping him to her embrace and his face to her bosom.
“Rohit....rohit.meri taraf dekho please.” She begged and he tightly hugged her the next moment.
“Mat jaao...please sona...please mujhe chodke mat jaao...” he begged and begged holiding her tighter with each word he senselessly uttered.
“rohit mein...mein tumari paas hoon...kahi nahi gayi...see will you...I am with you.”
She started crying,cupping his cheeks unable to bear seeing him like this.he still had his eyes closed,unable to get over that panic which was gushing through him.
“uss..uss raat promise kiya tum mujhe sona...kahaata naa agar mein kahenge bhi tum kabhi mujhe chod kar nahi jaaungi...you promised...remember....you promised....you did....please....”
she snuggled so very close to him and tried to silent him and calm him down.
“Rohit...Haa yaad hein mujhe.sab yaad hein,aur aaj bhi uss waadein mein hoon. Chahiye toh aaj phir waada karti hoon rohit,mein kahi nahi jaungi....kabhi nahi jaungi tume chod ke.i promise.i promise.i will never go.”
She started placing kisses all over his face telling that wanting to make him feel better and desperately wanting to calm him down to the usual. Never had she ever seen her rohit like this and it literally killed her to see him like this. He breathed fast against her skin and she rubbed his back trying to take him off all of his pains. He hid in her embrace even more,not wanting to let go of her and his tears started wetting her cheeks as he rested his against hers trying to make sure to himself that she is actually there with her.
“You promised....haaa...you promised. Promise me again.phir se sunna hein mujhe....pata hein tume? Tumari rohit kabhi jee nahi paunga tumare bina. Saas nahi le paayenga usse tumari bina.kuch nahi karpaunga tumari bina...bolona sona...nahi jaungi right tum....I cannot live without you....I cannot live without you...I just cannot.”
He kept on saying among tears.
“please rohit.sambhalo apne aap ko.i cannot see you like this. Please. Calm down.i will be with you till the end I promise.ab please shaant hojaao.i beg of you...please....I love you so much rohit...I love you.”
“Sona...” he just reponded with her name as he heard her confessing how much she loves him. I love you.i just love you so damn much woman. He heard his mind screaming.
They have had hit a rough patch and she was feeling so betrayed at that moment,true.she didn’t talk with him nor gave him a chance to approach him... true, they didn’t discuss anything,true. But as time passed and her anger lowered her mind decided to think about both the sides of their story.Deep inside her heart sonakshi knew that her rohit would have had some helplessness which made him do all these and all what she thought perfectly got confirmed by what YK and nishi bua told her.They explained how they planned everything and how rohit was so against them in this and how worried he was for her. And there she decided to come to see him,to talk or to fight,but somehow to solve this because rohit is that one person she could never ever give up on. That’s when she found him out in this broken state,shuddering in panic and what not.right now nothing was needed than making him feel alright. She thought as her heart ached for him.
While being cuddled and pecked to ease by her, rohit slowly found his erratically beating heart slowing down. The peace he wanted being found in her arms, the tranquility he yearned being showered to him from her warmth. He cuddled to her like a little one, exposing his vulnerable side which he never had shown to anyone else till date. This one heck of a woman is the only one who could birth every emotion inside him always and tonight he wanted to let everything else go and just let her know how weak he is behind the strong mask he wore,and he absolutely didn’t mind doing that at all.
“Sona...bohot galat kiya hein Mein neh...par...”
“rohit...baad mein baat karte...pehele shaant toh hojao...” she begged.
“Please....baat naa karke already bohot damage karchuke hoon mein...aur nahi... suno....please ek baar sab suno jo mein kehena chaata hoon...”
He gulped hugging her tighter again.
“I am sorry Mein neh tumse itna kuch chupaapya....tume laga hoga ki rohit ek bohot gatiya aadmi hein,nahi? But trust me sona,mere tareekein galat hein par iraada galat nahi tha sona. Please trust me.please...”
He said hugging her hands to his chest then.
“Jee jee ke mar raha tha tumse sach chupakar.sau maaut mar raha tha tumse jhoot bolte wakt.i am sorry sona...I am so so sorry....”
She nodded in negative as he sobbed against her frame.
“You know what? Tum jeisa pyaar mujhe aaj tak kissine nahi kiya hein....tum jeise pyaar karne waali aaj tak dekha bhi Nahi hein mein....iss pyaar ko,aur iss pyaar dene waali ko kone ke himmat Nahi hein mujhmein sona....mein mar jaaunga.”
“Rohit!!!”
“no please mujhe kehene do....laalchi hogaya iss pyaar pe mein sona...issiliye mujhe lagta ta ki agar sach patachalega toh tum mujhse dhoor jaayengi.wo toh mein hargis bhardaash nahi kar paunga,so I decided to hide everything from you....tume kone ke dhar se hi ye sab kuch kiya mein....”
he paused wiping his tears.
“But today,I know that pyaar le bhi liya tumse,aur pyaar kiya bhi hein tume,lekin sahee tareekein se pyaar nibhaya nahi hein mein neh. I am sorry sona..,please I am so sorry....I promise you today,I promise you that I will never ever hide anything from you...I will never ever do that....”
“Eisa mat kaho rohit,tum hamesha se apna pyaar nibhaya tha,kitna nibhaya wo mein jaanti hoon...bas ek galti hua lekin wo hum ab aapas mein sortout karhi lenge...teek hein....iss wajeise yaa kuch bhi ke wajese I will never ever give up on you....I promise....” Said sonakshi.
“Sona mujhe kissi bhi cheez se koi matlab nahi hein. Kuch hoga yaa naa hoga mere paas,koi matlab nahi hein usse.mujhe srif aur srif tumari saat aur paas rehena hein bas.tum ho to sab kuch hein aur tum nahi ho to kuch bhi nahi....”
He said leaning his forehead against hers.she cupped his cheeks and wiped his tears off from her thumbs.
“Aur pooji ki asli...” his words halted by her palm on his lips.
“Aaj ke liye yahi kaafi hein rohit.jo bhi hein wo sab hum dono baad mein discuss karlenge,teek hein?” She said looking into his eyes deep. He smiled feeling ever so light and relieved in her arms like this.
He cupped her face and tucked those hair that was blocking his view of her from him.
“Happy new year.”
He then whispered,reminding her that they both still didn’t wish each other yet.
An extreme surprise landed on him the next moment when she cupped his face and placed her lips on his. He was fully taken aback at her fierce move and in few seconds after his reciprocation she broke their kiss.
“Happy new year,doctor surgeon.” She winked.
“What was that!?” He asked in a complete shock.
“I dunno..you tell me.” She shrugged.
“Mein kehedu? Sure?” He asked drawing her to the bed with him. She started smiling against his cheek.
“Ronakshi team of 11 mein pehele hissa toh yeh hona chahiye...” he said raising his hand and showing her the favourite baby sonakshi picture.
“Ye toh mein hoon.” She asked in confusion.
“No Filaal ye tumari tarha dikti hein par tum nahi hoon. Sona please mujhe naa...sach mein I want a baby girl who look exaclty like that from you.aur uski naam hogi...shona.”
“What?”
“Rehene do...tum nahi samjogi....I will tell you later.” He winked,placing a quick kiss on her lips and it was sonakshi’s turn to be surprised.
Matters solved were better than matters dragged. Harsh truths would be better than hidden lies. Spoken words are better than unspoken thoughts. But living a reality and dreaming a world ahead with the loved ones were equally beautiful.that night rohit and sonakshi realized.
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