"What happens if Raima comes back?"
Rohit felt his stomach drop at her words. Sonakshi had just turned down his proposal and he was trying to convince her to rethink her decision when she suddenly burst out in anger.
His throat felt dry and his head began to pound. Suddenly the lighting in the room appeared a little too bright, making it difficult to see and to think.
"I...I.. I dont know,” he stuttered. Rohit felt shame and guilt wash over him as he realized that he didn’t have an answer for her. What if Raima came back? Would he leave the girl he spent years loving and not spare her a second glance? She spent 4 years lying on a bed immobile because of him. Or would he run to her, leaving behind the one woman who stood by him during his worst. The one who makes him feel alive and without whom the world appears dark and scary. Sonakshi managed to ignite a fire within him that he had no idea existed! The warmth from her touch reaches his very soul.
In either scenario, he would be the villain in the story. Neither women deserved such an awful fate. Never can Rohi Sippy imagine disrespecting a loved one in such a way.
Rohit realized that he couldn’t promise his Sona the one thing that can make or break a relationship for him. Unconditional love and loyalty.
Rohit staggered back as he felt an overwhelming emotion knock against his chest. He held onto the chair next to him, attempting to collect his thoughts and compose himself. He looked at Sonakshi who looked at him in despair with unshed tears in her eyes. Rohit wished he had the power to prevent her heart from breaking. He wished he could tell her what she wanted to hear.
But he couldn’t. Rohit swallowed the lump in his throat as he averted his eyes from her. Blinking away his tears, he took a deep breath to gather his strength.
He wouldnt breakdown in front of her. Sonakshi stood by him in too many of his emotional outbursts. It wasnt her job to handle things each time something went wrong. He would remain strong for her! She was hurting and he needed to assure her that everything would be fine. But right now he needed to leave. They both needed time and space to grieve the loss of what they shared these past few months. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
Rohit tried to steady himself enough to walk away but felt his knees wobble was he attempted to leave her makeup room.
“Rohit!” Sonakshi reached out to hold him but he stepped away.
“I’m fine Sonakshi. I’m really sorry about how all this turned out. You are right to say no. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t have an answer to your question, Sona. And I can’t lie to you. There is nothing I can say to change the situation or to make things alright. I should just go, Ravi is waiting outside for me.” But he forgot that Sonakshi could read him better than anyone else. She grabbed his arm to stop him and cupped his cheeks.
“Rohit.” He reluctantly looked up to meet her eyes. His heart began to hurt as he saw a woman whose eyes were full of love and concern for him. Love that he didn’t deserve. She also looked tired and broken. All because of him. But still, she placed him before herself. Something snapped inside of him and Rohit felt himself crumble. In an instant, Sonakshi had him in her arms.
Rohit could barely get out coherent sentences between the sobs and screams that ripped his throat. He was shaking uncontrollably and could barely open his eyes. “It’s not fair! Not to you! Not to Raima! It’s all my fault! But I didn’t mean for all this to happen. She’s un.. unable to move because of me! You are heartbroken... yet again, because of me! Sona, I didn’t want this! Trust me!”
Sonakshi held him in her arms but he could tell she was shaking and sobbing too. “I know. But I can’t go through the same pain again Rohit. I won’t be able to.” She sounded so broken at that moment.
Rohit looked up and cupped her face. He brushed away the stray hairs and looked into her eyes. “And you shouldn’t! Sonakshi, I won’t let you get hurt again.” This time he pulled her against his chest and held her tight.
“It’s going to be hard. I can’t imagine staying apart from you. I can’t... But it’s going to hurt a lot more if we keep going like this. I don’t know if I can ever promise to truly let go of Raima. She is in coma because of me. She can’t speak nor move or even make a decision for herself. We never broke up. I want to move on but not like this. I don’t want us to start our relationship on fear and uncertainty.” He held her against his beating heart and ran his fingers through her hair as she cried. After a few minutes, Rohit took a few deep breaths and pulled out of the hug.
“You are beautiful and strong, Sona! I know you have a lovely future ahead of you! You don’t need anyone’s help to fulfill all your dreams!” He kissed her forehead, knowing that in a few moments, this intimacy and affection will cease to exist between them.
“Just know that I will always love you Sona! I’m always here for you!”
“Rohit... I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”
“I know. I wish I could have offered you so much more! Everything I know you deserve. Maybe one day I can. But I don’t want you to have to wait. There is so much out there and you need to experience it all!” He wiped her tears and managed to give her a smile.
They both took a step away and just looked at each other. Neither wanted to make the first move of looking away.
Rohit felt a strange constriction in his heart, as if he couldn’t breathe. Perhaps, he was finally becoming a heart patient himself. He pulled Sonakshi into another hug, allowing her warmth to soothe him. He was suddenly able to breathe freely. Sonakshi buried herself in his chest and curled her fingers on his shirt. Rohit closed his eyes. A few more minutes wouldn’t hurt.
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