...Bhootnis, what can I say? I'm Very depressed today! Yesterday I had a ray of hope and today, Shreya snached that right out of the palm of my hand! Yesterday, I was so excited as I thought my Devu's passionate journey to get his Kaju back had finally begun...I thought that there would be cute sweet DK moments to come, I thought that though Devu would have to work hard, in the end, after all his prayaschit, he would finally have his Kaju barfi back in his arms forever....
I've lost all hope today...yesterday I thought Devu's journey had begun...but today, his taqdeer put a quick stop to it before he could even complete the first step! But I'm still going to write this analysis today...for two reasons: Apurva Agnihotri and Dev Pratap Singh. Apurva absolutely blew me away today, and after watching the heartwrenching episode several times, I'm still in awe of his performance and talent. And my Devu...what to say? You may remember a few months back I wrote a long post about all the suffering Devu has always had to endure...well, its begun again....Today's episode killed me a thousand times...Dev's pain, at every moment was a knife to my heart...absolutely unbearable...
The whole episode was absolutely heartwrenching, and Apu/Devu's eyes made my eyes fill with tears in the first 30 seconds....there was so much desperation, not only in his voice, but his eyes, body language, everything...all he wanted was an explination - a reason as to why she was running from him...and when she didn't give him one, he begged her, to simply remember all those romantic, passionate, sweet memories they had spent in their love for one another, knowing that those would instantly melt her to him...how well Devu knows his Kaju because of course those memories would have calmed her anger, but when even that didn't work as this Kaju is someone completely different, he begged her to look for that truth and overflowing love in his eyes, and promised her that once she found it there, she'd never want to leave him again. It was so beautiful! The pain and desperation in his eyes as he begged her to forget the harsh memories and think of only the beautiful moments that have passed between them...even through all the pain that her restrain was causing him, there was an ever beautiful hint of hope in his eyes ki uski Kaajjal zaroor maan jaayegi....lekin afsos....uski Kaju ko behosh ho jane ke alava aur kuch aata hi nahin...😕
And then Adi "Maharaj" the "Great" (GREAT LIAR) comes and takes the kill completely! As my Devu is completely distraught, in pain, pareshan for Kaju, he comes and claims her as his wife, and adds salt to my Devu's wounds!!! "Main nahin chahta ke aap hamari vajay se pareshaan ho...she's my wife" 😡 UGH!!!! IDIOT!!!!! DUFFER!!! ULLU KA PATTA! He makes me SOOO mad!!!!
I hate his concern for her! I hate the way he looks at her! I hate him touching her, going near her, I hate her name on his lips!!! I HATE HIM AND HER TOGETHER IN ANY WAY WHAT-SO-EVER! He's known her for what?!?!?! a week?!?!! IDIOT!!! AND I SWEAR every time he says she's his wife, I WANT TO KILL HIM!
My Poor Devu! After shocking, heart-stopping news like that, how he comes running into the hospital looking completely confused but still very concerned for his Kaju barfi! Then he has to watch this gair admi carry HIS Kaju and show concern for her...but he's strong, for the sake of his Kaju, and fills the forms out claiming that that bakri ka bachcha is his Kaju's pati-parmeshwar...😕😭...It was sooo heartbreaking when he said "mujhe apni kismat ka shukriya ada karna chahiye ke main apni Kaajjal ko apne hi aankhon se kisi aur ki hote hue dekh raha hoon"....that absolutely KILLED me!!!
And then I died again when he actually in a chocked up voice claimed Kaju to be Adi's wife...😭...and then he turned ever so slowly and said to himself "ab Kaju meri nahi rahi....ab voh kisi aur ki patni hai..." as if trying to convince himself (Devu dear...inti jhaldi voh kisi aur se kaise shaadi kar sakti hai mere shonu?!) and come to terms with his kismat...to accept the pain...the pain in his eyes was unbearable to watch...and the song didn't help aleviate the pain any either...😭
Before Adi asked him how she fainted, Devu looked up slowly at him, the pain clearly reflecting in his beautiful eyes...he looked at him as if his pain, unsheilded, would give away his secret to Adi...that Kaju belonged to him...(Apu was brilliant in that shot!)
And even through his own pain, he watched a gair admi show concern for his Kaju - the concern that he should have been free to show and when Adi got upset, despite the fact that his very soul was dying inside, he lended support to the other man in her life...😭
HOW DARE ADI SAY TO MY DEVU ki "agar tum meri jagay pe hote toh shayad samaj pate ke dil pe kya guzarti hai"?!??!?!?! OMG!!!! FOR THIS ALONE I WANT ADI DEAD!!! I WANT TO MURDER HIM!!!!!! AND I WANT IT TO HURT!!! Did you see the blow that my poor dear sweet Devu took from that?!?! The pain in his eyes was like a thousand knives stabbing me in the chest all at once....the pain then was outright questioning his fate...POOR DEVU!!!! I have NO IDEA how he was able to stop his tears from spilling over because mine were uncontrollable! He looked absolutely broken/shattered...as if he'd lost all meaning to life...all reason to live...
And So, he went to Gannubhaiya and asked the brother of the woman he loves, to take him instead of his beloved Kaju b/c live without her is no life at all anyway. At a time when his pain surpassed all else, he went and prayed for the one he loved most in the world (even though, mind you, he now would probably be thinking that upon being unable to forgive his mistakes, she is now "bewafa")...as if his pain, the fact that he would die without her was nothing compared to her life...
The doctor making Devu go away made me VERY Angry! 😡😭...Yeh kaise khel hai kismat ka? He doesn't even have the right to know how she is doing...he had to simply walk away...there was nothing he could do....he was helpless....😭...he simply walked away and went and hugged the walll, holding on for dear life, as his emotions were wreaking havock inside him, in complete agony, screaming for mercy.....
How he talked to her through the ICU room...trying to encourage her to get well soon...for his sake...for the sake of his love...and becuase he had seen her battle worse, and he knew she would rise out of his triumphant as well..."mere pyaar ki khatir Kaajjal...Meri khatir"...That was so beautiful....he completely forgot everything he'd learned earlier - that she now belonged to someone else....his love for her, so strong somehow banished the thought from his mind, as he encouraged her to regain conciousness because he was there, waiting for her. Who would have thought that Dev Pratap Singh's love would have reach such depths....😳
Adi did 1 thing right today, when he allowed Dev to stay and listen to what the Doctor had to say the second time...maybe I take back what I said earlier...I still want to MURDER him....no doubt about that...maybe I don't want it to hurt quite as much...
The pain and concern on Devu's face when the doc said she had 12 hours to show signs of conciousness was almost short lived...b/c there was a hint of this knowing look on his face....as if he knew that she would make it...as if he knew that she'd definitely regain conciousness before time was up...undoubtedly the concern was there, but it was clear that he knew she'd be okay...be it his faith in her, or his faith in her Gannubhiaya....you see, he knows her so well....and I think he's coming to know her Gannubhaiya very well too...
Again the pain that he endured when he watched Adi take Kaju's hand in his own was heartwrenching...most unbearable to watch...it was as if he'd just realized all over again that he'd lost her forever...that she was no longer his...he died for a second time...he was slowly dying inside while silently praying for her life, knowing that she wouldn't spend it with him....it was so heartbreaking....😭
And yet, he continued to support Adi....thinking that this was the man that his love was now to spend the rest of her life with....
Dev, today, I'd like to Salute you love....your absolutely unselfish love....I know I've aluded to you unselfish love before, but today, you've proved just how deep and true your love really is. Today you've accepted that you lost your love due to your own mistakes....you've prayed for her health and safety...you've supported the other man in her life most unselfishly....you've prayed for her life and asked God to take yours instead....and soon, you'll walk away, not taking credit for any of it. You'll accept your fate and pray for her happiness forever. Thats one trait of yours your Kaju loves the most about you....I salute you Dev...I bow down to you love...and I pray that the rest of us learn from your example.
The sheer joy on Dev's face when Kaju regained conciousness was a pleasure to see...he almost forgot for a second that he had no right to her...😕
And then, when she hugged Adi...not even responding upon seeing him, he died, all over again...😭....he completely retreated...his very being took a harsh blow from the lack of expression on her face upon seeing him, and his entire body, involuntarily stumbled back, utterly shocked....😭
I've come to the conclusion that my Devu should return to Mumbai instead of have to endure this pain...uska dard mujhse saha nahi jaata....Atleast there, he'll have panna chachi and nandini bhabhi to wipe his tears....atleast he'll have their shoulders to cry on!
And I also completely think now that Kaajjal doesn't deserve my Devu at all...He's far too good for her...the depth of his love for her is too deep for her to ever come close to feeling that kind of love for him....he deserves far far better....
Apu, I salute you as well today....I lack the words to praise you...I don't even want to try, as I know that my efforts will be in vain....
As and end note....here's a song that I think sums up Devu's haal-e-dil....😕😭
Tanhayee, Tanhayee,
Dil ke raaste mein kaisi thokar maine khayi,
Toote kwab saare, ek maayusi hai chhaayi,
Har khushi so gayi, zindagi kho gayi
Tumko jo pyaar kiya maine to sazaa main paayi
Tanhayee...Tanhayee, milo hai phaili hui tanhayee...
Khwab mein dekha tha ek anchal
Maine upne haathon mein
Ab toote sapnon ke sheeshe
chubte hai in aankhon mein
Kal koi tha yahin, ab koi bhi nahin,
Banke nagin jaisi hai sanson mein lehraayi
Tanhayee, Tanhayee, palkon pe kitne aansoon hai laayi...
Kyoun aisi umeed ki maine,
Jo aise nakaam hui
Door banayi thi manzil
Toh raaste mein hi shaam hui
Ab kahan jaaoun main, kisko samjhaaoun main
Kya maine chaha tha aur kyoun kismat mein aayi
Tanhayee, Tanhayee, jaise andhero ki ho gehraayi
Dil ke raaste mein kaisi thokar maine khaayi
Toote khwab saare kaisi mayusi hai chhaayi
Har khushi so gayi, zindagi kho gayi
Tumko jo pyaar kiya maine to sazaa mein paayi
Tanhayee, Tanhayee, milo hai phaili hui tanhayee...
Love,
DEV KI DEEWANI,
~Payal
Music Corner
Members Lounge
