hahaha...jokes - Page 3

gosh ur jokes r so fab!!!
i just love reading them...

priya

Originally posted by: tukz_REmix

thnku....will pst more soon....

yup surely do it

priya

Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2 eyes
But you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?

************ ********* *******

Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
Brain. Please tell them your age!

************ ********* ********

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir Bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.

************ ********* ****

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone
Chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.

************ *********

In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.

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INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught
Fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.

************ ********* *******

Chota baccha 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap NE puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Baccha : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

************ ********* **

Two friends were walking together.
1st friend : Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath AA rahi hain.
2nd friend : oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.

************ ********* *****

Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

15 Fun messages to leave on your answering machine..


1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female seeking a date or friendship, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. "Hi. Now you say something."

5. "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."

6. "Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

7. (From Japanese friend ) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave sexy message, I call sooner!

8. "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.

9. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

10. "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

11. "This is not an answering machine -this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

12. "Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."

13. "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

14. "If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

15. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. "Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble, if it keeps the mouth shut"

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the Wife passed away.

The undertaker told the Husband "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her Shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend
only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.

I just can't take that chance."

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.
>
>One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board
>the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.
>Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on
>the spot.
>Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in
>turn took him to the court.
>
>The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital
>punishment.He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a
>single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel
>at one corner of the room.
>
>The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to
>him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived.
>The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
>
>After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman
>tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.
>
>Unfortunately, this time also,the good looking middle aged woman
>came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers
>took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The
>judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.
>
>The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber
>where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a
>single banana peel at one corner of the room.
>He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.
>This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge
>decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
>
>A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the
>bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier
>experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman
>slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to
>the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.
>Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering
>his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him
>capital punishment.
>
>The Bus conductor was again taken to the
>same electrocution chamber where there was a
>single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at
>one corner of the room.
>He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given
>to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
>
>The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but
>died instantly the third time?? Try to solve it yourselves. This
>is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If
>necessary read the puzzle once again. Still if you can't,
>then look below.........
>
>think hard
>
>Answer:
>
>During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,
>therefore electricity didn't pass through him.
>But during the third time,
>he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely
>and he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!!
>
>Obviously you have to revise your science chapter on Electricity???
>
>~There is no Excellence without Labour~

😆 😆 nice ones 😆 i read few, ima read d rest ab 😛

ONCE A GUY WAS MAROFYING LINE ON A GIRL...............
HE SAYS.........................

GUY: MEREY DIL KEY DARWAZEY TUMHAREY LIYE HAMESHA KHULEY HAIN...................ANDAR AA JAO NA..............

THE GIRL REPLIES.................

GIRL: CHAPPAL UTARO KYA???????????

GUY: DIL HAI, MADIR NAHI..
CHAPPAL PEHEN KAR CHALI AAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Church minister: do u say prayers b4 u sit down 2 eat ur meals?

Little boy: ther's no need 4 that, my mom's a gr8 cook


Pehla chor - main job hi ghar main chori karta hu, who lakhpati ban jaata hai
Dusra chor- who kaise?
Pehla chor-kyuki main crodpati kay ghar main chori karta hu!!


Patient- doctor, I hav got wind! Can u give mw something??

Doctor- yeah, here's a kite!


Gappu- ha! ha!
Nippi- what's so funny?
Gappu- I was thinking,…………
Nippi- yes, u r rite- that's funny!


Patient- doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?

Doctor- stick your foot out and trip it up!


Teacher- why r the early days of history called the dark ages?

Student- ma'm, because there were so many knights!!


Teacher- who's ur favourite writer?
Student- my neighbour. He writes my homework very well

*Break Into the House*


A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.


"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.


"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"


***********


*Lost Wife*


The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.

Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"


"Why?" she asks.


"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."


***********


*Teacher*


"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.


After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.


"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."


***********


*Hearing*


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.


He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.


The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."


The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


***********


*Wedding*


Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"


"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.


The child thought about this for a moment,then said, " So, why is the groom wearing black?"


***********


* Dream*


A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"


With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."


That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".


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