Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same advice to my children also.
• Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.
• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.
• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.
• What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
• My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.
• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"
• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together
• Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter
• Two women were talking about their new milkman.
First: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said the other.
• Santa & Banta were walking in the highlands then suddenly Santa fell down in a deep hole.
Banta: Are you o.k?
Santa: Fine thanks!
Banta: Did you break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here!
• An old: Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.
Doc: That's not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down.
• Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
• It isn't widely known, but the first toilet seat was invented by an Irish scientist in the 18th century. The invention was later modified by an English inventor who put a hole in the seat.
• There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads "We may never piss this way again."
• Santa always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants their coffee black.
• Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing can't b heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra Falls??
• A blonde calls a mechanic 2 fix her car, he gets it going in 2 minutes.
What was the prob?
Just shit in the air filter
How often do I hv to do that?
• Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
• Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
• A history teacher & his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. 'Anything new at work?'
He replied, 'No, I'm teaching History.'
• Two old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over & whispered: My butt is going to sleep. 'I know,' replied the other, 'I heard it snore three times.'
• Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
• A guy took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On his very first call, he introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll."
A man on the other end replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light!"
• Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
• Boss: I'll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I'll raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start?
Santa: In 3 months.
• A girl proposed to Santa and he denied simply saying that in our family, we marry only our relatives. My mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi , my uncle married my aunt and so on. So please excuse me !!!!!
• I took my secretary to lunch the other day, and I discovered she was not the old fashioned type. After two old fashions she couldn't type.
• Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
• An army sergeant told Santa to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned.
"I thought I told you to go to the end of the line," barked the sergeant. "Why did you come back?"
"Because there's already somebody there!"
• A priest was praying for guidance: Oh God, grant me this knowledge: what is the meaning of life?
For a while, Creation was silent. Then a booming voice, sounding severely pissed-off, shouts from heaven: Read the F*#kin FAQ!
• A man is in the hospital after getting drunk and swallowing 120 coins on a bet. Doctors monitoring his situation say, so far, no change.
• Santa tripped on a broken curb and went to the hospital.
After examining him, the doctor said, "I have some good news, and some bad news for you. First of all, you'll never be able to work again."
Santa replied, "Okay, now what's the bad news?"
• An application for job came in with an applicant's picture attached. She was a pretty blonde. On the back of the picture was hand written: "Picture on front".
• What's the difference between me and a Viking?" Olli asked.
"No idea, said Ville."
"When the Vikings used to come home after their wars, that's when the real drinking began. But when I come home after a few drinks, that's when the real war begins."
• Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
As an inspirational measure, a boss placed a sign in the restroom directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: THINK
The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at his sign, and right next to it, above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign, which read: THOAP!
• At weddings old aunts used 2 tease me saying: You are next, you are next.
But they stopped it since I started doing the same to them at funerals!
• Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep."
"I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times."
• Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !
• People who do lots of work...make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work...make less mistakes,
People who do no work...make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes...get promoted.
• May you die in bed at the age of 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
• Father talking to his son: Son, you should never lie. One lie begets another lie, then another lie, and before you know it, you're a lawyer.
• Pappu: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Jeeto: Well, you have done the right thing.
Pappu: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
• Woman sends knickers to the launderette but they still come back stained. Next time she sends a note: Use more soap on clothes.
Laundry man sends back a note: Use more paper on your arse.
• Mom: Where r u off to now?
Son: I'm gonna join the army.
Mom: But, legally u r only an infant.
Son: That's all right, I'm going to join the infantry.
Cricket
Udne Ki Aasha
Veer Hanuman
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
