JOKES!!

A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said, "Your wife's mind has completely gone!"
To which the man replied, "I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"

• "My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens."

• My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food...
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

• Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?"

• My wife always says to me, "Give me money, give me money."
What does she do with all the money?
Dunno. Never gave her a penny.

• A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.
The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
"Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

• A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"?
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

• A company held a contest for kids with the theme: "The nicest thing My Father Ever Did For Me."
One kid answered "He married my mother."