'Why didn't my letter work? Strange that they didn't recognise my handwriting... these messengers have delivered several messages to and from the Haveli earlier...' she let her mind travel back to the day she'd written the scroll. 'after returning from the hilltop... I wrote th... the letter... th... that evening... oh...'
Whelmed by a rush of newfound hope, she stepped forth, shortening the distance between them 'What if I were to write them another message today...'
'No Sahiba...' the young man's brows narrowed, his face now a picture of authority 'this issue has gone on for long enough... I'm sure you understand why I cannot put this off any longer...'
'Or what if we brought them here... escorted as prisoners...' her features were burning bright from an almost reckless enthusiasm 'if they witnessed life at Parnagarh, for themselves...'
'Begum Sahiba...'
'They'll see then... that everyone is happy... that I am happy...'
'Heera!' Akbar inhaled sharply, bringing her suggestions to an abrupt end 'Escorting them here is not a practical option!'
He then went on to explain - albeit in gentler vein - what he knew she already knew 'There are twenty towns between Aidabad and Parnagarh... plenty of opportunities to escape midway... what if the messengers give my men the slip? No... I will not risk such a thing...'
'But they only did what I asked them to...' Heera murmured - much of her fire doused out under the strength of his rebuttals 'they are going to be punished for no fault of theirs... loyal men... men with wives... and children...'
'And what about the lives of hundreds of other loyal men?' he reacted to her questions with a few calm questions of his own 'Their families? Hundreds of ladies and children? We risk all their lives by keeping these two messengers alive. What about the lives of my men?' he gazed at her in silence 'What about our lives? Yours and mine?'
She returned his questions with an expression of emptiness. Then, looked away. Yes, he was right in every aspect. She knew it all along. For, this was the way of politics, this was the way of spies, and this was the uglier side of life. Yet and still it was not easy for her to take the life of two innocent men - even if it was solely to protect a hundred others. Maybe she was not built of such thick skin as his. After all, she was a healer, a life-giver - not an assassin.
Worse, how would she face the bereaved families and the orphaned children of those messengers hereafter, knowing she was indirectly responsible for their deaths? Especially when she would be selfishly living a secure life in the Haveli with her husband? 'I...'
'Sahiba...' Akbar muttered under his breath. He felt incredibly sorry for what she was going through. But other than words, he had nothing to pacify her with. 'I tell you from experience... the toughest part of a leader's life is living with the difficult choices we make... good leaders are those who learn, and move on - for the sake of the rest... and from what I've seen, you ARE a very good leader... so... let's... learn... and... move on... from this...' he motioned flatly with his palm, hoping that would bring the topic to an end.
All of a sudden though, he found his palm stopped in its tracks. And stopped in a way it'd never been stopped before. Within the confines of her hands - softly yet surely.
Tearing away from the unexpected sight of their intertwined hands, he observed her - his dark glimpse rife with a few queries.
Had she held him on an impulse, to seek support and empathy? Surely, she was going to free him when she realised what she was doing?
'Sahiba?'
He received no response from her lips, or her eyes.
After five ragged beats however, he deduced his answer - when his palm was still bonded to hers.
This wasn't impulse. His Begum was wilfully holding him. 'But, why?'
Regardless, he said nothing straightaway. Being caught entirely unaware was not something he was used to. And anyhow, what would he say - when even thinking straight was quite an effort with the sudden rush in the pits of his guts having drawn his breath away? So, he just let them be - his palm restrained within the velvety recesses of her hands.
A long spell passed thus, in silent hesitance, during which Akbar was left wondering if he must respond in kind. 'Is that what she's waiting for? Reassurance?'
Watching her closely, he gradually slid his thumb out of her clasp. Then, with the tip of his thumb, he began caressing the skin of her fingers. From there he moved to the soft peaks and dips around her knuckles, his strokes lengthy and tender.
A curious trance this was - saddled by many-an-emotion, difficult to explain away. Didn't know where it came from. Didn't know where it would lead. But it was here, now, and they both lived the moment. Till he realised one thing.
Her fingers weren't trembling .
In fact, they weren't trembling even when she'd caught his hand. It wasn't support or empathy for which she was holding him, was she?
'What are you after, Sahiba?' The doubts rekindled, his attention slyly drifted up to her face. Her features that were frantic and horrified until not so long ago, had settled down, into an ocean of calmness. 'You want something from me, don't you?'
'Khan Sahib...' she spoke in a steady tone, as if she were on the verge of making a confession 'I have never asked anything of you before... but, I ask you today... please spare their lives only until I write them another letter... and if THIS second letter does not work, I will not stand in your way - WHATEVER decision you take. I give you my word!'
'No' he was tempted to retaliate, while steadily withdrawing his palm from her grasp. So, THAT was what this was about. She hadn't forgotten herself. She was aware of what she was doing. Rather, HE was the one who'd forgotten himself for a bit, bewitched in the spell of her clutches.
Anyone else and such tactics would NOT have worked - he wouldn't have budged. But with her, everything was a different story, wasn't it? And she recognised it. Which is why the Sahiba was so sure of herself, as she took the bold step of seizing his palm and gently unleashing those carefully chosen words upon him, to get what she wanted.
And yet as he stared at the eyes that'd conquered him then - the eyes that'd conquered him for life - he was unable to find it in himself to dismiss her request. 'Ai Khuda' That her charms were so difficult to ignore was almost impossible to fathom. He couldn't decide if he must be annoyed or awed by it. But there was no denying this - that no one else held such power over him. He would never even allow it. 'Sahiba...'
'Khan Sahib...' the outline of her pupils mellowed 'please...'
'Oh alright!' he huffed under his breath 'This'll be your last letter to them... one week... and that's IT'
Heera smiled. 'Thank you... you have my word'
Akbar looked away. Annoyed or not, he didn't want to subject her to his glares.
If only he knew that his quiet young wife was in fact being swept by a warm fuzzy feeling as she observed the handsomely-angry side profile of her man. That and the lingering sensation in her fingers - another sweet memoir from her husband that would keep her occupied while he was gone.
'My dear Sahib...' she brushed the part of her hand that'd been an object of his amorous touches 'I didn't mean to disrespect you or mislead you when I grabbed your hand to make that request... I only wanted to make sure I've tried everything I could, before giving up on these loyal men... or guilt would eat me alive forever...'
She cleared her throat, before interrupting the stillness that'd enveloped them 'Will that be all, Khan Sahib?'
'Yes...'
'Oh' Wasn't he planning to wish her a farewell? 'Anyhow... I shall leave... and get the letter ready at once'
'Yes... please do... actually... no... please wait...'
Barely half-a-step on, and her feet were brought to a standstill once more. 'What is it?'
His eyelids came down, focusing on a spot in the floor - as if he had slipped into thought. 'There's one additional thing, Sahiba...'
Ah! There it was, about to come - the dreaded farewell. The language of his gestures only confirmed it. 'Yes, Khan Sahib?'
'Actually... I have to leave... today'
Her shoulders rose and fell in a resigned sigh. 'I know...' she grumbled to herself, a little louder than she'd intended to 'on another dangerous mission'
The next instant, she bit her tongue, realising what she'd done.
But by the next instant, his glances had already returned to her face, studying her as if she were his new assignment.
'Alright then... I wish you a safe journey Khan Sahib... and now... I shall be on my way...'
With a faltering smile, she attempted to wiggle out of the situation, muttering many-a-prayer in the hope that he wouldn't have overheard her.
Alas, her luck was damned. For, the young lady instantly found her path blocked - while she stood facing the square of his shoulders. 'One moment, Sahiba...'
There was that gleam in his eyes - he wasn't going to let this go easily, was he? The Sahib had only been here half a day and she'd already gotten herself in trouble with him twice! What must he think of her antics? And what must he think of her morals if he was made aware of the whole truth this time?
'NO!' her heart leapt like a gazelle that'd sensed true danger 'You cannot let yourself get caught, Heera... you CANNOT!' But with all of that noise in her head and heart, it was difficult to concoct a safe escape plan - that too, while keeping a straight face! 'Is there a problem, Khan Sahib?'
'No... no problems as such... I might have heard something... but...' he shrugged a shoulder, quite casually 'I could've misheard... so, wanted a clarification... nothing else'
'Clarification?'
'You were talking to yourself'
'Oh THAT? That was nothing' she nodded with a false air of feminine confidence 'all I mentioned was that I know you're leaving... you ARE, after all, dressed in your riding dress...'
'Of course... but... I think... I heard the words 'dangerous mission' too...'
'Dangerous?' Heera smirked nervously, smoothing her voice into a lulling whisper in the hope that it'd be a good distraction. 'It was an educated guess, Khan Sahib... most of your missions are dangerous, are they not?'
'Hmmm... I agree' Akbar tinkered with his ring, seemingly absorbed by its design for a good while. And just as she was about to speak up, he completed what he had to say. 'But your murmur didn't sound like a guess, did it? Nor did it sound like a question. It sounded like you were already aware of my 'dangerous' plans... I could've been leaving on a simple business assignment too'
'Oh good Lord!' Her heart leapt even further, till she could almost feel it in her throat. THIS was the disadvantage of having an intelligence officer for a husband - not a single detail remained hidden from him! Ever!
'Khan Sahib, dare I say... you're reading too much into the grumblings of a 17 year old'
'Am I, now?' he watched her as she played the innocence card to perfection. Could he be wrong? Was he troubling his innocent wife for no fault of hers? How would she know of his plans anyway, when no one else knew? Of what he heard, she'd been keeping herself busy with his gifts in the gardens all noon.
Unless...
'The binoculars' His wary glimpse rolled down to her hands. And from there, to the doorway on his right, at the far end 'No... not possible! Her chamber's not even visible from here...' Something then came over him, drawing his attention onto the other side of the room - towards the windows lined along the wall. And when he noticed one particular window that was partly-ajar, he stopped. It was straight across from where the dressing desk and mirror stood.
Was it possible that she caught sight of him when exploring the binoculars in the rear garden? And incidentally noticed him slipping on his blade-proof vest?
'Really Akbar?' he guffawed at his theories in disbelief. It all seemed too far-fetched. Besides, the Sahiba was a proper lady, who'd do no such thing.
Then again, there WAS that pang of excitement in his stomach - a hunch - that'd just grown stronger. And it wasn't as though this 'proper' Sahiba didn't get prankish when it came to matters regarding him. For instance, her secret affair in his chamber last night. Or more recently, those 'innocent' eyes that'd hoodwinked him while clutching his hand.
'No' He became decisive. He wouldn't let himself be hoodwinked by this supposed 'innocence' again! Advancing a few steady steps towards her - much to her dismay - he eventually broke his silence 'Well... I'm still waiting, Sahiba. How DID you come to know of my plans?'
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Advocate Anjali Awasthi
