Originally posted by: sashashyam
Of Episode 229 and the habit of apologising
Folks,
I see that there is a closure threat for this thread, so I will get this in before the gavel falls!
1) Episode 229:
Ruqaiya: She made a bad mistake last night in confessing what she did. Let me try to explain why.
She did so NOT because she was afraid of being exposed; she could easily have blamed Mahaam for trying drag her in, as she had no active role to play the khwaja sera affair at all. She did to get it off her conscience, because she genuinely felt miserably guilty about it.
She had initially believed what Mahaam told her, that Jodha was having an affair with a Rajvanshi who had sneaked into the harem to meet, and she was glad of it. But she was horrified when she found out that the khwaja sera was Sujamal, and she confronted Mahaam about it at once, only to face a stout denial.
Ruqaiya hates Jodha out of jealousy, but she is always against getting her into trouble for something in which Jodha is not guilty.
But last night, apart from confessing very poorly - she was unable to get across that she believed Jodha to be guilty of zinakari - she was wrong and stupid in indulging her own guilty conscience when, in the process, she added another heavy load of misery to Jalal's already wounded zehen. She had NO business lightening her own zehen and plunging his even deeper into a vortex of helplessness faced with mounting betrayals.
There are truths that are best kept hidden, not out of guilt or lack of courage, but out of compassion. By thinking only of herself and not about him, Ruqaiya failed Jalal badly last night. She deserved what she got in return, which was no more than I would have expected from Jalal, given the emotional state he was in.
I agree Shyamala, but still that girl had the courage to accept her mistakes, knowing Jalal so well that, it can affect her relationship as well.
Salima/Jalal: I could not understand what was all that "Jodha Begum yahi chahti thi" from Salima, and Jalal bleating "Woh yahan kyon nahin hai?" as if Jodha had been there at every crisis in his life so far, holding his hand and comforting him.
That is really stupid of reminding what Jodha would have done? SB did a good job of reminding that he needs to think like a Shehansha, but still at that he needed someone to support him, he is so lonely. No one deserves him. Nor Jodha, Ruq, SB or HB. We need to find him another begum soon.
He needs to have his head examined, and as for the Oracle of Agra, she seems to have caught Jalal's tick of adding "Jodha Begum" to every sentence he utters. I can think of no other reason for both of them dragging her name into Salima's otherwise eminently sensible homily, which effectively amounted to :A Shahenshah cannot weep.
Jodha: Finally, Jodha queries Shaguni Bai with all the feeling an income tax assessee would display when quizzing the chartered accountant about the admissibility of a tax deduction. 😉
It was bizarre; there was NO expression at all on her face - not agony, not despair, not longing, nothing.
Cut to Jalal mooning about in a balcony, looking ready to dissolve into tears again, and clearly holding them back only because he remembers Salima's version of what Jodha Begum would have wanted. The contrast in their reactions hits the viewer full in the face.
Jodha is a big time disappointment, she is nowhere closer to be a humsafar to Jalal, what kind of wife is she??
Pretty soon, Jalal will have a lifesize statue of Jodha Begum made and set up in his hoojra. He will consult the statue for guidance on any and all issues of political and personal importance. Maybe Salima Begum will hide behind the Jodha statue - like Dharmendra's Veeru hiding behind the Shiva statue in Sholay😉- and offer her advice with the decisive weight of its being direct from the Shahenshah's dil-o-jaan, no matter if her guroor, oops, her swabhimaan still keeps her in Amer.
2) Just a few points to add to this debate about the habit of apologising.
Mandy dearest, in the first place, Sara was being ironic, something for which she is displaying a considerable flair of late!😉
Secondly, I would never favour such a broad generalisation as "accepting mistakes and saying sorry is very common in western world ..in india people feel pride and self respect in hiding their mistakes but here in western world its a matter of pride if one has the courage to accept his/her mistake and apologize."
No one can speak like this for the whole of Asia (not just India, for the concept of "losing face" extends all over Asia). Nor for the whole of the US and Western Europe.
How can it be asserted that "in india people feel pride and self respect in hiding their mistakes"? If this was so, there would be no such word as maafi in Hindi at all, or mannippu in Tamil, or other such terms in the other Indian languages. The whole concept of begging pardon for one's mistakes/ sins and seeking redemption is as old as our great epics.
Also, we have a clear distinction between apology, pashchataap, and the deeper atonement, which is prayaschit.
On the other hand, quick but facile apologising can also become something like the public confessions by the accused at the Chinese Communist Party self-cleansing meetings. A formula for getting over a current problem, which might or might not mean anything. Genuine repentance and atonement are much more difficult than saying "Oh, I am so very sorry, do forgive me!"
Nor are such instant apologies the norm even there. Try and see how quickly the guilty party in a traffic accident in the West accepts that he/she was at fault and apologises to the affected party! Never. He/she would never get the car insurance renewed again!😉
Why, when a speeding car hit me at a traffic crossing in Geneva and nearly killed me, they presented me with a bill of the repair of the dent that I had apparently made in the bonnet of the car!
Or in a husband-wife squabble! Rarely.
I have spent nearly 20 of my 38 years in diplomatic service in the West and 18 in Asia, and I have interacted with a very wide cross-section of people in both, so I can speak with some confidence about both.
In Asia, there is a concept of losing face by direct acknowledgment of one's mistakes, but there are roundabout ways of getting around that, and these ways are used. I, for one, have always said sorry even to a 4 year old when I felt I had let him down, and no, that was not because of my exposure to the West. I was always "like that only".
And I have met plenty of people in the West who will lie thru their teeth to escape responsibiltiy for their mistakes, especially when there are financial consequences. Or even just moral consequences. Why even today the British do not want to apologise for the Jalianwala Bagh massacre, or any Western country for the atrocities inflicted by the apartheid and other colonial regimes all over Africa. There will be no financial consequences, but in a throwback to Asian mores, these worthies do not want to, what else, lose face!
So it is best not to generalise about any culture or civilisation. There is enough that is bad all over to suffice!
Shyamala/Aunty
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
Bindi
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