Phoenix of the Desert [Ch 3 pg. 4] - Page 3

Six Years Later

With the first blush of youth teasing my cheeks, my promised time is nearing its end. I had vowed to repay my father for the eight years that he raised me. I will stay dead until sixteen and then, like a phoenix rising from the ashes Sai Kai will return.

"Saayaaa!" His cheerful screams fill the winter air. His long white robe is elegantly floating in the air, the cape behind it billowing in the desert wind. His locks are neatly encircled in a gold locket. His tall frame is racing toward me. I stand still as a statue ready to greet him. When his steps halt in front of me, my knees buckle and I drop to the ground. My veiled uniform is the shadow to his light. The moon to his sun.

His hands engulf my shoulders and his strength lifts my feet up from the muddy floor. He removes my veil to reveal my shy features.

"Only I have this right", he proudly proclaims to the guards. I stand without a stir.

Endure a little more, it's not his fault. I tell myself this everyday not to resent him for something he had no say in. Just one more birthday until I escape from this hellhole.

He lifts my chin up with his thumb and says, "Saya, Sohail is here. Aren't you happy to see me?"

I swallow the dryness back in my throw and counter.

"What happiness? You just went for a football match, not like you'd gone out to battle".

"Admit it, you missed me. Did you see how handsome I looked killing their balls back there?"

What? Is this man so full of himself?

"Well, if I saw you then how could I miss you? And if I missed you then how would I know how handsome you looked?"

Now dig yourself out of this hole, idiot.

"It's one or other, isn't it? I like both options", he winks and I start searching for a bowl to drown my embarrassment in. His lips are closing in and I am not looking for an escape. I simply give in to his lead, blessed to be alive in that moment. He's gotta a hold on my life line, I feel alive in his arms. We are together, forts build, battles won, retiring into a night that I wish would last forever. Suddenly, I pull myself back to reality. His hand is snaking over mine, pulling it down below his hips. I notice he is aroused. "I need you", he says but all I feel is a slap across my face as if he were saying, "how dare you dream! How dare a slave dream of freedom! How dare a servant dream of her master! How dare a shadow ever dream!"

I push him back with all my strength and wipe off any signs of what transpired. Even a stranger can tell I am distressed but he isn't phased. He approaches me once again, lips reddened from the assault. Dagger still in its sheath, I point the tip to his gut but he pays no heed.

"Stop. Please stop", I shed a tear, my first one in the last eight years. He pulls away gently and looks toward me with endearment.

"My dear Saya, you've grown up so well. You are a woman after all".

I do not attempt read his cipher words. Instead, I busy myself in greeting the other Mughal prince who announces his arrival.

Unlike Sohail whom I followed during all my years here, this is my first time meeting Mirza Hakim in eight years. The last time we parted, he was still a scared little child I rescued from the bandits. If I wondered how pitiful he looks this time, boy am I in for a surprise.

He has grown up to one handsome man. From head to toe, he radiates an aura of command. His kohl lined eyes never just glance, they give off an intense stare, a look of authority in a mere blink.

"Bow!" Sohail orders to knock me out of my daze. I clumsily drop to the ground causing both the princes to laugh out loud seeing my misery. I decide to sulk in a corner till they are done reconvening their bromance and have time to pay attention to my condition.

I can't be too self-absorbed in this palace. Even though I am wronged everyday, even though there are times I want to die or run way, but I swallow blood in hopes of a better tomorrow. The earth can give way on day but my desert with the same home when I get back. I know the desert will wait for me so I have to keep quiet and hold back until I can leave for good.

Unfortunately, things don't go as planned this time. Prince Mirza notices my undone veil and the bruise on my lips.

"What happened?" he demands an answer.

He holds his sword by the scabbard and points the hilt under my chin. I recoil in a sudden mix of fear and surprise. He'd seen me alone with a man, attire ruffled and undone but in the end, I am going to have to take the full blame. Such is the life of a shadowed woman. You never come first. Even so, my only wish in this world now is to find one person who puts me first, before the crown or riches or power. I want to live and live for a person who worships me the way I worship the desert. I want to return a blazing phoenix for this person, one who pulls all her power to shield him. Don't take me for a fool! I know this is an impossible dream but even a shadow dares dream, forbidden dreams.

Let It Go

"I demand an answer. Tell me what happened?" he barks. I sit back trying to decipher the meaning of his words. If it were any other man but Mirza, I would have thought he was blaming me. But the Mirza people rave about, the Mirza whose stories run far and wide in the kingdom isn't such a person. He would never jump to conclusions before interrogation. I must maintain my calm. I must let the truth reveal itself. I keep kneeling but stop avoiding eye contact. His angry eyes meet my determined ones.

"Lower your lids!" Sohail demands but for the first time in eight years I disobey his orders. "Did you not hear my voice?" Mirza looks bemused seeing the mirk lingering on my lips. I have never tasted peace so chaos doesn't shake me anymore. You can roll into the middle of bloody massacre and my face still wouldn't show my emotions. But careful men can read what is hidden. Such is our prince Mirza. His entire six foot frame shakes with laughter as he twirls around his cousin teasing him left and right.

"You got rejected! You got rejected!"

Sohail looks on, mortified.

"You thought you could toy with Saya because she is a servant. Have you forgotten, my dear brother, that our Saya isn't an ordinary maiden. She once commanded an army of condors. Even today, many beasts and predators would give up their lives at her command. You should be thankful she's stayed by you all these years. Instead, you are taking her powers for granted. Treat her well or else you will say I didn't warn you when she runs away. This is the Mughal palace. Have all the women run away?"

I could not guess Mirza's intention but his words sure were loaded. Just why on earth would he put in this effort to protect me? Not like we had a close relationship or even an acquaintance with each other.

"No, the women are plenty. But I desire her", Sohail puts my veil back on and his one glance leaves me feeling violated. I despise this feeling, this knowledge of his power over me. It makes me realize I am alive at his will, living because of his favour. I gulp back the disgust pooling in my throat.

"Tsk. I am joking. Who on earth desires a shadow? I was just looking for a post-game snack". He swiftly changes the topic. "By the way Saya, I beat your precious Mirza in the football match earlier".

Now both men turn to observe my reaction.

"What?" I scream. "Am I supposed to say anything here?" I am flustered beyond compare but they can't see that from behind the veil.

"First, let's get rid of the parda", Mirza quickens his steps toward me.

What is with these two men?

"Don't count this as my obsession of you", he says. Well, I just might seeing how you are acting like an unrefined idiot! "I just like to see how a woman reacts when I talk to her".

I block his hand well before it reaches my skin.

"I'll do it myself", I say. He raises a pretend roof and backs off.

"Miss haughty here has got the attitude of a princess", he remarks and jumps on a pallet with his buddy Sohail. I roll my eyes and reveal my displeased face.

"Why are you so angry?" they both speak in unison.

"You two treat me worse than a dog! I don't want to stay with such cruel people who know nothing of gratitude. One makes me cry and the other rubs salt on my wounds. I wish I could run away from this dreaded place".

I don't know what made me say those words but I am afraid if I stay another second I will spill my heart out. I take off running until I am certain there is no one around to see me. Then, I cry. Cry until I run out of tears and all that is left is a wailing noise. It's not that I have been tortured though I do get monthly beatings from the head eunuch. It's not even that they despise me that they treat me badly. It's just the way of the world. I am political hostage, working to repay the debt my father collected with years of receiving the Mughals' favours. Many a times I have wanted to reveal that I am not my father's daughter. But then I would be lying. He raised me so I am his daughter, same blood or not. I know that his clan is murdered, his name destroyed. But I owed him eight years so I stay put. It's not the big incidents that wound me, it's the little insults that leave lasting scars. I only get one meal a day. There have been times I have survived on the bark of forest trees. I have plucked weeds out the garden and eaten them for breakfast. I have slept naked in the cold. I have stood in pouring ran for hours on end. All because I am invisible. If my master forgets that I exist, I am forbidden to do anything. I stand if he leave me standing. Kneel if he leaves me kneeling.

But at other times, I can see his kindness. He isn't a bad person. He isn't purposefully mean, he simply forgets. He has too much on his mind. Constant assassination attempts, rebellions, battles, court politics weighs heavy on the shoulders of a young boy. He simply forgets about my petty troubles. But for me, those troubles aren't trivial. They are a recollection of my whole life. I have never known a happy time even though I have heard it exists. My only semblance of laughter is the desert but even that is long lost. Sitting in the middle of an empty field, the light of the moon descending on me, I feel too vulnerable to regret my choices. I snuggle my arms around my waist, looking up at the skies, aware that the two princes are watching me from a distance. I quickly pull myself together and stand in attention with my sword ready to jump out of its sheath. Then, I shun any thoughts of sadness out of my head and run back to greet the gentlemen in waiting.

Mirza pulls me by wrist and guides me into an unoccupied tent.

"Listen to what I say carefully because I will only say this once. I, no me and Sohail both, we are grateful that you saved us as kids. We haven't forgotten what you did for us. I know your life is hard but we don't have a say in it. We don't get to choose your freedom. Just hold on another few years. The emperor will offer a royal decree. He will marry you off to a good man. You will have a happy life soon. Don't worry about the future too much. Just get along well today. Sohail may be a little rough around the edges but..."

"I know how he is, I have lived with him for so long. I simply ask for some dignity. A respectful life. I know I am of a lowly status but why do you...no, not you, you just came back. Why does he have to humiliate me so?"

"What did he do?" Mirza asked in all seriousness.

I thought about it. The way he treated me was no different from how any master treated his servants. Except, he maintained decorum at all times. Other than our playful flirtation, Sohail had never attempted to force himself on me like the other nobles do to their slaves. I had always been grateful for that. So I looked upon him with gratitude and obeyed. But his actions today had enraged me so much I was afraid I might slay him with my sword.

Mirza could see the anger building up in my eyes, "he...he kissed me".

me too but I have got way too much work to do. my muse is bothering me a lot. I dunno. hard decision yo

But, I will have to wait till April. How will I wait??😕

thank you. I dunno april is just around the corner