FF: The Emperor's Harem [Ch6 p.14] - Page 5

I was tired of crying but I couldn't stop. Soon, I was hyperventilating, gasping for air, holding on to the tip of my thumb as my body forced me out from the inside. Even my flesh didn't want me any more- I became an outsider looking in. But I held on anyway. Though this was not my world and I would never get a minute of peace or control, I would fight till my last breath. From here on out, I was back in survival mode. Live like I had lived before I met him. Live till I was dead enough to die.

First, I had to take care of the rumbling in my stomach. I waited for the panic to subside before sniffing around for discarded food. I was only worthy of leftovers from the royals. But after the wreck that that woman left behind, I wouldn't dare touch anything she owned lest I desire death by dismemberment. Instead, snuck into the animal quarters. There stood a beautiful Arabian horse happily cowing down on his basket of carrots. He greeted me with a loud "hello" and shook his head. His mane flew in the air like a reminder of something familiar. I ran to his side, my fingers unconsciously running through his hair, playing with his fur. Like this was second nature, like I knew the hills and valleys of his muscular build, like we were family. Suddenly, I felt his tongue ripple through my scarf. Another greeting noise followed. He was asking, "don't you know me? Don't you remember me mum?"

Soon, the memories came rushing back to me. How could I have forgotten? My baby, my precious little child!

"Blue, it's really you. Blue grass, mommy is here. Eh kiddo! Look at you all grown up! Where is yellow sun? Did you all have kids yet? You so purtty me babe? Who's a good boy? Blue's a good boy. Blue grass mommy loves you".

This boy was my saviour. The valiant hope that found me in my most desperate of times. How could I not bow to the creature who jumped two worlds for me? Even in this chaos, he could make me giggle like a young girl riding her first pony.

"I love you. I love you more than I love that rotten man". I said out of spite though I didn't believe a word that came out of my mouth that night.

"Who do we have here?" Name the demon and the demon appears. "My, my! This brat of a horse has never let me lay hands on him on a bad day, let alone a mere servant".

I fumbled with my words. Surprised not because he found me but because he was so indifferent when he did. I, an enslaved concubine, was not the important one in this conversation. My pain did not matter. What mattered was that I could put his angry pet in a better mood.

"My Leige".

I bowed though I knew not what the correct etiquette was. He passed me a tumbler of fragrant wine itching for me to take a sip. Even if I told the truth about my pregnancy, which I dare not, I doubt these barbarians knew what alcohol did to an unborn child. So I made up an excuse about not wanting to share saliva with the great conqueror of the mighty Indus plains.

"You'll be sharing a lot more than saliva tonight", he chuckled with a seductive glance that made me jump back in discomfort. I never thought I would find my husband this creepy or perverted.

"You have a wife", I wanted to say but held back. The man had a harem for a reason after all. These Mughals probably can't keep it in their pants. Soon as I had that thought, I checked my bias. I was angry at my fate, at the times but not once did I think about the other possibility. Would I rather be in coma, waiting for my twins to die or live without their mother? Would rather be a grieving widow with no chance to see her husband again?

Here at least I could love him from afar. Even if I could never be with him, even if he wasn't Jalal, the semblance was enough. I could live knowing that he was safe, even if as a different persona. Yes, I needed to stop blaming the heavens and start being accountable for myself. I snapped back to the impending danger. This drunkard emperor was trying to force himself on me. Before I could blink twice, his hand travelled down my blouse undoing the strings as his fingers swam through the hollows of my back. His other hand rested above my belly. My eyes instinctively stared into his. I couldn't tell if it was the familiarity of his seduction or just the rage from his inappropriateness that undid me. I froze in his touch, limp under his warm embrace. Hot tears streaming down a cold face. I was angered and overjoyed all at once.

"You are mine for the night". He leaned in to my ear and whispered. Then, he nibbled on it till a bruise appeared. Still unable to stir a limb, I muffled my tears and calmed my racing heart.

Quick, analyze this situation. What if I kick him in the balls and run for my life? He'll probably have me back my dawn and executed noon tomorrow. What if I whack his head and pray he loses memory? This isn't an Ekta serial. What if I stall him till he too drunk to get it up? That'll involve me drinking too. Plus, I think he's got some Chengez Khan in him. No, can't take that risk. What if I can't stop him? I would loathe myself, and him. But I would have a reason to carry my pregnancy to term. I could say the twins are his and they are. He's the father. Yes, I would have to give myself away for convenience. Yes, endure Jodha. Endure because you're a mother and that's what mothers do.

"Stop!" I commanded like a trained army general. Perhaps the leader in me was finally voicing herself. Even in this stressful scenario, I had to atleast give off an air of control even if had none. "I am not the type to bend over when you please, where you please. If you must, get me a proper chamber. We will meet behind closed doors. Otherwise, kill me now".

I freed myself from his grip. As the words left my mouth, regret washed over my entirety. In an instance, I had put three lives in danger. If something went wrong, I would be monster who killed her own children.

"Alright", he readily agreed to my brave condition.

Soon I was bathed and painted and placed in a prettied up room with dimly lit ambience for added eeriness. When his name was announced, he practically lunged over and pounced at me like a hungry wolf. I stayed still for a grand total of three seconds before my greed took over. I forgot all about the harem, and the wives, and the cruelty, and the politics. Right now, it was him and I, making love to each other. And I wasn't the type to be a docile recipient.

"Sit back. Relax", I told him. No one else in this world knew his body better than me. I could point out every cut, every mole, every little hair that came and went through the years. I reached for his collarbone. My lips warmed him up like the perfect spring breeze. His smile grew wider, bolder as he reached for my hips. I pushed back his arms in force. Locking his wrists behind his head, I encapsulated all of him underneath me. "Let me see you", I said like I had the night he came back from a street fight. He'd roughed it out with the thugs who called him a boy toy for seducing the rich mistress. I mapped out his body tracing the new scars and cleaning his wounds. He'd told me then that he loved me the most when I was taking care of him. This became our ritual, something special he would beg for or I would give when I was pleased with him.

"Right there", he moaned as I found a scar near his hip. The marks were the same, just their origin had changed. He told me about the battles he'd won and the raids he'd lost (though the latter were few if he were to be believed). And he'd lived through them all with wounds to tell the stories. I assume he was proud of his resilience but I pitied him. This tunnel visioned man could never see the world the way another sane person did. It was then that I returned from my fantasies. I released my grip on his arms and let myself collapse under his weight. He hovered over me, surprised by my sudden lack of enthusiasm.

"What's wrong?" He looked toward me worryingly.

"Everything. But this moment is right. Stop interrogating and start doing".
I don't know what made me say that but I pulled him toward me until our breaths mingled.

"Thank you", he said as I drifted my body away from his.