The Value of Truth FF Updated Chapter 4-Page 7 - Page 2

I always wonder that how u understand ragini's feelings so well.

It was amazing in fact can't wait to read further so Please update soon :)

This was wonderful. You took a very complex issue between them and explained it beautifully. This maturity and openness is what is missing between them on the show - please continue soon when you can, looking forward to the next update!

Author's note: Okay I'm an intern at the hospital and my shift just ended. I have gotten absolutely no sleep for the past 48 hours and I have drank 3 large cups of coffee from Starbucks. I am extremely exhausted but I have to write this chapter or I won't be able to sleep peacefully. Okay, this chapter was a little hard for me. I found it easier to pinpoint Ragini's reasons and express them but Neil's took a while because they were ranged and scattered. Regardless, all day I kept on thinking what Neil would say to Ragini and this is what I've come up with.

Chapter 2

Solitude befriended the storm of words and the place began to dim as the restless night engulfed all the scattered light. An uneasy silence crept over the duo. Neil did not know where to begin; Ragini herself was fidgeting with her hair and mentally preparing herself for the worst.

"Tum bhaat bhaat pe upset hojaate ho." Neil said. "Your rules, your lectures, make everything difficult."

"But my distraught is justified Neil. It is lies and unethical behavior which I cannot tolerate. I myself try to uphold certain beliefs and values and I expect my family to do the same."

"Arrey listen na, I am not saying you are wrong par the importance you give to them is too much. Har bhaat pe unne kara kardhete ho, chalo I know rules are important lekin khabi kabhi toh let something slip if the situation is deemed worthy."

"But Natcheket, rules are made for the well-being of the family." Ragini said unable to understand.

"I know Ragini, lekin the person who is obligated to follow these rules should not feel controlled or trapped by them. Sometimes a little freedom is necessary."

Ragini knew that her rules were always made with the purpose of protecting her children but she knew and had witnessed first-hand how rules could also cause them to feel imprisoned. Yet rules were important, how could she let her children bend them? They might make a habit out of it?

As if Neil had read her mind, he responded, "Ragini, I admit rules are very important in ensuring that the child does not stray from the right path, especially a youthful teenager yet these rules sometimes become a burden if applied too heavily. They act as guidelines and if the child feels they have messed up big time, they do not feel comfortable speaking to you about it because they fear the punishment. Ragini I am not asking you to remove your rules or punishments, they are right in their respective purposes yet you have to understand that there are more than one ways to handle the situation. Maybe you could learn to forgive them, maybe once in a blue moon."

"But Natcheket," Ragini protested.

"Let me finish." He turned towards her and asked softly, "You want our children to always be honest with you?" Ragini nodded. "So learn to forgive them once in a while. That will make it easier for them to always tell you the truth and always come to you if they are in any trouble."

Ragini examined this new approach, it was so different from hers yet she felt she should at least consider it.

"Tumse shikayath hai yahin," Natcheket smiled recalling Ragini's words, "that you do not show your emotions enough. Apne aap ko band karke rakthe ho. Our children know that you love them, yet they are waiting for you to show them. Especially Ranbir..."

Ragini's head immediately shot up and her eyes became blood shot.

"Ragini, Ranbir had always wanted your attention, after spending so many years away from you, he was envious of Aarav."

"Yeh tum kya kehrahe ho Natcheket?" Ragini asked slightly confused.

Neil sighed "Aarav spent all these years with you while he spent all of them away from you. How do I explain this to you? Aarav ate the food made by your hands while Ranbir ate the food made by the maid. Aarav fell asleep in your lap and warmth listening to your lullabies while Ranbir slept on the cold bed all alone in remembrance of you. Whenever Aarav needed you, he always found you by his side but whenever Ranbir needed you, he found himself so far away from you that he sometimes wondered if you still remembered him name."

Ragini's heart clenched in her chest painfully and a sense of suffocation threatened to devastate her.

Neil continued "Hum judaa hai isliye kyunki you could not forgive, you had your reasons for me but our children are different. They are young and they are bound to make mistakes. Learn to forgive them Ragini, learn to laugh with them, and foremost learn to show them how much you love and care for them."

"Agar sach meri kamzori hai toh pyaar tumaari." Neil said intertwining his fingers with Ragini's. Ragini felt immense heat rising to her cheekbones and she attempted to withdraw her hand from Neil's.

"Bas itna?" She asked.

"Bas itna!" He confirmed. After a while Neil began to laugh hysterically.

"Has kyun rahe ho?" Ragini asked.

"Ragini Patel aur uske ego aaj control mein." Neil responded laughing.

The shade on Ragini's cheeks darkened.

"Sirf mere hi ego, tumaare nahi hai!" Ragini said, her eyes throwing daggers at him; she had the full intentions of reminding Neil his own egotistic actions when he said, "Acha, don't fight, saara progress lost hojayaga. Okay I admit, we both have huge egos."

Ragini smiled herself, "Chalo maana toh sahi."

They both smiled and time passed in complete comfortable silence, that is before Ragini pulled away from him completely. The night was beginning to vanish and the faintest traces of light broke out onto the canvas of the sky. She got up and began to walk to the door, hesitantly though as if she wanted to say more but couldn't.

"Nahi, ruko," Neil called after her.

She stopped in her tracks, "Aur kuch bhi kehna?" She asked.

"Abhi bohot kuch kehna," Neil answered. Ragini in a dazed state sat on one of the arm chairs but Neil remained on the edge of his bed.

"Bolo bhi ab," She said after a few minutes.

Neil took a deep breath and tried to talk without his voice shaking.

"I wanted to talk about Dr. Aman." Ragini became fully alert and immediately Neil could sense the tension between them.

"Bohot bura laghtha hai," Neil said after a while. "It feels horrible."

"What?" Ragini asked. She felt a profound curiosity gnaw at her insides.

"When you compare me with him. I know that I have not been here for my children or you when you needed me but I have made attempts to fix my mistakes. I am trying to be there for my children and in these past months, I've tried to give them all my time. Yes, when you compare me with him, he has done a lot more for our children in the past 16 years than I have but please don't forget, what I've tried to achieve in these past 9 months is also genuine and sincere. Ragini, I just want to be a good father for my children."

Ragini smiled at this revelation, he really was trying she thought.

"There is also something else I wanted to say to you, no ask you."

"Pucho," Ragini said patiently. Neil fumbled with his words.

"Was it easy... moving on?" he finally said. The question had caught Ragini off guard.

Neil wanted to ask so much more, he wanted to know why she had decided to marry Dr. Aman. How she could even think of marrying him, did she not know that he still existed?

Yet he remained silent.

"Natcheket, if you want to ask why I decided to marry Dr, Aman, bhaat ko gumaane ke zarrorat nahi hai. I will answer it." Ragini took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself for the toil it would take.

Soon enough she began to string her words together, slowly, softly, and remorsefully. "After you had left me and returned to America, not much of my family was left. Aarav was gone, so was Nishi and I returned to my seclusion. Mentally I had departed from this world, I was no longer a part of it. Dhard chahke bhi samalthe nahi the. I was overwhelmed with my endless misery and it seemed I no longer could support myself. I had absolutely no one left in my life except Dr. Aman. He emotionally became my support and I began to hold on to him as a way of escaping my past, escaping our memories."

"Choot nahi bholunge mein, tum bohot yaad aathe the." Ragini's voice became hoarse and she felt an extreme sense of relief with each confession. Unknown to her, Neil's eyes were glistening with unshed tears and his own heart was beating gleefully in his chest at her small revelation. Ragini lost in her own memories began to recite the decision she made.

"This man had done so much for me, in the past decade or so he has helped me financially, emotionally, as a friend, as a mentor. The taunts, everyone's mistreatment of him, he had tolerated it all for me, I felt profoundly indebted to him. Natcheket, when he asked me to marry him, I just couldn't say no. It wasn't that I wanted to move on as much as I wanted to repay my debts. If I didn't say yes then, I would've felt that I was taking an advantage of him. All these years, he has never refused me, never denied me and that day when he asked for my hand in marriage, kis mun sai na karthi. He knew that I could never love him and that we would always remain as friends despite the relationship we were forging; lekin it made no difference to him. He desired it and I could no longer say no"

Neil hated Aman, he hated himself for bringing her to this point. He felt his insides burn and he cursed all fate and existence for bounding her into a relationship that separated her from him. All that was imposed on him, this by far was the worst. His own hands were quivering and curling into fists. He remembered how he had left her; once again in the hands of this world, believing that she would remain untouched. How could he even think that the world would not try to break her, try to conquer her, try to claim her? Family, friends, relatives, no one had helped her and finally the man who did obviously wanted something in return. It was a compromise, a deal, a one-sided love that was rooted in helplessness and one's inability to refuse.

Of all words that Neil wanted to say, all that came out were "Ehsaan chukane kaliye rishta jorliya."

Ragini remained quiet at first before she coldly responded after a while, "Kuch aisa hi samajlo."

"Lekin tum aisa mat samjna ki Dr. Aman forced me, he"- Neil cut her off.

"Toh aur kya samjun. Ragini, I don't think you know what love is anymore. In love, there are no debts, there are no thank-yous, love is selfless. Aman may not have forced you but he desired you. He made a compromise with you, his support in exchange for your hand in marriage. Ragini, love is not a deal." Neil was yelling. He had intended to keep this conversation as most civil as possible in response to the cordial behavior displayed by Ragini but he had no control over his sense whatsoever now.

Ragini did not lose her composure at all.

"Natcheket, I have waited my entire life for you. Tumaare pyaar ne mujhe kahinka nai chora, it destroyed me completely and look at me, I loved you with all the remnants that remained of me. Toot kai bhi tujhe hi chaha, you tell me that love is selfless, meine apna vajood tak tumaare naam kardiya. I made you my identity, my words, my memories, my hatred, my love, my everything. Natcheket, even today when you would look into my eyes, you would find yourself in them." Ragini had turned her eyes away from him, tears were running down and she let her hair fall over her face in an attempt to hide them.

"You accuse me of forgetting you, Natcheket, lekin is waqt se puch ki kis waqt tere yaad na aye."

Natcheket's heart broke, all the anger that he had suppressed, all emotions, that he had intended to vent out were dying. He wanted to wipe away her tears, to wrap his arms tightly around her, and yet he remained rooted to his spot. Ragini continued to speak, her words coming in a rush as she struggled to hold the tears at bay.

"I know what love is, I haven't forgotten it, but I've simply have learned that love is not enough. A relationship needs trust and respect as well. My relationship with Dr. Aman may be one-sided and lack love on my part but it does not lack trust and respect. It is not forced but it is a compromise and I am willing to stand by it for the sake of honoring my promise. I will not forget you is certain but I no longer trust you is the veracity that contradicts what I feel for you. " Natcheket had gotten up and stood quietly, no longer wishing to listen.

He was dying, bit by bit. There was no trust between them. She no longer trusted him. Look where his inability to speak the truth had brought him. He did not want his voice to be silenced today. He wanted his words to fall on the vestiges their past left, on the deafened demise of their love. He crouched on his knees in front of her and took both of her hands in his.

His voice was shattering and yet he wanted her to hear all that was left of him, all that she was to him.

"Dil ne ibaadat ki hai, teri bas chaahat ki hai." His own tears were finding release and his head was casted downward. He stared at the lines on her palms and then looked to his own. They say that the lines embedded on one's hands were emblematic of fate, and the ways his lines connected with hers so perfectly made him smile even in pain.

"Likaaya arziyon mein, tera bin jeena nahin hai." He took one of her right hands and placed it on his heart.

"Khudha ko dikh raha hoga, na dil tujhse judaa hoga; Teri taqdeer mein mujhko, woh ab toh likh raha hoga." Ragini refused to look at him but Neil could hear the heart-breaking sob that reached his ears.

"You say that you will honor the promise you made to him, but have you forgotten the promises you made to me." He tilted her chin and caused her to look at him.

"Our wedding vows that connected us forever. Have you forgotten them? Ragini, I never believed in destiny, you know that. Yet today I stand grasping on to its concepts believing in it like there is no tomorrow-all because of you."

"Our fates are connected, the spark that burns in our each encounter, the stolen gazes, and the life we lead reminiscing each other speaks for itself. Ragini, your heart and my heart are very old friends." Neil put his head on Ragini's lap, his tears soiling her sari.

"It kills me to watch you become someone else's. Whenever I see you with him, I wish the ground would part beneath my feet and swallow me whole. Sleep would not come to me and nights would end bitterly in your memories." Neil turned his face upwards and cupped her cheek with his right hand, wiping a stray tear with his thumb.

"Only I have the right over your tears, over your every wound. Your identity is mine, your soul is mine, your heart is mine. I will not let anyone as so much as touch what is mine." His eyes darkened and glazed as his hands traveled to her shoulders, grasping them tightly. "Never forget that."

Ragini was at a loss for words. She had never seen him so possessive of her. These new range of emotions were revealing a new Natcheket to her altogether, yet she knew that this was not morally right. She belonged to someone else, she was engaged, promised to another man. Her gaze fell on the cold metal band around her finger and an uncomfortable feeling settled at the pit of her stomach.

Sunlight was beginning to spill through the windows and slowly casting itself on the pair. A ray graciously flowed on Neil's eyes showing the depth it inhibited. Ragini was lost in them, in the emotions and it took all her strength to pull herself out. She stood quietly while Neil was still in the same position.

"Yeh jaane se pehle sochna tha Natcheket, the time to now claim and confess is long gone."

Ragini unwillingly left the room however not before taking one last look at him, he remained with his back to her still in that position. Facing ahead she let the door close with a soft thud behind careful not to wake anyone up. Once she reached her own room, she leaned on the door for support and began to fall slowly. Finally collapsing onto the floor, she began to cry without holding back, her hands clutched to her side as she cried for all that she had lost and all that could've been hers.

Love Azka

Author's note: Okay some of the parts Neil said were from a song that I recently discovered. It is "Tera Hi Bas Hona Chaahoon" by Jojo & Najam Sheraz.

Here's the link for it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-NxbThLAo4

Please do check it out, it's amazing.

Now for all those people who commented, thank you so much.😃

The people I couldn't get back to in the comment section.

Iamcurious, ronitfan, ShyNomad

Your comments just made me blush. 😳

Hamna19khan, here is my update as promised.

Neiralove, yes it is the question that we all want Ragini to answer J

And jagrawal, I think the reason I understand Ragini so well is, as we are training to be doctors, we are told to be, to an extent emotionless/strong to perform surgeries and break the bad news to the families. This training that we undergo makes us harden in real life as well and we soon do not rely on words to express ourselves nor do we listen to others as much as we try to analyze their actions to identify them. Ragini is a strict person who has come in many shades and currently emotionless, she is portrayed to uphold principles and not express much but we now developed an eye to understand the unspoken words of people through their actions. Which is why to an extent I just like this character and feel I can relate to her.

Okay guys that's all for tonight. Sorry if I missed anyone.

Oh Azka, this is so beautiful. will comment in details later -I need to read this again.

This is beautiful Azka 👏 . I really felt bad for Ragini... And you beautifully described her relationship with Aman... Now will she come out of the deal she has made with Aman? I really want to read the next part. Please update soon 😊 .

Tiana when are u updating please

Lovely, this update was beautiful, I mean the way you express each and every emotion is just beautiful, portrayal of mature and sensible conversation between Ragini and Nachiket is amazing. Your'e doing a great job.
Can't wait to read the next update please update soon :)

Azka!

Wow, what a conversation between them, Ragini expressed her side very well and also nachiket's emotions, his breakdown was heartbraking. beautifully written. Thanks.