Khushi jumped and hissed as a drop of sizzling oil burnt her wrist.
Why did she love her husband?
That answer was still empty.
Initially Khushi was in the seventh heaven realising that her hot headed husband was probably pushed by all this emotional upheaval and ended up venting on her, to only apologise profusely and reassure her every night that she was his everything.
But now his actions hurt Khushi more than his words.
For how many more days?
With what reason would Arnav blame his unjustified anger on her? Out of hurt if she refused to get intimate, that would be dealt with complete silence from Arnav. He would often mutter that he's trying to make up if only Khushi wouldn't be this stubborn.
Arnav loved her, Khushi was matured enough to know that.
But more than love, she was a habit of his.
Shaking her head, Khushi placed the fried puris in a bowl and switched off the stove. On a positive note, at least there's wasn't an emotionless marriage. It may be turbulent but it wasn't weak. Their relationship was in their hands, unlike Jiji's.
Probably they needed a heart to heart talk. Khushi reigned her sentiments as she decided to talk to her husband over dinner - he wasn't a heartless man, just a confusing one.
"Arnavji, aap kaha... " Khushi looked at Arnav in surprise as she found walking out with his coat folded over his right arm. "Oh Khushi, we are having a conference with the clients at New York. Sheetal found this excellent party..." Arnav replied before she could finish her question, failing to notice her tightened grip on the ladle.
"All the best." Khushi whispered while Arnav stopped, his footsteps becoming quicker as he approached her "Khushi, what's wr..." He found his answer as when he saw the dishes before him. "Fu..." He swore and turned Khushi towards him.
Chinning her up, he paused to kiss her cheek "Khushi I would have stayed back for this. But this meeting is really important." Fiddling with a button of his shirt, Khushi looked into his hesitant eyes "But Arnavji, kya aapke jagah Akaash jiju nahi jaa sakte?"
"Khushi! Payal can go into labour any minute, he can't leave her at the dead of the night." Arnav reasoned while Khushi gave an apparent nod. "Of course, jiju ko bhi pata hai ki apni patni ke saath hona kitna mahatvapoon hai."
Arnav froze and turned sharply at Khushi "What did that mean?" Khushi shook her head "Kuch nahi."
Tucking a lock behind her ear "Khush, don't be childish. Akelapan lag raha hai kya? Then you can probably go over to your Amma's for dinner. Phir you won't be alone, theek hai?" Arnav patted her head gently, his words hesitant as Khushi grew stonier.
"Humain akelepan ki aadat hai." Khushi stated and looked up to find him frowning at her tone.
"Anyways..." Khushi said and turned away, avoiding his gaze yet again. She knew that her eyes were a traitor. "Enjoy your meeting with Sheetalji."She stretched her lips to a fake smile
An awkward silence passed between the two.
"Tab tak... I'll pack my bag." Khushi declared and dusted her hands while Arnav grabbed her arm "Hey! I asked you to just be there only for dinner! Uske baad ghar aa jao."
"Humne yehi socha tha, par lagta hai Sheetalji ke saath meeting zyada mayne rakhti hai aap ke liye." she replied in an icy voice. Arnav was taken aback by the sharpness in her reply. He looked at her carefully, and let out a helpless groan, as he realized how upset she was. He grimaced and pulled her restless hands into his. "Come on, Khushi! Don't tell me you're jealous," he said.
His careless reply stung Khushi. "Hurt," she said, "I am not jealous. Ab aap hatiye, khana thand ho raha hai. Aap toh yaha hone nahi waale hai, hum humare liye hi kuch padosle."
Arnav closed his eyes in annoyance, as she roughly pulled her hands away from his. "Fine." he replied.
"Kuch pack kar doon? Aap..." "I'm having dinner there." Arnav said, awkwardly. Khushi's eyes shot up to meet his and her eyebrows raised in mock understanding. "Of course. Humne toh fizool main aapse poochliya. Hum yeh sawal karte hi kyu hai?"
"What the fu..." Arnav cursed and turned towards Khushi "Please stop being jealous like an idiot! Obviously this meeting is going to run for a few hours hence we decided to have dinner at the office. And it's just freaking dinner. It's not that I don't care for you, kal lunch yehi kar lenge! Kaunsi badi baat ho gayi! "
"So I am being jealous like an idiot? Fine, humain jalan ho rahi hai! But then unlike you who decides to make marriage a mockery out of jealousy, hum dikha rahe hai ki humain dard ho raha hai kyunki aap humare saath waqt bitate hi nahi!" Khushi emptied the contents of the cooking pan into a bowl, banging the bowl down on the counter. "Ab jaye aur apna dinner and meeting enjoy karke aaye!" she said. Her sarcasm laced words irked Arnav.
"What the... Khushi stop dragging our marriage in this! You are over-reacting. Nothing has happened." Arnav said, irritated but desperately trying to keep his calm. "And Khushi, why the hell are you digging up old graves? Ghalti ho gayi and I even apologised for it! What more should I do?"
Khushi turned a deaf ear and continued to take crockery from the cabinet. Ghalti ho gayi... Khushi sighed to herself.
"Stop making an issue out of it everything. I mean all this is happening because I am not being able to have dinner with you, right?!" Arnav blasted while Khushi clutched on to the containers, tears pooling in her eyes.
"Oh great, the waterworks!" Arnav sighed and threw his briefcase aside, along with his coat. "Since this dinner is deciding the foundations of our marriage then let's get this fu***ng dinner off. I'm cancelling my meeting with the clients and I don't care for the bloody losses I receive. Are you happy now Khushi?" He barked and sat at the table, grabbing forward a plate and the dishes.
"Devi Maiyya." Khushi cursed under her breath. Sniffing slightly she looked at her angry husband "Yeh sab humari ghalti hai! Kaunsi baat karni thi aur kis mudde pe beith gaye!" She mumbled to herself and turned towards Arnav.
Arnav looked up as his wife gently pushed away the plate and handed him his coat and briefcase. "Humain maaf kar dijiye, hum bas... aapko miss kar rahe the." His anger fizzled as he saw precious tears roll down her cheeks.
"It's fine Khushi but if you have a problem then tell it to me! Ab rou mat!" He wiped her tears and looked into her big, expressive eyes. "I'll try to be back as soon as possible, okay? Can you give me my car keys."
Khushi reached for the keys and pressed them into Arnav's hand. Arnav tried to withdraw his hand, but Khushi held onto it. He sighed and took her into a hug, his heart clenching as Khushi hugged him back tightly.
Khushi rest her head on his shoulder, tired, and whispered "I love you Arnavji." . She was relieved to notice his lips curve into a smile. "Me too," he said, softly, after a momentous silence. She smiled and gently ran her fingers over his chiseled jawline to his neck and glided them over his chest.
As her fingers curled around his neck, Arnav smiled and pushed her hair back from her face. He gazed into her glazed eyes, desire pulsating through his body.
He played with her earlobe and whispered "If this was what you're missing, then you could have told me na. Mujhe kaise pata hoga ki tumhe meri zaroorat hai? Most of the time you run off to be with Nani or remember some dish jo kitchen main rehgaya." She closed her eyes as he traced her lower lip with the pad of his thumb.
Just as he leaned in to steal a kiss, they were interrupted by a call. "I'm on my way." he walked away, still on the phone, after waving a hurried goodbye to Khushi.
"I'll be back soon." He told to a stiffened Khushi who leaned against the door and waved right back at him.
"Hum aapka intezaar karenge." She said but by then Arnav had disappeared out of their lane, as always.
He never knew that she was waiting, right?
---Khushi pushed her plate aside as she couldn't stuff more than one puri into her mouth. Grabbing her cell phone she texted Arnav for the third time in an hour.
"I've had my dinner and meds. Stop texting, busy."
"Sorry, take care. I love you." Khushi replied back and paused to delete I love you. She bit her lips to control the tears which stung her eyes.
Stop texting, busy.
"Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada ko har choti baaton pe rona hi hoga!" Khushi chided herself. If she could survive well enough after all the mess up in her life then a non committal remark from her husband shouldn't hurt her too much.
But it hurt, nonetheless.
For a change Khushi would wish her husband to talk to her rather than state that by the time he would arrive, she would be too tired to hear a word from him. She didn't need the soothing physical gestures when it came to love, a word from his mouth would have meant everything.
Toying with her mangalsutra, Khushi fervently wished for Arnav to open up to her and brush away her insecurities. As she chanted her Devi Maiyya's name; her lips suddenly paused as she exhaled a soft breath. Khushi opened her eyes and mocked at herself.
What use could chanting Devi Maiyya's name give her when Khushi herself couldn't do anything? If only chanting her name solved problems, then none of things which had happened... would've happened.
Foregoing her prayer for the first time, Khushi stretched her arms and kept a watch on the door.
---It was only at the crack of dawn when Arnav came back. Slightly drunk, he was walking straight into their bedroom, but stopped abruptly, when he saw Khushi asleep in a chair, with her head resting on the dining table. Her hair was all dishevelled, and she wore a tired expression on her face. He felt himself filling with guilt.
Arnav was well aware of the lack of time he spent with Khushi and her growing distance from him. Somewhere down the line he had hoped that a quick stay at her parents would alleviate her sadness but it turned out to be contrary.
"Fu#$." He swore as he noticed the half finished dinner plate before him. Damn, did he not know that nothing would go down his wife's throat till he returned? Worried whether she passed out, he bent closer to pat her cheeks when he caught the moisture on her lashes.
He looked at the innocence on her face, innocence that was now shrouded by worry and insecurity. She was no longer the carefree girl he once knew. And he knew deep inside that he was the cause of this change in her.. Somewhere, something had gone wrong.
Now, he debated whether he should rouse her from her sleep or not, when due to his inebriated state, he shook a little, and his phone dropped from his hand. Khushi sat up with a start. Still groggy, she stared at Arnav for a few seconds. Her gaze automatically shifted to the clock.
"Four eleven?" she asked, with evident disappointment. She cleared her parched throat and looked at Arnav who was looking at her, intently. The couple stared at each other, sensing a certain awkwardness between them.
As she rubbed her eyes and stretched her sore muscles she asked "Itni der kyu ho gayi Arnav ji? Meeting der tak chali kya? Waise deal crack ho gaya? Hona toh chahiye... aakhir aap Arnav Singh Raizada thehre. "
Arnav looked in disbelief as she carried out the conversation with herself, "Yeah, deal took some time to come through." He murmured.
"Chalo koi baat nahi, aapko kuch chahiye?" Khushi frowned as she saw him struggling with his coat and walked up to him, to help him.
"Rukiye hum mad... " she started, but stopped abruptly, as the slight stench of alcohol reached her nostrils. Her eyes widened in shock and she cupped his cheeks, brushing her nose near his lips.
"Aapne sharaab pee hai?"
"Thodi si! When the deal came through Sheetal called out for a celebratory drink." he said, indignantly.
Khushi threw her hands above her head, "Arnavji iska matlab yeh nahi ki aap pee lo, aur woh bhi itna ki sharaab ki baas aaye! Humain laga tha ki aapko yeh sab accha nahi lagta! Aur woh bhi Sheetal ji ke saath! Sharaab ke nashe main agar kuch ho jata toh?"
Her sentence was cut short when Arnav grabbed her by her arms painfully and pulled her towards him. Khushi held on to his shoulders, as he was merely a breath away. "WHAT! Tumhe lagta hai ki... that one drink will make me sleep with anyone!?" he asked sharply.
Khushi winced in his grip, shook her head, and said, "Kabhi nahi Arnav ji! Humain aap pe bharosa hai. Hum aapke jaise nahi hai ki aap pe shaq karein, chahe aapki harkate kuch aur bole. Bas humain Sheetalji se dikkat hai . Unki nazar humesha se hi aap pe tiki hui hai, aur yeh baat bhi jhutlana mushkil hai ki Aarav hoobahoo aapke tarha hai. Kahi... "
"HOW DARE YOU!" Arnav snarled and pushed Khushi against the door. "I only love you damn it!" He barked and tightened his grip on her arms "Tumhari aisi himmat ke tum mujhpe shaq karo! Pyaar, trust... these mean nothing right!"
Taking a deep sigh, Khushi shakes her head and looks pleadingly at his angry face "A..."
"And how dare you suspect me? Kya maine koi reason diya hai to suspect me? Trust ka kya hua Khushi? I trusted you and let go of what I had seen before my own eyes!" Arnav barked while Khushi stared at him in confusion.
"Aapke aankho ke saamne, kya hua? Humain kuch samaj..." Khushi started to be cut off as Arnav gripped her tighter.
"You never understand anything Khushi! Should I repeat what I felt when I saw you plastered against Shyam on the terrace? That image still hurts... still fu***ng hurts! Yet I realised that you did truly love me and that's the basic reason why, for a change, I let my heart rule. But look at what's happening... in spite of me believing you, you return the same gesture by thinking I have fathered a child and am having an affair with Sheetal!" Arnav paused to take a deep breath and felt a wave of anger throb through his body.
Shaking Khushi, he pinned her further and growled "Aur tumhe mujhpe shaq karna ke haq kisne diya? Unlike you demanding Shyam to leave Di, right in front of my eyes, I didn't even give you any reason damn it! Aur..." Arnav stopped and sucked a breath as Khushi grew paler by the minute.
His hand flew to his mouth as his wife turned as still as a lifeless doll in his hands.
With teary eyes, Khushi looked at Arnav in sheer disbelief.
He was still holding on to it?
With a firm yet gentle grip, she pushed his hands away from her shoulders. After all that happened, he still believed that just a change of their feelings was responsible for believing her? Not that realising Shyam was a full fledged bas***d, not that he had understood that Khushi would do anything for his sister.
Just because they shared a few passionate moments, his feelings for her overcame his hate.
That's all that ever happened.
"I didn't mean it." Arnav whispered while a frozen Khushi stared at nothingness.
"Khushi I..." Arnav started and moved forward to be stopped as Khushi raised her hand and shook her head.
"Humne Shyamji ko kaha tha Di ko chorne ke liye kyunki woh ek leech ke tarha Di ko zinda khaey jaa raha tha. Humain shak tabse ho gaya jab Shyamji humain apne kamre main baar baar tab bulate the jab aapki Di unse bura bartaav karti thi." Khushi mumbled and looked at a thoroughly confused Arnav.
"Di Shyam se misbehave... impossible." Arnav refused while Khushi shrugged her shoulders.
"Sach hai. Usne Di ko najaane kya kaha ki Di ko lage woh uska khayal rakh rahi hai aur humain lage ki Di usske saath zyakti kar rahi hai." Khushi sank on the couch and looked at a silent Arnav.
Chuckling slightly, she added "Humain nahi laga tha ki sab kuch hone ke baad humain humari baatein justify karni padegi. Par hum ghalat the... aur waise bhi, agar hum aapke jagah hote toh hum Shyamji pe shaq karte. Jo aadmi apni biwi ko dhoka de raha ho, woh aapse sach kyu kahega? Unka din bhar ghar main nahi aana, kaam toh vakeel ka hai par haav bhaav kisi businessman se kam nahi. Yaha tak ki woh aapse zyaada ghumte the! Ghalti sirf aur sirf Shyam ji ke hi the."
Smoothing the creases on her suit, she reached for his hand and looked into his eyes "Theek waise hi humain aap pe koi shaq nahi hai, sirf Sheetal ji pe shaq hai kyunki unki harkate humain samaj nahi aa rahi hai. Aur aap pe shaq kabhi nahi hoga kyunki hum aap se beintehaa bharosa aur pyaar karte hai."
Arnav closed his eyes as the situations became clearer with every word of Khushi's. It all made perfect sense. Yet, his ego was bruised when Khushi pointed at his flaws and inability to asses his own brother in law.
Too arrogant to submit to his own mistakes, Arnav pulled back his hands and crossed them against his chest "What happened to the hum samajte hai you threw at me, cause clearly that doesn't hold any grain of truth with you lamenting over my behaviour!?"
Khushi gasped at his caustic reply and stood up in her defence "Arnavji yaad kijiye humne kya kaha tha!"
On seeing his stiffened face; Khushi closed her eyes for a brief moment and sighed, exasperated at his thick headedness. " Arnavji, humne kaha tha ki hum samajte hai aapne yeh sab kyu kiya, isliye kyunki aap apni di ki raksha kar rahe the! Aur insaan kuch bhi karta hai apne parivaar ko surakshit karne ke liye. Kya humne aapke saath ek be buniyaad shadi nahi ki thi? Aapke uss ek faisle se jo chaar mahine ka narg main bitaye, kya humne kabhi kuch kaha?"
Arnav swallowed dryly and balled his fists, without giving her a reply he bent to take his car keys when a delicate hand wrapped around his wrist in a gentle yet firm grip.
"Nahi Arnavji, aaj hum aapko jaane nahi denge. Bohot hogaya, ab aap apne museebat se nahi bhagenge. Aap humesha bhaagte kyu hai? Pehli suhaagraat ke samay, phir humari dusri shadi ke samay..."
Khushi tugged on to his wrist tighter as Arnav still attempted to leave. Tightening her grip, she looked up at his insufferable face.
Did nothing what she said make any difference to him?
She looked up at his face and waited for him to reply, seeing none she gave a last try "Hum aapko jaane nahi denge, bina sawaal ke."
Arnav lost his cool and pulled his hand off hers "This is exactly what's pissing me off! Baat tumhari ho rahi thi, not about me! Your childish and clingy behaviour is getting on my nerves Khushi, and being the great Khushi you are... you just switched the situation into blaming me. This just proves it, you don't know me."
A tear rolled down Khushi's cheek as he lashed out on her, letting of her cool she stood head to head with him "Sahi kaha aapne! Hum aapko jante hi kaha? Aapke pasand napasand, college life main aapne kya kiya kya nahi... humain toh kisi ki baat ki khabar nahi. Bas aapko dekha aur dheere dheere pyaar ho gaya, ghalti humari thi... humain jaan na chahiye tha aap kaise hai." Arnav turned around as she whispered the last sentence.
Just as Arnav approached her, Khushi stared back at him "Par ek baat pata hai, aapke paas ek andhe ghode ki nazar hai. Aapko dikhayi nahi deta Sheetalji aapke saath kya karne ki koshish kar rahi hai!" Khushi closed her eyes as she tried to keep tears at bay.
Too heartbroken by his recent words, Khushi continued to speak "Ek minute, hum kisse baat kar rahe hai! Hum toh ek aise insaan se baat kar rahe hai jo apne kaminey jijaji ke baat pe vishwaas kare aur jis ladki se voh kehte hai ki woh pyaar karte hai, usse khai main dhakelte hai! Hum nahi keh rahe hai ki aap humpe andh vishwaas karein, par aap businessman bane kaise? Kya aapko nazar nahi aaya ki humara koi faida nahi aapko jhoot bolne se!"
"Shut up!" Arnav yelled and banged his fist against the table "Enough of you counting about my flaws Khushi. I am well aware of everything." Kneading his fingers into his stiff neck, he turned to Khushi and glared "Tum bhool rahi ho ki Arnav Singh Raizada always knows what he's doing, kyunki woh apni kismat khud likhta hai."
Grabbing his coat, he proceeded towards their room but stopped at the foot of their staircase "By the way, Sheetal might be flirting harmlessly... that's not a problem. And as far as Shyam is concerned, he was in this family for seven years, obviously I would trust him more than a girl whom I've known for just a few months. And technically you had a lot more to gain by keeping a double affair, in fact..."
His words came to a halt as Khushi sharply turned towards him and looked into his eyes, hers seething with rage and pain. She scrutinized him with her eyes as Arnav blinked a couple of times and sighed, slouching against a pillar.
As Arnav looked at the tortured expression on her face, he felt a part of himself breaking. What was the need to dig old graves and scratch old wounds raw? He didn't want this anymore, he didn't want the fights, the confrontations!
If all Khushi was missing him, he would make up for it. Keeping his coat aside, he felt a strange fear as Khushi left by his side and settled on the sofa, her delicate frame shaking with her sobs. Taking quick steps he crouched next to Khushi and took her hand in his. Arnav stifled a groan as Khushi refused to look into his eyes.
Cupping her cheek, he turned her face forcefully towards his and glanced at her eyes"I am sorry. I didn't mean to say all this... all these beliefs were according to the past, I don't believe this now." He looked on as Khushi sniffed slightly.
Cursing at himself as all his words flooded into his head, he took a deep breathe "Look Khushi, if we want to discuss the past it will get messy! Let's fu****g forget this and move ahead. We're married with everything, jo hona tha hogaya. You're missing me, right? Let's go somewhere..." He coaxed while Khushi tried to free herself from his grip.
"Khushi, answer me... let's go somewhere." To his surprise, Khushi left Arnav and walked towards their room. Anger rose in Arnav on being ignored, he followed suit.
"Khushi, main tumse baat kar raha hoon." But Khushi avoided him like a plague, instead she headed towards the wardrobe and took her nightdress. A gasp left her mouth as Arnav twisted her wrist and pulled her towards him.
"Jab main tumse baat kar raha hoon then reply to me damn it!" Khushi shook as he shouted at her. Gulping slightly, she looked into his feral eyes and winced as his grip became too painful to bear. Arnav's eyes widened in shock as he heard her painful moan. Releasing his grip instantly, he looked on as Khushi held her aching hand.
Instant guilt rushed through him as ugly blue and purple bruises marked her pale wrist. Blinking repeatedly to avoid her tears, Khushi let her hand be and stared into his eyes.
Arnav looked away as he saw the raw disappointment set in her hazel eyes.
"Aap kabhi badle nahi..." His head shot up at her remark. Shaking his head he said "Khushi I didn't mean to hurt you, neither today nor at the guestho..."
"Nahi Arnavji, hum humari kalai ke baare main nahi keh rahe hai."
"Then?"
"Bas aap... aap kabhi badle hi nahi aur nahi kabhi badal payenge." She whispered, whimpering slightly as she brushed off the broken pieces of a bangle from her wrist.
Khushi sucked a breath as Arnav walked dangerously close to her, his breath wafting over her face "MAIN kabhi nahi badla?" Khushi gripped on to her suit as Arnav banged his fist on the wall beside her and walked aside.
"I forgave your mother for whatever she did! And you're saying I DIDN'T CHANGE!" He barked while Khushi just blinked a few times.
"Maafi?" She looked at her husband in disbelief.
"Kisliye Arnavji?" She whispered "Bees saal pehle theek wohi hua joh humare saath hua; sivai humari jagah Amma the, Shyamji ki jagah aapke bauji aur Di ki jagah Mumma ."
Arnav turned towards Khushi, unable to deny the stark reality in her words. Life was nothing but a vicious circle. As his stormy eyes met her teary ones, he knew that the only difference was that her Amma had fallen for his father, while Khushi had loved Arnav.
Always.
But Arnav was born with a vice, never to be wrong , even if it hurt loved ones.
And Khushi had been born with another, to accept being wrong if it was for loved ones.
So accustomed Arnav was with Khushi's nature, he knew that she wouldn't prove him wrong, that she would take in all he said and forgive him if he asked for it.
"Why don't you try to understand me?" He groaned out. Arnav Singh Raizada could never be mistaken, and admittance would be over his dead body.
Khushi looked on helplessly as she found her husband's ego rule over him. She knew that he didn't mean a percent of what he said, she knew that he knew she could read him like an open book... yet he would pose to be ignorant of it.
But for once, Khushi refused to understand him.
Arnav frowned at the silence and waited for Khushi to at least look at him, if not respond. What surprised him was the barrier in her honey brown eyes.
For the first time Arnav was scared.
No matter how many accusations they threw at each other, they could always read what was going in the other's mind and hearts.
His mouth parted to say something but stopped as Khushi's shoulders slouched in defeat.
NO
Alarm rang in Arnav's head. They had to follow the cycle; love each other immensely, grow apart due to misunderstandings, hurt each other and then make up. Being a man of routine Arnav followed it religiously.
But Khushi was breaking it, she wasn't fighting back... she just looked lost.
Nervousness flooded in his veins when he realised that he had to take the first step towards another conversation. Grabbing her shoulders out of habit, he yanked her slightly and growled "You aren't happy with me!"
Arnav looked on with anticipation as Khushi would refute his allegation, hug him tightly and probably shed a few tears telling him how much she loved him and nothing better apart from their marriage could happen to her.
Tell me that Khushi... his mind coaxed her, waiting for her to profess her happiness and love.
Tears stung his eyes ever so lightly as Khushi barely answered, looking at a distant wall. Cupping her cheeks Arnav guided her attention to him, his actions turning rougher with every passing minute.
He loved her too much, yet he wanted to hear it from her mouth.
After that they could be happy, he'll apologise but at least let her say that she's happy wi...
"Shayad nahi..."
---PART 3
Plagiarism won't be taken lightly 
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