I was reading Chapter 'Thirty-eight' of the Emerald Isle Tales for the third time since today morning. Meera- this OS is entirely for you. It may not be that good..but you've inspired me. Your writing leaves me bewildered everytime..I am stunned..I am short of words. Keep writing, always. I feel lucky that I got a chance to witness your tales...witness the magic of Meera.
Underwater,
I look for the answers I never seem to find
And you're the ocean,
I am just another man dying inside
-Ankit Shrestha (Song: Underwater)
o.O.O.o
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven
-Eric Clapton
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There are instances in life when you feel like you can't retain the same person you used to be in the past. All the memories shift themselves towards a common domicile, your heart. You smile as the flashback seems real in front of your eyes and you undergo the same enthusiasm, anxiety, gloom and happiness of those moments. The urge to possess some magical power to travel back to that time overwhelms you, and yet you know that it is simply impossible. Time has brought invincible changes in you- your thoughts aren't the same as before, your preferences have changed, new outlook has developed and you aren't the same. Maybe you've grown up to be a more matured person; maybe your choices have destroyed your life, maybe you've recognized your dream by this time and started to work for making it real, maybe you've lost hope and left trying for a better tomorrow. Life is never certain as death.
If you don't love solitude, you don't love yourself. At times, you just need to sit alone, all by yourself and think about your life, about yourself. The mistakes you've committed, the judgments you've passed, the apologies you've made, the moments when you've laughed, the moments when you've cried helplessly; you just need to reminisce those events and take the lessons, and promise yourself to correct the errors within you and become a better person. Though it may not be always possible to extract some negative qualities from you but you can at least try. You need to give a lot of time and bear a lot of patience while trying to reform your own thoughts, but one day you'll succeed. And the transition would be the most beautiful phase of your life.
Yes, there are times when you feel low for reasons unknown. You laugh outwardly as a formality, tears also refrain themselves from appearing even at the gruesome times. How blank does life seem at those times, how disconnected do you feel from family and friends, how drastically you turn into an introvert and how continuously you fail to pin point the reason for your own state? But those are times when the proximity of your soul and nature develops its wings. You feel calm and serene with the trees, the flowers, water, the air, the stones, the soil, the sun, the moon and every components of nature. I feel, such instants are important because above the materialism mask you hide yourself at, there lies a beautiful person within you, with pure heart who strives to feel connected within to realize the meaning of life, to attenuate the emotional and spiritual needs and to feel alive, to be a human being.
Khushi 's pen finally came to a halt after constant scribbling for 15 minutes. She slammed her notebook close as the visitor ringing the bell grew impatient. As she opened the door, she was greeted with a vulnerable kiss by the visitor. She responded to the sudden surprise enthusiastically enduring the same zeal and longing.
Breaking the kiss that promised to grow outrageously, the visitor was dragged inside, and the door closed with a bang.
As they started walking towards the parlor, Khushi grabbed his arms and hugged him tightly. He played with the soft silky strands of her hair while holding her in his embrace and conferred a soft kiss on her forehead.
Settling themselves on the couch, they stared at each other for a long time without a single word being uttered. The flowers grown in the pots laid around the place seemed to blossom, the air brought a silent cry of happiness, the sunlight seemed more vibrant, everything seemed real still indistinct. Strange, it was.
Initiating a conversation after a long gaze, she looked into his eyes with affection clearly shining on them and said- "Arnav, I'm glad you're here. I've been fighting alone for too long. I love you."
His heart burnt with aggression towards himself hearing those words, but after successfully masking his emotions, with a composed face, he replied almost in a whisper, "I'm not here for being with you."
"I know.", the hazel eyes were clouded with grief as she spoke.
"Time has come for you to move on. To move towards a new beginning .I love you and I know you love me with the same devotion. For the moments we've spent together, for the promises we've shared, for the dreams of marriage we had once dared to dream, for the promises of trusting each other, for the promises of searching happiness - for the sake of everything we had, please move on. Fill your life with new joys, with new hopes. Let me go. I'll always be in your memories, within you.", he said after a long pause, releasing all his agony, all his pains and burden that he carried since a long time. His voice sounded like a shriek with large volume of consternation and melancholy. He didn't want her to live this way. He didn't want her love for him to block the prospects of happy future. He wanted her to dismiss his physical presence she imagined to feel. He wanted to leave. For her good.
With a smile that symbolized the depreciating urge to live again, she came nearer to him; placing his hand on hers, she looked up to him and said, "I am trying. I'm trying to gather the pieces of my life. I'm trying to live for the people who love me dearly. I'm trying to be myself again- the same chatty, full of life Khushi. But I'm failing every time, I'm failing relentlessly. ", Khushi said tremblingly while tears erupted from her eyes, warming her cheeks while moving towards her neck to disappear somewhere.
"I know, I know." he rubbed her cheeks with traces of tears and placed a peck on her forehead and burrowed her head inside his arms. She wept, her head resting on his chest while he patted on her back with a reassuring pace. "But you need to be strong. You need to live. You need to enjoy. You need to be the old 'Khushi' for your parents, for your siblings - you need to be their happiness."
"Close your eyes", he said in an affectionate tone. She looked up to him to read his expressions but there were none. She closed her eyes as commanded.
Vivid images started forming before her. A girl was walking naked on the streets cursing her fate. A woman was beating her own chest, her hair all messed up and was demanding for her son. A child was smoking cigarette and muttering slang words while he sat on the pavement beside the highway. A woman was being beaten by the villagers claiming her as witch. People were dying of poverty...
She forced her eyes open as she felt she couldn't bear the burden of seeing such deformities of life. She was trembling with fear. She turned to look Arnav but he was gone. He had left.
She ran towards the hall, to her room and went to every rooms but he was gone. She couldn't trace him anywhere. She went to the study room, and started scribbling in the notebook in which she had initially wrote something. Something that wasn't what she believed in. Something that was merely an advice. Something that didn't apply with her.
The seasons changed in the claws of the monster
Remains like a death mark on a wound so raw
The dreadful phases that passed away,
Had never lost its shining luster
Grows so firm; so young,
And a seed of hatred gets sown
My princess got tattered clothes;
She never tells me a word!
I lost my king; the queen remains unseen in this colossal kingdom
Soreness tries to conceal itself, but Heart forbids it to,
Every moment pricks this heart,
The things I couldn't do acts like a sword
Torture and punishments regret now,
For not uttering even a word
And now I'm at the end of the passage,
Trying to breathe and stand
All this time I realize
I had remained a Poor Mortified Soul
Just a poor Mortified Soul
She remembered the visions which Arnav had shown her before leaving her, forever. She wasn't crying, in fact she didn't feel any pain. Her dejections were fading away. Her Arnav was guiding her.
A commence it was that eventually made you mine,
Escalation of this relation gets higher with time
With a vow, I will try to maintain it with my might
It splendidly took me bright like the ray of the first light
A flower so beautiful has just bloomed after that drought,
Wandering if you'll love it after having the gardener's sight
Veracity is the root that aches; I need to tell you; I ought
I could be the star, I wish, looking at the dark night!!
She closed the notebook, again. She hurried to her bedroom and glanced herself in the large mirror that stood beside the dressing table. She smiled genuinely for the first time after he had died in an accident 5 months ago.
'I'll give my life a second chance. I'll face the turmoil. I'll live my dreams. I'll be happy, I'll be strong. And I'll always be in love with you"
"I love you too", a silent whisper was carried by the ear to her ears. She knew it was him.
The End.
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