Originally posted by: indi52
hi cynthia,
aw... that's a nice convo on this crazy love. sorry for all the huge typos... why can't my fingers behave, sigh.
about that pink para... ok, he was going to tell her faraq kyun padta hai... we assumed it was because he loved her and had clearly understood it. what if he had not yet said "love" to himself.
it came upon him slowly... she registered the very first time they met... then the mazar meeting, he was a bit rattled... her thoughts stayed a little longer than he was used to... then gradually, this girl entered his days, his office, his home. by then already strange responses to her in him... that losing his senses when he saw her in red, his struggle with it, the stroking of her cheek in the guest house, the getting hassled about her tears... he noted these things... "mujhe kya ho raha hai," what's happening to me... the feeling grew more powerful... he went all the way to mistaking la for khushi and said with sadness and confusion, i have no idea why i am like this, but i am...
but he still had no idea this was love coming over and getting him.
the day of i'll tell her why it makes a difference he'd come to the realisation that he adored her, he wanted to look at her, he wanted her in his life, he wanted to flirt with her, he was jealous when another man looked at her... and oh, his heart beat faster when he thought of khushi.
this itself was a huge big first ever for him. he wanted to enjoy that, even tell her he wants her, she makes a "faraq." crucial first step. no ladki (girl) had ever made that difference. she was in his heart, in his faraq.
i feel though he had not connected this whole thing all the way to the word "love." not yet. for him "faraq" was the word... somehow safer than "pyaar" maybe at this point.
big change if you ask me, for one who was committed to never letting a woman matter, in fact felt comfortable only in relationships where he was in control, and his heart was in no way involved beyond a point. but with khushi he did allow himself to stay and enjoy even when his heart beat faster.
of course it was love but he was in his first, very first tender acquaintance with it. he didn't want her because she was a decent girl, good fun, and satisfied a physical need, he felt comfortable around her... that was la. he wanted khushi because of that dhak dhak he felt. he'd never known this feeling before. and the moment he acknowledged it, he went to look at her, romance her, enjoy her... and then decided, yes, he would tell her.
poor guy, was extending the experience, feeling her reciprocal frisson of excitement. what a delicate time in a relationship.
and then his sis is in an accident... he goes to tell khushi, and finds her in shyam's arms, even that he might have tackled (just about) but then she says... if that's the case, why don't you divorce anjali ji.
tell me, what should have asr done at that point?
barun portrayed the fragility, the complete crashing and shattering of his heart with such realness, his eyes disillusioned, terribly hurt, his breath almost ending at that moment. i seem to have felt it all.
in fact, i even asked my husband, do you think that was normal what he did? his reply: it can happen. you know these are fragile men when it comes to their heart... very strong and powerful otherwise. the very first time he feels these feelings, and he sees this...
if i see it from that perspective, i just feel terrible for him. that's all.
and for khushi too... she never knew what that meeting on the terrace cost her... not till that day on the bridge.
at that moment, as his insides churned and went to pieces, all he could turn to was a familiar pal. gussa. he has done this before (in fact in 130 we have a lovely display of it... shield gussa is on while he flies into a rage with her, then turns to see if he has hurt her or not..). he did it again. and in proportion to the hurt and vuknerability it had to be. so it was massive, behemoth, and out to destroy that night. destroy her... which would just destroy him.
that's us humans... rarely predictable or rational. not when it comes to things that we give a "faraq" about.
just a pov... just mulling, no real proof of emotions... we can only interpret.
⭐️ Very well put. Excellently described ASR's thought process. I don't think any other character, be it on TV or movies, has been so deeply discussed, processed and analysed. And you are a major contributor to that. 
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