OS: I'm sorry, Di

OS: I'm sorry, Di

Arnav stared at the woman in front of him. He wanted to shake her into the present. The blankness in her eyes tore him apart. He wanted the tears to flow like they had when he had slapped Shyam and thrown him out of the house. He wanted her to yell at him for what he had done. He wanted her to slap him so that he would be relieved of the guilt that pierced through him like jagged shrapnels of glass.

But Anjali Jha nee Raizada was dead woman. She had been for weeks together.

The vacant, faraway look in her eyes stayed. She stared at him and yet he knew she hadn't seen him in weeks. He held her hand gently and placed it on his cheek. He waited of the eyes to twinkle mischievously. He waited for the soft palm to graze his cheek.

Instead, the hand he held slumped back to her side as soon as he eased the pressure of his own palm on it.

"Di..."

Arnav's broken whisper seemed to hang in the air.

He waited for her to respond.

"Di. You know that everytime you call me Chhote, I can hear Mamma in your voice."

Anjali's eyes remained blank. The eyelids closed briefly and opened again but the lack of emotion in those caramel depths didn't change. There was no flicker of sadness for a lost parent, no flicker of love for a troubled sibling.

"You remember that doll you loved so much, Di. The one Mamma always said was your favorite when you were a child? I was the one who broke it. I was jealous, Di. Mamma said you loved that doll more than you loved me. But she knew I was the one who broke it. I apologized and begged her not to tell you, Di. I am sorry."

Arnav glanced to see if Anjali's fingers twitched. He searched her face for a reaction.

"You remember how you baked a cake for me on my birthday? I lied that day, Di. It was the best cake I had ever tasted. Mamma knew I was lying though. She caught me stealing some from the tin later in the day."

Arnav smoothed Anjali's heair behind her ear.

"Di, you remember when that boy in your class came and apologized for teasing you about your limp? I made him do that. I punched him in the face till he promised he would apologize. He threatened to complain but I used Sheesh Mahal reference. It worked."

Arnav waited. There was a day when this would have earned him a smack on his head and a lecture to boot. Now, there was nothing. Not even a blink of acknowledgement.

"You know, Di? You looked beautiful on the day of your first wedding. I lied when I said otherwise. I didn't want you to go. I didn't want to be alone."

He felt his own tears pool at the corner of his eyes as the nightmare came back to haunt him.

"When Mamma and Papa died, I was so scared Di. Scared that I would lose you too. In some way I was actually glad your wedding got called off. Sorry, Di. I know you loved Ashutosh."

He saw it then, the brightness in her eyes. The tears that brimmed.

His own fell in drops on the back of his palm. This would be difficult. But it had to be done.

"I liked Shyam when I first met him, Di. The way he carried you back home. The way he took care of your hurt leg."

Her fingers twitched.

"I saw how you looked at him, Di. With so much love. I almost felt jealous of losing you to someone else. But I thanked your God for sending you His angel."

Her hands trembled. Her body shook slightly and Arnav felt the knife in his gut twist. She looked away from where she had been staring.

"I knew I was leaving you in safe hands when I left for the US. I knew you had someone to take care of you while I went looking to reclaim what life had cruelly snatched away from us."

Her eyes roamed about the room and her body started rocking slowly. She balled her fists and drew her knees close to her chest. She shrunk away from him, avoiding all contact.

"Di, I am sorry. He was lying. From the day he met us. He always wanted only money that came with being you. I am sorry I was away. I am sorry I allowed you to be lured by his charm. I am sorry I was fooled by his lies. I am sorry, Di. For hiding it all from you. I wanted to tell you Di. I wanted to tell you the day I found out."

Her body rocked harder and the tears escaped her eyes. She didn't blink and the tears came faster.

Arnav reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I am sorry, Di. I couldn't protect you like a brother is supposed to. I tried, Di. I am sorry I failed. I am sorry, Di."

A gasp escaped her lips. Anjali drew her knees closer and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Di..."

"Enough..." The whisper escaped her lips. "Stop it. I don't want to hear anymore. I don't..."

Arnav's own tears now streamed down his face. His heart shattered into a million pieces as he saw the hysteria claim his sister.

"I am sorry, Di."

"Go. Please go." The sobs racked her fragile body. She urged him to leave again, her eyes still not meeting his, her face still turned away.

"Arnav bitwa, the doctor is here."

Arnav nodded at Mami's voice. He stepped aside and let the doctor take his seat.

Arnav stared as his sister rocked herself, unaware of the family that looked on, unaware of the medical professional who reached out for her hand.

"Doctor, will the baby be fine. She..."

The doctor nodded. "She needs to get some rest. You say she hasn't slept in days. It is worse for the baby. This will help."

Arnav stared as the doctor gave his sister some much needed sedation. AS he looked on, Anjali's eyes became heavy with sleep.

As the doctor left, Arnav leaned over and adjusted the pillows around her.

He watched as his sister finally slept. He reached out and laid a palm on her now relaxed hands.

"I'm sorry, Di." He whispered.

Jeevan ke dukhon se, yun darte nahiin hain

Aise bachake sach se, guzarate nahiin hain

Sukh kii hai chaah to, dukh bhii sahanaa hai,

Ek hazaaron mein, meri behna hai

Sari, umar, hamen sang rehana hai.

Author's Note: Totally random OS. Will not send PMs for this because I am not even sure it makes any sense. Hope it wasn't too bad!