Posted:
Hola!!! After watching our choco pie crying today I thought to pen down her confused feelings.
CHANDINI KE EHSAAS
It's been days since she had shared her feelings with her best friend. But today she just wanted to vent it out. Opening the drawer of the table and pulling her diary out, she started to write
Ek pal aise mehsoos karwaate hai jaise ki mujhse badhkar unke liye iss duniya mei koi nahi aur dusre hi pal apni kadvi baato se uss bhram ko tod dete hai. Kyu mai unse zyaada der tak gussa nahi reh paati. Kyu mujhe unke zakhm ki itni fikra hai. Kyu unka mujhse roothna, mere dil mei hulchul machaata hai. Mera dil dukhta hai, jab bhi mai unn aakho mei dekhti hu. Aakhe jo shaayad mujhse hazaar sawaal puchti hai lekin mere paas unke koi jawaab nahi. Kabhi kabhi unki aawaaz mei dard chhalakta hai, jaise unki koi sabse keemti cheez unse chheen li gayi ho. Mujhe hamesha lagta hai ki woh mujhse koi sach chhupa rahe hai jisse agar maine jaan liya toh ham dono ki zindagi badal jaayegi. Jab bhi mai koi musibat mei hoti hu, toh kyu mera dil sirf Advay ko pukaarta hai. Agar chot unhe lagi hai toh kyu unka dard mere aakho se aasoo bankar beh raha hai. Kyu unke chhune se kaap uthti hu mai. Kyu unke paas aane se, meri dhadkane tez ho jaati hai. Kyu mai nahi chahti ki woh mujhe chhodkar jaaye. Ham toh ajnabee hai, fir bhi unki baato se lagta hai jaise woh mujhe bohot ache se jaante hai. Kyu unse rasmo ki sharto mei haarna, mujhe pasand hai. Jab bhi maa koi rasam ka mahatva batati hai toh kyu ham dono ki nazre takrati hai. Aise lagta hai mai ek haari hui jang lad rahi hu, jisse Advay bohot pehle jeet chuke hai. Mai chaahe laakh kehlu ki mai unko apna honewaala pati nhi maanti, lekin mere dil ke kisi kone ne unko apna maan liya hai. Yeh haq jo bachpan se Dev ka tha, aaj kyu kisi aur ko iss haq se nawaazne ke liye keh raha hai mera dil. Mujhe darr lag raha hai, kyuki Advay dheere dheere meri zindagi mei Dev ki jagah le raha hai. Kya iska matlab yeh hai ki mai Dev ko bhool rahi hu yaa iska matlab yeh hai ki mai aaj kal Advay ke baare mei zyaada soch rahi hu. Jo insaan mere parivaar ka tamaasha dekhna chahta hai, mujhe usse nafrat honi chahiye. Phir bhi kyu mai unse nafrat nahi kar paa rahi, balki woh mere dil mei base jaa rahe hai. Apne parivaar ke dushman ke liye yeh jazbaat, kya sahi hai? Mai inke kareeb nhi jaana chahti lekin jaa rahi hu. Pata nahi kaha le jaayenge mujhe yeh ehsaas.
(He makes me feel as if I am the most important person in his life but the other second he breaks my illusion with his harsh words. Why can't I stay angry on him for a long time? Why am I so concerned about his wounds? Why do I become so restless whenever he is upset with me? My heart pains everytime I look in his eyes. Those eyes which are filled with thousand questions but I am unable to answer them. Sometimes I feel that his voice reflects some kind of pain as if someone has snatched away his most prized possession. I always feel that he hides a truth which if I come to know, will change the entire dynamics of both of our lives. Whenever I am in trouble why does my heart call out to him. If he is hurt, then why his agony is flowing through my eyes in the form of tears. Why do I shiver when he touches me? Why does my heart race when he comes near me? Why don't I want him to leave me? We are strangers, still from the way he talks it seems he knows me since a long time. Why am I happy losing the challenges (related to rasams) to him? Every time when maa explains the importance of any rasam, why do our gazes unknowingly meet. I feel as if I am fighting a lost battle which is already won by Advay. Howmuchever I deny to accept him as my would be husband but a part of my heart has already claimed him to be mine. This right which always belonged to Dev, today why does it coax me to give this right to Advay. I am fearing as I realise that Advay is slowly residing in my heart replacing Dev. Does that mean I am forgetting Dev or is it that nowadays Advay's thoughts have clouded my mind? The person who is hell bent to see my family getting ruined, I should hate him. But I am not able to him, on the contrary he is just receding in my heart day by day. Is it right to feel such emotions for the enemy of your family? I don't want to go close to him still I am unable to stop myself. I don't know where these subtle feelings will take me.)
Hope you all like it. Please hit like and comment.
Loads of Love,
Nazia😊
Channel V Dil Dosti Dance
Arjun
