ADVAY KE EHSAAS
Advay came to his room after his confusing conversation with Chandini. Slamming the door shut, he sat on the bed and closed his eyes to calm down his nerves.
Woh kuch bhi kare kisi ke saath bhi jaaye mujhe kyu farq padta hai. Kyu mera mann kar raha tha ki mai PP ka muh tod du jab usne mujhse kaha ki Chandini bohot adventerous hai. Kyu mujhe gussa aa raha tha jab usne kaha ki 'the place had amazing bed'. Kyu woh PP ke gale par nishaan dekhkar mera dil dukh raha tha. Kyu mujhe Chandini ka PP ke paas jaana manzoor nahi. Kyu use dekhkar ek ajeeb si raahat milti hai. Aisa lagta hai ki mai iss duniya mei akela nhi hu, koi hai jise mai apna keh sakta hu. Kyu apne aap ko uske paas jaane se rok nhi paata. Kyu mai usse apni baaho mei hamesha hamesha ke liye mehfooz rakhna chahta hu. Jab bhi main usse dekhu toh kyu mujhe apni bachpan waali Chandu yaad aati hai. Kyu mujhe khushi hoti hai jab woh apni bachpan ki harqate dohraati hai. Mujhe pata hai ki woh dhokhebaaz hai farebi hai fir bhi kyu yeh baat iss dil ko manzoor nhi. Kyu yaha dard hota hai yeh sochke ki shaayad woh apne Dev ko bhool chuki hai. Kyu sukoon milti hai usse sahi salaamat dekhkar. Kyu uska kisi aur ko pati maana mujhe gawaara nahi. Jab bhi woh mujhe galat samajhti hai toh kyu mai irritate hota hu. Kyu uska yun baar baar mujhse muh ferna mujhe takleef deta hai. Kyu mai apne aap ko rok nhi paata usse chhune se. Kyu mai nhi dekh sakta usse kisi aur ka hote hue. Kyu uske door jaane se darta hu mai. Kyu uski aakho mei aasu nahi dekh sakta. Kyu uske dil mei apne liye nafrat nhi dekh sakta. Kyu uska mere aas paas hona mujhe acha lagta hai. Kyu mai usse apne dil ke qareeb rakhna chahta hu. Kyu uski bachkani harqate dekhkar mujhe mazaa aata hai. Kyu uska hona iss berang zindagi ke liye itna zaroori hai. Kyu mujhe lagta hai ki uss par sirf aur sirf mera haq hai. Usse phir se dekhkar naa jaane kyu yeh dil phir se dhadakne laga hai. Kyu mai iss jhukaav ko rok nahi paa raha yaa mai khud jhukna chahta hu. Kyu mai uske liye poori duniya se ladne ke liye taiyaar hu. Kyu uski har khwaaish poori karne ka mann karta hai. Kyu woh mere phir se jeene ka maqsad bann chuki hai. Yeh jo ankahaa saa ehsaas mujhe uski taraf kheechta hai kyu mai usse jhutla nahi paa raha. Kyu shaadi karna chahta hu main usse. Kahi yeh pyaar toh nahi. Aur agar yeh pyaar hai toh mai ISS PYAAR KO KYA NAAM DOON?
(Why am I so bothered with whatever she does or whom does she go out with. Why did I want to break PP's face when he said that Chandini is quite adventurous. Why was I getting angry when he said that 'the place had amazing bed'. Why did my heart constrict in pain seeing those marks on PP's neck. Why don't I want Chandini to get close to PP. Why do I feel relieved seeing Chandini. She makes me feel that I am not alone in this world, there is someone whom I can call as mine. Why can't I stop myself from going near her. Why do I want to keep her safe forever in my arms. Whenever I see her why do I find my old Chandu in her. Why do I feel happy when she repeats her childhood habits. Why my heart is not able to accept the fact that Chandini is a liar a traitor. Why does it pain to think that Chandini might have forgotten her Dev. Why do I feel calmed when I see her safe and sound. Why don't I want her to accept me as her husband. Why do I get irritated when she misunderstands me. When she turns her back to me why does my heart feel agonised. Why can't I control myself from touching her. Why can't I see someone claiming her other than me. Why do I fear when she moves away from me. Why can't I see tears in her eyes. Why can't I bear that she hates me. Why do I feel good whenever she is around me. Why do I wish to keep her close to my heart. Why do I smile at her childish acts. Why is her presence important in my otherwise colourless life. Why do I feel that she is only mine. Seeing her again after 16 long years this heart has started beating again. Why am I unable to stop this inclination towards her or do I actually want my heart to get inclined towards her. Why am I ready to fight with whole world just for her. Why do I want to fulfil her every wish. Why has she suddenly become the reason of my existence. This unknown feeling which pulls m towards her why don't I want to deny it. Why do I want to marry her. Is this love. And if it is love then "What should I name this love)
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Loads of Love,
Nazia😊
Jhanak
