Seven years later:
A temple bell was heard. Hands were folded in prayer.
"Shankarji! Uska khayal rakhna he prayed for her closing his eyes.
He still remembered that fateful day like the back of his hand. He wasn't ready to believe that his love left him. He was in denial. Surprisingly, he didn't cry, neither he broke down. He was totally numb then, unable to comprehend why the things have happened the way they did.
Few days passed by. Everyone in the family got to know that Gauri left him but Om never told them the reason. He blamed himself for everything she had to endure. This time, even the brothers weren't able to break his shell. They knew how to console a broken Omkara but definitely not the numb version of his brother. He refused to budge, he refused to open up. He bottled his feelings. He became immune to pain. But he surprised himself by not resorting to drugs. It isn't that he didn't think of doing so, but one thought at how much she had suffered and still stayed strong, one thought at how bad she would feel if she gets to know about it, he threw all his wrong thoughts away. He forgot living. Because nothing was the same anymore for him. He just was surviving. She took away his power to feel leaving him in an abyss. The poet, the artist, the sculptor in him died the moment he read her letter.
When he felt that he would never be able to put back the broken pieces of his life, she came into his life like a ray of hope. Nitya. She became his life. She did the impossible, something which his family wasn't able to do. His brothers weren't able to do. She broke his shell. She became his support. A reason for his existence. A reason he looks forward to every new day. He smiled thinking about her. He opened his eyes and looked at the statue in front of him with a serene smile on his face. He then forwarded his hands to take the prasad. That was when he felt two tiny arms going around his waist.
"Nitya? He smiled at her lifting her in his arms and kissing her cheek.
"How did you come here? he asked her.
"Bade papa she said pointing her tiny finger at Shivaay.
"Shivaay, tu yaha? he asked his brother.
"Haan, I went to get her back from the school and she has seen you here. Toh rukegi nahi na his brother smiled making him smile while he looked at his daughter in adoration.
Yes. Daughter. She was his daughter and will always be. He clearly remembered how she came into his life.
He was tired. He knew what he had done to her was wrong. There were times when he thought of how his life would have had been had his wife been with him. What if he had got another chance? Would he have had been forever negligent? And will he ever be able to see her once? He respected her choice. How much ever it pained his heart, he would never go in search of her, never do anything against her wish. However, all he wanted was a chance. A chance to apologize for all his deeds in the past. And a chance to lift the burden off his chest which he had been carrying it with him for the past two years. Will he ever get one? He was tired. Tired of fighting his own self. Tired of spending sleepless nights thinking about the possibilities of what his life would have had been if only. Tired of walking miles and miles searching for an answer, questioning himself why he became who he wasn't in the first place. He walked further and sat down on the bench not having it in him to walk further. That was when he realised that he wasn't alone. He turned his face to see a small kid sitting beside him.
She appeared visibly sad.
"Kya hua? He asked her while she lifted her eyes and looked at him with eyes full of innocence.
"Mere saath koi bhi nahi khelte hai. Mere liye iss duniya mei koi bhi nahi hai she said with her head down again.
"Hey! Aise kyun soch rahi ho? Naam kya hai tumhari? Aur kahan rehti ho? He asked her.
"Sab log mujhe Nitya bulate hai. Aur mei yahan ke anaadh ashram mei rehti hoon Her voice changed into happy tone suddenly. "Kya aap mere saath khelenge?
"Gauri Kumari Ssarma ,paanchvi paas from Bareilly, Namaste
"No one plays with me. No one wants to be friends with me. Koi nahi hai mere saath. Mei bilkul akeli hoon
"My fate has been so cruel to me, took my parents away, took my sister away, took my adopted father away and took my childhood away, nevertheless I survived
"Sab log mujhe chidathe hai
"I have faced a lot of problems in my life. Alone.
"Koi mujhse pyaar nahi karte
"I wanted you to love me the way I love you
"Kya aap mujhse khelenge please
He looked at her and the dam broke. Tears fell from his eyes continuously. The facade, the mask he wore fell mercilessly. His pent-up emotions he held for two years burst open. He hugged the little girl to his heart and kissed her forehead while the tears never stopped rolling down his cheeks.
"Tum bilkul akeli nahi ho. Mei hoon na tere saath. Mei hoon na he mumbled more to himself.
He was able to see his wife in the little kid. She resembled her in many ways. He suddenly felt alive. He felt like protecting her, being there for her, giving her a life he wasn't able to give his wife. He wanted to love her. He wanted to give her a name, a name in the society. He wanted to make sure that she leads a happy life, a childhood which neither he nor his wife was able to experience. The love he buried within himself to give his wife was out in some other form. He wanted to father the child. But he had only one fear. He was scared that he would turn out to be like his father. He was not sure if he would be able to be a good father but one look at her innocent face and one memory of his smiling wife were all that gave him the courage to do so.
He was lost in his thoughts when he felt tiny hands on his cheek wiping his tears. And that did it. That was when he started believing in Gauri's shankarji. That was when he realised that the little girl came as a blessing in his life and not the other way around. That was when he found a reason to live. He hugged her again and this time out of happiness. A genuine smile played on his lips.
Nitya was 5 when he adopted her. It's been five years. If he looked back at what his life had been without his wife, it was dark, gloomy and hollow till his daughter came into his life. He relived his childhood with her. She was so much like Gauri. Even their names had the same meaning. Her antics, her pagalpan reminded him of his wife. Yes! Wife. She might have given him back the mangalsutra, she might have left him. But for him, she was his wife and will always be.
The father-daughter duo walked hand in hand to the car and left to home.
Once they reached home, Nitya ran into their room in excitement as she wanted to show her father something which she made for him. She stayed with her dad in his room for both have only each other. She loved him like no other. Her life revolved around him like his around her. Sometimes she did try asking him about her mother, but she stopped doing so when she saw tears in his eyes every time she did. She was young but she was matured than other kids of her age and that made her stand apart. She knew what to ask and what to not. She knew her dad too well to see him upset.
Pinky greeted him as soon as he walked into the house for which he reciprocated the smile. Things have changed in the last seven years. Maybe some for better and some for worse. He was never able to be the same with his brothers. Whenever he saw them, he was reminded of how inconsiderate he was to his wife in the past. He still was a good brother, good son, good devar and a good grandson. But above all, he was a loving father. He failed as a husband, but he couldn't even imagine himself failing as a father. He was not his father and never would be. Whenever he felt low, he derived his strength from a beautiful memory of his smiling wife. She was just not physically present but he would never be able to stop thinking about her.
His father was changing for good, but he could never bring himself to forgive the man and neither himself. The day his father performed shraadh of his wife was still afresh in his memory. And so was the thought of how indifferent he had been to that fact. His mother was torn between her love for her son and love for her husband. She tried to bridge the gap between both only to end up failing miserably every single time.
There were two major changes. Nitya Singh Oberoi.
She brought in happiness in the ever so gloomy atmosphere of Oberoi Mansion. She was the heart of the house. She filled the place of Gauri in the family. And the family pampered the little soul and that was something Om was grateful for. He was grateful that the bitter relation he shared with others did not reflect in their behaviour with his daughter.
Another major change was Pinky Singh Oberoi.
He still remembered the very first day he brought Nitya home from the orphanage. He had never seen anyone question him for two years for the reasons unknown. No one knows the reason why Gauri left. But surprisingly it was his choti maa who pointed him out for all his wrong doings. It was his choti maa who was able to guess the reason why his wife left him.
Om walked into OM with Nitya in his arms who slept peacefully on his shoulder. He had a tough time with the adoption formalities but he was the Omkara Singh Oberoi for a reason. The very moment he came to hall, he was subjected to a lot of stares from his family. They stood totally clueless as to who the child was. That was when he cleared his voice and announced that she was his daughter and that he adopted her. That came out as a shock to everyone. This was not something they anticipated. Pinky was the first one to come out of the momentary silence and the question she threw at him made him speechless.
"Kyun?
"Choti maa?
"Ab kyun iss bachi ko godh liya hai?
"Choti maa..Aise sawaal.. he tried to speak something while he was cut down in between.
"What do you think Om? That we wouldn't know the reason why Gauri left the house? Yaha ke sab andhe ho sakte hai par mei nahi Om(Everyone here might have had been blind but definitely not me) she shouted at him which woke up the little kid.
"Choti maa...Aap ise dara rahe hai(You are scaring her) he said slightly patting Nitya's shoulder to calm her down This soft side of Om was new to everyone. Everyone wondered as to when he got so attached to the little one.
Pinky then took Nitya in her arms and gave her to Annika asking her to take her into the room. She then turned towards Om again.
"Toh batao Om. Kya Guarantees hai ki tum iss bachi ke dil nahi dukhaoge? she asked him for which he stood perplexed.
"Choti maa?
"Haan...I am aware of what Gauri went through. I don't want the same to happen with this little kid. I was the one who insulted Gauri, who taunted her, who accused her, her background and today I am the one who is supporting her as well. You know why?
"Thirty years ago, I was in place of her. She whispered teary-eyed while everyone stood dumbfounded.
"I tried to be a perfect bahu. Tried to stop the family from falling apart. Tried to be unaffected by the taunts thrown at my feet, about my background, about my education. But what did I get in return? She cried.
"The same thing Gauri got. Indifference she said with tears flowing down her eyes.
"I was never the way I am now. But the situations forced me to change. People's fickle mentality forced me to change. And I became someone who I never wanted to be. I lost. I lost to myself she sobbed while Om stood there misty-eyed.
"I thought maybe this was how society was. Maybe I should adapt myself to it. And I did what I shouldn't have done. Believed in Naam, Khoon, Khandaan.
"Now, I find someone in the same place I was, years before. Trying to maintain family peace, trying to mend the relations, trying to hide her pain behind her every single smile she did everything. She wanted you to consider her your wife. And she did everything possible in her hands. Yes, I was bitter to her, I accused her but that was because it became my very nature. She bore every single thing. Arey tumhare papa ne us bichari ka shraadh kiya aur woh pagli usko bhi maaf kardiya. Tujhe bhi aur tumhare papa ko bhi. Agar tumne usko apne patni ka darjah diya toh tab tu kya kar raha tha? (Your father had performed the funeral rites of her when she was alive and that mad girl forgave and forgot the incident. She forgave you and your father as well. If you had really given her the place of wife, what did you do then?)
"You might be wondering as to how I know the reason she left. Should I tell you? She took a deep breath.
"Because she did what I couldn't do years back and that is when she proved her worth. She left the place she said making everyone gasp.
"Usko kya mila iss parivaar mein? Kuch nahi mila. I was never bold enough to take that step while Gauri was. That was the very moment when I forsaked all my hatred towards her. That was the moment when I trashed all the terrible opinions I had on her. She has this special place in my heart for what she has done. Because she refused to change herself to something which she cannot be
"Yeh sab mei batana nahi chahti thi. Par Om, I don't want you to repeat your mistake and do something like this to your daughter. She said while he dropped his head not able to show his face to her.
"Jo kehna tha, keh diya. Ab tumhare marzi she said retreating to her room.
Her words struck him hard. He felt something new. A new emotion. A deep sense of regret. A very deep sense of regret. He felt ashamed of himself. He promised himself never to do anything as such to anyone as a matter of fact. Because he knew, he knew then, how indifference hurts. He promised himself to be a good father for his daughter deserved all that his wife didn't get. A family. Happiness. Love.
He was lost in his thoughts when he felt someone pulling his trouser.
"Papa..Please mere saath aayiye na. Mujhe kuch dikhana hai
He lifted her in his arms again and took her to the room.
"Chalo dikhao! Kya dikhana hai?
"Yeh lijiye! Meine painting banaya hai she said showing him her sketchbook excitedly while he smiled in amusement looking at her excitement.
He took the book from her hand only to find a drawing of a man and a girl wherein there was something written beside it and tears cascaded down his cheeks.
"To the world's best papa
He moved his fingers along the letters and felt like he was the happiest man alive.
"Papa! Aap ro kyun rahe hai. Aap ko acha nahi laga? she said looking at him with those doe eyes.
"Mujhe toh yeh bahut bahut acha laga hai he said bending down to her level and kissing her cheek while Nitya smiled widely. He was so happy and Gauri wasn't beside him to share his happiness. He missed her every second of his life. Whenever he felt like sharing something, she wasn't there. When he was sad, when he was happy, when he was excited, when he was depressed, his mind drifted to her. She was not present but she occupied his mind like no other.
That night he made Nitya sleep and stood before the Lord Shiva's idol like he did every night. He prayed for her happiness, he prayed for her safety, he prayed for her well-being and he secretly prayed asking God to give him a last chance. All he wanted to do was to apologize with all his heart. He had been carrying the regret all these years and all he hoped was for one chance to apologize. One chance to talk his heart out to her. One chance to let her know how sorry he was. And he would gladly walk away once he does.
______________
Seven years later:
Aizawl. The capital of Mizoram. A place snuggled in the laps of mountains. A place where the lush - green is felt in abundance. A place which is a unique mix of the folktales and fashion. A place where the weather is mildly pleasant and cosy all throughout the year. A place where the city gets its life at six in the morning and goes to sleep around seven in the evening. A place which encourages diversified culture and still maintains the balance and harmony. A place where people are extremely supportive and kind. And more than anything, a place where everyone knows everyone.
She rang the temple bell and joined her hands in prayer.
"Hey shankar ji! Omkaraji ko hamesha khush rakhiye! She prayed with her eyes closed.
"kaise ho bitiya she heard the pandit ask while she bent to take his blessings.
"Hum bilkul theek hai she smiled and turned to leave the place.
Home is where the heart is, they say and she realised how true that is. Bareilly might have had been her hometown and Mumbai her sasural, but for her, her home will always be Aizawl. The place where people accepted her with open arms.
She still remembered that day like the back of her hand.
The day she left him. The day she decided to live her life. The day she went to bareilly and decided to break the contact with him and his family once and for all. It wasn't easy for her. It took days to finally make peace with her own decision. She continued her tailoring job. She reopened her shop. Her life was getting back to normal. But she wasn't satisfied. She did not want routine. She did not want her past lurking around her. She was tired of justifying the actions of her past. She was tired of making people understand that she was at no fault for what happened a year ago. But people wouldn't just listen. She wanted to leave her past behind. That was when she read an article on the internet which said that Mizoram was the best place for women to develop career and lead life on their own terms. That intrigued her. Soon she, with the help of her internet chachi found the complete details of how the life is and what the difficulties are that she would come across if she goes there. She believed in her intuition. She placed a hand on her heart and asked her shankarji to guide her. She then decided to go to Mizoram come what may. The next was the travel plan. From what she got to know, there was no proper connectivity to the place.
One evening she sat down with a notepad and a pen in her hand making a list of all possible ways to reach Mizoram. She finally dotted down to a single option. Train from Bareilly to Silchar in Assam and then she has to get some source of road transport to Aizwal. This was the only economic and safe option. She knew she wouldn't be able to venture more journeys with her ailing mother. Now that her travel plan was decided, she has to think about the expenses. She knew that the savings she had will never be sufficient. She would have to think of an alternative to save money. She then wrote down all the expenses she would have to bear and weighed the pros and cons of each. The tickets fare, fare for accommodation if they get stuck anywhere and other expenses which included food. She made an estimate of the worst possible scenario. She realised that she would have to work for six more months to earn sufficient money if she had to leave. She thought for a while and she thought of doing multiple jobs instead. She applied for a post in school and got herself a job as Hindi teacher for primary kids. Though she knew English a bit by now, she learnt that just for his sake and now that he isn't there in her life, she didn't find the necessity to prove anything to anyone. She loved her own self too much to let it go. She maintained a bill book cutting down all the unnecessary expenses leaving her mother's medicines untouched.
One day when she was thinking of ways to earn money, she came across an advertisement wherein she found that she can use the social media to promote and expand her cloth business. She spent a solid month to learn how things work online and started taking online orders with the help of some initiatives she found online.
Amidst all these, she never forgot to pray for him, her husband. Though she gave him back her mangalsutra, she can never think of another man taking his place in her life. Initially, it took a lot of willpower for her to distract herself from all kind of thoughts. But as days passed by, she got busy with her life and she was more than happy with the pace of her life.
Four months passed by. She now had everything she needed. All she had to do was to gather a bit of courage for the new beginning ahead. Then she started a journey, her journey to rediscover herself. She, with her mother, left her hometown, the village where she had practically grown up. The village which has seen the good, bad and the worst of her. The place where her life took an unexpected turn. She walked along those streets for one last time having a deep sense of nostalgia. She never told anyone about her plans of leaving the place because she wanted to look forward with no strings from the last attached to her. She played with her bacha gang while unknown to everyone, tears rolled down her cheeks which she managed to hide it like she always did. It was an art she mastered. She silently walked away from the place with her mother at the dead of the night.
The travel was another life turning experience she had. Their journey from Bareilly to Silchar was pretty smooth. But the main problem was at Silchar. She couldn't get a source of transport from that place and that was when she decided to stall there for a night. Since she was prepared for situations like these, she managed to get a room in a decent hotel for a considerable rate. And the next day she got a vehicle for a reasonable fare which had Aizwal as the final destination. There she met a woman who was a part of NGO which based on Women empowerment in Mizoram. Both the women became comfortable with each other in the very first meet and the other woman whose name was Nandini was more than willing to help her settle down at the heart of the state Aizawl. She felt as if her shankarji was always there with her to show the right path.
The moment she put her foot down in Aizawl, she had this serene smile on her lips, a very different one though. She felt as if she was home. Being a nature lover, she never missed the misty lush green mountains and the houses which were mostly constructed on the steeper slopes making the city look so enchanting. She had a very high opinion of the place and she was glad that she was not disappointed.
When people wrote articles and journals about women empowerment, this state believed in practising it and there lied it's beauty. Throughout the walk down the lane to the NGO quarters, she could find women working almost everywhere. In markets, in shops, in open schools she found women taking the responsibility at almost every place and that is when she knew that her decision was right. That is when she knew that she was home after years long struggle.
Soon she got to meet some amazing people and was centered to love and affection which melted her heart. She made sure that her mother was comfortable and went out to look around the city. It wasn't a very big one. But it was perfect in it's very own sense. A walk through the streets of the city, she knew what she had to do. Learn the language, get a house for herself and her mother, get a job, earn a living and not to forget, fulfilling her dream of completing her studies.
Few days passed by. She realized how beautiful the place was, and so were the people. It was a place where Women were celebrated. A place where people never judged others for what they wear or what they do. A place where everyone would have the right to preach or follow their own religion and traditions. There is a reason why it is called one of the most safest places. The people did not discriminate others based on the gender. And women are given liberty to choose their own career and have the individual satisfaction before thinking other aspects of life.
With the little amount of money she had, she bought a new home at the farther end of the city, at a place close to nature. She applied for jobs she was good at. Soon she got an offer for the post of a Hindi teacher for the kids which she was more than happy to take up. And with the experience she had from her past life, she opened her own cloth business and simultaneously an online business. She spoke about the idea to the women in NGO who were more than willing to contribute seeing her passion and determination. With that, she got an insight as to how to develop her business. She campaigned about her idea with the help of others to see the number of people interested in joining her. She then put forth her idea to the selected few who were happy to be a part of it. Few years passed by and her business started expanding. And since people at Aizawl had an amazing fashion sense, ideas literally poured in from all the people who are involved in it for which she happily obliged. It wasn't that big a thing, but it was something which made her heart filled with contentment. Her free times were dedicated to teaching tailoring to the women at various trust centers for no charge. She felt that it was her way of paying back to the city which gave her a hope to live again, which turned her dream to a beautiful reality. She found a perfect company for herself amidst the children in the orphanage. They reminded her of her gang back in Bareilly. That was her favorite place and would always be.
One thing which she did not forget was to complete her studies and get herself a degree. She required it to apply for a job elsewhere if necessary. She did all she wanted to. All by herself. And that was something which made her smile. A happy one.
She sat on the steps of the temple and that was when she heard her friend calling her.
"Gala shaam chaar bhaje hai. Aajana
"Haan theek hai she signalled her back with her hands. Music and dance are two things close to her heart. And this place gave her a perfect opportunity to convey her feelings through these two wonderful forms of art while on the other hand, she enjoyed the art and culture here.
There wasn't a single day when she did not think about him. How would he have had been? Is he Okay? Is he happy? One thought of him and all the memories came rushing into her mind. The faded ones. She was the one who got hurt because of him, her agony ran deeper than what could be comprehended. But every time she felt low, surprisingly it was the memory of his smiling face which gave her the strength. Many days she wondered if she did a right choice by leaving him. And there were countless days when she felt guilty for leaving him without giving a chance for him to explain. But one thought at her life now, she felt confused. She loved her life. The person she has turned out to be. She knew he was the missing part of her life. But she was scared. She was scared of being taken for granted again, she was scared of losing her identity and that stopped her from contacting him however much ever she wanted to. May be some are not meant to be in our lives forever. May be some are bound to fall apart. She thought for the nth time looking at her shankarji behind.
That night after the social gathering, she came home and made dinner for her and her mother. If she had been so strong without breaking down all these years, it was because of her mother. She was the main support for her. The one who stood by her through thick and thin. The one to whom she vented out all the bottled up emotions and the one who heard her, consoled her and had been patient enough all along. Both of them retired to bed after dinner. That was when Gauri got up and stood before her shankarji asking him to take care of her husband like she did every single day.
A few days later:
"Aaa.. the small kid screamed in pain making Gauri turn towards her.
"Arey kya hua tumhe? Gauri rushed to see the one who has fallen down.
She got worried seeing the wound on her leg and took her to her house which was just a few metres away.
"Sit here. I will just come she said rushing to get the first aid box.
"Dard ho raha hai? she asked when she saw the kid wincing in pain while she put an antiseptic, slightly rubbing the wound with cotton.
"Acha! What is your name? Aur yaha kya kar rahi ho? Mama papa kahan hai? she asked trying to distract her.
"Mei Nitya! She said with a smile. "Mein yaha ghoomne aayi hoon papa ke saath aur pata nahi ab papa kahan chale gaye she pouted in disappointed.
They say future is unpredictable. Maybe they didn't know each other but the God smiled from above seeing the Mother-daughter duo.
Both of them then went in search of Nitya Singh Oberoi's father.
Will their paths meet again? And this time for a different reason? Will Gauri's shankarji change his side to the other ardent devotee? Or will he continue supporting the chirayya? Will Om ever get a chance to apologise? Or will they never meet again? Or somethings are just not bound to be? Some questions will not have answers. The only truth which is evident is...Time will tell.
___________
I left the conclusion open.
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