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OS-**Judaai**
He stood bending over the railing of the balcony, of one of his seven star multistorey hotels. Looking down at the garden. The darkness engulfing him. He looked up at the sky, the moon was no where to be seen. Just like his Moon had left him all alone, the Moon of the sky had seemed to leave The Sky All Alone. More than three months and still he wasn't able to find himself. Ever since that painful day, the day she had left him, No. Correction, The Day He had Thrown Her out of his house, Out Of his life, A part of him had disappeared. A part which he himself couldn't find. He was incomplete. His grip on the railing tightened just at the thought of it, he was left in fire, burning badly, to ashes perhaps.
The once upon a time warmth in his heart, now felt like Raw Fire Eating Him Up By The Second. The pain was so acute that it couldn't even be described.
Ranjhan dhoondhan main chaleya
Raanjhan mileya naa ae...
Jigraan vichon agan laga ke rabba
Lakeeran vich likh di judaai
I went out to find my lover,
but couldn't find the lover..
O God, having started a fire in my heart,
why have you written separation in my fate..
He left immediately. He drove recklessly. Being Reckless was certainly not his cup of tea, but now he din't care. Why? He couldnt answer. Maybe he was trying to distract himself. Maybe he was tired of living and wanted to see death close.
He was already living a Dead Life. The tires screeched as he brought the car to a sudden halt. He hit his wrist hard on the steering wheel.
Every Damn Time. He wanted to be off the cliff and into another world, but he couldn't, just wasn't his thing. He couldn't for HER Sake. "Meri Saasein Ruk Rahi Hai, Shivaay!" It echoed every single time. He ignited the engine and went back to his Mansion, His Home Was Lost.
He slowly entered in, the place gave him no more happiness. Ever since she had left, the Home was lost. The Happiness was Lost. Theirwas a stagnant air of sorrow. Omkara was in coma, Rudra terribly affected by everything around him, though he always put up a happy face. Gauri lay lifeless as Omkara always near him. The elders, sat together in silence praying for the lost happiness to be back. She went away, but took the happiness with her. He entered the room, her memories rushing back.
Promises broken like the heart.
He still couldn't believe a word she had said that day. He would have acted on impulse and in anger and thrown her out, but she still lived in his heart. He din't know he was angry because she left him, because she did what she did, because she din't tell him what lay in her heart or because he loved her despite everything.? A little or more every reason, perhaps!?
He looked at the mirror and saw her reflection. He looked at the bed and saw her challenge him to a midnight "panja" as she called it. He looked at the coffee machine and saw her spit it out on him. He saw the knife and saw her point it to him. He smiled.
Kho gaya, gum ho gaya
Waqt se churaaya tha jo
Apna banaaya tha..
wo tera, wo mera
Saath nibhaaya tha jo
Apna banaaya tha..
it's lost, missed,
what was stolen from time itself,
and was made my own..
that closeness that was there,
between you and me,
that we had embraced..
Tears rolling down he sat on the carpet resting against the bed. Why!? Why, did she do it to him!? Why did Destiny do it to him!? She was a part of him. He lay broken. He had never been so weak. How could he not be weak? She was his strength, his pillar, his wall. She left him alone with just memories. Every memory which brought tears with smiles, now.
Chadariya jheeni re jheeni
Chadariya jheeni re jheeni
Aankhein bheeni ye bheeni ye bheeni
Yaadein jheeni re jheeni re jheeni..
The sheet is thin, worn..
(the meaning here is that it's a little transparent, as it is wet with tears.)
My eyes are moist,
The memories are delicate..
He couldn't take it any more. The pain in his chest rose. He kept his right hand on his chest near his heart. He couldn't breathe, he wanted HER. He left the room. Drove, all the way to the chawl. All he wanted was her glimpse. He stepped out, the chawl dark with barely anyone around. He walked along towards the flat. He knew it. He knew everything about her. He would never leave her, Never let her go!?
Suddenly he stopped, pressing his hand harder on his chest, his heart beating crazily hard. He looked sideway. He felt her. He turned. A figure sat by the tree, looking away at the dark night sky, he could only make out the Shadow. But knew it was her. He walked up and sat on the opposite end of the tree, in the shadowed region.
She turned, she felt his presence. No. She told herself she was dreaming. Like always. He would never come to her again. She had pushed him away, hurt him, he won't come back again. He won't, screamed her mind. He will, whispered her heart. She dint make out on the dark that someone sat right behind the tree she was sitting in front of. But for an unknown reason, she felt a sudden calmness in herself. How, why, what? She din't know, she din't want to, after a long time, she felt she was at the shore, after tiredly swimming against the endless expanse of water.
He closed his eyes. She was his lifeline. The pain died down. How he wanted to just go and hug her. He couldn't. Why this have to be so complicated? Nevertheless, the moment was his, she was by him. That was enough.
Aisa bhi kya milna, saath ho ke tanha
Aisi kyun sazaa hum ne hai paayi, raanjhaNa ve
Phir se mujhe jeena, tujh pe hai marna
Phir se dil ne di hai ye duhaai, saajana ve
Lakeeron pe likh di kyun judaai..
What kind of meeting this is, separated even though together..
Why have I received such a punishment, O beloved..
I have to live again, I have to die for you,
This my heart says again, O beloved.
why have you written separation in my fate..
P.S
Hope you all liked it.đ
Looking forward to reading your feedback and views.
Arjun
