SS: If YoU KNeW Me Now || Updated CH 9 23/07/2017 - Page 47

Dear Illuminati07,

Learned another lesson... KARMA - 'You Get What you Give' so true in Tai's case

One of the best Fan-fiction I've read till date...

Your writing is so Brilliant girl👏

Thanx for sharing this story with us

Lots of Love & Hugs :) 🤗

Do pm me if possible

Chapter Eight: The Confused minds and heartsick souls

The orange flames danced in front of Annika's eyes even in the state of semi-consciousness reminding her of the love lost, found and somehow lost again. The faint golden rays of sunlight touched the snowy lanes making them glitter like a thousand diamonds as they marked a closure of the last day of Mahi's life.

Annika was sitting in the front passenger seat of the car, drifting in and out of slumber as they made their way back from the cremation ground. Shivaay brought the car to a halt, right near the steps to the porch of their cottage, and lightly shook her awake.

"Since we are back from cremation ground, badi maa has instructed that we don't touch anything in the house till we have taken a purifying shower. We will wait outside, why don't you step in first and have a bath?" he asked her gently.

Annika nodded and unfastened her seat belt. Shivaay got out of the car and rushed to her side, opening the door for her to get down. Even as he touched her arm to assist her, Annika gave him a small smile, politely but firmly jerked out of his hold and walked along the wooden steps of the house, feeling all their eyes boring into her back.

Three pairs of eyes held a world of pity while one pair of blue eyes held too many emotions in them- pain, love, jealousy, loss and a world of concern.

Annika didn't care for the emotion in any of their eyes because the only pair of eyes she yearned to see, were those she would never see again.

Showered and dressed, she now sat huddled up next to the long glass window watching the snowflakes falling to the ground under the golden glow of the street lamp. Her head lay on the cold pane of glass and her legs were brought to her chest. A maroon pashmeena shawl hung loosely over her shoulders. Clutched tightly in both her hands, was a mouth organ that held echoes of the person whose absence left a gaping hole in the heart. At a distance she could see a group of people burning firewood and a couple dancing around to the music of happiness and the sight filled her with a burning sense of loss. She had never felt this lonely.

A day ago, it had been her, sitting in Mahi's arms, in front of fire. She remembered how Mahi had called it their last night together because he had been sure she would never accept him after his truth. He had played the tune of the song lag jaa gale on the harmonica and sung it as well, another fact about his identity that she had brushed off as insignificant. She had been relaxed then, drunk on happiness because she was confident she would forgive him of anything. She couldn't have been more wrong.

She realized that somewhere Mahi was sure that she loved him only because she thought he were Shivaay and if she were to know him now, she wouldn't have loved him. Annika didn't know what she felt and for whom. She had fallen irrevocably with Shivaay only to learn that he wasn't Shivaay but an imposter and before she could know this man, he was killed.

Annika cradled his absence and thought of their last night together when he had sung the song for her. The lyrics floated up to her and she felt a lump in her throat as she remembered,

Hum ko mili hai aaj ye ghadiya naseeb se... Je bhar ke dekh leejiye humko kareeb se. Phir apke naseeb mein ye raat ho na ho. Shayad Phir is janaam mein mulakat ho na ho

At this time, yesterday, these lines were mere lyrics of the song.

Today, it was the truth.

And even though Mahi had meant it in a completely different context, had dedicated these lines for a completely different reason, he had been right about one thing.

It had indeed been their last night together.

Heaving a sigh, Annika closed her eyes. In the attach bathroom, she could hear the sounds of running water as Shivaay showered, him being the last one to cleanse himself post cremation. The rest of them were downstairs probably whispering quietly to themselves while seated next to the fireplace as she had done, each night in the past two weeks, talking to the person who had understood her in a way no one had. Eyes still closed, Annika's mind was filled once again with a panorama of images-the back hugs, the long conversations while huddled up in one blanket, the indoor games, the snow mobile rides, skiing practise and the falls, snowball fights, slow dances, bonfire nights and moments enveloped with an overdose of love. She felt the hole in her heart intensify, hurting her chest, suffocating her.

As the exhaustion dragged her into the depths of slumber, she remembered the tune that he had played exclusively for her. If he were here, he would have played it now.

She would have given anything to hear it.

**

Jets of hot water sprayed over his head, as Shivaay stood in the shower. Ever since he had gotten here, he had been working on automation, giving himself no room to mull over his feelings. Only now, the enormity of everything settled in his chest and he silently broke down, tears streaming down his cheeks. Annika's despair and her screams echoed in his head and he hated the feeling of helplessness of being powerless to reduce her grief.

Everything he did, flashed in his mind. His moments with Annika, how the gradual trust was built, how he put down her doubts against Tia as jealousy because her jealousy warmed his heart. He remembered the agony of betrayal when he had swallowed Daksh's lies, the forced wedding and the aftermath.

If only he had trusted her and acted on her doubts, Tia's true face would have been unveiled and that Mahi wouldn't have made it to her heart. But he was so stuck up on his beliefs and delusions that he broke her heart with his cruelty only for someone else to mend the pieces and show her what it was to be loved irrevocably.

The thought of Mahi filled Shivaay's heart with so much hatred and bitterness that he had to take several breaths to calm himself lest he destroyed everything around him. He hated the smoothness with which he stole her heart, with which he created memories that he, SSO, couldn't erase. He hated that Mahi stole away his share of love, his second chance and ruined, perhaps forever, his chance of ruling her heart.

The burst of water wiped the wetness of tears from his cheeks making a trail of regrets slide down his body and pool at his feet. He towelled himself dry and dressed. Bracing himself against the impact of Annika's sad eyes, he opened the door and the sight that met his eyes had him heaving a sigh of relief.

Annika lay slumped against the window, fast asleep. Shivaay walked towards her, his footsteps muffled by the thick carpet. The swift anger that erupted inside him at sight of the mouth organ in her hands died as he looked at her relaxed features.

Trying not to disturb her, he bent down and placed her limp arm around his neck and softly pulled her head from the glass pane and laid it on his chest. Putting his arm on the back of her knees, he lifted her up and carried her to the bed. Laying her down, he put a comforter over her and he lay down next to her, his hand cradling his head, elbow resting against the soft mattress. Saumya was supposed to be bunking in the room with Annika but she hadnt come yet and Shivaay decided to wait for her.

Every bone in his body screamed of tiredness from all the travelling, stress and the work not to mention the lack of sleep in over forty eight hours. But the warmth of her presence relaxed him as nothing had ever done and as he looked at her he knew he could survive anything and live through anything as long as she was the home he came back to.

Without her there would be no home, no life and definitely no Shivaay Singh Oberoi.

When Saumya came to the room, an hour later, he saw an exhausted Shivaay fast asleep beside Annika. Not wanting to disturb his rest, she put off the light and quietly closed the door behind her.

**

As the sun rose on the first morning without Mahi, Annika faught against the despair and pulled herself out of the bed. Shivaay was busy on the phone, Rudra was running around back and forth and Saumya was packing Annika's bag. Omkara was nowhere in sight. Annika freshened up and went downstairs where Shivaay, still on the phone, gestured her to sit and served her tea and sandwiches.

Annika didn't have an appetite for food but not wanting to worry him any more than she already had, she ate everything that was laid before her. Once done, she went to the room to shower and change.

"Didi, what are we to do of Mahi's clothes?" Saumya asked, after a while, looking at the open wardrobe which housed the clothes that Mahi wore during his stay.

Annika, who was in the process of zipping her own bag looked up and said, "These are technically Shivaay's clothes. Tia must have packed the bag for Mahi to avoid suspicion. I think we should ask Shivaay."

"Ask me what?" said Shivaay who had just entered, fastening a cufflink of his suit. His eyes met Annika's and she could read concern in them. Annika lowered her own eyes and started straightening the covers of the bed unnecessarily.

"Bade bhaiyya, these are your clothes right?" she asked "I was wondering if we need to pack them as well"

Shivaay's expression darkened as he saw his own clothes lined up in the wardrobe. Saumya too, gulped audibly at the fury in his eyes. Shivaay didn't need these clothes anywhere in his home where it would remind Annika of Mahi. The clothes fuelled his fury for another reason. They reminded him of the extent of planning that Tia had done to get back at him. Shivaay took deep breaths to calm his temper and said nothing but walked towards the long glass window and made a call to Khanna, instructing him to distribute the clothes amongst the needy.

The moment Shivaay hanged up, his eyes clashed against an open box which held a few belongings. Mahi's belongings, to be precise. The familiar harmonica seemed to mock him from the box. It held other things as well. A heavy set silver bracelet, a chain again with a heavy locket, a picture of Annika that, he was sure, was over two years old, his wallet and a wrist watch. Annika, unaware that he was looking, closed the box and put it in her handbag- a gesture that dampened Shivaay's already sour mood. It was unfortunate that Mishra, his assistant, called at that very moment and he had to bear the brunt of the famous SSO temper.

As the house help carried their bags, Annika told Saumya to go on. She then opened the door to the balcony and welcomed the freezing breeze that pressed kisses against her cheeks. She looked at the magnificent view ahead of her and remembered the first time she had seen it.

This place was tainted. Tainted by his laughter, his soothing talks, his understanding, his unconditional love. Each and every nook and corner of this place held echoes of him, she thought. All this should have mattered little given that he had been an imposter and yet it mattered so very much. She touched the wooden panelled walls, traced the things his fingers had touched feeling a hollowness clawing her insides.

The living room was the hardest. She stood still as images floated in her head once again. Her preparing tea every morning, their slow dance, playing card games while they lay on their stomachs, fighting for the cosiest spot next to the fire place when they came from outside, their arguments on which movie they'd see, the long conversations, narrating funny anecdotes while seated on the chairsall the images swirled around till they came to rest at the final image of him taking three bullets in his chest- for her.

A tear trailed down on her cheek and she was about to rub it off with the back of her hand when she saw a crisp white handkerchief in front of her.

"Mop it up before we both drown." Shivaay said so gently that it made Annika sob even harder. With a sigh, he pulled her to him and held her tightly.

"One day at a time, okay?" he said in her ear.

Annika nodded and Shivaay wound his arm around her shoulder and led her to the door. The range rover stood in the drive way with Rudra and Saumya already seated on the backseat. Shivaay opened the passenger seat and helped Annika into it. He then fastened the seat beat and wiped some snow that clung to her jeans. Grabbing a shawl from Saumya, he wrapped it gently around Annika's shoulder and freed some of her hair that was caught under the strap of the seat belt. He was so busy that he didn't notice the look in Annika's eyes and when he did, he stopped short.

Annika's eyes were pooled with unshed tears and she was looking at him in a way that reflected so much grief that Shivaay immediately knew this had something to do with Mahi. And yet that look of wonder and tenderness in her eyes was so vast that he stood frozen on the spot, powerless to look away.

Suddenly, Annika seemed to come to her senses and broke off the eye contact. Shivaay clenched his trembling hands into fists and closed the door of her side walked towards the driver's side and got in the car.

Annika's heart beat at a fast speed when she saw a flash of Mahi in Shivaay. Mahi is dead', she told herself. Shivaay is just being nice. He doesn't love you and just because he showed the same brand of concern that Mahi used to, doesn't mean that he loves you.'

As the car sped along the familiar snow clad lanes, Annika once again stuck her nose to the window as tears slipped from the corners of her eyes and dropped into her shawl. As they drove away, Annika knew she had left a piece of her soul on that place and it would always linger there, sometimes on the bench where she had carved their names, sometimes near the long proud pine trees, sometimes in the living room of their cottage and sometimes on the porch steps.

A piece of her soul would always linger, sometimes on the cliff top that witnessed the most amazing confession of love. And that part of her soul would always belong to the man who had taught her that love was love even if it wasn't returned.

**

On reaching Oberoi mansion, Annika herself unpacked her clothes and arranged them neatly in the wardrobe. She removed the box of Mahi's belongings and proceeded to keep them in a drawer. As she placed his things, she accidently knocked another box which fell on the floor, its contents flying out in the air. Two platinum bangles, rolled on the marble floor before they came to rest at her feet and a yellow paper fell on the carpet.

Bending down, Annika picked the bangles and the letter and sat on the edge of the bed. Unfolding the letter, she read it once again.

Annika,

These bangles are for you. But don't wear them today. Wear them on that day when someone falls madly in love with you, when you become the number one in someone's life, when someone's world revolves around you alone, when you smile without a reason by remembering that person, be happy and sing pointlessly, he whose life will be incomplete without you. You once said that a girl like you can never fall in love but I'm sure that you will definitely fall in love someday. And when you do, wear this and remember me.

With love,

Mallika

Tears gathered in the corners of Annika eyes as she remembered those days when she had never experienced love. She remembered the bubbly Mallika who had found her prince. How could she tell her friend that someone had loved her the way she wanted to be loved and left her before she had a chance to savour the feeling of being loved? How could she tell her that dreams of finding another someone who loved her this way would remain just that-dreams? How could she tell her that all she had of love was a memory- a memory that would have to be enough for a lifetime?

She clutched the bangles in her hands and closed her eyes, trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. Her eyes were dry now, tears used up. Her throat felt raw and scrapped from all the crying and Annika tried to calm herself by taking deep breaths.

You will live through this too, Annika. You are the strong one, remember? She told herself. But she was tired of being strong, tired of fighting life for every damn thing. Her eyes hurt and a sob broke through her hurting chest and she broke down silently, lowering her head.

She felt the bangles taken from her hands and through her blurred vision, she saw Shivaay kneel down near her feet. The letter now lay, folded neatly near the bed, telling her that Shivaay read it and knew the reason for her tears. Shivaay gently slid the bangles on Annika's wrists making her look at him tearfully.

"I no longer have the reason to wear these bangles." She told him.

He smiled but it didn't reach those blue eyes.

"But you do." He whispered, still holding her bangle clad wrist. "You were told to wear them if you found someone who loved you to the point of madness. You did find that someone."

Annika nodded. Shivaay was right. In those two weeks, she had experienced each and everything that Mallika mentioned in the letter. It was just that her feelings were right but the person who was the recipient of those feelings was wrong or perhaps the person was right but her feelings were for the man she thought he was. But somewhere it didn't matter. Love was love and the rest didn't matter and now, even that love was lost forever on the hills of Kashmir.

"I'm tired Shivaay, I cannot go on--- " she started to say but her voice broke and the statement went unfinished.

"One day at a time, Annika. We'll get through." He said with determination, sitting beside her.

But Annika was so lost in her grief that she never realized when that you became a we

**

Shivaay's traced the pattern of the circle of moisture left by his glass on the bar counter in the living room. Holding a glass of scotch in one hand he heaved a deep sigh when Om sat beside him on the bar stool and placed a comforting hand on his back.

"I saw what you did back there." Said Om quietly referring to the bangle incident that he had accidently witnessed. "I know you hate Mahi and it wouldn't have been easy for you but making her wear the bangles thus acknowledging his love is a grand gesture on your part."

Shivaay slammed the glass that he was holding on to the counter and looked at Om.

"My love is far too selfish, Om. I cannot see her with anyone else, dead or alive. I cannot bear to share her with anyone even in her thoughts. I cannot make such a grand gesture as you think. I'm not that great." Shivaay confessed seriously.

"But you did." Om told him making him laugh softly.

"I didn't Om. I made her wear the bangles, made her acknowledge that someone loves her to the point of madness."

Shivaay signalled a servant to clear the glass and to serve Om his drink. As he stood up to leave the place, he put an arm over his shoulder.

"Mahi is not the only one who has loved her to distraction, you know."

With that Shivaay Singh Oberoi walked out leaving a startled Om in his wake. Om sipped the drink thinking about what Shivaay said. Shivaay called his love selfish but Omkara knew different. His brother wasn't someone who fell in love over and over. Annika was the first woman he had ever loved and Om knew, she would be the last. He hoped, Shivaay's jealousy of Mahi wouldn't ruin undermine the value of his heart, that was loving and good and entirely hers. Om had no advice for Shivaay in this case, it was something he had to learn on his own no matter how much it saddened Om to see him hurt. And hurt he was. His refusal to give his brother company for the drink was a proof of that.

***

When Shivaay walked in by the poolside, he saw Annika seated there, staring absently at the still water. The music system was on, playing an old song, which was in a way soothing. Not wanting to startle her, Shivaay walked up to her and cleared his throat.

"You should be going to sleep. You had a long tiring day." He said softly

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and so very vulnerable that his chest hurt. She smiled delicately but even that smile couldn't erase the sadness in her features.

"I'm not sleepy and I don't want to rely on medicines for sleep lest I get addicted. You should go and get some rest. I'll be fine."

Having said that she turned her head and went back to her thoughts, leaving him in an emotional turmoil again. Impulsively, Shivaay lowered himself to the floor beside her and waited for her to reject his company. When she didn't, he quietly extended his hand to her, holding his breath. Annika's eyes widened with surprise and she looked at his face for a moment, hesitated and then put her hand in his. Moving closer to her, he pulled her head to his chest and snaked his right hand around her waist. They didn't exchange any words that night. Words were not necessary. Silence spoke everything.