GOT JOKES??? - Page 2

i got one

one man jumped out of a plane, unfortunatley his parachute didnt open,
fortunately there was a hay stack on the ground, unfortunately there was a
pitch-fork in the hay stack, fortunately he missed the pitch-fork,
unforunately he missed the hay stack!!!

got some more...

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his
morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.

"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou
written on it", she said, furious.

"You had better have an explanation".

"Calm down, honey", the man replied.

"Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of
the dog I bet on".

The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him
again.

"What was that for?" he complained.

"Your dog called last night."

😆 😆 😆

Originally posted by: bruno4

Hey, Shirish , slowly these type of jokes won't work anymore for INDIA. 😊 Your previous joke was nerve

tickling but this one is little falling flat for me buddy!! Don't mind please !!! 😊

sorry koel! my mistake!!

I understand your point but that wasn't my intention okie?? it was only meant to be a joke..thanks!

Originally posted by: metallica

Ok, here's another one...you guys are gonna laugh your heads off!!!

Hodgee comes to the United States from India, and he's only here a few months when he becomes very ill. He goes to doctor after doctor, but none of them can help him. Finally, he goes to an Indian doctor.

The doctor says, "Take dis bucket, go into de other room, shit in de bucket, piss on de shit, and then put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."

Hodgee takes the bucket, goes into the other room, shits in the bucket, pisses on the shit, bends over, and breathes in the fumes for ten minutes.

Then he comes back to the doctor and says, "It worked. I feel terrific. What was it?"

The doctor says, "You were homesick."

😆

Originally posted by: metallica

sorry koel! my mistake!!

I understand your point but that wasn't my intention okie?? it was only meant to be a joke..thanks!

I know , relax.... your attempt is well appreciated and the 1st one takes the cake😊....cheers!!!

all of y'all rocked with the jokes!!! great guns!!! common, bring some more please.

👏 👏 👏

Originally posted by: metallica

Bhola goes to a grocery store. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Bhola to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Bhola goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week Bhola finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Bhola to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Bhola goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week Bhola comes to the grocery store with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Bhola: "What! This is shit!"

Bhola calmly replies: "Yes, and I want toilet paper"

😆but that was real gross!!🤢

heres my joke

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy. Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?" James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style," ......James Bond." Then Bond asks: "And you?" Telugu Guy: " My name is Rao... Siva Rao... Samba Siva Rao... Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..." Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"

heres another one
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God
She asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and
change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she
figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation,
She was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way
Home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another

40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

(You'll love this!!!)

God replied,


"I didn't recognize you."

Originally posted by: Tani91

heres another one
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God
She asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and
change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she
figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation,
She was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way
Home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another

40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

(You'll love this!!!)

God replied,


"I didn't recognize you."

👏

hehehe....Zee it could only be u...lolz......with all these crazy topics.....anywasy i do have a couple yo mamma jokes but they'r 2 vulgur 2 post up...so 😛