Oh the pain !

What good episode we are getting! But Aryan repositioning that throw pillow a few inches back, just hit my feels so so bad. When twiterattis all go saying , why he is more stuck up on his jeeju than his sister?’ Because people he relives that pain every day. Every moment.

Yep it was such a moving scene...

His loss is coupled with guilt of being alive, basically he thinks himself responsible for jiju dying, mom and didi crying and being unable to do anything about all these....

Originally posted by: Wanderbug

What good episode we are getting! But Aryan repositioning that throw pillow a few inches back, just hit my feels so so bad. When twiterattis all go saying , why he is more stuck up on his jeeju than his sister?’ Because people he relives that pain every day. Every moment.

Just my personal take but those who ask such questions may not have lost a family member. 🤷‍♀️ There is no one way to grieve. There is no one way to let go. Is there a rule that only some relationships have the right to grieve more while the other degree of relationships can grieve a little less? There are some people who have limited circle of people but they also tend to love more. Aryan is that type. Because he doesn't tend to express it often, it means the intensity of his emotion is also more.

I already posted this yesterday in shabia1's topic but I am just going to re-share my thoughts here:

"Finally got around to seeing the episode. So I had a slightly different reaction than others -- I was a bit affronted that Imlie started cleaning the room. I think unless you have faced grief and loss of family members in your own home, you will realize that the process for moving on (including cleaning up and sorting out stuff) happens in different ways for different people.

What struck me was this was a room where time stood still and the pillows are on the floor, sheets are as they are -- in my region, the first thing that happens after a funeral is the entire house is swept, wiped clean, sheets, curtains and cushion covers are all removed and put for wash. It is both scientific as well as ritual. The initial cleaning will be usually done by someone close or a well-known servant/staff after the famliy has left the house for the funeral. The cleaning isn't done by the family usually. Here, the linens are there as they are. It is like the family or staff didn't even have the opportunity to clean because there was so much chaos at the time.

Now after cleaning, the next process (after a few days) is the paperwork stuff. Some people are so organized that you don't have to search but for other people, you have to go through desks, drawers in order to find documents. There is life insurance, changing of bank accounts, investments etc. So many little details. That can be very confronting for many and it is not easy at all -- however, because practical details such as transferring bank accounts need to be done for ease, people cannot avoid these.

After that are the personal effects -- now in some families, they will split the favourite clothes and jewels for example among the daughters or daughter-in-laws. Things like that -- however, this can be an explosive time where so many arguments can occur. People are in the process of grieving and are not necessarily rational. Comments can be said which can turn into arguments.

Even if you are not splitting the personal effects, you have to figure out what to do with them. Are you going to donate to an ashram for example? Now, different families will have different timelines for figuring out what to do with the personal effects. There is no ritual that we have to figure this out by xx date. This means that some families choose to deal with the personal effects quickly as a matter of moving on while some families put it off for considerable lengths of time (including years) because they don't have the emotional strength to do it. Regardless, it is up to the family to decide when and it can't be imposed by another person.

In this case, Imlie unwittingly was forcing Aryan to confront his grief -- cleaning up the room should have been his decision and not hers. While it was just dust in her eyes, for him it was so much more. There were feelings there. Some people get mad even if you touch their stuff without asking as it feels like a violation of space. How much more you would feel when there is feeling attached to the room -- he wasn't ready yet but he is being forced by Imlie to look at his grief in the eye. Hence, the anger. The scene and preview reflects the anger of grief, the frustation of grief, the pain of grief."

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

Just my personal take but those who ask such questions may not have lost a family member. 🤷‍♀️ There is no one way to grieve. There is no one way to let go. Is there a rule that only some relationships have the right to grieve more while the other degree of relationships can grieve a little less? There are some people who have limited circle of people but they also tend to love more. Aryan is that type. Because he doesn't tend to express it often, it means the intensity of his emotion is also more.

I already posted this yesterday in shabia1's topic but I am just going to re-share my thoughts here:

"Finally got around to seeing the episode. So I had a slightly different reaction than others -- I was a bit affronted that Imlie started cleaning the room. I think unless you have faced grief and loss of family members in your own home, you will realize that the process for moving on (including cleaning up and sorting out stuff) happens in different ways for different people.

What struck me was this was a room where time stood still and the pillows are on the floor, sheets are as they are -- in my region, the first thing that happens after a funeral is the entire house is swept, wiped clean, sheets, curtains and cushion covers are all removed and put for wash. It is both scientific as well as ritual. The initial cleaning will be usually done by someone close or a well-known servant/staff after the famliy has left the house for the funeral. The cleaning isn't done by the family usually. Here, the linens are there as they are. It is like the family or staff didn't even have the opportunity to clean because there was so much chaos at the time.

Now after cleaning, the next process (after a few days) is the paperwork stuff. Some people are so organized that you don't have to search but for other people, you have to go through desks, drawers in order to find documents. There is life insurance, changing of bank accounts, investments etc. So many little details. That can be very confronting for many and it is not easy at all -- however, because practical details such as transferring bank accounts need to be done for ease, people cannot avoid these.

After that are the personal effects -- now in some families, they will split the favourite clothes and jewels for example among the daughters or daughter-in-laws. Things like that -- however, this can be an explosive time where so many arguments can occur. People are in the process of grieving and are not necessarily rational. Comments can be said which can turn into arguments.

Even if you are not splitting the personal effects, you have to figure out what to do with them. Are you going to donate to an ashram for example? Now, different families will have different timelines for figuring out what to do with the personal effects. There is no ritual that we have to figure this out by xx date. This means that some families choose to deal with the personal effects quickly as a matter of moving on while some families put it off for considerable lengths of time (including years) because they don't have the emotional strength to do it. Regardless, it is up to the family to decide when and it can't be imposed by another person.

In this case, Imlie unwittingly was forcing Aryan to confront his grief -- cleaning up the room should have been his decision and not hers. While it was just dust in her eyes, for him it was so much more. There were feelings there. Some people get mad even if you touch their stuff without asking as it feels like a violation of space. How much more you would feel when there is feeling attached to the room -- he wasn't ready yet but he is being forced by Imlie to look at his grief in the eye. Hence, the anger. The scene and preview reflects the anger of grief, the frustation of grief, the pain of grief."

well penned. I knew aryan would loose it the moment she opened that door. I was surprised he let her go that far. Of course today’s episode answers that. He let her do it all to teach her another lesson the hard way.

Arvind’s death was not a normal death. I think Arpita was too much in shock to even go through the practicalities of her husband’s death. Narmada must be dealing with her grief n keeping her daughter sane. That leaves Aryan who was and is in his own purgatory. He must have ordered everyone out literally n figuratively from the room n from his grief. Imlie today ventured in because neithe did she know about these unspoken rules nor could she fathom the depths of Aryan’s pain as much. Imlie knows her share of pain but I m sure nothing she has seen or endured has even prepared her for the anguish that Aryan has seen. Like Aryan said, people balk at seeing their dear ones from being cremated. His sister n him have seen their rock being burnt to death chained inside a car.

Imlie keeps assuming that her exonerating AKT from arvind’s death will automatically heal Aryan n Arpita. Even if she unearths the truth, she should understand that it might get them closure but the moving on won’t gappen overnight. Didn’t she herself tell Aryan that she might have cremated her tear n pain for babusahib after wedding but her love for him won’t fade in a day, or week or even years. So why would it be different for Aryan? I feel how imlie doesn’t think twice before venturing into these areas that hurt Aryan the most.

I'm assuming that people's reaction also stems from the fact that Arpita is not seen to react this way. She is more well adjusted person whereas he is drowning in guilt.

Initially when i didn't know the characters (i started watching much after aryan joined), i thought that Arvind was aryans brother and Arpita was his s-i-l who he considered as sister.

I'll be honest there are times when i cannot connect with the intensity of his grief because like i said the people around him have accepted Arvinds death but he seems to be stuck. But FK totally owns the o scenes where he is angry-grieving.

Originally posted by: Wanderbug

well penned. I knew aryan would loose it the moment she opened that door. I was surprised he let her go that far. Of course today’s episode answers that. He let her do it all to teach her another lesson the hard way.

Arvind’s death was not a normal death. I think Arpita was too much in shock to even go through the practicalities of her husband’s death. Narmada must be dealing with her grief n keeping her daughter sane. That leaves Aryan who was and is in his own purgatory. He must have ordered everyone out literally n figuratively from the room n from his grief. Imlie today ventured in because neithe did she know about these unspoken rules nor could she fathom the depths of Aryan’s pain as much. Imlie knows her share of pain but I m sure nothing she has seen or endured has even prepared her for the anguish that Aryan has seen. Like Aryan said, people balk at seeing their dear ones from being cremated. His sister n him have seen their rock being burnt to death chained inside a car.

Imlie keeps assuming that her exonerating AKT from arvind’s death will automatically heal Aryan n Arpita. Even if she unearths the truth, she should understand that it might get them closure but the moving on won’t gappen overnight. Didn’t she herself tell Aryan that she might have cremated her tear n pain for babusahib after wedding but her love for him won’t fade in a day, or week or even years. So why would it be different for Aryan? I feel how imlie doesn’t think twice before venturing into these areas that hurt Aryan the most.

I saw Imlie's actions as someone who has never gone through the process of grieving. Even to clean a room, in some communities, there is a type of ritual or process. You can't just barge in.

She had a relationship breakdown but she was not aware that there are other forms of loss. Through Aryan, she is learning the process of grief. In that sense, her world is being widened. He is suffering from the effects of prologned grief. Because he had to be the one to pick up the practical pieces of pulling the family and business together, he did it by shutting down his own emotions. There was no one around to help him him shoulder this grief and walk through with him. Practical matters after a person's death especially in India can be a real pain. To get the death certificate, the legal heir certificate, there is so much running around. Sometimes, the corporation office will make you run around till you figure out the right office, the right document to submit. Then after those documents are cleared, then come the real work of transferring assets which is another mountain. Maybe at normal times, these are regular proceedures but for grieving family members, it can feel overwhelming and exhausting.

For a young man like Aryan who had to do it all himself because his sister went into depression/meltdown while his mother could barely comfort herself and daughter, it would have been an enormous task and stress. Since it wasn't normal death, it means the practicalities would have been 10 times worse than a regular death. There is police clearance certificate etc etc. So if you look through those lenses, it is easier to understand where Aryan is coming from. He wasn't given the time or the comfort to grieve. So he ended up holding it in and not letting go.

Originally posted by: bips

I'm assuming that people's reaction also stems from the fact that Arpita is not seen to react this way. She is more well adjusted person whereas he is drowning in guilt.

Initially when i didn't know the characters (i started watching much after aryan joined), i thought that Arvind was aryans brother and Arpita was his s-i-l who he considered as sister.

I'll be honest there are times when i cannot connect with the intensity of his grief because like i said the people around him have accepted Arvinds death but he seems to be stuck. But FK totally owns the o scenes where he is angry-grieving.

Actually Arpita is recovering from serious mental issues as hinted in previous episodes when she was introduced. But since itv makers are hammered handed in dealing with mental diseases they sugar coated it with asinine pyrophobia treatment done by imlie. The lesser we talk about it is better.

Also arpita exhibits the signs n actions if a person who wants to move forward while aryan refuses to. You cannot push someone to move on if there is no wish to.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

I saw Imlie's actions as someone who has never gone through the process of grieving. Even to clean a room, in some communities, there is a type of ritual or process. You can't just barge in.

She had a relationship breakdown but she was not aware that there are other forms of loss. Through Aryan, she is learning the process of grief. In that sense, her world is being widened. He is suffering from the effects of prologned grief. Because he had to be the one to pick up the practical pieces of pulling the family and business together, he did it by shutting down his own emotions. There was no one around to help him him shoulder this grief and walk through with him. Practical matters after a person's death especially in India can be a real pain. To get the death certificate, the legal heir certificate, there is so much running around. Sometimes, the corporation office will make you run around till you figure out the right office, the right document to submit. Then after those documents are cleared, then come the real work of transferring assets which is another mountain. Maybe at normal times, these are regular proceedures but for grieving family members, it can feel overwhelming and exhausting.

For a young man like Aryan who had to do it all himself because his sister went into depression/meltdown while his mother could barely comfort herself and daughter, it would have been an enormous task and stress. Since it wasn't normal death, it means the practicalities would have been 10 times worse than a regular death. There is police clearance certificate etc etc. So if you look through those lenses, it is easier to understand where Aryan is coming from. He wasn't given the time or the comfort to grieve. So he ended up holding it in and not letting go.

Word my friend. Exactly what i think about Aryan’s condition.

What i think about his pain... That Aryan Thinks it was his death with eventually happen to Arvind, coz he had to go that day and Arvind went as Aru was being lazy and wants to enjoy his life... so Aryan thinks its his fault and the grief is about the reason behind Arvind's death... thus this pain and guilt....

and imlie opening these closed doors... are painful for Aryan... as he can overcome his pain but his Guilt will fade away more time...

Originally posted by: bips

I'm assuming that people's reaction also stems from the fact that Arpita is not seen to react this way. She is more well adjusted person whereas he is drowning in guilt.

Initially when i didn't know the characters (i started watching much after aryan joined), i thought that Arvind was aryans brother and Arpita was his s-i-l who he considered as sister.

I'll be honest there are times when i cannot connect with the intensity of his grief because like i said the people around him have accepted Arvinds death but he seems to be stuck. But FK totally owns the o scenes where he is angry-grieving.

The reason Arpita is not reacting that way is because she went through a regular process of grief. Aryan tells that when Arvind passed away, Arpita went into a depression and meltdown. So through time and collecting herself, she has come through many stages. Since people didn't see her at the time of loss, they think she was collected. No, the work was hard won.

Have posted earlier but Aryan never got the time to go through the process of grief. There is something called prolonged or complicated grief. Basically you have to go through the stages of grief. When a person doesn't go through all the stages to get to the place of acceptance, they become caught in the cycle of grief.