What is it that I want?
Where do I start?
How did this happen to me?
Why am I here?
I started out as a nameless intern here. He taught me business sense, found the talent in me...and stood up for me and promoted me. He was there when I least expected him...and one day I realised I had fallen in love with him. It simply came to me that he has invaded my mind...I was looking out for him... looking up to him...a small note of appreciation from him was enough to send me on a wave of euphoria...
Then I had to run...I didn't want him to read the blind worship in my eyes. I wanted to hide myself from his gaze...I had become so transparent, any one could read me...
If he knew...it was a mortifying thought...
Then he came close...an apology in place of a declaration I yearned to hear...
Was I disappointed?...I must have been...
But I was greedy...I wanted more of him...know every minute thing that made him laugh and cry...something told me I had the rights...Until he crushed my feelings...Apparently I didn't have any rights over him...
What am I to tell my poor heart...that yearns for him day and night...that weeps with every hurt he hides...
He doesn't need me? - When I am the only one to see the wounds and bruises...
I may not have any claims...but I choose him over me...I have chosen- I live with the consequences...
But betrayal...
When did I start believing he knew me?
Why did I take it for granted he knew better about me?
What hurts more?- The accusation or the betrayal?
How can I even call it a betrayal when he owes me nothing...?
He may not feel what I feel...but did we not have a silent understanding...?
Was there not a time when he stood up for me facing the same accusation...but he had proof then...so, Is that what this is about? He needs proof of my innocence...every time?
Silence is proof of transgression???
Why do I have to say it? Does he not know me by now? Words are for others...or is that all we are to each other - strangers...?
But is it not wrong for me to expect...
When he is not willing to give...
I must be asking for too much...
If so, I must not deserve love?- I must not deserve him?
I burn like a candle...
Hoping to light up his life...
Would he at least notice me,
When I am an ugly mass of melted wax?
Sigh...He was quick to react when the wax fell on me...kind to shelter me from the rain...
Why is that I am all alone here...
Why am I so sure about shielding him at the cost of my reputation...
Is this what love does to people?
- Make them go INSANE!
