Indira desperately needs to learn this

Page

Next Last

jjkg

@jjkg

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

Some folks here have expressed that folks like me do not understand and appreciate the "unconditional love" that Indira has for her family. To forsake that love for Rishi is asking too much from a woman.

So, lets leave aside Rishi. Lets just look at Indira-sharmas equation.

Now lets look at a generic mother-son example

Son is on his way to become a druggie, a gambler, a drunkard, a ruffian etc.

His mother loves him unconditionally, just like only mothers can.

She berates him fights with him when he comes home late, does not study/find a job etc. But she loves him unconditionally. so she keeps feeding him, giving him money to spend on clothes, parties etc. she keeps turning a blind eye to when son steals money form her to support his bad habits. Mother shields him when his Dad wants to throw him out of the house.

Now this is "unconditional love". But do we accept this as love? No

when the son dies or gets into some serious police trouble, don't we all blame the mother, that mother is responsible for her son's actions as she spoilt him. she has ruined his life blah...blah...blah

This scenario is pretty common and all of us have one or more examples of this in our lives, and the heat is on mother as much as the son.

We all say "why didn't she show tough love" Why did she not put him in tough circumstances where he had no choice but to get his act together.

Now Indira is in a similar, but worse position.

she is not a mother. she does not have the comfort of knowing that her son, no matter how spoilt, will be there for her in old age. She does not even own the house, or any other property or monies (unlike the example of "mother")

That is why, people like me, have been shouting from the rooftops that she has to cut her apron strings, no matter how painful it is, for the betterment of her family.

Cutting apron strings and letting them learn how to fend for themselves is "unconditional love"!

continual enabling of their bad behavior is not "unconditional love" but a deeply rooted powerful psychological dependency on abuse/martyr complex.

If in real life, we feel contempt for mothers who passively support their son's bad behavior, why are we supporting the very same behavior from a sister and labeling it as "unconditional love"?

Indira, single or married or whatever, with whomsoever, has to realize that her behavior is helping her family continue down their irresponsible, destructive path

Edited by jjkg - 13 years ago

Quote

Frequent Posters

Sal Hari

@Sphari403

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

Very True, Indira has to cut the umbilical cord to her family. Her thoughts about her family are of good intentions but the feedback and response and actions of Sharma's do not warrant Indira's continued efforts. Its time.

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

jjkg

@jjkg

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

Now coming on to married life

Don't we also have examples in our lives of women who spoilt their own family life, because they were too focused on the ongoings in their parental families?

Why do we have ritiuals and ceremonies and strange, but absurdly strict traditions in our culture that force the woman to cleave to her husband's family, and distance herself from her parental family. It is because it is very hard to form new bonds with the strength required, if there is always a force propelling one to look backwards.

Now, Indian society, even to this date, takes this notion to an extreme, where even now we have parents who refuse to have a drink at their daughter's house.

This extreme is bad. But the underlying concept is sound, for both man and woman!

So in Indira's situation, she has to assess whether she can do justice to the role of a wife? Does she have the wherewithal and the commitment to lay strong foundations for her own family? Or will the past always take precedence over her future?

Edited by jjkg - 13 years ago

Quote

Sal Hari

@Sphari403

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: jjkg
Now coming on to married life

Don't we also have examples in our lives of women who spoilt their own family life, because they were too focused on the ongoing in their parental families?

Why do we have ritiuals and ceremonies and strange, but absurdly strict traditions in our culture that force the woman to cleave to her husband's family, and distance herself from her parental family. It is because it is very hard to form new bonds with the strength required, if there is always a force propelling one to look backwards.

Now, Indian society, even to this date, takes this notion to an extreme, where even now we have parents who refuse to have a drink at their daughter's house.

This extreme is bad. But the underlying concept is sound, for both man and woman!

So in Indira's situation, she has to assess whether she can do justice to the role of a wife? Does she have the wherewithal and the commitment to lay strong foundations for her own family? Or will the past always take precedence over her future?

So far Indira has given precedence of her Sharma family over her husband. She is fully committed to the well being of Munna (a drunk, Ruffian), Mandira (selfish Soul), Kutumb (Heartless mother), Sunaina (opportunistic Soul), and Indar Sharma ( the Vulture). Wow just look at the characters she is supporting...Unrealistic.

Quote

jjkg

@jjkg

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

My nani was like Indira. She was the eldest girl and her mother died, leaving 3 small sons. But given the time-period she born in (early 1910s), she was married at 16.

But my nani could never form a bond with her new family, as the pain and worry for her small siblings always drew her back (despite her father getting remarried and people living in joint households)

She ruined her own family happiness for the sake of her brothers. She kept going back and living there for months and sometimes year on end. My nani had 3 kids (my mum being the youngest), each almost a decade apart. Her kids and her husband had to suffer from her absences. Sure, they too lived in a huge joint family. But no one was there to support them. My masi became almost like Indira - a slave to the family, working her bones off till she married, my mama became a good-for-nothing rich brat whom everybody took advantage off. Only my mum was spared because she was born so late.

this not only affected the children, it had affect on the children's children. To this date, my mama's children suffer from the actions of my nani and they are reminded of it by friends and foes.

and my nani, from what I hear, was the gentlest, sweets, most self-effacing, most hardworking soul in the community. I remember my mother's elders always saying to my mum, that she has all the good qualities of her mother. But they warned her to pay attention to her own family.

So, in short, these issues are extremely serious ones, and cannot be brushed away under the carpet by tagging them as "unconditional love"

PS: I have already told my father's story in some previous post, where again equivalence between Indira and familial love was being made

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/56811556�

My intent with sharing personal stories is that these issues are real and we should see then as real, not just made up fiction. Each one of us has stories like these

Edited by jjkg - 13 years ago

Quote

The.Lannister

@The.Lannister

Stunner

+ 7

Posted: 13 years ago

Jem wonderful topic & analysis as usual.

Her undying love for her ungrateful family has been beyond my understanding forever. As you (or someone else, dont remember who😳)had once mentioned in a post, I too had expected to see a character growth in Indira where at a point of time she realizes her mistake of loving & caring for these people who she calls a family. Her family tired to sell her, cheated her into selling the house, sent her to jail, believed her to be characterless when they believed she was pregnant, her sister eyed her boyfriend, her husband is half dead because of her father...n many more!

What has this family done for her that she loves them so much? That's one question which will never be answered because her love for them is indeed absurd.

But has she ever thought what about her husband & the family she might one day have? Does she really want to raise her kids in this place? Does she want her kids to know a grandpa who has 2 settings & is shamelessly happy with both of them? A grandpa who is a thief as also a kidnapper. Does she want her kids to know that their uncle is a drunkard, a gambler, a thief who is in & out of jail quite frequently? An aunt who in plain words will fall for any being with a Y chromosome & a thick wallet! A grandma who was praying daily that their father was dead...do indiras kids need to know such a woman? She needs to move out of that hell...if not for herself then for the kids which she might one day have.

Her family will never change because they know they have Indira. Emotionally blackmail her & she will dance to your tune...dis is their attitude towards her. But she needs to put a stop to this. Indira can send them money, but she needs to keep them at arms length or they will kill her one day...not murder her ...but either she will turn into one of them or will remain a sad shell of her former self. And both these scenarios would be very sad to watch!

As a psychiatrist said in SMJ: Dont respect elders; respect their actions. And till today SF has done nothing for which they deserve any respect or love! They need to be shown their correct place!

Edited by iolahardy - 13 years ago

Quote

innocent.aman

@innocent.aman

Trailblazer

Posted: 13 years ago

but its cvc fault they are making indira confused ila bedi said indira will choose family over rishi see thats what is happening

to break inshi cvc started this useless no thrill kidnapping track only to establish sumer as new lead and this is the main reason that cvc have spoiled indira character so indira can fall for sumer its very sad cvc have no brains they should see fans emotions inshi r best

indira been spoiled to start loving sumer what a character assination that will be indira will be like mandira

putting silly mahasangam in such a serious track is nonsense cvc dont take rishi seriously they want to end rishi inhd

Quote

Sandeep Singh

@-Sandy-

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

Very good analysis by all three of you - Jem, Shruti and Sphari! 👍🏼

I agree with your opinion and disappointment over the way Indira's character is being shown nowadays. Indira has become dependent on others, before she was the independent and powerful Hitler who could rule Chandni Chowk just with her presence. This is not the Indira I got to know when I started watching the show. I know that different circumstances and phases of life can change a person both inside and outside, but I want the old Hitler back anyhow.

Quote

jjkg

@jjkg

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: iolahardy
Jem wonderful topic & analysis as usual.

Her undying love for her ungrateful family has been beyond my understanding forever. As you (or someone else, dont remember who😳)had once mentioned in a post, I too had expected to see a character growth in Indira where at a point of time she realizes her mistake of loving & caring for these people who she calls a family. Her family tired to sell her, cheated her into selling the house, sent her to jail, believed her to be characterless when they believed she was pregnant, her sister eyed her boyfriend, her husband is half dead because of her father...n many more!

What has this family done for her that she loves them so much? That's one question which will never be answered because her love for them is indeed absurd.

But has she ever thought what about her husband & the family she might one day have? Does she really want to raise her kids in this place? Does she want her kids to know a grandpa who has 2 settings & is shamelessly happy with both of them? A grandpa who is a thief as also a kidnapper. Does she want her kids to know that their uncle is a drunkard, a gambler, a thief who is in & out of jail quite frequently? An aunt who in plain words will fall for any being with a Y chromosome & a thick wallet! A grandma who was praying daily that their father was dead...do indiras kids need to know such a woman? She needs to move out of that hell...if not for herself then for the kids which she might one day have.

Her family will never change because they know they have Indira. Emotionally blackmail her & she will dance to your tune...dis is their attitude towards her. But she needs to put a stop to this. Indira can send them money, but she needs to keep them at arms length or they will kill her one day...not murder her ...but either she will turn into one of them or will remain a sad shell of her former self. And both these scenarios would be very sad to watch!

As a psychiatrist said in SMJ: Dont respect elders; respect their actions. And till today SF has done nothing for which they deserve any respect or love! They need to be shown their correct place!

Agree Shruti

I really wish Amma was there to knock some sense into Indira. Her slavish devotion to her family is neither helping her or her family. It is just like candy - sweet but unhealthy, unlike a hearty meal which is nutritious.

I also believe that Indira's family will oneday, be the death of her.

If they can kill Rishi for SN, send her to jail for a measely necklace, what is preventing them from killing her for SN, if the desire for money is intense. The only reason she has been safe till now is that they need her, and need for money has not yet crossed a certain threshold. Once that threshold is crossed, all bets are off

Quote

Sal Hari

@Sphari403

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: jjkg

Agree Shruti

I really wish Amma was there to knock some sense into Indira. Her slavish devotion to her family is neither helping her or her family. It is just like candy - sweet but unhealthy, unlike a hearty meal which is nutritious.

I also believe that Indira's family will oneday, be the death of her.

If they can kill Rishi for SN, send her to jail for a measely necklace, what is preventing them from killing her for SN, if the desire for money is intense. The only reason she has been safe till now is that they need her, and need for money has not yet crossed a certain threshold. Once that threshold is crossed, all bets are off

Very True. Indira is now jobless, thus no income. It wont be long before Munna and Kutumb Kick Indira out of the house. Hopefully than she realizes. But knowing Indira's Character She would probably hang outside Sharma Niwas, because the Sharma's are "MAHAAN".

Quote

1 2

Indira desperately needs to learn this

Related Topics

Explore Topics