Sirius POV - FF -New Update - Pg 5 - Page 3

Conflicted.

He looks so much the same, yet he is so different. Not for the first time, this thought has occurred to Sirius. His godson, looked so much like James, that it was sometimes difficult to believe that this was not him but in fact his son.

James. How he missed his brother. For though, Harry was alike James in so many ways, he was also very different. It still pained him, that it was at his insistence that Wormtail was made Secret Keeper. He was to be blamed for their deaths, and no one else. James needed convincing, and he had done a good job making the case for Peter. Their very own Judas. That guilt would haunt him until the day life left his body.

But when he had first seen young Harry, and noted the uncanny resemblance of his best friend, he felt that the world had given him a reprieve. He had his best friend back. Prongs. James' son, his godson would erase the hole in his soul left by James' death. He would be able to help his son, become the man that James had wanted him to be and Sirius felt his guilty heart would heal.

Yet as he grew to know Harry, the years melted away, and Sirius felt like the teenager he once was, but had long left behind. He found is counterpart in Harry. He willed him to be like James, the daredevil, blithe and carefree. Yet he knew deep in his very being, by Harry's actions and Harry's words and by Lily's eyes, that though Harry looked like James, he was not and probably never would be. But Sirius tried to bury that voice, that apprehension, but it was not to be buried.

He realized that where Harry tread carefully, James would have throttled full steam ahead, and when Harry was forced to attack, he did so not for the fun of the fight, but as means to save the ones he loved. Harry may have looked like James, but he was in no way like James. This fact Sirius had come to realize only recently. The resolve was set.

No longer does Harry need a friend, but he needs a parent and Sirius would be that parent. He would see Harry as he was and not as he wished him to be. His friend would be disappointed to believe that Sirius, tried to find that which was lost where it could never be found. He would strive to be a better parent, a parent that he had promised James and Lily that he would be.

As Sirius made up his mind to be a better parent, he heard someone rush into the hall from the kitchen. A feeling of dread suddenly came upon him and the feeling was compounded even more when he saw Snape in the Entrance Hall looking distressed.