Come live with me, and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,
With silken lines, and silver hooks.
John Donne
It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Avdesh is on the terrace haunted and tormented. His face all ravaged and lined with grief as he remembered Arpita's words... They are etched in his heart and mind, giving no relief from their ever present hurt.... At the same time he recalls his bhabi's words, tying unto him like a proverbial rope, preventing him from taking that step forward to his wife...He gets up and roams around restlessly, his heart and mind with Arpita.... He never knew love until her.... To live without her love now, after basking in it, will condemn him to one of the living dead..... How could she not stand by him? How could she forget her vows so quickly? Reject him and his love? ... He turns away his angry eyes settling in the distance.... The way to silence the torment was beckoning to him.....He storms into the hut that held the remedy for his forgetfulness... Grabbing the bottle of amber nectar he closed his eyes and gulped the fiery drink down like water. Without a pause he broke open another seal, desperate now to reach the loving arms of oblivion and cease his pain....for just a fraction of second if possible.
Two souls with but a single thought, Two hearts that beat as one.: Friedrich Halm
Arpita wonders about her room too restless and sad... Her eyes kept drifting to the big bed; cold and empty just as her own dreams were for a night when two couples would become one heart and soul....Unable to bear the mockery of that luxurious be , she averts her eyes.... her mind drifting back to bygones..... What had been a golden dream, her heart's desire coming alive now tasted cold and bitter...Instead of strong arms holding her, the lingering taste of ashes sustain her now..... She missed and ached for her husband... everywhere she looked he haunted her....memories as palpable as the touch she yearned for....Tears of grief and loss wets her face, gleaming like ice as she looks at her sindoor in the mirror.....the red mark proclaiming to the world her place in Avdesh's life...how could something so true and right could be made to look so false?.....wrecking sobs take over.
Then she hears that her beloved was on the path to self destruction......wings lent speed to her feet, she ran through the dark night, her hair and sari flying wildly, barefoot uncaring of where she stepped her only thought was to get to her husband before the point of no return...to bring him back safe and sound into her aching and empty arms.
Arpita burst into the hut, her shocked eyes sweeps over the empty and broken bottles littering the room...in one corner sat her husband, drinking away steadily.... she ran to him and made for the bottle but he swats her hand away like a pesky fly. She makes a grab for it again but once again he pushes it away. Desperately, she looked around and hurried over to the drinks cabinet.... If you can't beat them, join them.....Breaking the seal, she lifts the bottle to her mouth while her husband watches with narrowed eyes.... a hand roughly takes it and throws it away..... he growls at her, anger and a hint of concern showing through the drink roughened voice.... she responds back in anger, matching him tone for tone... this was the night of their reckoning..
Fury comes and goes on his face and he waves a hand dismissively... 'go and weave your colourful dreams, leave me be'.....he stumbles once more as pain flashed on his face... 'My blood boils...the fire in me rages unstoppable'....Arpita finally unleashes her own hidden pain, 'I hurt too.. if you can drink to quench your fire, why can't I drink to ease my pain?..you tell me to go and dream, how can I when I burn inside!'...she tries appealing once more, 'I love you and I am your wife, I can't leave you alone like this....'
Their angry word pricks and prods each other, wound bleeding in their hearts and soul....Avdesh too unleashes the dam in his wounded heart...his bitter words falling like stones between them as he tries to hold onto her and grabs her hair instead.... 'You think to favour me with your love?..but it is only for show...you are with a murderer and you did say you won't stand by a murderer'....the poison flows out tinged with acrid bitterness and hurt... 'This is my true face', he grits roughly... 'The whole world calls me a gunda...open your eyes and see my true face.....I'm a murderer, a gunda...go and fulfil your vow of not standing by this murderer...I will fulfil my vow of killing Lal Singh...I won't beg for your support' He adds the last softly, despairingly.
Heartbroken, she understood the depth of her husband's pain, caused by her frightened and concerned words....she finds herself being flung aside, stumbling on the ground as pain sliced through the tender flesh of her feet.... the blood dripping was straight from her wounded heart....... He turns and sees the blood and sobriety comes instantly as despair washes over him....
In her room Arpita sits cleaning the cut, the pain in synch with the one in her heart... A knock on her door but she ignores it, ignores the knock and him again.....giving up, he thrust opens the door....both exchanging a long, calm look.... He comes and sits next to her, on the floor. Tenderly, he put his hand on her foot, only for Arpita to push it away. He stops for a moment and once more reaches for her foot and once more Arpita pushes it away.....payback made and accepted... he tells her that the cut will be better in a few days...whereas the wound in her heart, he gave, will take some time to heal....that he cares for her and cannot stand by and watch her pain....Arpita looks back sadly, I fought the world to come here and be with you, and today you tell me to leave...
He opened his heart.. admitting the power she has over him... believe in this, I cannot bear to see tears in your eyes, see you in pain or sad...but there is also another truth in my life along this...I cannot push aside my oath to bhauji...until that oath is fulfilled, bhauji won't be at peace and neither will I be....if she isn't at peace, how can I be happy?....He stands up and holds his hand out...she joins her hand with him.. her bridal mehendi still fresh and gleaming...untouched, just as she is..... As he moved to leave, Arpita grabbed onto his hand and beseeched him silently not to leave her alone...his torment surfaced once more, as sadness and hunger lines his face...staying away from you is hard.... reluctantly he pulls his hand away - for the first time. In the distance a single moment of time was captured in a photo for all eternity a laughing and carefree Avita, on their wedding day...eyes clear and full of dreams still to come.
My thoughts:
Whew...this was a really emotional episode. I did say a few days back that we will soon see an Avita moment, but even I didn't realise how power packed it will be. There is a slight shift now, Avdesh knows Arpita is unhappy with his rash choices and so in his own way tries to make her understand, by presenting her with a fait accompli....For herself, she made it clear her love and her husband comes first with her..that she won't meekly accept everything...she wasn't shy about making it clear what she wants from him and his understanding of that pain, a twin he carries inside him as well....shows how close they are, how in tune of one another....
They both hurt and healed each other tonight, once again showed their love and sustained each other for the days to come... taking another step to their future. Each acknowledged the power the other has over them...Avdesh for his part, finally showed how much he took her words to heart and how they were eating his insides like acid.....only someone he loves can have that power.
Also some foreshadowing.... Avdesh saying he can't bear to see her in pain or sad......as well as his own determination to put aside his own happiness to fulfil an oath to another...which for the moment includes Arpita....so how will it play out if he see's her upset or hurt or in danger???
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Kumkum Bhagya
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
