SS : KAREWA chapter 15 updated page 30...1st june - Page 23

Originally posted by: arti07

guyz chapii 14 sorry for chotu update bas jitna likha chaap diya 😆

Chapter 15

Gulaal quickly ran into the house closed the door behind her heart was beating fastly her breath was rapid and her whole being was soaked in immense pleasure……..slowly she looked at her palm tht was stained in saffron orange…… her skin blushed a deep crimson looking at tht color even she didn't knew wen the delicate, and the soft colour came and went in her cheek with such sweet shyness, y her heart hammered wenever she heard his name….she was clueless suddenly she heard the engine of kesar's car…..she smiled and ran towards the window…kesr had returned from the office he get out of the car he walked with the slow steps while gulaal kept staring at him lifting her window curtains with deep fondness for a sec his steps stopped and he looked upwards…gulaal's heart thumped widly she dropped her curtain and hide herself and her face flushed she closed her eyes in shyness……….. and smiles for which she had been unable to account, flashed back upon her mind like lightning with this sudden explanation

The world had seemed to have changed by magic it felt like the ice within her was melting making her feel the warmth of her own desires tht were locked inside her heart Her cheeks were lit with an unwonted glow, her eyes were suffused with a tenderer and a happier light, and her heart was reeling with new found happiness…..…..her happiness appeared in the radiant glow in her face………her eyes reflected her dreams…….she was in love with the vision of herself

Though she was still too confused. But perhaps he had filled the empty spaces in her heart ... Suddenly her heart, totally belying her cool expression, had broken into an excited jerky gallop. She felt a tingle go through her from her scalp to her toenails…….Whatever he was to her, his absence made her ache for him to return. Maybe he'd be able to tell her something that could bring everything back to her. Often her gaze wander to the the door waiting for his arrival…often her feets stucked seeing him walking towards her in the corridor she hide herself in the corner looking at him and peeked at him from distance

everyday she waited for for him to call out her name……. everyday she yearned for tht one look from his eyes….

every afternoon she entered his room to clean it and invlontarily her hands slipped beneath the pillow to search her pics tht always lay there without a fail…she spend hrs and hrs sitting in his bedroom gazing those pics with deep fondness……..everday she sat near his bed and resting her head on the bed remembering the memories of tht night ofcourse the night was painful for her for many days she wept and cried in silence then dunno wen her heart beat became rapid remembering the memories of tht night. the night where she had never felt so satisfied so worshipped...she placed her palm on the bed feeling it….… his breath and his kiss still lingered on her lips …..His touch still made her tingle and left her craving more……… the warmth of his body against her made her blush furiously …she shivered as she remembered his passion she knew if given the chance she could endure it all again whatever it was but surely it kept the unrelenting emptiness away from her………. her days were miserable her nights even more restless………..everynight she turned and tossed in her bed wanting him……evernight she waited for him to take her in his arms kiss her and love her madly…..many times she tried to speak to him but seems like her words were chocked inside her throat leaving her miserable…….

one morning poonam came to visit her she called for her "gulaal …gulaal kithe hai"

gulaal came out of the kitchen she looked at her mother surprisingly and then she embraced her mother and asked "arey maa aap achanak aur kya hua inne savere savere sab changa haina"

poonam said "kyu tujhe nahi pata kya………… mei aur teri biji pass waale gao mein mata rani k darshan karne jaa rahe hain aaj poornima haina to aaj ka din jyada shubh hota hai"

poonam and biji had decided to go on pilgrimage to nearby village….

Gulaal looked surprised she asked "aaj par mujhe to kuch bhi nahi pata"

Biji said from behind "haan kal phone par poonam ji ne apne jaane k iccha jahir ki to meine socha mein bhi chal kar mata rani k darshan ka lab le lu……waise bhi jo itni khusiyaan mila hai wooh sab inhe ki krapa se toh hai"

Gulaal looked at her she smiled and said "par biji aapne to bataya hi nahi bata deti to mein tayyari karne mein madad kar deti"

Biji looked at her and smiled she said "arey tayyari sab ho gayi hai meine preeto se kah diya tha usne sab kar diya hai aur phir kal hi waapis aa jana hai koi itna door to nahi jaa rahe haina meine kesar ko bhi bata diya hai usne rattan se kah kar intzaam karwa diya hai tu fikr mat kar"

Gulaal twitched she said "arey sab kuch ho gaya aur mujhe to malum hi nahi"

Poonam hold her hand and made her sit beside her she and said "acha mujhe yeah bata mata rani se kya mango..kuch bolna hai mata rahi se"

Gulaal stood silent for few moments and then with soft smile in her face she said "is ghar aur kesar k khushi se jyada mujhe kya chahiye"

A smile ran across biji and poonam's face

Her cheeks flushed with shyness and she said "maa aap kesar k liye dher saare duayein maangna aur uski safalta k liye prathana karna………."

A silent tears aroused in poonam's eye as she kept looking gulaal with fondness

Gulaal looked at biji and said "biji mein raste k liye kuch banaa deti hun bas 5 min lagenge"

And saying tht she quickly went inside the kitchen and prepared some sweets and snacks for biji and poonam….. packing them in the tiffin she came out of the kitchen and heard her mother's conversation

Poonam "mein bahoot khush hun gulaal k liye…… dekhiye kitni khush lag rahi hai aaj k din……..

warna aaj k din to iski ankhon bheegi rehti thi…par aaj dekhiye sab kuch kaise bhul gayi"

Gulaal was suspicious what was her mother was talking about ? wat was today? her mind reeled in confusion…….

Biji nodded her head in consent "haan vasant k jaane k baad gulaal ko yeah din uske soonepan ko aur badha deta tha……har saal gulaal apni aur vasant k shaadi k saalgarih par kitna tadapati thi par aaj khush hai acha hai apne ateet ko bhul kar aaj mein jeene k koshish kar rahi hai Gulaal was shocked her mouth parted in horror the words felt like a lightening to her………it was her WEDDING ANNIVERSARY !……..her most cherished aspect of her life…..and she had forgotten it ? so easily?…how could she?……she was strucked with horror as she stood there blankly………..biji looked at her she moved towards her and took the tiffn in her hand she said something to her and then she left with poonam………..but gulaal was vunerable she didn't listened anything……everything else blurred as the tears of guilt appeared in her eyes….in desperation she ran towards the terrace……..she was totally shattered her breathing was rapid her hand trembled……… her knees wobbled and threatened to fold on her and she slopped on the ground, as she felt herself plunged in the total darkness…..the memories of the past ran through her mind

Gulaal "vasant mein tumse bahoot pyaar karti hun"

Vasant "jhooth"

Gulaal resting her head on his shoulder said "nahi sach…tere bina nahi jee paungi "

she shook her head in guilt

vasant "yeah karwachauth ka vrat mere liye? Par kyu?"

Gulaal "taaki mein sirf tumahari rahu agle saath janam tak"

Vasant gulaal mujhe bilkul acha nahi lagta koi aur tujhe dekhe vada kar gulal tu sirf meri rahegi…..hamesha

Gulaal "vasant yeah vada to meine phere k samay kar liya tha….vasant mein sirf tumhari hun aur hamesha sirf tumhari rahungi"

Her heart ached a painful beat remembering her own words she buried her face in guilt…how could she forget her promise so soon…..how could she even let other man step inside her heart…. Infact she was so engrossed in her fantasy world tht she almost forgot him…her husband the person tht she had loved whole heartedly……. y her heart was brimming with joy thinking about other man………

She remembered her blunt reply to her mother wen her mother asked about the second marriage

Poonam "gulaal akele jeevan jeena bahoot mushkil hota hai aurat ko sahare k jarurat padti hai"

Gulaal replied in anger "aur logo ko jaururat padti hogi maa……….. aapki gulaal itni kamzor nahi hai ki use kise mard k jarurat pade…….vasant ne chu liya mujhe….ab aur koi nahi chu sakta"

Poonam "par beta meri baat sun"

Gulaal "ek baat batao maa agar ishwar naa kare baba k saath kuch hua to kya aap bhi aage badh jaoge….jo bhi yaadein aapne baba k saath guzari hai use bhula doge……..nahi maa mein apne yaadein k sahare apna poora jeevan beeta dungi…meri yaadein mujhse koi nahi cheen sakta koi nahi"

The tears ran down her cheeks as she remembered it….

The guilt creeped in her soul she loathed herself allowing herself to steep so low…how could she forget her past so easily and wen it was filled with sweet essence of her husband's love…she closed her eyes and tried to imagine her sweet memoried with vasant but her heart flashed kesar's memories instead, it was him tht filled her memory not her husband

Flashbacks

She tried to remember vasant who hugged her after returning from a business trip to nearby village "gulaal mujjhe yaad kiya tune" but her memories led to Kesar where he embraced her whole being wen he had returned from the hostel "gulaal gosh i missed u so much"

She remembered her lohiri with vasant " gulaal tu kinni soni lag rahi hai"and sequence of memories led to kesar where He took her into his arms in lohiri "chal ab bhool jaana maaf kar de menu"

She tried to remember her intimate moments with vasant the moments where he made love to her but it was all grey black She had racked her brain trying to remember, but she couldn't…..her mind could only think of kesar …. When he kissed her back softly "I like u so much"

When he looked in her eyes and said "mein tujhse bahoot pyaar karta hun gulaal nahi jee punga tere bina"

…and the memories of the night flooded back….the night where he shaked her whole existence with love he kissed her made love to her "I want u gulaal….i want u so badly"

gulaal "nahi jise khud bada kiya uski jimmedari nibhaayi usese rishta jodu chiii"…her sould burned as she remembered her own words tht scarcely seemed her own- the words tht were untainted now it burned in shame….guilt shame and thousand of pangs rent her heart with the pain she dreamed never before……..

she was restless if she loved her husband wht was he to her? wht were the feeling she had for kesar……….Wht was tht love or lust? Was she attracted to him because he had given her the forbidden pleasure tht she was devoid of all this years?………… her eyes shimmering with unshed tears of shame and uncertaninty………she felt disgusted of herself

in pain and agony a desperate cry escaped from deep inside her throat………."vasant mujhe maaf kar do mujhse bahoot bada paap hua hai…mein tumse wafadari nahi nibha paayi….chiii kya soch rahi thi mein…..chiii"

she felt so ashamed, as if she'd actually cheated on her husband… in fury she threw her fist in the air and screamed but the sound died in the air as the rain not a gentle mist but a drenching rain splashed against her face ……….without warning began to fall on her…the tears kept falling on her as the rain seemed to come down more fiercely.. she pulled her knees and cried hysterically the immense guilt emrged in her heart she cried in the rains for hrs she cried until she had no tears left to shed just quiet sobs pain in her heart………… freezing dripping shivering she stood motionless the rain had subsided and the wind blew with less might. ... She flung herself on the corner of the terrace and lay, not tearful—for she was now beyond tears—she lay still

it was late evening and preeto came in there searching her she was shocked to her in this state "parjaiji yeah kya yeah aap yanha kyu beithu ho…mein to subah se aap ko dhundh rahi thi socha aap shayad baba k ghar gaye honge…aur yeah kya aap to poori tarah se bheeg gaye ho"

gulaal lay motionless

preeto looked at her and shook her "parjaiji ki hoya

the next moment preeto screamed "haaye rabba yeah kya apka badan to tap raha hai…chalo parjaji neeche chalo"..gulaal was out in the rain for several hrs…..worn out and exhausted her body was burning with fever

gulaal was too tired to walk preeto supported her and brought her downstairs and help her change her clothes and said "parjaiji mein kesar veerji ko phone kar deti hun wooh turant aa jaayenge"

gulaal frowned she was already feeling disgusted she replied in anger and irritation she replied "nahi…koi jarurat nahi……kesar ko bulane ki mein theek hun"

preeto replied "par paraiji aapko tez bhukar hai veerji ko pata chalega.."

gulaal shouted "bola naa tujhe use nahi bulana hai khabardar jo usko bulaya bhi toh…mein thek hun bas kada banaa de theek ho jungi"

preeto nodded her head in consent but insisted she said "acha thek hai veerji ko nahi bulaayenge par doctor shahib ko mein bula rahi hun…apko bhukaar hai"

gulal didn't said anything as she closed her eyes she took a blanket and covered herself,stretching her exhausted body under the covers and slept

kesar arrived at home late night….

preeto opened the door for him…..he was startled he asked "preeto tu yanha itni raat ko? kya baat hai ? ghar nahi gayi"

Preeto said in low voice "kesarveerji aapka hi intzaar kar rahi thi wooh gulaal parjajiji ko bahoot tez bhukar hai biji bhi nahi thi isliye mujhe rukna pada"

Kesar was shocked he was fearful he asked in nervousness "gulaal ko bhukar………kitna bhukaar hai aur tune mujhe bulaya kyu nahi tu bhi naa preeto phone nahi kar sakti thi saying this he ran towards gulaal;s room

Preeto called him from behind "kesarveerji gulaal parjaiji ne aapko batane se manaa kar diya tha………shayad aap ghbra jaate isliye she tried to find reason"

Kesar heart broke into pieces his eyes widened his feet stopped a tear appeared in his eyes as he hung his head in guilt

He looked back at preeto and asked in barely audible voice"…ma…manaa kar diya…"his heart was crushed into pieces…….. he took a deep breath "doctor ko bulaya ? kya kah rahe the wooh ?"

Preeto said "haan bulaya tha doctor sahib ne kaha sab changa bas bearish mein rehne k karan bhukar hai ek do din mein uttar jaayega……..haan yeah diwai de hai shaam ki to meine de di hai raat waalo dawai aap de dijeyega….."

She extended the pills to him……..kesar lowered his eyes and took it with suspicion…..

Preeto said "raat bahoot ho gayi hai veerji mein chalti hun aap gulaal parjaiji ka dhyaan rakhna aap to jaante hai apni bikul parvah nahi karti"

The night grew darker and longer while kesar sat in the chair in the living room contemplating his whole life….the pain and the anguish he felt was heavily pentrating his every pore of the body this heart his mind and his soul was devastated by the guilt and the shame tht he exemplified to the himself and his gulaal…….how would he face her?..will..his mind was unrest…several hrs passed in hesitation and nervousness…kesar looked at the clock it was time for her medicine he stood up, his nervousness and uneasiness increased manifold…..with heavy steps he climbed the upstairs to her bedroom…..he came on the top of the stairs…everything was covered in darkness except from the orange streak of light tht slipped from her bedroom….he moved towards her room and stood outside her room….he was clueless perhaps he was hesitant about entering her room but still he gathered his courage and slightly knock on the door and said in low voice "gulaal"

There was complete silence

He thought for a while and knocked again gulaal

NOTHING….

He thought tht she might have dozed off he hung his head down and turned wen he heard a faint cry "aah"

His eyes widened his heart grew restless he immediately turned around and opened the door with the bang…..

"Aah"

his heart skipped a beat at the fright….gulaal was tucked in her bed she was shivering trembling her face flushed with fever..her teeth chattered and her dry lips were apart in the effort to breath……kesar was hell scared his mouth parted in horror the blood in his vein froze to see her in this state he ran towards her…..he shake her up and called loudly "gulaal gulaal"…but she was trembling in fever…….kesar was horrified he pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around her, and embraced her tightly…… he covered both of them with the blanket rubbed her arms to make her stop trembling……..gulaal was unconscious yet she recognized his touch the touch tht acted like a balm on her lonely soul… She felt good. She really did. The warmth of his made her feel more relaxed. She curled in his embrace and let his warmth enter her body…her body stopped trembling and passed her arms around him and closed her eyes in contentment silent tears fell down as kesar held her to him he wanted to take care of her make her feel safe and secure……… minutes passed in the silence as they held each other…..slowly she opened her eyes to look at him dazed…….suddenly she realized wat was she doing she had already gone into his arms….arms of her husband's brother…..she closed her eyes in desperation and pushed him away from her and turned her face away facing the dashboard of the bed…….

Kesar was little startled….a deep pain arised in his heart he stood up and lowered his eyes and said "gulaal tu bhukaar se kaanp rahi thi isliye wooh…..biji ne bataya tha jab bhukar mein thand lage to kambal udha kar garmi deni chahiye"

Gulaal turned around and looked at him in anger and said "tu yana kyu aaya tha"

Kesar said in low voice "gulaal teri dawai lene ka samay ho gaya hai isliye dawai dene k liye"

She took a deep breath she pulled her blanket turned her face away and pretending to sleep she said mujhe kuch nahi chahiye tu jaa yanha se"

Kesar argued "gulaal plz bhukar bahoot tez hai…..koi aur nahi hai isliye aana pada plz dawai le le"

Gulaal replied in anger "bola naa nahi chahiye jaa yanha se"

Kesar said with tears in his eyes "gulaal mere liye naa sahi vasant veerji k liye……gulaal vasant veerji aaj k din tujhe bahoot chaav se is ghar mein laaye the…..tu aaj unki jindagi mein aayi thi aur aaj agar wooj tujhe is halat mein dekhenge to unhe bahoot takleef hogi…unke liye dawai le le"

Gulaal was shocked her mouth parted in horror even he remembered her wedding anniversary ! it was just her who forgot it…..her soul cursed her the desperation frustration and the anger reached a crescendo she turned back and shouted at the top of the voice "acha bahoot fikr hai tujhe apne vasant veerji ki…..badi parwah karta hai unki…to phir kahan gayi thi yeah fikr jab tu unke patni se pyaar karne ka dava karta tha tab kahan gayi thi yeah parvah jab tune unke vidhwa apni patni banana chahata tha tab kanha gaya tha us raat jab tujhe ek pal bhi nahi laga tha unki amanat k saath"

Gulaal a pain screamed from his throat…..he felt like someone has ripped his soul right out of his body,,,,,,, the tears aroused out of his eyes,out of his chest, maybe out of his soul.

"Yeah kya bol diya tune" he stammered his heart was crushed into million pieces

he paused remembering the harsh word tht was like molten lava on his heart he chewed his lower lips and looked away in other direction trying not to cry hysterically

he took a deep breath and said "tu itna gira hua samjhati hai mujhe……" he wiped his tears away and said with a hint of anger "aur tu amanat k baat kar rahi hai to sun meine vasant veerji k hare k cheez aaj tak apne pass sambhal kar rakhi hui hai unka pen unka chasma unki pagdi unki jootiyan sab kuch gulaal…..sab kuch unki amanat samjha kabhi nahi chua…….par tu…..par tu nahi gulaal" he said firmly

he looked in her eyes and said "par tu nahi gulaal kyunki tu koi cheez nahi hai aur naah hi koi amanat….tu ek aurat hai gulaal…har aurat k tarah tujhe zindagi jeene ka haq hai"

WOMAN did he said tht ? wen was the last time she thought she was a woman ….a tears roused in her eyes as she looked into his eyes

Kesar continued "meine vasantveerji k vidhwa se nahi tere andar k aurat se pyaar kiya tha….socha tha shayad us aurat andar kuch ehsaas honge shayad uske andar bhi dil hoga shayad har aurat k tarah use bhi tanhayian (lonileness) pareshan karti hongi shayad wooh bhi sapne bunati hongi…par mujhe nahi pata tha gulaal tu sirf pathar bani rehna chahti thi….."

He looked straight in her eyes and said "mujhe koi afsos nahi k meine apni bhai k vidhwa ko chaha…..wooh jisne kabhi mere ugli pakad kar mujhe rah dikhayi…. kya galat kiya agar mein uski kka haath thaam kar uska humsafar banana chaha"

Gulaal swallowed a huge lump in her throat and said "tere yeah sab bolne se tera paap kam nahi hoga samjha tu"

Kesar looked at her and said "haan manta hun meine paap kiya hai bahoot bada paap kiya shayad iska koi prayaschit nahi hai par tu bata gulaal tune kyu itne saal apne saath paap kiya…..kyu nahi tune kisi aur ka haath thama...kyu nahi aage badhi aur yeah mat kehna is karewa k wajah se kyunki is rishte k to koi maayne hi nahi the naa mein tera pati tha aur naa tu meri patni tu phir kyu gulaal kyu?"

Gulaal looked at him confused…..

Kesar took a deep breath and said in low voice "gulaal mein tere haath jodta hun….meri wajah se pehle humare apne bahoot takleef main hai mein nahi chahta ab aur kuch unhe jhelna pade…gulaal tujhe mujhse takleef haina thek hai mein vada karti hun aaj k baad mein tujhe apni shaqal nahi dkihaunga par aaj mujhe tei dekhbaal karne the.…jab tak teri tabiyat thek nahi ho jaati mujhe yanha rehne de… plz "

He begged her…gulaal didn't said anything she was too exhausted….. she tucked herself in the bed and didn't move…

Kesar stood in silence for a moment and then walked towards her and sat beside her he extended some pills and glassof water to her….gulaal took a deep breath she didn't have any strength to resist she gave up and slowly took the pills and looked at him

Kesar took the glass from her and put it on the side table he then lowered his eyelids and asked "kya khauogi"

Gulaal looked away and said "kuch nahi"

Kesar replied "kuch kha lo tabyeet thek lagegi"

Gulaal said "mujhe bhook nahi nahi"

Kesar insisted "mujhe parvah nahi……mein dhoodh la raha hun"

Gulaal said in annoyance "tu bahoot ziddi hai"

Kesar replied firmly "aur tu bimar hai" he turned and walked towards the door

Gulaal replied "tujhe itni fikr karne k jarurat nahi hai"

Kesar turned and said "jarurat hai gulaal kyuni humara is bematalb k rishtey se upar bhi ek rishta hai jisne mujhe yeah haq diya hai….aur yeah haq is janam mein to tu mujhse le nahi sakti"

Uttering those words he moved out of her bedroom leaving her speechless…after few minutes he returned with a glass of milk gulaal frowned but he made her drink forcefully….gulaal looked at him he gently covered her with the blanket…and sat besides her he started to rub her palms gently his hand pressed her forehead gently , dispelling the stream of memory that pained her….gulaal felt relaxed ….Tiredness washed over her but there was a sense of peace as well…gulaal looked at him in awe his care his touch was making her lost her control on herself she was trying hard to stop herself from the want to relax into his strongs arms to give into the emotions tht she experienced with great intensity she wanted to lie there against him protected by him never to leave tht protection she wanted to him to wrap her in his warm embrace and stay with her forever……… never in her life she ached for a touch like this…she wanted him to confront her calm her heart…the medicine began to calm her nerves and she closed her eyes in relaxation

Kesar looked at her….she was sleeping he removed his hand from her head and was about to stood up but gulaal caught his wrist and stopped him kesar turned back he was clueless he sat back beside her in half dizziness state she moved closer to him she put her head on his shoulder and passed her arms around him and embraced him tightly………as if it was the only thing she wanted in her life…kesar looked at her and ease himself on the bed……he lied on the bed and She curled herself around him feeling the warmth tht emanated from his body. She didn't care they had come too close. She was sick she needed him and he made her better. That was all that mattered.…..she slowly passed in the deep slumber but kesar remained awakened whole night she was in his arms but he didn't touch her……..he looked at her it felt as if his heart would burst he lay quietly looking into nothing the tears came gushing from his eyes as he couldn't stop them…his gulaal was in pain and he was the reason for it he felt guilty and ashamed of himself…….the night grew darker and darker and slowly everything engulfed in darkness

Soon the early sun rays hit her face..gulaal opened her eyes lazily she groaned and turned into the bed and saw herself sleeping in his arms contendly….she had slept without dreams without fears without lonilessness…her fever subsided… She looked at him as he was sleeping with a beatific smile illumining his face….she looked at him in complete awe ….Her entire body tingled from his nearness. ….. she blushed deeply over her cheeks and temples; and the blush spread quickly to her ears unable to resist herself she extended her hand to caress his cheeks….kesar opened his eyes slowly…gulaal was startled her heart beat nearly stopped in her bossom with a jerk she withdraw her hand and sat on the bed…..soon the reality hit on her…….her eyes widened in disbelief she had stopped him and slept in his arms and how many hrs she had been lying against him her heart beat increased rapidly………she blushed and stood up in haste and turned his face away…..her breathing was rapid She tried to reason with herself, to calm the trepidation churning inside her…wat will she say to him? she was confused

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and said in nervousness "wooh.mein…mera matlab kal raat ko….." suddenly she heard the door closed behind her she turned to look at him but he had gone without asking any question without seeking for any reason he just walked away from her……..the tears bubbled in her eyes as she saw him walking away………