Lessons from SaiRat (serious post) - Page 3

Originally posted by: tptwi

I agree with this completely. Breaking out of toxic cycles of abuse is not so easy. People are a product of their surroundings at the end of the day. I find that therapy and seeking mental health help is still taboo in many Indian families as well, which prohibits people from dealing with their monsters. People can try to combat their own issues as much as they want, but when trauma is so embedded in a family over generations, it can take a lifetime to get rid of even an ounce of it on your own.

I can only speak of my own life experiences, but those who are able to break out on their own are the exception, not the majority by any means. And, if they are so lucky, a part of them is constantly at battle with what they have grown up seeing and learning.

Hey Pooja❤️🤗

@red At the risk of sounding controversial, the Indian family system itself is rotten. Most of them are dysfunctional which advocate hypocrisy, patriarchy and insincerity in the name of family values. Being in this rotten system for long only manages to reinforce the toxicity. And yes, the taboo against therapy is very real.

@blue I agree 100%

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

Hey Pooja❤️🤗

@red At the risk of sounding controversial, the Indian family system itself is rotten. Most of them are dysfunctional which advocate hypocrisy, patriarchy and insincerity in the name of family values. Being in this rotten system for long only manages to reinforce the toxicity. And yes, the taboo against therapy is very real.

@blue I agree 100%

@green I agree about emotional baggage. As someone who has closely seen loved ones grappling with complex emotional issues, seen loved ones married to people with emotional baggage, I agree that everything is not black & white.

Some people do take a decision to be part of their partner's healing process - if and only if the person in question is honest. But there has to be level, an upper limit - for me personally, domestic abuse is way out of the upper limit. And not worth it at all. It is humiliating and degrading, not to mention a capable of crushing one's self-esteem. My POV.

Many people, especially women, simply remain in abusive relationships because they are too weak or too helpless or lacking support to walk out. I'm scared for these people. It's not fair. This show is turning abuse into a romantic fantasy and people will unwittingly fall for it.

Nethra, you always say you are going to sound controversial, but then you end up saying something that I completely agree with 🤣 At least from my personal experiences, I have also witnessed the rotten nature of the Indian family system and how it can disrupt everyone's peace and wellbeing.

I also agree with everything else you have written here ❤️

I agree we should not romanticise a relationship like that of Sairat,but I also feel there is a chance for every individual to realise,reform and determine not to repeat the mistake again.

By going through life experiences of people around and taking something from our personal lives also,we should remember that we are watching a TV show where the CVs can make any extreme possible which hardly happens in real life.

Good post Nethraa..much needed.

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

Not that I did not try I did request him to try counseling but that chameleon turned my whole fam against me with his tears and natak. I am not the type to cry ever and during the phase except bro I don't think anyone has seen me cry. Bff and bhabs have sat with me thru my nightmares.

My connection with my bro turned out to be my survivor. He moved back to India took a few months off I got therapy and all. Legally seperated.

My bro friend was interested inspite all the shit and we dated for sometime and I now married for 6 years with a 4.5 year old daughter

Having your happy space is of utmost importance. Supportive family and friends is the greatest part in your story. That is wat matters.

We shall just focus on this 4.5 yr old bada pataka.

Originally posted by: Rdigest

@italic 1- it's obviously a fictional show, so nothing to learn from this show. Characters are Ott and most of them are hypocrites.

@italic 2- this is a difficult question. Yes the household and surroundings do effect upbringing of the children,but there are definitely children who infact turned around their life and moved away from toxicity. What I mean is for example some families believe in caste system. But the kids being educated and knowing how toxic caste system is , they didn't think caste system was neither right nor how people are treated based on this belief. Basically what I am trying to say is in real life it truly depends on the individual , their education and the varying influences they have in their life be it friends, mentors or family.

@bold - yesssss, absolutely correct. If anyone perceives Sai and Virat as their idols for romance, please don't do so, this is not romance. I will also add Pakhi, since I have seen people idolizing , sympathizing and victimizing her, trust me you wouldn't want to be such a person nor have such a person in your life.

@ bold - True, please don’t get carried away by Pakhi’s behavior and start stalking or sniffing your ex’s shirt.. in real life you will be labeled as a pshyo and get thrown in some mental asylum…

I have a question , a genuine one and the most controversial one too . I don’t want to make it Sai vs Virat but it’s disturbing when in the show one character’s shortcomings are projected as abuse while ignoring the other character who does something similar . Do we overlook the toxicity in the female lead because most of the time it’s women who face the abuse so do we tend to ignore male abuse and normalize the female lead behavior in the name of insecurities, provocation ? I know I will judged for asking this question but it doesn’t bother me hence I am asking this loud .

I want to ask this question, if we forget the fact that makers fail to highlight the female lead’s mistake , do we find some disturbing characteristics in Sai as well . Do we see a pattern similar to Virat where in her emotional state she oversteps her boundaries hurting her partner . Don’t we see the same pattern in Sai as well ? The difference between Virat and Sai is Virat realizes and apologizes but Sai doesn’t so does it make Sai right since she never acknowledges ?

We talk about abuse . Can these below incidents be termed as mental abuse and mental harassment.

1. Accusing someone of an murderer despite witnessing the murder scene

2. Accusing him of having an affair with his relative based on the discussion they had where he confessed of having a past ? Does having past give free pass for the spouse to taunt about having affair when angry . If the relative has feelings does it mean even Virat has and accuse him as well . If she genuinely felt they were having affair I can term it as misunderstanding but bringing this topic only when she is angry is a serious issue

3. Unilaterally taking the decision on behalf of a mentally challenged individual . Just because Pulkit turned out fine can we overlook the fact that she was impulsive in handling Devi’s case where she put Devi’s life at risk ? Isn’t it a disturbing behavior where she can put someone life at risk when she feels it right .

I blame the makers for whitewashing by making the other character create bigger blunders which overshadows the FL mistakes

Originally posted by: 404_NotFound

I have a question , a genuine one and the most controversial one too . I don’t want to make it Sai vs Virat but it’s disturbing when in the show one character’s shortcomings are projected as abuse while ignoring the other character who does something similar . Do we overlook the toxicity in the female lead because most of the time it’s women who face the abuse so do we tend to ignore male abuse and normalize the female lead behavior in the name of insecurities, provocation ? I know I will judged for asking this question but it doesn’t bother me hence I am asking this loud .

I want to ask this question, if we forget the fact that makers fail to highlight the female lead’s mistake , do we find some disturbing characteristics in Sai as well . Do we see a pattern similar to Virat where in her emotional state she oversteps her boundaries hurting her partner . Don’t we see the same pattern in Sai as well ? The difference between Virat and Sai is Virat realizes and apologizes but Sai doesn’t so does it make Sai right since she never acknowledges ?

We talk about abuse . Can these below incidents be termed as mental abuse and mental harassment.

1. Accusing someone of an murderer despite witnessing the murder scene

2. Accusing him of having an affair with his relative based on the discussion they had where he confessed of having a past ? Does having past give free pass for the spouse to taunt about having affair when angry . If the relative has feelings does it mean even Virat has and accuse him as well . If she genuinely felt they were having affair I can term it as misunderstanding but bringing this topic only when she is angry is a serious issue

3. Unilaterally taking the decision on behalf of a mentally challenged individual . Just because Pulkit turned out fine can we overlook the fact that she was impulsive in handling Devi’s case where she put Devi’s life at risk ? Isn’t it a disturbing behavior where she can put someone life at risk when she feels it right .

I blame the makers for whitewashing by making the other character create bigger blunders which overshadows the FL mistakes

Not at all especially the third one is something I am still totally not for. Getting a mentally ill person married is just not right for legal and practical reasons and when it happened I have commented on the same. I have seen a couple of such marriage and the consequence are tooo tooooo tragic mostly for the innocent kids born in it

First one I will attribute it to trauma. I rem when I went into shock due to an incident I did not react for more than 12 hours until my bro arrived

Second one my opinion is slightly different. Past is ok but he is not making it clear that he does not have lingering feelings for his ex. Sometimes he is yo yo and does not take a stand when his fam and his ex abuse her so she in a way manifests all that anger on him. But she is just 19 at that age sometimes it's difficult to understand what one feels.

I find it difficult to process for example emo when people are not clear I always say I can't read minds make it clear in words.

I find her also yo yo she herself is trying to be nice to peeps who have been abusive and toxic and it does get to me too

I watched a few epi where vi takes a stand for her to study and then when devi track started I have not really watched much

The post was on romanticism of toxic relationship and I felt compelled to comment since I have seen the consequence myself and quite a few around me

Again the above is my opinion

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

I never had such a fantasy but I did end up in a toxic marriage to a person who married me for my high salary. The background check came clean I realised later that he was a closet drug addict and drunkard. His appearance was mild and sweet in front of others and I often come across as brash since I am pretty straight forward . With almost no support except big bro it was a difficult cycle to break away.

The kind of abuse I heard from extended fam for bringing them a bad name was atrocious. Luckily towards the end , person who was my character witness in court was a person of high standing in my community and took a clear stand for me. It helped.

My bro bhabs and I went went thru turmoil.

Many gave me stupid examples from movies and such of how people change so I do tend to take it personally sometimes

More power to you girl 🤗

Very very proud of you that how fought back such terrible moments in your life ❤️

Let's just focus on the 4.5 years old pudding 😋😙😙

There is nothing to romanticise about SaiRat..

Reality is harsher and messier..

I have seen girls of Sai's age end up taking life.

I agree people change over times but if someone who was raised in a toxic environment like Virat there are very little chance to reform.

Saying from my personal experience one of my relatives has been in a abusive marriage for 30 years. That man was given several chances to change but alas dogs tail never be straighten ..

It's better for everyone getting out of such relationship because I have seen ladies who live with such men end up losing their moral compass.Same happened to my relative as well...

Let me tell you that man is also was raised in a unhealthy environment.. I heard that our family back then we're awe at his mild temperment and sweet nature.We hardly had any idea about his family especially his mother before marriage.

Agree with most you girls like Sai who is brash and extremely headstrong should not be with such man like Virat. He may love her beyond the limit because he got such compassion from his mother. But NOT to forget that he was also brought up in a misogynistic mind set. He may be charming but he never has his anger in check.. That something one can't change because the guy I was talking about earlier has the same issue.

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

I never had such a fantasy but I did end up in a toxic marriage to a person who married me for my high salary. The background check came clean I realised later that he was a closet drug addict and drunkard. His appearance was mild and sweet in front of others and I often come across as brash since I am pretty straight forward . With almost no support except big bro it was a difficult cycle to break away.

The kind of abuse I heard from extended fam for bringing them a bad name was atrocious. Luckily towards the end , person who was my character witness in court was a person of high standing in my community and took a clear stand for me. It helped.

My bro bhabs and I went went thru turmoil.

Many gave me stupid examples from movies and such of how people change so I do tend to take it personally sometimes

So proud of you!!🤗

Our mental peace and happiness is in our own hands and you proved it!! ❤️

Abuse is a vicious cycle the only way to end it is to break it.
bold - I have loads of such people in my own family, who say they will change.. they exhibit change for a while and get back to the same routine. Everyday you live in such a relationship costs a piece of your soul and ultimately never worth it.

Wish you and little one all the happiness in the world!

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

Not at all especially the third one is something I am still totally not for. Getting a mentally ill person married is just not right for legal and practical reasons and when it happened I have commented on the same. I have seen a couple of such marriage and the consequence are tooo tooooo tragic mostly for the innocent kids born in it

First one I will attribute it to trauma. I rem when I went into shock due to an incident I did not react for more than 12 hours until my bro arrived

Second one my opinion is slightly different. Past is ok but he is not making it clear that he does not have lingering feelings for his ex. Sometimes he is yo yo and does not take a stand when his fam and his ex abuse her so she in a way manifests all that anger on him. But she is just 19 at that age sometimes it's difficult to understand what one feels.

I find it difficult to process for example emo when people are not clear I always say I can't read minds make it clear in words.

I find her also yo yo she herself is trying to be nice to peeps who have been abusive and toxic and it does get to me too

I watched a few epi where vi takes a stand for her to study and then when devi track started I have not really watched much

The post was on romanticism of toxic relationship and I felt compelled to comment since I have seen the consequence myself and quite a few around me

Again the above is my opinion

I agree that toxic relationship shouldn’t be romanticized but my point was is Virat the only one having toxic behavior. I believe ITV is not ready to explore the man abuse and for them FL is either white or black but never in between . FL can make mistakes and they can carry the baggage too but I guess they are not ready to explore .

For me Sai questioning Virat’s character only when she is angry is same as Virat questioning Sai when he found her with Ajinkya in the their room . I see no difference. Past has no role here . If she truly believed he is having affair then we can think about past and it’s implications but here it’s only when she is angry and wants to hurt him . It’s a toxic behavior period .