Lessons from SaiRat (serious post) - Page 2

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

I never had such a fantasy but I did end up in a toxic marriage to a person who married me for my high salary. The background check came clean I realised later that he was a closet drug addict and drunkard. His appearance was mild and sweet in front of others and I often come across as brash since I am pretty straight forward . With almost no support except big bro it was a difficult cycle to break away.

The kind of abuse I heard from extended fam for bringing them a bad name was atrocious. Luckily towards the end , person who was my character witness in court was a person of high standing in my community and took a clear stand for me. It helped.

My bro bhabs and I went went thru turmoil.

Many gave me stupid examples from movies and such of how people change so I do tend to take it personally sometimes

Lots of love an strength to you and your family.... It takes immense courage to seperate an further courage to share that publically. 🤗🤗

My cousin had a similar experience...... As in Inspite of clean background check, he was a weird case....... They make the whole concept of arrange marriage look bleek an dicey.... Dnt know where this world is heading and wat we are doing.

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

We all come to this forum to have fun - joke around, make fun of CVs, do our beizzati in turn.

We also analyse and discuss - mostly Sai, Virat and SaiRat. We point what ails their relationship and what can heal it. We do it in the spirit that this is fiction.

But we all agree that this is a crap show. Whatever interesting material they had, makers ruined it by blind copy paste. We are here only for NeilSha. They are a once in a lifetime couple oozing with chemistry.

So, is there any lesson we can take from this show?

SaiRat to me is a cautionary tale. How everything that glitters is not gold.

Virat is introduced as a model of good principles and conduct. Sai is so convinced of his goodness that to her he can do no wrong. Things are fine in the initial days of marriage. He is extremely charming, attentive and makes his wife feel special. No wonder, his young wife is smitten. But the gross patriarchy, the abuse, the toxicity of his upbringing raises its ugly head - Virat has unknowingly internalised these toxic patterns. He commits an offence, probably realises his mistake, apologizes. But when confronted by overwhelming emotions, repeats the offence again. This pattern is the cycle of abuse.

How often does it happen that children brought up in such households (especially in India) are likely to be abusive themselves? The chances are staggeringly high. So if we or a loved one is dating someone who hails from toxic, abusive families - most often than not, it is a warning sign.

I don't know how many young people visit this forum. But if they do, no one should mistake SaiRat as 'romance'.

Happy Sunday! ❤️

@italic 1- it's obviously a fictional show, so nothing to learn from this show. Characters are Ott and most of them are hypocrites.

@italic 2- this is a difficult question. Yes the household and surroundings do effect upbringing of the children,but there are definitely children who infact turned around their life and moved away from toxicity. What I mean is for example some families believe in caste system. But the kids being educated and knowing how toxic caste system is , they didn't think caste system was neither right nor how people are treated based on this belief. Basically what I am trying to say is in real life it truly depends on the individual , their education and the varying influences they have in their life be it friends, mentors or family.

@bold - yesssss, absolutely correct. If anyone perceives Sai and Virat as their idols for romance, please don't do so, this is not romance. I will also add Pakhi, since I have seen people idolizing , sympathizing and victimizing her, trust me you wouldn't want to be such a person nor have such a person in your life.

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

I never had such a fantasy but I did end up in a toxic marriage to a person who married me for my high salary. The background check came clean I realised later that he was a closet drug addict and drunkard. His appearance was mild and sweet in front of others and I often come across as brash since I am pretty straight forward . With almost no support except big bro it was a difficult cycle to break away.

The kind of abuse I heard from extended fam for bringing them a bad name was atrocious. Luckily towards the end , person who was my character witness in court was a person of high standing in my community and took a clear stand for me. It helped.

My bro bhabs and I went went thru turmoil.

Many gave me stupid examples from movies and such of how people change so I do tend to take it personally sometimes

More strength to you for getting out of a toxic relationship 🤗

Originally posted by: Rdigest

@italic 1- it's obviously a fictional show, so nothing to learn from this show. Characters are Ott and most of them are hypocrites.

@italic 2- this is a difficult question. Yes the household and surroundings do effect upbringing of the children,but there are definitely children who infact turned around their life and moved away from toxicity. What I mean is for example some families believe in caste system. But the kids being educated and knowing how toxic caste system is , they didn't think caste system was neither right nor how people are treated based on this belief. Basically what I am trying to say is in real life it truly depends on the individual , their education and the varying influences they have in their life be it friends, mentors or family.

@bold - yesssss, absolutely correct. If anyone perceives Sai and Virat as their idols for romance, please don't do so, this is not romance. I will also add Pakhi, since I have seen people idolizing , sympathizing and victimizing her, trust me you wouldn't want to be such a person nor have such a person in your life.

I agree ..Children do get out of it, or force their family to accept the difference.. I know many such people like them as well!!

Originally posted by: Rdigest

@italic 2- this is a difficult question. Yes the household and surroundings do effect upbringing of the children,but there are definitely children who infact turned around their life and moved away from toxicity.

What I said is obviously not a rule. Some people do break out of toxic conditioning. But in most cases they turn out to be like their family - this is what I have found from my life experiences. Like father, like son isn't there without a reason. I tend to tread the path of caution. And advice caution likewise.

Obviously this is not a strict rule.

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

What I said is obviously not a rule. Some people do break out of toxic conditioning. But in most cases they turn out to be like their family - this is what I have found from my life experiences. Like father, like son isn't there without a reason. I tend to tread the path of caution. And advice caution likewise.

Obviously this is not a strict rule.

I agree with this completely. Breaking out of toxic cycles of abuse is not so easy. People are a product of their surroundings at the end of the day. I find that therapy and seeking mental health help is still taboo in many Indian families as well, which prohibits people from dealing with their monsters. People can try to combat their own issues as much as they want, but when trauma is so embedded in a family over generations, it can take a lifetime to get rid of even an ounce of it on your own.

I can only speak of my own life experiences, but those who are able to break out on their own are the exception, not the majority by any means. And, if they are so lucky, a part of them is constantly at battle with what they have grown up seeing and learning.

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

I never had such a fantasy but I did end up in a toxic marriage to a person who married me for my high salary. The background check came clean I realised later that he was a closet drug addict and drunkard. His appearance was mild and sweet in front of others and I often come across as brash since I am pretty straight forward . With almost no support except big bro it was a difficult cycle to break away.

The kind of abuse I heard from extended fam for bringing them a bad name was atrocious. Luckily towards the end , person who was my character witness in court was a person of high standing in my community and took a clear stand for me. It helped.

My bro bhabs and I went went thru turmoil.

Many gave me stupid examples from movies and such of how people change so I do tend to take it personally sometimes

So proud of you for having faced so much and come out of it so strong🤗🤗

Thanks for making this topic Nethra. Virat and Sai's relationship in real life would be a classic example of a toxic narcissistic one. Any woman should run away as far as possible from such people. Honestly, all these expressions of love don't mean a thing when the basic pillars of respect and trust are absent in a marriage. Having been closely associated with a divorce lawyer and seen how much women go through on a daily basis, I would never wish anyone to have a husband like Virat and a family like the Chavans.

In real life no one will continue to live in this relationship these days in this era even more in India. At least not a girl like Sai. To be very frank if were in her position I would have left Virat long back - May not be because of his toxic family but certainly because of Pakhi. No woman can and should tolerate a third person their marriage. Its an insult to the institution of marriage. I would have told in no uncertain terms that till the time I am married I am married. Real or Deal whatever and I wont tolerate a third person and I would have asked my husband to take a clear stance.

Originally posted by: MSgayatri

Lots of love an strength to you and your family.... It takes immense courage to seperate an further courage to share that publically. 🤗🤗

My cousin had a similar experience...... As in Inspite of clean background check, he was a weird case....... They make the whole concept of arrange marriage look bleek an dicey.... Dnt know where this world is heading and wat we are doing.

Not that I did not try I did request him to try counseling but that chameleon turned my whole fam against me with his tears and natak. I am not the type to cry ever and during the phase except bro I don't think anyone has seen me cry. Bff and bhabs have sat with me thru my nightmares.

My connection with my bro turned out to be my survivor. He moved back to India took a few months off I got therapy and all. Legally seperated.

My bro friend was interested inspite all the shit and we dated for sometime and I now married for 6 years with a 4.5 year old daughter

I think in real life if a man like Virat who grew up in a patriarchal mindset but himself was battling it and was a police officer, a righteous guy, and if he was serious about fulfiling his responsibility to his wife and really wanted peace- he'd move away from his house. He also wouldn't want to live with his ex girlfriend in the same space as his current bhabhi. For many reasons the best thing to do would be Sairat living separately but thats forbidden in itv🙄. Living away from family is NOT a bad thing as itv makes it out to be. Infact joint families if itv style are much fewer these days. Its better to live apart and in peace than live together and having screaming matches n zillat tug of war everyday.