Good morning sisterhood! 🌞🌻
The morning was so tuneful because it began with such a beautiful song -- one of my personal favourites -- based on Avadhi Brijwasi thumri, “Balma Re Chunaria Maiko Lal” of Pandit Birju Maharaj... "Mohe rang do laal".. I have been obsessed with this song because of the subtleties that it brings out even as the courtesan tries to seek the love but unlike the other numbers where the hastaks are overtly inviting... It goes so well with the restrained relationship that the two leads share at the moment.
Almost 17 minutes of only Sai and Virat, swinging on their emotions of belonging, expectations, insecurity, jealousy and finally mistrust and indignation -- both in equal measures. The beauty with which they held each other for the first few moments of their meeting each other at the end of the day could have set the tone for such a heart felt sharing but there's so much imaginary crowd in their space that it is impossible for the moment to hold.
How beautiful was that performance anyway -- From elegantly holding herself back in the beginning to letting her hair loose at the end, the feet tapping to the taal, the transition from being coy to seeking that love at the end of the recital! 😍😍 And, of course, the spin and fall straight into the arms of hifazat Karne wala police wala Pati, who went from being rose-eyed to green-eyed in under one minute flat.
Now when such a haseen zimmedari falls into your open arms after that mesmerising spinning on a Kathak Taal, what else can you do but admire and gaze... and if you are a confused jalebi maker, you can also be extremely jealous of anyone else who might have seen your zimmedari dance!
"Aniket" is the new trigger word 😂 but IPS officer is unable to 'register' the name of the accused in this case he's trying to investigate and prod his 'wife'. "Tumhara Ankit... Wo kaun, Nachiket?" Arrey, Chavan Saheb ab itne hi jal bhun rahe ho toh why do you want to keep hearing the name from her mouth and press your wound 😑 waise Sai ke haathon ke jaise hi, your ego is very nazuk.. more nazuk than her hand actually because aap ko toh mirch hawa se hi lag jaati hai... Bappa re! 😔
Frankly, the banter was coming on so well. It was filled with so much love suspended in between, so much belonging -- even his jealousy initially, but as it turned nasty, the entire charm of the interaction faded away... And unfortunately, both Sai and Virat used the cues negatively to get back at each other.
Was Virat jealous alone? No. Jealousy -- such a huge ball of ego between them today that it was so visible, so verbal yet so incomprehensible. If Aniket was a trigger for Virat, Pakhi is for Sai and her trigger had gone off right in the morning 😄 I actually liked how she straight away told him about the ice sequence -- it was such a typical wife comparing how much time he took to get her the ice in contrast to his quick action for the best friend -- but Virat was already burning with the new information that he couldn't see the jealousy in Sai and ended up being offended in other ways. "Kyun laa rahi ho beech mein"... Ab what can she do. In her mind, there is 'three' in that deal marriage whether she likes it or not. And you, Virat, haven't done anything to make her feel otherwise.
There is an inherent problem in the way they communicate, thanks to the "deal" marriage, which Sai feels the urge to bring up every time as a reminder to herself and him but also a taunt that she actually seeks a clarification for. Virat, on the other hand, doesn't feel the need to clarify his stand.
"Ye hum dono ka kamra hai"
"Nahi, ye Aapka kamra hai. Aapne mujhe yahan rehne ki ijazat di hai... Mera yahan koi kamra Nahi hai..."
Now, it was another chance where a reassurance would have helped but Virat has been too careless with letting these opportunities go. Instead, he's expressing his expectations from her without removing the negative motivation from between them to bring each other on the knees.
The problem is that Virat wants Sai to verbalise first -- in words or in her actions as a 'wife'. "Tum kapde theek se nahi rakh sakti" (btw😐 why should she do it) and she had to walk up to the cupboard while he stood there watching the clothes lie on the floor, followed by "meri chappal Kahan hai?" (We've a bagful for you here, Chavan Saheb 🤣)
I guess in their moments of losing control, they have decided to make a spectacle of their relationship in front of the Chakram niwasis to hand them the license to intrude. And again, it was Virat who started the screaming -- for the third time.
Ab Chavan saheb, if "ye hum dono ka kamra hai" toh why do you have to send out these invitations to a third person to make an entry into that space. 😣 What kind of maturity is this? You can't handle the mention of a guy your wife has met, admired and danced with/for because she was mesmerised by his voice and so you get doubly offended because she's trying to remind you of a similar person in between the two of you, who's your baggage, frankly. 😒 All this for what: jealously?
Jealousy actually and undoubtedly is a weak, negative emotion that brings out anger, insecurity and humiliation, makes one question self-worth in a relationship and leads to unpleasant possessiveness, outbursts and overthinking. Often, even rock solid relationships fall prey to jealousy. And with Sai and Virat the relationship is like a boat stuck in the middle of a rocky River as of now.
Both of them have extreme self-esteem issues and it was evident from their conversation today. Both of them feel that the other does not value or acknowledge -- Virat's "Kaisa dikhta hai wo? Main kaise maan loon ki tum ne dance Kiya par acche se Nahi Dekha? Height kitni hai uski?" And Sai's "Aap meri tareef Kyun karenge? Aapka Khana Pakhi Didi layengi ya main laaun?"
But what a 'toxic' way of seeking the validation that they both want.
The kind of barriers they have placed in between them with all the farz, zimmedari, ummeed mat rakhna and samjhauta-deal-marriage has ended up damaging their sense of worth -- both of them don’t feel attractive and confident. It happens to the best of relationships when you hit a bump and it becomes so hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. In Sai's case, Virat's silence and actions towards the 'true love' has reinforced Sai's belief that she can never be the one he would desire as a woman as a wife. So, along with the knowledge that she's only a "temporary zimmedari", Virat's silence to all the moments when she seeks assurance by speaking of leaving, only makes her up her walls -- she doesn't like doing it either but she doesn't see any other way.
"Aap aayenge meri performance dekhne?" And before he can process the invitation, she goes, "Why will you come? You'll find this bachchon ka kaam and be busy! So it's okay if you don't."
Her negative emotional experience in the relationship -- thanks to all the T&Cs spelt out before the marriage and the grudging family to deal with-- is making her develop self protective layers during their private time, which only add to the negative experience that Virat then feels because his 'expectation' is dashed. He wants her to say things he wants to hear, which she refuses to say very deliberately even though she wants to say it as much as he wants to hear it.
The way the two of them are dealing with this emotion is actually very perturbing. As we get into the thick of this plot, it is perhaps revealing that very visible grey shade in Virat... I wonder if Sai has concluded too quickly about his "modern thinking" because unfortunately, he is a product of toxic patriarchy and to end a conversation that wasn't going his way, he ended up saying "You don't need to dance". Like, seriously, did I hear it right? And it wasn't said in a joke.
Come on Virat! You told her you sing and play the djembe... She asked you to sing but you were so hurt that your 'entitlement' over her had been questioned that you saw her excitement for a fleeting moment and dismissed it. And actually, please don't play the djembe. It's risky because you know it stimulates a serpent who can slither into your room even when you don't send out the loud, roaring invite like today... 😣
How badly do these two need to talk? I don't think any measuring tape can ascertain the height of their egos at the moment -- but while I would certainly point out to the fact that Sai did not respond positively to him in the initial conversation, leading to his jealousy amplifying to the size it did, Virat's selective outrage at her interaction with any other man and his need to have her drop out of something that he saw gave her the joy she had been missing is not a sign of healthy jealousy.
Jealousy can be constructively used if Virat can display the maturity he has been harping about to understand why does he get jealous. He's moving from compassionate and constructive to self destructive in the relationship. And how conveniently has he forgotten the reminders he gave her until very recently to 'umeed mat rakhna'
On Sai's part, she has been deliberately ignoring his needs because she doesn't think of herself as a 'wife' in their private space -- her 'ye Mera kamra Nahi hai' was so telling. She hasn't said that before. In fact, she has always called it 'pati Patni Ka kamra' and put up fight for her space. But not today-- because she's still fresh from the wounds inflicted on her by her husband's silence when a third person -- his 'true love', no less -- questioned her worth in the relationship where no one else should be speaking.
We can say Sai doesn't show her concern for Virat as much as he does for her but it's because Virat's own 'other' actions undo a lot of the messages he conveys when he cares. Recognising and embracing your spouse's enduring vulnerabilities, as well as your own, is extremely important to strengthen a relationship. It is a normal human emotion to feel jealous but not being able to stay in control of the situation is worrisome...
Sai shouldn't have taunted about the dinner. I was under the impression that the invisible dinner happened in between their changing into sleepwear but it seems like Chavan Saheb's dinner is mostly jinxed and adding to his jealousy... The scene conveyed Sai's intentional detachment. When he went silent, she walked up to his side with some amount of concern and wanting to mend things -- I almost thought she was going to sit beside him but then the offer to bring dinner combined with the question of the 'best friend' wasn't the best of the shots she should have played at that time. I feel she didn't anticipate his frenzied reaction but I am not happy with the way she framed her question. 😔 Why Sai? You are actually smart and you picked the right one when you asked: Aap itna gussa Kyun Hain? Maine Aniket ke gaane par dance Kiya isiliye ya main is programme me participate Kar rahi hoon isiliye?
Sai, you actually know the answer but I wish the man opens up and says it in spashth words so that this really petty fight can be nipped in the bud. But it doesn't seem so... I am not sure who am I feeling bad for... They're both in such a vulnerable state and show no signs of addressing their issues. Virat's screaming out to 'true love' is so unlike him and so unacceptable if he actually wants Sai to do what she is waiting for too...
And Sai, stop giving that serpent so much of your mind space or has it slipped into your mind already?
But because he's the one who sells machoority chooran after jalebis cause indigestion -- Did he realise what his screaming out to his bade Bhai ki wife did to the woman standing by his side? This will only push her back to her melancholy, having to look over her shoulder before attempting to fly. And what's worse is that she's going to look for Virat's reactions because they do affect her -- the man who is also watching her back but tongue tied! 😣🥺
Didn't you just tell her, 'ye hamara kamra hai'? Then why did you let your voice leave the space of that room, Virat? And more than the voice, you let Sai's joy leave that room and also the river -- it has flown by again.
Ashwini's parallel conversation with Ninad even as the younger couple's voices began to emerge was such a deep one -- Pati Patni ke rishtey ki gullakh me chillar pade toh thodi awaaz Hoti hai par beizzati ke patthar daloge toh Roz tootega hi tootega...
What are Virat and Sai adding to the gullakh of their relationship? Toxicity? I hope not.🥺
Both of them have missed so many opportunities just because they have deliberately held back. But in their moments of loss of control, they are giving away so much opportunity for bystanders to hurl a couple of stones towards their gullakh...
Virat, man, you need to pick up that book on your bedside and read the 'Living Strategy'. It will tell you why communication in spashth words is a must to build the trust and intimacy you seek in real life too. And Sai, please take heart ❤️ I can only hope that you'll soon pick up the sign of what this man wants and cannot say -- no, you don't have to take the first step even when you do but at least it will tell you that you don't have to take the two steps back when he's trying to reach you, walking over his jalebis 😑
****
One word of appreciation for aadarniya Didi. Thank you for staying in the bed so far and not running out at the sound of 'Pa' from your true love 😣 and one ❤️ to that poor , poor photo of Samrat. I feel bad for that photo more than the man himself. I just hope he bugged that photo frame with a microchip before leaving the blank cheque book with his blank 'wife' 😂😆
*****
So the weekend is here and every Saturday has to end with a half finished screaming match. Next week, Chavan Saheb has two opportunities to sing and play his djembe -- at college and at Vasant Panchami 😳 (so they've been married for seven months already? 😓😨😢 Does it mean that Samrat is returning on the first anniversary or will Chakram niwas clock turn back in time after celebrating Holi next month?😒😖)
Whether he sings a tune of love or rant, we will know but dua toh yahi hai ki Sai ke ghungroo ki khanak should not diminish for any reason and any one. 🥺
I had asked yesterday, "Chavan Saheb dance ka sach jaan ne ke baad dinner khayenge kya?" Aapko pata chale toh batana 😅Someone give that Chavan a cup of black coffee-- he might just be able to detox from the extra sugar of his own jalebis! 😑😣 This man is really annoying me.
Tab tak, enjoy the coffee ☕ and your tea 🍵 along with hugs 🤗 love 💕 and remember what you behold right now is good. Because if it weren't, you'd never fear losing it...
Coffee makes everything okay, once a day!
Haste raho 😀 pyaar karte raho ❤️💕
Yahan tak aane ke liye, manapurvak aabhar 🙏🙏
💓 J
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