Hello lovelies!
How's the Sunday going on? It is one of the most active Sundays here, isn't it? 
So maine bhi kuch likh daala hai... thoda jyada hi lamba hai, aadat se majboor 
(I am collecting chappals, so please send in pairs**, as someone mentioned the other day)
Since there is so much ongoing discussion as we are all gearing up for the big revelation of the next week --Why did even Virat yell at Sai? Does he have a good enough reason? (Yes, I am also part of the armed team😎 that is closely watching if our dewdrop Sai indeed overstepped some line to deserve this) Why can't he draw the "pesh aana" line with his Chakram family the way he does with Sai🤔? More importantly, Why does he even want Sai to 'pesh aana' with his family in the first place?
I just want to put forth a few points here: (Please consider this as my absolute personal opinion. Also, I just want to add: I am fortuntate to have never been in Sai's shoes or face domestic violence as many other women. But profession requires me to get 'involved' in a lot of it. So, my view here is expressed from the perspective I have gathered over close to two decades of being 'involved'. Also, this is not in defense of anyone and I do not absolve Virat of keeping Sai unaware about his family before marrying her. Also, this is only a general view and not a precursor to Virat's thoughts during that scene that has caused so much debate already)
Much as we hate to see the scenes in the zillat arena of that Chakram niwas and we cringe and say, "Which family behaves like this? Why do they keep finding fault with Sai? Why does Sai not have the right to speak the way she does?" the answers are not pleasant because the scenes (Exaggerated due to the cinematic liberty of dialogue-baazi) are actually mirroring the reality. There are several families like this. There are several bahus who are judged and demeaned for decades after their marriages; bahus who surrender and toe the line of the family just to earn that tag of the favourite bahu. There are several bahus who stand up like Sai and never earn the tag of chaheeti bahu because they don't even care about it and then there are also many bahus who know exactly how to win the argument without raising the tone or pointing fingers. Most of us women here -- several of us married and many of us even married into joint families -- would know at least someone in one of these situations, if not personally experienced. [I am not discounting the countless loving families where bahus are indeed accepted like daughters and loved because there are a million families like that too and may all be blessed].
Now, in case of Family vs Bahu matches, there is one person, who is expected to become a referee, judge and cop, almost every single day: the son of the house and the husband of this bahu. I do like the family scenes of this drama, watching the Chakrams fight: because it is rare that you see on Indian TV such an "unworthy, badtameez" bahu is mostly getting the backing of the chaheeta beta until she over-steps the "pesh aana".
We fiercely love this girl. We also love the character of Virat but it is only because of what he does for Sai, let's be honest. And he does a good job at it most of the times. But Sai -- why do most of us identify with her is because she is an extension of what we want to see-- a "marimacho" and not a demure doormat like Ashwini . There will be a set of women, who will identify with her because she is a reflection of them, and there will be a set of women, who will identify with her because she is someone they want to be (but can't). But let's not forget, there is also a set of women, who may not fit into the category of Bhavani yet disapprove of Sai because "pesh aana" is a very big factor in a sasuraal (for that matter, even households) and not everyone would want a loose-canon for a bahu. Bitter truth is that some oppressive personalities are often covered under the cloak of being 'orthodox-dil-ke-saaf' while even the most loving but brave bahu is expected to mind her tongue or called badtameez. The fact is that Sai does need to learn to pick battles where 'tit-for-tat' is essential and also know where she shouldn't engage in verbal matches. I do believe she lacks the tact when she is in a situation where she has to react spontaenously. When she applies her mind, she uses it better than Virat even.
I am not getting into the details of why Virat married her in the first place and of Virat not telling her about her 'kaafi traditional' family because we have discussed so many times and I, myself, have also written in multiple posts that he has internalised toxicity as "tradition" and it will take him time to be able to see through it. He now has a fresh pair of eyes in Sai and also because he is newly on the receiving end that he will eventually call out the family for their toxicity in the name of 'puraane khayalat' -- which he did yesterday when he brought up the issue of the "talaqshuda" status of his aunt and also shut Patralekha up for her double standard on "bado ki izzat". Heck, isn't my bua also your "badi"?
But he did it in his style -- politely, with logical questions and not in 'tit-fot-tat' style. We, as women audiences, want the man to indulge in counterstrike during a match between wife and family. But, in reality, that is not how men deal with it. They can hardly call out their family's actions because they cannot see it as "blatantly wrong". We all grow in an environment that is "our safe space" and so it is natural that an outsider would take time to adjust. The outsider may feel it is an "unsafe/toxic" place, but we know that our family has always given us 'love' and they will come around so it is natural to defend that 'safe space' and try to convince oneself that it is indeed safe. What I find beautiful about his show that they have actually managed to write Virat in such a way, so far, where he has the conviction to fight for his wife but he is also wants to be 'just' by reminding her not to over-step her talking-back. It is his natural instinct to try to find a balance within the family.
I have not absolved him of his 'challenge' of winning over mere baba and kaku and comparing it to the challenge she faced as a vicitm of sexual abuse 😑. "Mujhe laga the great Sai Joshi ko aise challenges pasand hain?😐" This dialogue was so insensitive. How could he -- as an IPS officer, forget being a husband -- tell her that fighting his grudging family is equal to fighting a potential rapist and that he thought she "loves" such challenges. I never will absolve him of that slip up. And Virat, actually, vindicated my stand on that issue with his "Tum mere ghar nahi rehna chahti but main saath rehna chahta hoon". So speak up, man! Tell her that. That is exactly what she wants to hear. Just like him, she also wants to stay but she doesn't know if she can because it our man hasn't clarified. So when she asks "Lekin jo log mere liye mayne hi nahi rakhte, unke liye main itni mehenat kyun karu, itni takleef kyu sehen karu?" Virat needs to answer her question instead of repeating his "Main kaun hoon tumhara? Kya main tumhara parivaar nahi hoon? Kya main tumhara apna nahi hoon?"
His statements: 1. Main Sai se shaadi karke, usse is ghar ki, aap ki bahu banakar laaya hoon. 2. Ek din wo bhi "acchi bahu" bann jayegi. 3. Jab wo tumhe kaam denge, tumhe pareshaan karne ke liye nahi balki isiliye kyun ki tum Chavan khandaan ki bahuon me se ek ho.
Frankly, Sai does not know what he actually wants to say when he keeps talking about "pesh aana". She thinks he is teaching her "tameez" because he thinks she is an immature child. It irks her because he knows she is a woman. Also, she is acting her age in terms of being impulsive and rebellious and because his family is really pressing her head into the water.
She does not want to get drawn into a relationship with him when he has made it clear that it is a marriage of convenience and repeated again that his "pyaar-dosti" for one of her oppressors is something she won't understand. But she is feeling the pull, naturally, because he is also pulling her towards him as much as he is himself feeling pulled towards her. Until they address this feeling, she will not understand why she should worry about "pesh aana" with that undeserving family.
He needs to tell her that when he keeps saying "Chavan Khandaan ki bahu", it is because he never meant the marriage to be as much a deal as it meant it to be a marriage without 'physical intimacy' just so that he could live up to the thoughtless vaada he made to a woman. His "tum shaadi chhodh kar jaa sakti ho" was more thoughtless than that brahmachaar ka vaada, if you ask me. Because if two days can make him vow celibacy, what will years of being with this woman do? But do note he did not say "hum ye shaadi khatam kar denge... main tumhe chhodh dunga". Both Sai and Virat are people with the same set of basic values -- they only exhibit them differently. They know will never end this marriage because they actually have a bond that goes beyond the mere physical manifestation of 'love'.
Women decide to put up with situations in their sasuraals or with in-laws for one main reason: to stay together with the "husband". Now, in Sai's case, she doesn't yet have the commitment from this husband whether it is a 'forever deal' or not. So, it would really make a difference if, instead of making those "oh-the-bee-stung-me" faces when she talks about leaving and then coming up with unintelligent challenges, he just tells her what she wants to hear. May be something as harmless as "You don't have to. You can stay if you want". She has been waiting to hear a response everytime she says she will leave. I guess she will automatically do the "pesh aana". And let's give it to the girl - she tries. But the Chakrams are pro at provocations and scheming and throwing her into ice water. She will scream.
The big question is: Why does Virat want her to "pesh aana"?
In my view, it is not only about the "respect" that she should be giving elders -- it is not just about lehja aur lihaaz. In the depths of his heart, he wants her to have the 'standing' in that house as his wife and the daughter-in-law because he knows she won't be leaving. The promise he made to himself: Jis maan ki tum haqdaar ho, main tumhe doonga. Why, within minutes of the dramatic gruh pravesh, did he want Sai to be accepted and be given the respect that is now rightfully hers. He is actually trying to get her to carve her individual space in that household for the long run -- tum sabse alag ho. But, he knows it will take a while for his family to accept her-- and even in their relationship, they need that time. He doesn't want her to change but to preserve her identity and her ideals. He doesn't want her to suffer in silence but try to find a different approach -- he loves it when she uses the carrot and stick policy and when she uses humour that almost reaches the point of 'badtameezi' but still doesn't.
He did not mind her live reporter act where she addressed the Baba as "Ninad Chavan" but he reprimanded her for saying "Baba, Aap toh chupp hi rahiye".
Unfortunately, in her impulsive motormouth firing sessions, she ends up dropping a few weapons that help her opponents fire back at her and completely take away the victory that should have been hers. Not just backfire but launch a total assault at her given their sheer number and lack of compassion. It actually hurts him -- anyone thinking that their attack at Sai is only at Sai is wrong. He is living through her and it affects him as much. In addition, there are direct taunts about him allowing the wife to go on this uncontrolled verbal assault, which he cannot mostly defend with "Sai dil ki acchi hai..mana woh gusse me thi.."
It was so revealing and direct yesterday when he questioned the family about why they were blaming Sai for actually protecting the family's izzat. Because, they should have ideally been celebrating and appreciating her valour. But he needs to verbalise it to her without making jalebis with his ghuma-fira hua pravachans and tell her how she's expending her (and his) energy on unnecessarily allowing the opponents to drag to a war that she/they may have already won before she shot off a wrong word and allowed penalty cross-fires. "Taal mel" banana includes refusing to indulge in every fight. She was just beginning to get it right in everyday interactions but then one drama and she goes back to square one.
Now coming to his reactions:
He does appear to have "tepid" reactions to his family's all-out attacks at Sai. It almost appears as if he takes a neutral stand in most issues --warning Sai to watch her words and requesting the elders to understand why Sai is losing her temper. We find it irritating. But that is reality. Unfortunately, he is in an unenviable position as the 'referee'. And no matter, how many times anyone asks him to, he will not become the "referee" or declare the result of the match because he is well aware that his views will only be seen as "biased" to either of the two sides. Doesn't he know what she is going through? He does. He doesn't hear the dialogues verbatim all the time but he is very aware now --"Thank you, mere liye ye sab sehen karne ke liye". I said earlier, this "Sehen" is not tolerance. It is "endurance"- where you put up a fight.
He is the shravan kumar and unlike many other (rare) men in real, who may actually engage in a verbal match, Virat doesn't. Shravan kumar is also a trained IPS officer -- trained in tactical retreat and in using firearms only to disarm and not to attack. There is a basic difference when you fire to attack and when you fire to neutralise the opponent. It is not just a theoretical training but these men actually imbibe it in everyday interactions.
I actually admire how Virat doesn't reason too much with people who he thinks will not understand-- it's a fact that he knows his family will not change overnight or begin to understand what he wants to say. Thoughts change over time and after going through a lot of situations that occur in the course. If they don't have answers to his logical questions, he just gives his perspective about the issue and goes ahead and does what he decided -- even if it means breaking the shackles of traditions of the family.
But then, there are times when he doesn't have the full picture of what has transpired and he just goes by his preconceived notion about his 'Jhagda champion'. He still does not know that some his "respected elders" deliberately schemed to torture Sai with the grinding show (it's also noteworthy that Ninad was not part of the planning) and it was not some spur-of-the-moment skirmish as Virat feels. So, while he's being the Shravan Kumar that he is by respecting the line with his 'elders' even when he might actually want to attack, he is now actually also expecting Sai to fall in that line to complement him to be able to "carve" that space for herself in the family. "Tareeka badal ke dekho" -- Danda maaro but aawaaz mat karo. I fiercely love Sai but I do admit that she lacks etiquette at times and definitely doesn't believe in diplomacy.
Why is it that there are countless judgements from real courts (available on google) that actually have ruled that wives pressing husbands to separate from families is "cruelty". So although recent judgements have also made the sons-in-law responsible for upkeep of wife's parents, men are not "expected" to stay with the in-laws. Unfortunately, it is a woman who must become the integral part of the family of the husband and normally without any justifiable strong reason, she would never insist that her husband should get separated from the family and live only with her.
In case of this drama, the "uncertainty" about the future of their relationship is what ails Sai's 'pesh aana', honestly. Virat, for all practical purposes, seems to have conveniently moved on from the 'yogawala true love' and also the 'deal wali shaadi' towards the actual "husband-wife" relationship but in the bargain he has missed clarifying it unequivocally to the 'wife' and also the 'ex-lover'. That is his fault. If Sai is made aware that he too wants her to stay, she will automatically begin to find reasons to change her approach -- not for herself but for him. She will still not compromise but she will be able to see that her abrasive approach to confrontations ends up adding more pressure on the man who is trying to give her the cover to be herself. Virat has a lot of thinking and plain talking to do to himself before he launches another pravachan at Sai.
Chavan saheb knows he has acquired and brought home the best AK-series assault rifle in his personal collection 😂. In fact, I feel he 'picked it Up' on purpose 😉. Obviously, he's feeling edgy that if left on the 'fully automatic' mode, it will end up causing a lot of irreparable damage in the surrounding apart from wearing itself out due to excessive firing. But Chavan saheb, ab le hi aaye ho to shastra ki puja karo aur semi-automatic mode ko accomplish kar lo 😅😅
All said, he must still have a good reason for the "Bass Sai" that was more heated than his "Pakhi Bass" at the end of physical injury to Sai. I need full justification for it.🧐
Ending with: "Love is hearing the words unspoken when you need it the most" 🥰
Agar Sunday ko bhi aap yahan tak aa gaye toh aaj aapke liye Vrikshasana wala pranaam🙏🙇
Have a lovely Sunday evening 🍷🍹🍸 💕💖💞
❤️J
(**Chappals once thrown will not be returned😅 buyback policy available on request 😉)
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