Shivani bua, victim of 'Double Victimization'

Double victimisation is when a person who is the victim of abuse, harassment is made to feel being responsible for incurring the abuse or assault. When a woman is a victim of it, they often are made to feel guilty or shameful about the same. We ask victims of molestation to cover their faces, not the perpetrator, itself shows the society's mindset.

It is one of the weapons of patriarchal societies to control its women from becoming independant and voice their opinion.Patriarchal does not mean created by men. More often this mindset is perpetuated by women.

"Satachya aat gharat.."(be back home before seven!) was famous warning quote in Marathi households in our previous generation to girls. If anything happens after that the girl is responsible as she was out of home.

Men always are let free by the society. It is mostly the family first, which perpetuates it, for sake of pride, status or prestige continueing the vicious cycle.Men feel more empowered to dupe women as they know they can throw the blame on the lady and get scott free.

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Men the Saviours

It is unfortunate, but men are given the role of saviours both in simple and difficult matters.

Simple: After the sil-batta episode, Ashwini said to Sai, "Utho, ab Virat aa gaya" It is subtle but strong (Why you want Virat to be the saviour all the time?). Even they get tired. Virat said to Sai, " Mei hamesha to nahi reh sakata na tumhe bachane ke liye"

Ultimately, it would be Sai, who would have to atleast partially toe in line with family expectations to unburden Virat. As it will be Virat who will have all the headache if Sai rebells. Many woman make these choices for sake of man they love.

Difficult: It is not straightforwards, but even Sai is victim of this mindset. When Vithhal Mane entered her marriage and abused her, Virat had to come forward for protecting her self- respect. Usha Mavashi said,"Aap nahi hote to ye mere bachhi ke sath kya karata. Aaphi sochiye". Everyone in GC, got Sai married to Virat, the saviour. Yes, Sai's circumstances were special, but parents do get their girls married to have a protection of a husband. At the entry of Vithhal Mane, Virat and (specially) Sai both realized, how much ever this marriage was against their will, it was a right decision.

Virat cited all these reasons even at the time of gruhpravesh. "Woh kidnapp ho chuki hai. Kaise chodake aa jata mei use?"

Even the men, the saviours have to go through a lot for fulfilling their role as we see in case of Virat.

Creating a society which is safe for women, but more importantly a society that does not double victimises woman is a need. It is not the molestation that kills but being shamed for being a victim that kills the woman more. Shivani bua said it so right,"Aaj tak mei jo man mei aya bolati thi. Jaisa lage vaisa karati thi. Lekin aaj muzehi meri sharm aa rahi hai". Being innocent and naive is not a crime to be punished for.

Yes, Shivani bua, the world that you and Devitai live in is more cruel than you think it is.

Throw your shackles of shame,don't fear falling in love again but be more smart and careful then.Next time, don't ask our 'Sai-bheem' to come in you defence, but kindle your inner 'Shivani-bheem' to use it as your offence.

Shivani bua, ❤️🤗 your way!

I cannot thank you enough for this post. I couldn't have penned this any better.

I read something somewhere - Man created patriarchy, but women sustain it. And indeed, that it very true. Cue in the dialogue from Sarita's gang which said something along the lines of Shivani seduced Amey, so what could Amey do? In molestation/rape cases, this is something we hear a lot, she must have seduced him, she is playing hard to get, she was wearing this, that!

What about the man, who despite being married is seduced, cheats on his wife, lies, and takes money. No one asked accountability of Amey today, not Sarita's gang, not the Chavans. Sarita wanted to humiliate Shivani, but when it come to facing the reality that Amey cheated her, she backed out and was even scared for him. She stumbled when Sai asked her to leave him. She indeed prefers to stay in a marriage where the husband is 'so easily seduced' by another because women have been taught this for generation. If a marriage does not work, its because of the women, if the men cheats, its either because of the other women or because the wife could not keep him happy.

Generations will go by, and women will carry on the guilt of being unworthy and justify the oppression by blaming others (Sarita and co.) Or by blaming themselves and be in denial (Shivani and Chavans).

While man are indeed the perpetuators or patriarchy, woman also "nourish" that system. It is done subtly, by pulling the others down (Sarita and co.), by staying silent and asking others to stay silent (pakhi). Most women have internalised the patriarchal ecosystem that survives on being under-confident, unopiniated, donesticated and competing for the male gaze.

Women suffer. So, if we do, we need a collective solution. Exactly what Sai did. She listened to the different sides and only came in when they were humiliating a woman by throwing ink. She showed us that women solidarity, consciousness about internalised structures, compassion can only liberate and empower women.

I'll end by saying that Sai Joshi is THE deal. So opiniated, so on point with her loyalty. Have to say, KJ raised her very right (unlike someone else🤪).

Edited to add that: People will judge Shivani for the fact that she has been married and divorced 2 times and she wants to marry again. I just wanna say we need to get rid of such thoughts. So what if she married two times and wants to give mariage another chance. If a men does this, its okay, but when women does it toh character dheela hain! Just like some people find happiness in staying single for the rest of their lives, others find happiness in marriage. Live and let live.

i absolutely agree with whatever you have said in your post. when ninad said to virat not to drag the matter to police station, i was like is he even human to say that. but then i realised aren’t we living in a society where there are ninads in every household. they are the reason why many molestation and rape victims doesn’t come forward to register complaints.

sai- you are every young women’s inspiration. the way you took stand for shivani , i fell in love with you. lucky are those who can call you their own, because come what may they will never be alone in the journey of life. we need more sai’s in our society who can stand upto themselves and those who are need of support. you go girl.

No other way to put it so well. Thanks for this amazing analysis👏

When I read things like this, it makes me realize that I'm watching something more than a TV show and this platform is actually teaching me something that I fail to understand in my own experiences.

Originally posted by: ..Peppermint..

I cannot thank you enough for this post. I couldn't have penned this any better.

I read something somewhere - Man created patriarchy, but women sustain it. And indeed, that it very true. Cue in the dialogue from Sarita's gang which said something along the lines of Shivani seduced Amey, so what could Amey do? In molestation/rape cases, this is something we hear a lot, she must have seduced him, she is playing hard to get, she was wearing this, that!

What about the man, who despite being married is seduced, cheats on his wife, lies, and takes money. No one asked accountability of Amey today, not Sarita's gang, not the Chavans. Sarita wanted to humiliate Shivani, but when it come to facing the reality that Amey cheated her, she backed out and was even scared for him. She stumbled when Sai asked her to leave him. She indeed prefers to stay in a marriage where the husband is 'so easily seduced' by another because women have been taught this for generation. If a marriage does work, its because of the women, if the men cheats, its either because of the other women or because the wife could not keep him happy.

Generations will go by, and women will carry on the guilt of being unworthy and justify the oppression by blaming others (Sarita and co.) Or by blaming themselves and be in denial (Shivani and Chavans).

While man are indeed the perpetuators or patriarchy, woman also "nourish" that system. It is done subtly, by pulling the others down (Sarita and co.), by staying silent and asking others to stay silent (pakhi). Most women have internalised the patriarchal ecosystem that survives on being under-confident, unopiniated, donesticated and competing for the male gaze.

Women suffer. So, if we do, we need a collective solution. Exactly what Sai did. She listened to the different sides and only came in when they were humiliating a woman by throwing ink. She showed us that women solidarity, consciousness about internalised structures, compassion can only liberate and empower women.

I'll end by saying that Sai Joshi is THE deal. So opiniated, so on point with her loyalty. Have to say, KJ raised her very right (unlike someone else🤪).

Edited to add that: People will judge Shivani for the fact that she has been married and divorced 2 times and she wants to marry again. I just wanna say we need to get rid of such thoughts. So what if she married two times and wants to try mariage another chance. If a men does this, its okay, but when women does it toh character dheela hain! Just like some people find happiness in staying single for the rest of their lives, others find happiness in marriage. Live and let live.

Agreed.Who gets married, how many times is none of anyone's business....

Cannot agree more with you👍🏼...this is a bitter truth of our society...we have been soo used with these patriarchal norms of our society that we tend to ignore this little things which actually should make a huge deal to any woman....if we go deeper,these norms are so deeply rooted in our society that words will fall short in describing that....

So sensible of you to bring up these little details regarding womans that we usually don't consider a big deal👏

Originally posted by: Blackwind

Cannot agree more with you👍🏼...this is a bitter truth of our society...we have been soo used with these patriarchal norms of our society that we tend to ignore this little things which actually should make a huge deal to any woman....if we go deeper,these norms are so deeply rooted in our society that words will fall short in describing that....

So sensible of you to bring up these little details regarding womans that we usually don't consider a big deal👏

@Bold as you said it is so deep rooted that we don't even realize it.. It is my way of deconditioning myself first...so sharing my deconditioning process with all here..❤️🤗

I am happy this serial is giving me the chance to share something that others would not..

A compelling post indeed! Anamika 🤗❤️

This is the reality of society. I remember Chaitali posted a few days ago about why women turn enemies for other women instead of lifting them up. The reason is the same: Patriarchy.

I mentioned in that post too that Patriarchy is laid down by men but executed by women. A patriarch does not interfere in the day to day functioning of the household. It is left to the matriarch to make sure all family members fall in line with the rules of the house. So, by default one woman is vested with the power to enforce the patriarchy and often, this woman will interpret the rules and change them as per her own mental make up.

The whole issue of raising women to believe that they need to be subservient and be sarvagun sampann to be able to please and keep their husbands forever is regressive and exploitative. Because countless women grow up and live their lives, conditioned to believe that they are inferior.

I wish we had known the story of Shivani in detail. But from whatever little the last two episodes have shown, it is evident that Shivani has been a gullible lover, perhaps and suffered the consequences. There are so many Shivanis around us. I could almost recall so many women friends and acquaintances like her -- pretty, confident, affluent and single because they have been let down more than once. Trust me, they ALL want to have a partner, they ALL want to love and be loved and they all want people to NOT judge them. In most of these cases, the men have cheated/let down the women for either gaining some benefit out of them or for a pure physical relationship which lasts only until the novelty wears off. (There are also men in the same boat, btw. It is not a gender-specific issue). However, as compared to the men, it is the women who face the stigma and have to then "prove" their worth even more to a man coming into their lives because a woman's virtue is decided by how many "relationships" was she able to successfully keep. And then, at the same time, women are deemed as incapable of being on their own SO they MUST have a man. Why do so many worthy, amazing women get packed off with unworthy men in the name of family honour after going through failed marriages?

It is a shame that as a society the respect to a woman is measured by rigid insular gatekeepers of "traditions".

And, I don't want to even get started with "usne rijhaya aur aadmi phaas gaya"... uska jawab toh Sai ne de diya mast mast wala

Originally posted by: MyThoughts

@Bold as you said it is so deep rooted that we don't even realize it.. It is my way of deconditioning myself first...so sharing my deconditioning process with all here..❤️🤗

I am happy this serial is giving me the chance to share something that others would not..

Well your deconditioning process is really helping us to see this show from a different perspective👍🏼

@bold hope it maintains this charm throughout its run

Edited: forgot to mention in my earlier post that the phrase you have used "saatchya aat gharaat" is a thing still practiced in rural areas,but chakram niwasis, living in a metro city like Nagpur how do they follow these type of regressive norms? ...the phrase also reminds me of a Marathi movie of the same name.... ironically it was something about a person impersonating as a police officer and raping a student😵

Originally posted by: Blackwind

Well your deconditioning process is really helping us to see this show from a different perspective👍🏼

@bold hope it maintains this charm throughout its run

Edited: forgot to mention in my earlier post that the phrase you have used "saatchya aat gharaat" is a thing still practiced in rural areas,but chakram niwasis, living in a metro city like Nagpur how do they follow these type of regressive norms? ...the phrase also reminds me of a Marathi movie of the same name.... ironically it was something about a person impersonating as a police officer and raping a student😵

@Red Its a journey together at IF.😊

@ Bold There was also marathi drama which went by same name...