Sujeet entertainer kamaal ki page 8!! - Page 3

New Jokes😆

Bihari schoolmaster on independence day

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the school assembly on Independence Day.

Here's his dynamite speech :
Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on stationmaster. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the stationmaster because he was responsible for getting birth of my son. We got independent because of great leadersz linke Gundhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth rate and we shall halve it. Today we all have our birth-rate. You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind. Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt, Dim Butter, Lipton etc. You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation. They became great by reading great books. After we finish you off here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A., M.A.M.A and other decrease. Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or lecherers in college. The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, classroom is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one-day you all will become great phools. Many vacancy job come in papers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: - Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can shine. If you have flare in English, you can become teacher. I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God!

Bihari-Sardar

A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"

Jackwa aur Jillwa

Hamar Bharat ka Rail mantri kahta hu,

jokwa bhi karoo tu Bihari ma ji !!!

Jack n Jill (Seeda Bihar se . . .)

Jackwa aur Jillwa,
Gaye upar Hillwa,
Paani bhari ke waaste,
Jackwa gir gawa,
Uka khopadiya phoot gawa,
Aur Jillwa awat loodken poore raaste.

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omg! I LOVE your jokes especially 'Jakwa aur Jillwa', 'Banarsi & Bihari Babu' and that Bartender joke of Laloo!!😆😆

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~diljaani

Originally posted by: Shariefah

Banarsi & Bihari Babu

OMGGG Thats jusst hilariouss!!!🤣

new additions will follow soon 😳

everyone is free to add 😊

luv

sha

wOwwwwwwwwww Sha, loved reading your posts in this thread,,,,,,hilarious dialgues...!!! i will try to come up with at least 2-3 lines post... :)

Greatt threadddddddddd guyss!!! 👏 👏 👏

😆The scene that i really liked in the june 14th video...
I wrote it all down:

Sujit jiju talking to himself while standing in front of the mirror in his room....

(Trisha enters)
Trisha:Yeh akele kis se baatain ho rahi hain?
Sujit Jiju:Bohut barri ghalti ho gaya
kasoor ho gaya trisas humse
baausaab ka dil dukhaaye hum
nan ka dil dukhaate, na yeh
accident hota...kaisey bhool
gaye hum,ke unhon ne humain
jindagi diya hai,ke hamaari
saansain un ke asaan ke karzdaar
hain kaisey bhool gaye...bohat
acha kiya bhagwaan ne,bohat acha kiya haamaarey saath jo hamain yeh sazaa diya hai, jindagi bhar nahi bhool sakenge hum, kiyon ki shaayad uss ko pata ho ga ke baau saab ka dard dekh ke hamain zaada takleef hoga, aur zayaada ghutainge hum...
Trisha:Apne aap ko dosh dena band ki jiye aur iishwar ka shukar maaniye ke pita jii teek hain... 😊
Sujit Jiju:Aisa sochne se
saab ka to dard kam nahi ho jaaye ga Trisa, apna praachid to soch liye thay hum..soch liye thay ke agar baau saab ko kuch bhi huva, to goli maar lainge khudd ko
Trisha:Hamaari shaadi kab huvi thi...matlab kitney saal ho gaye
Sujit Jiju:(Angry):Arreyyyy...kabhi bhi kuch bhi pooch leti ho kya tum😡
Trisha:bataayi na 😊
Sujit Jiju:Ab yeh,yeh mangani ka tareekh,aur yeh saadi ka tareekh or yeh happy birthday ka tareekh aadmiyon ko yaad nahi rehta...aurton ka kaam hai yeh sab
Trisha:Paanch saal ho gaye hamaari shaadi ko, lekin aaj tak main aap ko jaan nahi paayi, bahar se sakht, andar se bhaaook..agar aap kisi par bigarr jaayen to us ki jaan le lainge, agar aap pachtaayen to apni parwaa nahi karain ge...
Sujit Jiju:Jinse hum nafrat kartain hain na Trisha unki jaan ka parwaa nahi kartay, aur jinse pyaar kartain hain, unke saamne apni jaan ka parwaa nahi kartey...Trissa baau saab ab teek ho gaye hain to soch rahay hain ke sab bramin waalon ko bhojan kara dain
Trisha:Aur jis bhraman ko ishwar ne bheja tha, ussey thankyou nahi kahain ge aap,
Sujit Jiju:Kon, kon bharaman?
Trisha:Rishab bhaiya...mere khyaal se sirf thankyou hi nahi, aap ko sorry bhi kehna chiyye(chaahiye)
Sujit Jiju:so...sorry worry nahi kehtain hain hum kisi ko...kahain hain kya aaj tak kisi se
Trisha:nahi kaha jaata lekin kehna parray ga...kitnii baatain sunaayi hain aap ne unhain, agar naraaz ho ke waapis chaley jaatey, aur pitaa ji ka operation nahi kartey to, aur bhagwaan na karey pitaa ji ko kuch ho jaata to aap apney aap ko kita kostey...bohat ehsaan hain unkey hum par...Thankyou to kehna chaahiye na, aur aap hain ke unhain sorry kehney...
(Sujeet interepts)
Sujit Jiju:(stands up):are yaar tum shurru ho jaati ho to shurru hi jaati ho matlab...acha(while hesitating)thanx kar dain ge unko, arrey thankyou very much kar dainge bas wohhhhhh uss main cover up ho gaya sab
Trisha:aisey kaisey cover up ho gaya...nahi matlab thankyou aur sorry dono aik hi cheez to nahi hain na...matlab maan lo kal ko aap ne mujhey thaparr maar diya...Maan lo sirf aik thaparr maar diya aur thankyou keh diya, to main ussey sorry to nahi samajh sakti na, main nahi chahti ke Rishab bhaiya apne dil main khalish le kar waapis jaayen
Sujit Jiju:teek hai sochain ge is baarey main, itna chota baat nahi hai hamaarey liye
Trisha:agar aap sochain ge tab to woh ghar pohanch jaayen ge
Sujit Jiju:arrey to kya pair parrain ja ke unkey
Trisha:mainey aisa thorii kaha hai, bas jaa ke mil lo
Sujit Jiju:acha to uh-uh itna jabardasti kar rahi ho to mil laite hai jaa ke unko, dartey hain kya hum
Trisha:aur sorry?
Sujit leaves...
Trisha says loudly: sorry zaroor keh dena


Rishab and Cyntia sitting and eating..


Cynthia:flight kitney bajey ki hai.
Rishab: do bajey ki hai arrey main phone kar ke pata karoon ke seats available hain ke nahi
Sujit Jiju:aaji seat nahi mila to pilot ko utha ke aap ko bhitha dainge, aur bataaiye?!
Rishab:Ticket mil jaaye ga?
Sujit Jiju:aap to hamaara naam lai ke kahin bhi baith jaaiye yahaan aisa hi hota hai,,,kaahe jaane kiitni jaldi hai Risab babu thorrey din aur ruk jaaiye na, matlab hamain bhi majbaani karney ka,,hospital.....hospit...hopitall 😆😆
Rishab:hospitality 😆
Sujit Jiju:woh hi (laughing) 😆😆aap ko dekh ko dekh ke hospital hi yaad aata hai daikhiye, to ruk jaaiye na thorrey din
Rishab:daikiye main bhi chahta hoon ke ruk jaaoon laikin kya karoon bohat aarey kaam parrey hain ghar pe but anyway thankyou
Sujit Jiju:same to you 😆😆😆
Rishab:jiii???

Sujit jiju:agh..😆😆hum bhi kuch aisa hi kehne aaye thay aap se 😆...thankyou,,,aik baat ka bhulasa zaroor ki jiye Risab babu, aap ki aur hamaari family ke beech main yeh itna kuch chal raha hai, phir bhi aap yahaan aaye, aapne baaoo saab ka ilaaj kia to aap logon ke beech ab kuch...
Rishab:na na na aap is baare main itna na sochain,parshaan na hoon,mainey sirf apna kaam kia hai, woh to main waisey bhi karta
Sujit Jiju:yehii, yehi baat hamain aap ka bohat acha lagta hai yeh jo itna positive attitude hai na humain bhoat pasand hai...to aap soch liye ke jaa rahe hai 😆
Rishab:ab kya karain mujhe jaana to hoga..i have to go
Sujit Jiju:waise babu bihaari main yehi problem sab se barra hai aik hi baat ko chai(6) baar poochtey hai, agar chatti baar koi maan jaaye to... 😆😆
Risha and Sujit:hahahaha 😆
Sujit Jiju:chaliye hum aap ke jaane ka intazaam kartey hain
(Sujit get up) and then stops): ummm...(while turning back to Rishab): Rishab babu aik baat kehna chaah rahey thay aap se
Rishab:(while getting up): konsi baat?
Sujit Jiju:daikhiye...aik to...sorry worri kehney ka aik to aadat nahi hai humko lekin aap se sorry kehna parrey ga ab...woh jo operation theater ke baahar itna taandam machaaye itna larrayi jhagrra kiye, badsulooki kiye hain aap ke saath to maafi maang rahey hain aapse
Rishab:chorriye jaane di jiye kya maafi maangain ge aap, baat khatam ho gayi hai
Sujit Jiju:acha chaliye nahimaangtey hain, hamain to kuch maangne ka aadat hi nahi hai bachpan se, yeh sab yahiin settle ho gaya challiye woh bhakharr makharr bohat karti hai... 😆
Rishab:kon?...kon? 😆
Sujit Jiju:hahaha aap, aap khaaiye hum arrangement kar ke aatey hain...
(jijuleaves) 😆😆
Rishab:hmhmhmhm ughhh yeh aadmii bhi niraala hai 😆
Cynthia:hmm
Rishab:leking bharosa nahi kab bandook se urra de 😆
(Rishab and Cynthia boht laugh) 😆

aaauwwww i so loved this part of the episode

haylaaaa u read my mind, i was trying to remember his words and here they are written down completely

thanku bhai thanku,

luved it

really funny, i was reading and in my mind i was picturizing all the scenes, like i was watching it all over again

good job hon, like it 😳 🤗

especially where he doesnt remember the wedding date and when he says something like i can take life of the ones i hate and i can give life for the ones i luv...

waaah ji waah kya bolta hai humari jiju
😛

luv
sha