OS: If I die young

If I die young,

Bury me inside,

Lay me down on a bed of roses.

Forever is an intangible concept. It can be a second, a decade or even the continuity of the world.

But he lived a forever in the second that he saw her. However even in that second he didn't realise that the entirety of his world had significantly shifted the moment she entered it.

If you looked at her objectively she was ordinary; black hair, dark brown eyes and average eyes. But pieces don't define a whole. Pieces of a puzzle do not make a picture; it is their arrangement and connections that define it.

She was magnificent.

It was in the way that the light glinted off her hair, the shine in her eyes and dimples peaking from her cheeks. If this was a Mills and boons story, the author would have written that she glowed but no, she just had a steadiness against the frailty of the world.

"Hi" She smiled at him, even as he saw the pain cause the lines around her eyes to tighten. "Dr Khurana, I've heard only good things about you from Dr Mithal. He said that you were the only person who he could recommend with 100% certainty."

"Mrs Khanna, please call me Maan" He tried to maintain his professional faade but a soft smile escaped his lips. He couldn't focus on the matters at hand for he was captivated by her.

"Then you must call me Geet" She parried back with ease. "Maan, my husband is parking his car and will be coming-"

Just as she was talking there was a knock on the door and man entered.

"So sorry!" The tall man apologised profusely before taking a seat next to Geet. "It took a bit longer than I expected"

"Dr Khurana. Sorry I mean, Maan, this is my husband, Dev" She introduced the two men, quickly bursting the bubble that Maan was in. "Dev, this is Dr Khurana, obviously"

As the men shook hands, Maan started to talk again, "Geet, Dr Mirthal has sent over all your files and imaging so that I can take over as she retires. So it has been 2 years since you have been cancer free?"

"Nearly, it's been 20 months" Geet gave a small sigh as she said this, while Maan and her shared a significant look. Indeed it is the patient and the doctor who truly understand how significant each day is for a patient in remission. Every day counts as a day cancer free but the next day can easily bring it down like a house of cards.

"Well, that is great news. We can go on with the regular monitoring. Remember if you have any concerns, you have to contact me" Maan couldn't stress the importance of that fact enough to Geet.

"Don't worry, Maan" Dev reassured him, "Even if she doesn't, I'll force her to come."

And despite the gnawing envy that had built within him, he gave a genuine look of approval to Dev, "Great to see that you support her all the way. So Geet I'll see you for your next appointment"

-------------------------------------------------------------

Maan was looking through all the imaging reports that get faxed to him when he saw something that knocked his breathe out.

There are suspicious lesions in the right lung, likely metastasis from a primary malignancy. Also increased uptake in the iliac crest, suggestive of another metastasis.

"Oh god no!" Maan groaned even as he put his head down on the desk. As an oncologist there were many times when he had to deal with such news. But never was it easy to accept, especially not when it was a special patient like Geet.

But as always, he had to pull himself up and be the professional he was meant to be.

"Mrs Kapoor, could you please give me the number to Mrs Geet Khanna. I need to make an urgent phone call"

---------------------------------------------------

Geet felt unnaturally calm as she sat in front of Maan. She knew that whatever news he would say couldn't possibly be good. After all, every cancer patient knew that your oncologist doesn't call you in the middle of the day to book an appointment unless it was urgent.

But Geet had subconsciously been expecting a call. Despite her bravado of being strong and brave for her family, a part of her firmly had believed that she had limited time.

"Geet" Maan looked right into her eyes as he spoke, something that she had always appreciated about him. There were no lies or evasions, he always gave her the truth. "As you probably guessed I have some bad news for you. Do you want your husband to be here while we talk about it?"

Dev? Geet knew that her husband was a phone call away but she wanted to deal with the blow herself. She didn't want to be strong for someone else now; she wanted the pleasure of letting out grief without dragging him down. "No its fine"

After giving her another intense look, Maan continued on, "Your PET scan showed metastasis to both your right lung as well as a met to the bone."

And just like that the foundations of her life shook again.

She didn't cry or yell, instead she kept on looking at Maan, using him as an anchor to the world. "How much time are we talking about?"

"Well you have a really good chance with chemo and radiotherapy -"

"I am pregnant" the words came out of Geet's mouth before she even thought it through. After all she had only found out a week ago. "8 weeks to be exact"

And at that moment there was utter silence as they stared at each other.

"Geet I think you already know what I am going to say" Maan spoke softly. "You can't have both Geet. The risk to your life is greater if you are pregnant. Also you can't have radiotherapy or chemotherapy this early in the pregnancy without harming the foetus"

"But chances are I'll die anyway" she gave a bitter smile as she looked at him. "I would rather die bringing this child to the world than letting it die"

Maan felt the blood rising to his head. He wanted to scream at her, tell her that her sacrifice was supremely selfish but instead he had to maintain his cool. "You need to think this through Geet. Talk to your husband and family. Give yourself a second to breathe and think through your options"

But Maan knew that his words were falling on deaf ears, for her eyes had the far away look of someone already looking into the future.

---------------------------------------------------------

Very few people understood her choices.

Dev had yelled at her, cried and then basically curled up into a ball at her news. He had tried to change her mind but Geet had been firm.

He even called her family around to get her to change her mind. Her mother in law had begged her to abort the child and her mother had just grasped her to her breast crying.

But Geet was firm.

She knew that logically she was making the wrong decision but her soul knew that her time was running out anyway. She wanted to make every day to count and wanted to live every moment. She would rather let the axe fall on her, than play Russian roulette.

"Please Geet, we can have another child" Dev tugged his hair in frustration. "You can get pregnant again. But this time you need to look after yourself"

"Do you know what the probability of me surviving is?" Geet shook his shoulders. "15% that I'll be alive in 5 years. How is that good? Dev just let me live these last few months knowing that at least I lived!"

"But you have to fight it!"

"How much longer do you want me to fight it?" Geet argued, "I've fought it once and I thought I won. I don't have that strength or determination anymore. I would rather give life to this child and die in peace, rather than let this battle suck out whatever peace I have."

But on and on Dev went, trying to change her mind.

Geet closed her eyes against the onslaught of words, putting a hand to her stomach. I am sorry baby that I love you so much that I am dying for you.

-----------------------

Author's note:

SO I can feel the angst ridden comments about to come my way. But I felt that stories like these need to be said and told.

Maan's side of the story will come out...and yes it is a love story 😳