He Was Only A Dream
"Why don't you understand Geet, there is no Maan Singh Khurana. He does not exist!"
Life as once i knew will never be the same. I still try to reason out with myself. He was just an imagination, an illusion. But still i've made a place for him inside my heart, knowingly that that place would never be filled.
Everyone wants to believe that there is somebody - somebody waiting for you. Somebody who will love you, beyond anyone in this world. Somebody who will hold your hand, till your last breath. Even i believed the same and probably that's what made me believe in him.
No body understood him. For them he was my illness, somebody who only existed in my thoughts, in my damaged mind. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia by my doctor and he explained to me about his existence. He was somebody formed in my thoughts, due to burst of my emotions and existed outside my mind.
I still remember the time i first saw him, first felt him.
I was broken, due to my parents death. They were the world to me and now had left me all alone.
Sitting alone in the cremation ground, seeing the fire dying with each passing second, i cursed my life and God. I no longer wanted anyone in my life. No love. Because the people I'd loved the most in this world, were no more. My hands were trembling and tears made their way down my cheeks when i heard some footsteps.
I wanted to cry out to whoever it was to leave me alone. I did not want anyone to notice the strong headed Geet Handa in this state. I wanted to shout out to the person to stay away from me, from my grief. But my thoughts were never voiced.
The footsteps became louder and their sound was driving me crazy, but at the same time, it was calming my ragged heart. Soothing away the pain.
Suddenly i felt a gentle touch on my shoulder sending tingling sensations throughout my arm length and a sweet voice calling out my name in whispers against my ear. I glanced up to find a man as he placed both his hands over my shoulders to lift me up gently. He smiled at me. It was the most sincere smile i'd seen in my life time.
Moving my eyes all across his face to capture his image in my mind, i realized he had a handsome face. His eyes, i noticed, were of the same colour and depth less like an ocean.
"Are you all right?" He asked in his soft voice, politely.
Was i all right? That was the question i'd asked myself. No i wasn't.
Upon hearing no reply, he placed his hands on my cheeks and kissed my forehead before making a promise. " Don't worry, i'll always be there with you, to share your pain, forever."
His that one promise had made me believe in him, even without knowing his name.
After that day, i saw him daily. My thoughts revolved around him. He was my light, my support in the world my parents had left me. He was that somebody who taught me about love. He was that somebody who made me love. He was my life, my love, my Maan Singh Khurana.
But soon this dream broke. Misha, my friend, when she found me withdrawing from this world, in another world where Maan existed, she took me to a doctor. He told me about my hallucinations, my disease.
I didn't believe them, when they shouted about him not existing. How could i believe them when i found him as real as me, when i found his voice stealing my senses, when i found his touch creating havoc inside my body.
But eventually i did, when he stopped coming. I cried to myself, begging him to return. But he didn't. Their medicines were working. And soon a time came, when i lost him forever.
After eight long years, still today i have this tingling sensation. Still today my heart cries to have a glimpse of him, of my love. But he does not show himself...only his presence is felt.
Chakravarti Samrat Prithviraj Chauhan
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