MG (FF) :Back to You# II (#3 Link: Pg. 145) - Page 21

Old sins have long shadows...

"They say he reaps,

What he sows.

A sinner I am

With shadows old..."

"The moon wouldn't shine

From the same spot always

In the most unfamiliar places

You will find solace..."

So rotting in the confines

Under shadows of a sin old

Maybe liberation would be

And redeemed would be his soul...

"Are you late?"

Three simple words.

They were three simple words that echoed stay.'

Three simple words that spelled I need you.'

Geet had spent enough time with Maan Singh Khurana to know that the tone in his voice was a pleading, desperate beseech of that lonely boy who gallantly saved damsels in distress by riversides and who deserted them with equal tyranny; the boy who was messed up and scarred; who was lonely and aloof, strong outside but broken inside...The man who was toughed and hard but woke up with sweating nightmares in his lonely confines.

But more than anything else, he was the man she knew who had in his own way come to mean so much to her.

So she sat, under a starlit night overlooking the dark blue sea, tantalizing under a deep violet sky. For observers; the sky looked like a canvas of wine which sparkled under alibi of a handful stars. And though most of the twinkling stars were sobered down due to city pollution; the Pole star shone brightly due north.

It was well past midnight, and dogs howled low in the distance. There were no noises save for the occasional shrills of late night rickshaws and taxis which were thinning as time passed. The sea rumbled leaving a hollow as it retreated; the brass low pitch waving over them. She sat there, again with him by her side; this was the first time he had turned their steps here. This was the first time he had expressed to sit here. And the first time his broken soul was coming to surface; even though she had always seen the shards in his eyes.

Maan looked up at the sky, trying to search for that reflector of glory on an inky sky. But it seemed moonless. There was no illumination tonight. This was paradoxical as there were ample street lamps lighting the land, but no moon to illuminate the sky. How the land and sky met different fates and yet remained together...

"I could never make them happy"

She heard his faint broken voice over the wind billowing past her. His words were vague, the tone far off, but she didn't just say another word. Geet gave him the space of her silence.

"I couldn't be what they would have wanted me to."

He stopped and gulped.

"I failed them and they left."

"They left me to never come back. It was my mistake. My sin Geet"

He turned towards her this time and searched for a clue through hazel brown eyes, his own eyes misty and dark under the gloom. The blankness in her eyes made him avert his gaze as he continued.

"I deserve all the loneliness, I deserve the nightmares. It's because I couldn't save them my soul should never rest in peace Geet. You have been good to me since I came here. You have been there and understood me when I myself couldn't... But I am not right Geet, I am the worst son. The worst brother. I deprived my siblings of their parents...I"

His anguish laden voice echoed down the stones they were perched upon even as sea waves crashed gloriously over the fringe.

"Maan"

"No Geet. Let me say it now or it would never come out. I had promised myself at this very place one day that I'll open my wounds to you. That day when you made me feel the rains, made me feel there was still a real part of me I had promised you this much of myself and today when I am, don't step back. I know you wouldn't want to be with the messed up person that I am but leave after I have completed. Please .Give me that much."

She didn't say anything, just kept her hand over his where it rested on the stone. And that was more than assurance that she didn't have any plans to leave. Even if the devil would be him, she couldn't leave him now. He had invaded so much of her in three months that nothing or no one could pull that out. Not even the dark side he so claimed he had.

They sat in silence again; a silence so soothing and yet so disturbing. They collectively waited for it to break and still expected to continue reveling in this shrill silence of ignorance.

"This was the date four months ago, when they crashed to death. Mom and Dad."

And there was a sharp intake of breath on Geet's side. She had expected something drastic but this was far too painful.

"We were racing, Dad and I. I raced ahead and; they rammed into the truck."

His tone had now turned factual, as if he was reminiscing an incident from a book or movie.

"Had I not challenged him that day..."

He trailed swallowing the lump in his throat.

"I drove them to death Geet, it was me... Four months. It's been four months and every night I see them bleeding and torn dangling from car gates. I see smoke and fire and mom shrieking in pain...but..."

"But when I reach her the pain is gone."

"She is gone."

He shuddered.

"I see Dev and a bleeding Annie crying in the hospital, Daadi maa braving it all for our sakes and then I see myself. Neither crying, nor calm. Tormentor of my little siblings, perpetrator of mom and dad; standing in shadows. For the sin I committed; I wasn't even charged of their death...no one punished me. They just let me go...Why?"

His rhetoric question bounced over her but she remained quiet.

"I can't even cry Geet"

And again there was silence lining them; which was occasionally broken by dogs barking and waves crashing.

"Maan I..."

"Don't Geet."

"Don't sympathize. I have had enough of that shit"

He barked angrily; maybe at the way he had let it all pass so easily or maybe at the fact that he hadn't wept since his parents died and now suddenly in her presence he felt like crying. His chest felt heavy; as if the boulder over it had suddenly grown manifolds; as if four months of pain and resurrection had come crashing over him in these chosen few moments. There was a fright deep down too, an insecurity of losing her friendship; or so he told himself.

"I wouldn't say I am sorry"

He heard her and his eyes zipped back to meet hers. Had he really heard what she'd said?

"Because no amount of sorrow on my part will bring them back or lessen your pain. Neither will I tell you that how good and amazing a person you are or that you couldn't have done more to save them than anybody else observing the tragedy. Because that's for you to realize for yourself. You don't need punishment Maan. You need liberation."

At that precise second she had stated the simple irony of his predicament; her own heart though had twisted down the gut knowing this beautiful strong man had gone through so much and still went through it every day of his life.

Maan looked on in awe at the way she had said it, though he didn't believe the latter. Till date he'd had enough friends and relatives wanting to hold him if he cried, who had tried to reassure him of things he didn't believe he had. He had escaped all those hypocrites back in Delhi but found Mumbai much the same until she threw a cold bottle of water at him and knocked the sense out of him. Until she made him feel the glory of rains; the beauty of self expression. Until at last he realized, that maybe she was the one who could listen to his side of the story and not judge him. Indeed his sins had casted long shadows, shadows that would walk with him throughout, but still he had wanted this one chance.

And here he was, taking his chance with expression; taking his chance with her while he opened the past to her. He expected her to either sugar coat herself and hold him with condolences or walk away in truth and earnesty; either ways he had thought their togetherness would end. Because he couldn't want hypocrisy and she wouldn't want a messed up Maan. But as always she had surprised him!

She had not been anything that he had expected...neither said what he had heard from many for months now.

Sorry.

That five lettered sympathetic word which was a mockery, indignation; a way of screeching in his ears what a big loser he was, what kind of a son he had been. Sorry'...his folks had said that for days in and out after his parent's death and reminded him in silent words that he was a devil and a loser; didn't have it in him to do anything while his family and business were whirled around by exploiters. Exploiter, he reminded himself as the loathsome image of Ranveer Khurana blinded his eye. That man, his father's insensitive younger brother was coveting whatever remained of their empire; and Maan couldn't let the leftover crumbles go to him. That was the determination, the driving force as he studied and lived in an alien city...With a girl named Geet whom he was uncannily opening up to; whose reaction he dreaded at this point.

But she had neither said sorry' nor walked away.

Just sat there with her hand still atop his.

"Why?"

He couldn't help asking.

"Because you are not the monster you paint yourself to be. Because you are not worthy of nightmares that flash you day in and day out."

"You know nothing about me Geet...There is no light in my life. I am studying to make a life for my siblings, to take over the spiraling business as soon as I can. I am not whole as a person. I don't like things normal youngsters do. Movies, partying, pubs...nothing...I have left that life behind and don't know if I ever will be able to get back there. I am hollow Geet. I don't have any light of my own."

"Then reflect some of mine."

She murmured.

"I'm afraid that's not possible."

He gave a hollow laugh.

"There's no moon tonight too. See."

He pointed to the moonless sky ahead while Geet turned a bit to see the glory from the corner of her eyes. Gently she placed her hand on his cheek and turned his face to the other side.

There, a big fat yellow moon hung low as if it had just risen out of its paradise.

And Maan was awed. He'd thought the night was moonless because he hadn't seen the moon at its usual spot in the sky.

"Look it's there, reflecting sun's light. Maan, the light needn't always shine from the same spot. At times it is found in the most unfamiliar places. But it is light nonetheless."

She spoke in her soft low voice.

Old sins had long shadows he knew; but there would be a little tingle of light from the darkest of corners, she had reaffirmed that night. And he kept staring at the moon, his source of light that sat beside him. His Geet.

"Burn your life...do you feel alright! Come burn your night..."

She was jolted out of his arms that moment as the DJ punctuated a hard paced song with the rap. She suddenly pushed herself out of his hold and he winced at the sudden loss of her warmth. There was a vacuum created amidst the aura of music and lights as she looked up to him with her hollow eyes.

"Give me some time Maan. It's just too much to..."

She stopped midway as his finger silenced her trembling lips even though he couldn't hear her clearly. The music still blazed loud and screeching in background.

"Shhh"

He mouthed over the chartbuster.

"I know it is shocking for you more that it is for me...but it's their life. Meera, Samar and Dev are three adults who know what they are doing"

Maan murmured dipping his head in the hollow of her neck, closing the distance she had created. Though his heart tore knowing Dev might be going for the fall was he to find out how thick Samar and Meera were once, Maan knew his brother had to grow up and fight his own battles. And if Dev and Meera had the connection; they would tide over.

But this was the last thing on Geet's mind. She had trusted Meera when she said she loved Dev. There was a lingering wave of shock, yes; but the impending doom of her and Maan's time here together was tormenting her now and again. She had planned to move away this morning thinking she would convince her boss; but then Maan's brother had turned out to be her boss and all attempts had washed down the drain.

Then this date and Meera!

It was all too much to handle.

"Excuse me"

She pushed him away lightly and walked out of the dance floor.

Making her way to the bar she glanced at the bottles of cocktails and alcohol lined up. A glass might calm her raging nerves, but could she control?

Chuck it! I don't need to control for now!

Her frustration was speaking for her as she ordered herself a bottle of beer, light and less hangoveric. The events of last three days had probably drained her more than any other life tragedy ever had. And the worst thing, she had no way to go as of now. It seemed she was in a wildly flowing brook, not floating yet not drowning; going over with the flow but not knowing exactly what will be of her tomorrow.

Okay so I know its not a very long update, but this one had a lot of heaviness and substance.

Oh yeah; all my previous stories have been updated with Cover photos...you know; I felt every on of them should have a Maaneet picture that I had weaved while I wrote! So do check out😉

Another important announcement is that there wouldn't be an update next week...because a writer needs to study for her upcoming exams!😛😆

But worry not; will come back in a week!

Until then,

<3

Frosted Starlit.