If Only You Saw Me (14) Thread Fifteen Added - Page 97

Originally posted by: Onir

I'm so so so late this time... here you're going to update the next part and I'm commenting on the pending previous part. but then its better late than never... and I did manage to comment at least before reading the next... so I'm glad 😊

I think while I was editing the next chapter, you were typing your comment. 😆

Coming straight to the update... I have already told you that I loved it, and as usual your writing brought a huge smile to my lips. 😃 I was very disturbed the day you updated... but reading the part I was smiling and feeling so light hearted. Thanks 🤗

Thank you Onir! For being such a wonderful and encouraging person. I am very glad something I did made you happy. 🤗

Geet missing her family and also missing being in the constant presence and house of her love was well brought out in the start itself. It was bound to happen, right! But I just adored and loved seeing Maan being so tuned to her need for comfort and understanding her state of mind. He showed his concern, care and love for her in his own sweet and charming way. He's become quite perceptive of all her comforts and needs, even before she thinks about them or feels to express them. Be it her feeling lonely in the hostel room or her having difficulty in solving algebra sums in the library, he was quick to know it and address her difficulties.. Hyaee I love him. ❤️ 😳

There are times when you're so attuned to some person that you wold know when they might feel how and that is the case here with Maan. 😳

Their texting messages always makes me smile... they both are so cute... 😆

The whole study and exams tension was very well explained and brought to an end by you ... and I'm glad the exams are over... 😆 but then that means the departure is nearing... and I'm dreading ti somewhat...but still hope for the best from my twinnie for my tortoise couple 😉😃

Whenever I read something like this last line from you or the other readers, I feel like telling you to not raise your hopes high yet. Obviously, I am not revealing the story yet but yes, I am dreading the separation too. It is as close as can be...

the graduation ceremony and all the confusion with it for Geet will stay or not was quite tensing but then some how I knew she has to and will stay ... And you proved me right.

She had to stay! 😃

The friends seem so inseparable and their bond is very infectious and nostalgic for me... I remembered my graduation days... all the planning and working for it that was there... Oh I miss those days and all my friends... when we were so carefree and not so running behind our specialization fields. But then thinking about those days just warms my heart and brings a smile to my lips. Thanks! 😃

I am glad to know I could keep it close enough to reality to remind you of your own days. 😊

Ayush is always the entertainer and the one who is the most optimistic in the group always finding the positive side to it all. Anya is a cutie pie.. so sweet and caring. I like her small efforts and gestures to give a push to this dheemi gadi of M-G. 😆 Be it coaxing them to finally finalize a date or helping Geet dress up or just being there for them hoping for a forever for them 😳👏👏

Honestly, writing Ayush and Anaya is way trickier than I thought because I feel that at times I overdo them in being positive and lively to the extent that it feels unreal.

Maan babu quickly responding in negative for a double date was as if voicing out my own view to it... after all this wait I would also not want a double date... though Maan and my reasons are quite similar yet different 😉😆 And my string Geet was all sharam se paani paani... 😆 Hayye loved her subtle changes and coy behaviour in needed mixture.

Neither did I want them to end up going for a double date the first time. 😳

Him wanting to cross his fingers hoping for her to stay longer, being so adamant with the date, and also somewhere being the scared soul for hsi plans and proposal was very sweet of him. 😃

Too sweet to be good, right? 😆

Geet's convo with her Mom very very good. I always admire her bond with her Mom there's transparency and so much of trust and love. Her mom like all moms wants her daughter to be with her soon... btu then also wants her to experience all her joys and happiness... and so the advice was bang on 👏👏 and very true... "Heart wants might not always be what mind agrees to... but you will eventually find your destiny. You just need to hold on a bit longer" Wow! 😳 And I want her destiny to always be Maan...

Everyone wants that...

Raya though younger is quite matured in times situation demand and when her sister needs her. her advising her and wanting her sister to have the deserved happiness was very sweet of her. and then when she wanted to divert her attention she teased her about the bracelet and also about her romancing with her to-be -jiju in a not so private way in a house full of wedding guests. 😆

Yes, she is younger but she is still old enough to know about things and be mature to handle situations at times, and that is what I wanted to show. 😊

Similar to Geet and her Mom... Maan and his Mom too share a warm relation and are more like friends. I like Maan's mom.. she's super cool. 👍🏼 Her teasing Maan of his awaited date, dancing with him to celebrate his end of exams, or advising him to but a gift for his date, or just plain being there for him ... love her character ❤️ Maan too has been quite responsible towards his mom, spending time with her so that she doesn't feel left out in Ranbir's absence, pressing her legs when she's tired, or just going for a dimmer together.

Like you, I too adore the bonding of these two. When I had decided to introduce Maan's Mom and to show the kind of relation Maan would share with his Mom, I had no idea it would turn out good enough for me to start loving a character myself to a very big extent. How big? That is something you will find out in the future. 😊

The whole exam preps and exams were short and sweet and I was glad that finally exams over. 😉 I liked how you showed them being able to have and steal their own private time and eyelocks and awareness of the other even in a bust schedule or in crowded places like a library or college campus... it speaks a lot of their comfort and understanding. 😳

I think many readers are glad the exams are over. Why is everyone so scared of them?! 😆

The whole elaborate planning Man wants to achieve with hsi first date was so adorable and romantic. His eagerness and yet not wanting to appear desperate was so cutely brought together... 😳😉😆

I so knew it was a dream in the start of it ... as it started with Geet coming there on her own whereas it was supposed to be Maan picking her up form Anya's place as she doesn't know her way. But yet I loved the whole description, the romantic feel to it, the minute details taken care of, the beauty of it all, the free flowing scenes, the shyness and reflective emotions, the whole execution was splendid .. and I feel if dream was such then reality will be even more beautiful. 👏

You are the only one who mentioned noticing the obvious fact here!! 😆

You have already read the reality now and I bet the dream was better!

Ranbir breaking his dream date... 😆😆 Pure evil... Mayyo... 😈

I know! 😆

Waiting for the next which is soon... and sorry for this late comment and hoping I will comment for the next one in time. 😃

You say sorry for commenting so late - which is not as late as you believe it is - so am I even allowed to say sorry for this super duper late reply? 😆

Originally posted by: Onir

Thanks for such a beautiful part. 🤗

🤗

Firstly, so sorry for being so royally late '. I was the first to reserve but I'm last one to like and comment. Had read the whole chapter a week back but wanted to savour it again and then comment at leisure. Loved it 🤗 ❤️

Phir se sorry? Enough already, twinnie! I am glad you liked it! 🤗

I loved the video at the start'👏. It captured the true essence of the whole story. The background music gelled well and w as so apt! Awesome job done, 👍🏼 Thank your sister on my behalf. The gradual progression from being unaware, to start admiring his smile and doing all so that he keeps smiling, to being friends, and then now much more with their special bond, passion and everything between them'. This was possible only when she saw him' ❤️

I showed this to my sister and she told me to convey her pleasure at your comment to you. 😊 My sister and I, both are very happy to know the video came out nicely and you liked it. 😳

Loved Ranbir's help. Initially I was a bit doubtful as there's a difference in the natures and taste of both the Khurana brothers as well as their lady love, but then the place and all the activities were indeed wonderful.👏👏

Yes, both the brothers have different tastes but there are things which almost everyone enjoys. 😊

Maan is such a sweet heart, like Geet I too like his quality of how concerned and caring he is towards his loved ones. 😳 Even though he was going for his date he was relieved that his Mom wouldn't be left alone in his absence and Ranbir would be with her.

Frankly, I have no idea how a guy feels and what he does when he has a date. Does he think about his family even a bit or does he only concern himself with his date? But somehow, it felt like the person this Maan is, he would have considered everything that he can handle. 😳

Aanya is a sweet friend and very true to her friendship.😃 She being panicky for Geet and helping her with dressing and all preparations so that the day proves to be the best to two of her most loved friends was such a sweet gesture.

Her panic, I had a feeling - was becoming over the top and that friends don't actually do this much for each other or become so worked up but I still went ahead with it, risking to make it seem unnatural. 😆

Geet thinking and being sad on knowing the inevitable separation from all her friends and Anya too being sad about it, reminded me about my friends how we parted away for our own specialisation fields. Besties ' I agree distance and time doesn't matter and technology does help to help being in contact but then still the parting does hurt. But she will have to come back right? 😉

Yet again, something from the story reminded you of your own days and made you feel sad and I apologise for that. About your question... well... you will have to wait to know that. 😆

Anya is an unique piece ' she wanted her to try all the dresses 😆 😆 But Geet is one smart girl who knows to get her way out though being very polite and friendly. Loved the whole dressing scene with Anya being hysteric and Geet being the patient one'😉😆

I felt that the way their characters have shaped up till now, Anaya would have been the hysterical one while Geet would be patient. 😆

Geet twisting the "Date" as a day out and Anya teasing her about it reminded me of you Mayyo 😆 I remembered Avi calling you QOE ' excellent with word plays. 😉

Ha ha! I never intended for the connection to be made but now that you have pointed out, I can see that it is the similar way that Avi would call me QOE for trying to dodge questions. 😆

Loved the dress description, the one she finally wore for the date. Very delicate, Geet like, decent and pretty. 😳😊 Actually I loved the whole description of her appearance' complete with her hairdo, accessories, and make up, shoes'👏👏 in all everything. Your description in detail was too good, that I could imagine her to be in front of me, appearing not too decked up and yet very beautiful.😳

Whenever I have to describe looks and clothes, I take double the time that I do for describing scenes but I believe it is worth it if the readers are able to get what I'm trying to show. 😊

Both M-G having their own fill of taking in each other's appearance was ' Aankhon hi aankhon mein they complimented each other 😳with Anya being the kabab mein haddi. 😆

Did yo want to pull that haddi out? 😆

The whole date right from the car ride itself was romantic' could get the feel of it all. And yes she certainly did let go for this one day.😳

"Romantic" is a word so far out of my reach and out of my ability to write that it surprised me when you called it so. 😆

Ayush's calls and texts were hilarious but yes he was as if our own voice in the update wanting the same thing as we readers want.. 😉

So he became the voice of the readers. 😆

When the venue was revealed to be a Carnival' I was like how can that be? But then I enjoyed reading about it '. And feel it was the best one as they could enjoy themselves even in a crowd. That is what true companionship is ' where even in a crowd and in a new place you can find comfort and ease, as well as enjoy the most having the person whom you trust love and value the most in life. This whole concept was well fulfilled by this ides if a date at the carnival. Great thought and execution Mayyo. 👏They had their own moments of shared intimacy, fun time, eye locks and even times enjoyed with a group yet having eyes only full of each other's presence.😳😳

Bold: So well-said, Onir! This is exactly the purpose behind choosing a place like the carnival.

I know it was a very unusual thing for a couple to go on a date at the carnival but I didn't want them to go for the usual date. I was still unsure about it but knowing you all liked it, I am very relieved! 😊

The sketches 😳' with her blurting out "It won't hurt. Not when it's you here" Oh my! An indirect confession and acceptance to him, of her own thoughts and feelings regarding him. And mera tubelight tortoise'. Kya kare iska' he understood it late. But yet not very late. 😆 Chance pe dance.😉 Loved how on realisation his hold on her got firmer and her being perceptive of it all.😳

Tubelight tortoise is the perfect name for him! 😆

"Couples only" hayee my Tortoise is gaining a lot of speed and courage taking this decision for them and planning this activity. Introducing her as his girlfriend' quite a progress and I love it.😆

He has to pick up speed and courage if he wants her to know his feelings, right? 😳

The like and dislike round was a bonus for Maan, 😉 he could get a small peak in her opinion of him. Indeed a great reward for all his efforts. Him liking her quality/ nature of standing out as a class apart.. I guess was actually attracted him. And was the basis of all his liking in addition to all her other qualities that he discovered in the course of 3 years. Her liking him the way he is ' speaks a lot of her opinion of him and is greatest compliment she could ever give him.😳

Yes, that is what he was actually attracted to so he had to say that. As for Geet, her opinions of him were made very slowly and after quite some observation. 😊

The question and answer round was bang on! Her guessing wrongly his like, but yet he shielding her wrong with his acceptance of it' was sweet and in a way both he as well as us could finally get that dance. ❤️ She observed a lot in just one visit to his room' must say this girl is one keen observer, it isn't her fault she didn't know the name of the car. 😆 The dance '😳😳 . Beautiful description and lovely!👏👏👏

Yes, she is a keen observer. He couldn't let the chance to dance with her go just like that. 😉

Writing about dances is something I can't even think about and it takes quite a lot of scrapping and rewriting and sometimes even having to watch one or two dance videos to get the hang of it. Shukar hai it turned out well! 😆

Loved this whole idea of Carnival and date combined together, he could get so many cherished moments with her. All packaged together of events that he would have liked to share with her in the last 3 years and was able to do them all in a day's time, at least most of them'😉. Be it partying in a carnival as a couple, visiting a library and talking random things and of poetries, knowing their likes and dislikes, walking at leisure, having fun times and laughing holding onto each other, shopping or buying gifts for Raya, enjoying a meal together, or just idly resting and sitting together totally at ease with each other's company and the soothing silence between them. ( I know they've done most of this before but then in this date you put it all together in one day ' making I quite good to read and even them knowing of future could be for them if they end up together.. )

This was my biggest challenge and worry for this chapter: to not make it repetitive and I am not sure how successful I was but in the end, what matters is the intention which I had to let them have a whole day just for themselves...

Her mentioning the poetry that she had written when she first saw him (I know she didn't complete.. but it was almost ' ) I loved that poem on his smile and eyes ' ❤️

You still remember the poem? You know, I got a lot of teasing and ribbing from my family when I wrote that one! 😆

The locket he gets for both with name written on rice' was sweet. I too have one like that one' actually my 5 friends and I have made one like that for each one of us with our group name on it and our graduation date on it. It looks awesome '.. and great inclusion here.👏😃

Oh wow! I never realise I end up actually taking bits and pieces of your life and that of Shika's when I write because most of the times, what I have written is mostly what you two have experienced though it is only revealed after the chapter is posted. 😃

Loved the cryptic and symbolic description of them sitting on that bridge! 👏👏 It was like a bridge of life connecting them to the two aspects of life each one has to experience'one end being full of life and fun (carnival and their date, their family and friends on that side) while the opposite end being the other truth of life ' death and end. (Of their near ones dead and gone and also the people who are always going to be in their minds and part of their existence.)

This one paragraph gave me a chill up my spine. I did not intend the bridge to be symbolic this way but however unintentionally, it happened and your words had me reeling in a daze for a moment.

I loved their talks on the bridge ' with silence not a bit being disturbing but more intimate and comforting to both. I can so relate to her statement and liking of "prefer staying to myself and minding my own business"😊

I know! I can relate to that myself!

Beautiful tying of ends there '👏 with all the gloom of coming face to face with ultimate truth of life being dead, praying for them .. and then after crossing over the bridge diverting and living in the present by discussing the life with their family and friends.

I have no words to say for your perception. Just this: 👏

Their dinner and the whole venue and ambience were romantic. ❤️

Really? It was?

Another symbolism that I liked was the talk on sunsets. She in a way gave him hope of having to wait for a new beginning and not to be disheartened by the pseudo appearance of end of journey that a sunset gives but hope for the new day (What her going away would do to him..) and also to look forward; to the beautiful and silent night speaking of all dreams, romance and different soothing and companionship.😳😳

Well, well. You picked the exact thing I was portraying here yet again! 😃

The most loved line and highlight for me in this update was that gift he gave her and especially the lines imprinted on the globe😳😳 "Life's most deep feelings are often expressed in silence and one who can read volumes from your silence is your true companion" 👏👏👏 Oh! How true and beautiful! You already know how much I love the whole attached sentiment and belief to this line.❤️ 🤗

Glad you liked the gift and the lines! It took some research for me to pick the right one for them and it is good to know it is understood! 😳

The return journey also was romantic in its own way. The song "Tum hi ho" with him adding Geet to the end was beautiful and I loved it! But did she hear it?? That song is so romantic and heart touching, it speaks of love so selfless and submissive, and Maan feeling it's for them speaks of his love for her. My tortoise is slow but the most romantic and true of heart! ❤️

That song is literally on my mind from the day I have first heard it. Every waking hour, literally! Maan thinks she didn't hear it but whether she did or not, that will be revealed in the next chapter. 😃

And the whole dilemma to kiss or not' was again him being tortoise yet so sweet and cute. 😆

And she does!... So many loops there.. a riddle in three words'. She does say bye? Or she does take a turn to go away??? Or is it kiss? (Very less likely' but desirable and wanted)

While everybody else is believing the last three words are about the kiss, I am impressed that you did not rule out the possibility of it being for something else. It could be anything at all. 😆

Loved the update and thanks for it ' love you for it and post the next one soon as possible so some question will be answered' 😃 🤗

The next one will be up this week, In Sha Allah because I am working on it at the moment. Love you twinnie! Thanks for being here! 🤗

P.S: Avi, update ki length ban gayi kya? 🤣

Originally posted by: dqno1

ab kis baat pe objection utha loon?

yeh statement galat hai your honor... esp the word bohut...

dusro ke liye maanegi... humare liye nahi

Originally posted by: dqno1

patting Onir's head ..

Maine sab dekha Bambi... aur jao..😲

the woods are lovely dark and deep

and there are many who will make u weep😆😆

Originally posted by: mayyo13

Kabhi haan kabhi na wala raasta. Which means kabhi baat maanungi aur kabhi nahin maanungi. 😆

Originally posted by: mayyo13

*sigh*

Originally posted by: mayyo13

Huh! Twisting statemements to suit your needs, eh?😛

Originally posted by: mayyo13

I saw that. 😆

And jawab aayega. Jald. 😃

Originally posted by: mayyo13

Originally posted by: Onir

I on purpose re-quoted and answered on this post so that the length increases ... Abhi toh for sure its length = an update 🤣