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Chapter 29
His bitter memories...
His fingers trembled as Maan touched putul's tiny forhead with back of his hand.Her temperature was little down now. Maan secured the pink blanket around her as he got up to close the window. He felt his body shivering with the sudden blow of chilled wind.It was drizzling outside now. Sun had not shown its warmth since last two days due to incessant downpour.He looked upwards to find any twinkling star but all he could see were black clouds increasing the darkness of night.Sudden change in weather had caused a lot of discomfort to putul as poor baby was suffering badly form fever,cold and tonsillitis {throat infection}.Maan came back to crib as he saw his daughter stirring in sleep.He patted her head softly in order to make her sleep again.
"Dad..dadda.."putul cried as big fat tears rolled down on her chubby cheeks.Very soon,She was in safe arms of her father.Maan kept on cradling her on his shoulder till she was sleeping again.He made her lay in her crib after some time.His heart constricted with pain as he saw pale and tired face of his daughter.She was sleeping with her little mouth open as she was unable to breath with her nose due to cold.He put a little lotion on his index finger to apply it on putul's nose which was turned deep red because of continuous wiping.As he was about to apply the lotion,putul opened her drowsy eyes and grabbed his finger with her chubby palm.Even in her sleepy state,she did not allow him to touch her red and sore nose.Maan let her hold his finger and started caressing her hair with other hand,so she could sleep again.
He did not budge from his place.It was almost four hours since he was sitting near her crib with putul sleeping while holding his finger possessively.He felt himself being consumed by silence of night as loneliness attacked him with force.He had no idea when he picked pari's photo from side table and clutched it near his heart.He was missing pari but he knew his heart was yearning for geet's presence around him.His cold behavior,his indifference since last three months had paid him finally.He had not seen geet for last three weeks.These were the most difficult three weeks of his life.Yes,they were more painful than that one month after pari's demise.Destiny had snatched pari's love from him and Geet's love,he himself was snatching from him thus punishing himself with this loneliness.His gaze went to putul as he felt some soft pressure on his finger.Putul was pressing it in her sleep.A teary smile appeared on his lips witnessing his daughter's assurance to him that he was not alone,that she was with him at that moment.He kissed her fore head and kept gazing at the bond between their hands as some painful memories from his past hit him hard...
An eight year old boy was standing near entrance of his school,waiting for his driver to pick him up.He just hated this time when he had to stand there and watch his friend playing and having fun with his father who had come to pick his son.Only his father never came to his school.Not only school,he did not live with him in his house like all his friends.He had heard some of his teachers and servants saying that his mother had divorced him but whenever he tried to ask his mother,she never replied.Tears brimmed in his eyes as his friend's father picked his son and twirled him in the air.He kicked a stone with his shoe in anger and pain.Why his father did not love him like his friend's father??.Question was troubling him badly as he felt somebody caressing his hair.He looked upwards and saw a tall man looking at him with smile.Boy was intimidated with the stranger as he took two steps back making suitable distance between them.
"Maan beta.." Stranger called him.
"Who are you and how do you know my name??" Boy asked in confusion as well as fear.
"I am your daddy beta.."Man said as he knelt down infornt of the boy.
Boy was stunned to silence for a moment as he looked in stranger's eyes who was claiming himself his father.
"I am your daddy beta,come to me!! look at this you will come to know yourself..." Stranger told the boy as he showed him a pic.
Boys saw the pic carefully and recognized his mother who was in bridal attire in picture.She was standing near that man and both were smiling.."This is our wedding picture,son..look i am there with your mother.."
"Are you really my daddy??" Boy asked after some time.
"Yes beta,I am..come to me.."Man said opening his arms for a hug.With little reluctance and disbelief,boy came forward and threw his arms around his neck for a hug,only to be crushed in a strong hug by his father.It was first time when he had felt warmth and strength of a father's hug.In response,he tightened his grip around his neck.When he pulled out from the hug,he saw his father wiping a tear from his cheek."Don't cry daddy, i won't let you go away from me now.." Boy said to his father and soon he was picked up in his strong arms.Those were the most wonderful thirty minutes of his life that he had spent sitting on a bench with his father,near the entrance of school.He did not leave his father's hand for a single minute.His heart feared as he saw his driver coming near the entrance of the school.What if his daddy did not come with him???
"Daddy,come to home with me..Mummy will be so happy to see you.."Boy said in scared voice.
"No beta,I can't come.we can't live together.."
"But why???" boy asked little hurt by the rejection.
"Because your mother hates me.." His father answered as he got up from the bench.Boy could not muster the courage to leave his hand.His father kissed the back of his small hand as he very softly removed his hand from his hold."I will come tomorrow.." He told him.
"Promise??.." Boy asked.
"Promise.." His father answered kissing his forehead. Boy saw his father leaving him and walk away towards the road.He was happy because of the promise his father had made to him.
"I love you daddy!!!" Boy yelled from behind making his father turn around while crossing the road.Only if his father had not heard his voice,he might have saved himself from that truck which came suddenly with speed of lightening.
Screams stuck in boy's throat as he saw his father being thrown in the air after colliding with the truck.Crowd gathered around his father's limp body.He wanted to help his father..He wanted to see his father but could not move his feet ahead.Soon he found himself being dragged by his driver to car.
"What happened beta???" His mother asked him when he was back to home."Talk to me baby..answer your mumma.." She said hugging him close to her.Boy closed his eyes and his father's face appeared infront of his eyes.."Because your mother hates me..." His words reverberated around him.He pushed his mother away from him with his little hands and ran away..
"Maan..behave your self.."His mother yelled from behind.
"I hate you!!!" He yelled back before closing the room of his door.
Putul's painful shriek brought him back to his present."What happened baby??Are you allright???"he said taking putul in his lap.Her body was burning with fever.He laid her down in the crib once again and sprinted towards the kitchen to get cold water and cloth strips.He kept on changing cold strips on her forehead and feet for an hour.Then he checked her temperature by putting the thermometer in her armpit.Fever was reduced up to two degrees.He sighed in relief as his hands got busied once again with cold strips.He was able to understand his mother's worry that day when she was changing cloth strips on his forehead...
Maan felt something cold touching his hot fore head.With much effort he opened his eyes only to see his mother sitting besides him.
"Don't touch me.." He shrugged her hand rudely.His action did not affect the lady as she had become habitual of this behaviour of her son.Since last eighteen years,she was receiving this indifference and hatred from maan. She once again tried to put cloth strip on his for head only to pushed frantically by her son.
"How many times i have to tell you that i hate you..your presence disgusts me.."Maan yelled in anger and threw the bowl of cold water on the floor.
"Why???" His mother asked the same question which she was asking since eighteen years but it was never answered by him.He did not care to answer her this time too as he tried to get up from his bed in such high fever.His mother caught his wrist this time.."Leave me.." he yelled once again.
"I won't..till you answer my question.."She said with adamant tone.Maan tried to free his hand but her stubborn hold did not let him.
"Answer my question first..I can't live anymore bearing this hatred form my own son and that too without knowing reason behind his hatred.."Her tone became sad as tears chocked her throat..
"Because you hate my father..Because you did not let him stay with us..." maan answered gritting his teeth.
Maan felt hold on his hand getting weak which made him walk towards the door freely.His steps halted as his mother's words touched his eardrums..
"Yes,i have always hated your father..I hate him now.. I will hate him till my last breath..and I don't regret my broken marriage with him.."
Maan did not want to pay any heed to her words but pain in her voice did not let him leave the room.He did not turn back but kept standing at his place near the door.His mother looked at his back.She waited for him to react,to say something or either ignore her words as always.When he did not budge from his place,it gave her courage to speak further.."But i have regretted for keeping you away from your father..No matter if he treated me like "dust under his shoe" for those two years that i spent with him,he surely would have loved his son..But maan..you were only one left in my life..I could not give you to him..I was unable to bear all the physical and mental tortures any more in your father's house thats why the day i came to know about my pregnancy i decided to break this marriage. journey ahead was not easy for me but i could not back off from my decision because of my child, for you..maan!!!
I was not afraid going for last court hearing of my divorce case with eight and half months pregnancy because you were there with me in my womb..I fought bravely with your father for your custody for next three years,because i didn't want to loose my only family...But today i think i acted quite selfish doing all this...
Next,maan heard painful sobs of a defeated woman and a defeated mother who inspite of winning all the cases in court had lost today..He could not dare to move and console his mother..
"Why did not you tell me all this before??"he asked after a while.
"I wanted to but i did not want to affect your childhood with dark past of mine and more over I did not want you to keep false hope of returning your father in our family..I would have told you everything but i was waiting for you get big and mature enough to understand all this but before i could tell you,you were gone quite far from me..You never needed your mother after that day,either in your small decision like choosing your clothes or big decisions like going abroad for studies when you were eighteen...I still wonders sometimes,what had happened with you that day in school so you started hating me to such extent.."
"Nothing.."He said as he left the room..He had already given her much pain.Knowing about his meeting with his father that fateful day would have increased her pain...
He caressed the big card in his hands for umpteenth time since the moment he had bought it for his mother.There were beautiful roses on the card with the message.."For the best mother in world."He entered his house and sprinted towards his mother's room.Today he was once again feeling that childhood excitement.He wanted to tell his mother that he loved him.He wanted to apologize for his rude behaviour today.Just before entering her room,he took his pen and wrote "I love you,mumma!!!" on the card.He was about to enter in the room when door opened and a person came out from the room. Stethoscope hanging in person's neck told him his profession.
"Hello doctor!!" maan exclaimed with certain fear in hind of his brain.
"Hello,i am sorry i did not recognize you.."Doctor said furrowing his brows.
"I am maan khurana.."
"oh..you are her son right??"doctor said pointing towards the door of the room.
"yes i am,is everything all right doc??" he asked in anxious voice.
"I am sorry Mr. khurana but everything is not right..Your mother is suffering from last stage of pancreatic cancer.."Doctor gave him biggest shock of his life while keeping a hand of assurance on his shoulder.."She does not have much time..be with her as much as possible and if you want to consult some specialists in abroad then these are her reports.."Doctor left after giving him the reports,...There were only medical reports left in his trembling hands as he did not know when card fell from his hold near his feet...
Chirping of the birds outside along with little light told him arrival of new day.He got up and stretched his tired limbs.He smiled as he saw putul opening her drowsy eyes.Little girl was an early riser.He touched her fore head to check the temperature which was normal to cause him much relief.
"Dadd dda,,,,"putul spread her arms to come in to his lap.
"Come here my baby..daddy will get some food for his princess"..he said as he moved towards kitchen holding putul in his arms.Putul watched her father preparing baby food for her.Fever had drained all the energy from the little girl otherwise it was impossible for putul to leave the kitchen without creating a little mess there.Today she was watching peacefully every activity in maan's lap with her little face dipped in crook of his neck.Maan kept holding her in his lap with one hand and with other hand he was preparing baby food for her..
"Your yummy yummy cerelac is ready.."Maan said kissing putul's cheek as he brought spoon near her mouth.Poor baby was very hungry as she greedily took the spoon in her mouth.
Maan was happy seeing putul eating but it confused him when putul did not swallow her food and puked it.Even she started crying little.
"What happened baby.." Maan asked her wiping tears from her cheeks.
In response putul held his hand and brought it to her neck.."Dadda..aaahhh!!!"She said making him touch her throat thus telling him that she could not swallow because of pain in her throat.Tears fell from his eyes as he found himself most helpless person in the world.His daughter was hungry as well as in pain and he did not know how to lessen her pain.He cocooned her in his embrace as his fingers dialed geet's number..
"Hello.."he heard her voice after three whole weeks making him respond in trembling voice.."I need you,geet!!!"
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