Param, here are some from me...š
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill." What a brilliant idea!
Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.
Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook a meal.
Funny Husband: I know all that.
Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?
Funny Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge:
"Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me -- is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that is holy that he is your son."
With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started...
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart's and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their shopping cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the shopping cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.
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