The song of Orpheus
Like the singer Orpheus looked back only to see his wife Eurydice falling back into Hades, he sees her taking the seven holy steps and realizes that what has once been is now permanently lost. Everything that happened between them in a small rural town of Hoshiyarpur was now just a lost dream; the one which is transparently clear in the dawn but slowly dissolves away as the sun rises over horizon. There was once a time when the guilt of betraying her trust wasn't intense enough for him to remorsefully retrospect on his actions. He wasn't guilty even now. He was just…lost.
Being under his big brother's shadow for most part of his life all his achievements were always categorized under "has been there done that by your brother". It wasn't as if he didn't have any talent. But the talent he had wasn't enough to compete with his elder brother.
It was never enough to be just Dev anymore.
The twinge of jealousy which seldom shoots off him when they were young showed its ugly facade more often as they grew up. It peeved him even more when his aloof brother viewed all the success in a cynical detachment. Women thought his brother was more attractive because of that and his family thought modest. Dev thought it was highly calculated performance. He tried very hard not to fall into the web of competitive deceits and unhealthy obsession of beating his brother in their family business. But alas, it wasn't to be. His investments were miscalculated, hasty and not fully thought of and his ideas never took off from the ground. He slithered away to darker shadows of his brother spending his time drowned in his own desperation and despair to prove himself. His intentions were never unreal or half hearted. When his grandmother named his elder brother as her heir, he secretly breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't cut out for it and he knew it. He was more of a man who knew how to lead a good lifestyle and practice philanthropy. He banked on his inheritance and his wit to lead the lifestyle of rich and famous.
And then there was his charm.
There was one thing which he surely was aware that he had in abundance while his brother severely lacked. He had the charm to woo people to do things for him when people did the same thing for his brother in respect or sheer fear. When he was in his element the charm he exuded on people made them do things for him which they might not do or agree upon on a normal circumstance. People invested in his business, women agreed to dine with him and there were many who lend money because of the surname he had.
The biggest deal he ever made in his life because of his charm was Nayantara. He truly loved her. The fierce woman was seriously attracted to him during a party which was hosted by his family. It hadn't taken much time for his family to arrange a formal wedding between the two given her familial ties. It had taken very less time for her to figure out what her husband truly was.
A man without a goal or any purpose in life.
He did everything he could to make her happy; he started working in their construction company, tried being the person that his wife wanted him to be – a replica of his elder brother. It pricked him like pine needles when she joined the band wagon of the people who compared the two and nagged about how amazing his brother was while he was a stupid mouse following a pied piper.
He wanted to scream to the entire world that he wasn't his brother. He was Dev; a man who had his own set of ideals, values, sense of morals, passion, opinions and also a life. He didn't hate his brother for it because he knew that like him, his brother too was just an object of observation and gossip to others. His brother helped him whenever he could and got him out of troubles when he couldn't do it on his own. It was when wife's expectation from him escalated to unbearable limits, he surrendered to gambling. He wasn't naive enough to believe that one could actually make money from gambling. Though addictive, it provided him a passage to escape a world which never recognized him for what is worth of as the mode of measurement was always base lined as his brother. In his new world he was Dev, a man who wanted to try and test his luck on a table where everyone was sailing in the same boat.
The loss the family ended with was monumental. His gambling addiction had made him pledge things which were part of his inheritance assuming that he actually owned them. When he came to know that it was actually his brother who owned it and not himself was the last straw. He accepted his grandmother's wishes of him being away for the time being to manage overseas business and repay the money back to his elder brother.
His wife wasn't a woman who sat in slumps and wept over her husband's shortcomings. She was one of those who took things that come in their way in stride and overcame with great strength. Only in her case, it was sheer vindictive and contrived reasoning which helped him raise the money that he owed his brother.
He was dead against the plan. He wasn't a fan of cheating in literal sense.
And then he saw her.
Geet.
The nave eighteen year old girl whose exposure to real world was limited to television had captured his attention in matter of minutes. The amused smile he sported after his first interaction with her had fled his face after one look at his wife. She re-explained the reason why they were here and emphasized on the gravity of the situation.
So he played along and broke the young girl's heart. His actions had managed to usurp a family against one another when older cousin tried to kill his sister in the name of righteousness and her entire family would actually support that fact. He wasn't aware when the girl he married for all of two days would be hunted by a band of self promoted righteous vigilantes with misplaced morals and would be almost killed. The cost of his betrayal wasn't only to one girl but to a whole lot of people whose lives changed irrevocably.
Once back to where he belonged with his wife, he tried to forget the entire exchange as an act of self survival. His natural intelligence reasoned out his act, behavior and things he did as immoral but something that he had to do for better good of himself and his family. He never discarded the fact that it was the most selfish thing to do. He accepted quite frankly that what he did was wrong and he must be punished for that for next million years in hell. But for now, he wanted that money to be able to be Dev. There was nothing important in this world than one's survival, is there? That thought put him at ease when his heart hammered in his chest whenever he thought of the woman he left at the airport. He didn't deny the fact that he was unnaturally attracted to that woman and if she ever came before him in future, he might probably fall on his knees and beg her forgiveness. She was special in the way she believed him and his words unconditionally. When he worked his charm on her, it had left a bitter taste in his mouth and that was the first time he truly felt he was cheating her.
It wasn't their plan which had worked. It was his charm.
And he hated himself for that.
His one act had led to a chain of events which reeled his mind when he came to know of it. Fate had avenged him in such a way that it took breath out of him. There was a time when he had seen Geet on a random street, he had truly wished to take her back and make her understand why he did the things he did. Maybe she wouldn't understand him at the first go but he would relentlessly pursue her and make her see his point of view. Maybe then she would forgive him for his sins.
Maybe then he would be free of mind numbing, heart clenching guilt.
He refused to believe that he was an ordinary man. He saw himself as a fallen Greek hero; the ones who are blessed with good looks and terrible luck. They never achieved anything great in their life but for their mistakes, tragedy always struck. He was no different from that and it bothered him to nothingness.
Because fallen Greek heroes mostly met tragic ends.
