When is the right time??? - Page 22

That's what he thought. He told me that much later. And now, let's go back to the moment of returning from the hospital. -And now, where are we going? I asked because I didn't know where I should drive. Dragan said, and then to the seaside again for the exercises. Zoran said he wanted to go home. Hmmm, I asked him which house? And he answered me out of town. But, Zoran, how can I drive you there, there are no wheelchair conditions there. Zoran got angry and said, I want to go home and leave me alone there.

Dragan was silent and followed everyone behind me, and then he said, "Ok, Zoran, let's go home, but just so you know, mom is waiting for you." If you go to your house, mom will be there. Zoran turned to him and said you didn't have to burden her. You are her son and she is very worried about you. Okay, okay, let's go. And so we headed home and I was in a bit of an awkward situation. I didn't know what to do. If his mother stays at home to help him, then what am I going to do? Uhnh, I was a little uncomfortable even asking Zoran about that.

There was an awkward silence again. Everyone was in their own thoughts, and again I think I was in the worst position. When we arrived in front of Zoran's house, Zoran's mom was already there and came to greet us and Zoran. Dragan pushed his stroller and I carried the bags with his things. And when we entered the house, his mom served us coffee and juice and asked if we were hungry. We all said we were and sat down to have dinner. In that atmosphere, we finished dinner and it was time to say goodbye.

BUT NO ONE STILL SAID WHO IS GOING WHERE. THERE WAS AN UNPLEASANT QUESTION IN THE AIR AND SO SPONTANEOUSLY ZORAN GRAB ME BY THE HAND, AS I WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM AND ASKED ME TO TAKE HIM OUTSIDE FOR A BIT. I STAND UP AND IMMEDIATELY PUSHED HIM OUTSIDE, SIT IN THE SWING AND LOOKED AT THE SKY. NOW EVERYTHING IS DECIDED, THAT WAS CLEAR TO ME. Zoran reached up to me and grabbed me by the back.

SARAH, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, that's what he said, now you can go and stop worrying about me. Sara, you have to leave because by staying here with me, you will become a person I will not like. You have to work and not take care of a disabled person. Please, don't say anything, but pick up your belongings and go with Dragan. I'm sorry that I behaved that way towards that guy, Vladi, and now I'm asking you to leave me. Dragan will drop you off wherever you want. I sat on the swing and was silent. Tears streamed down my cheeks.

He was still holding my hand. What should I do now? How can I explain to him that my place is next to him. But I knew how he was breathing and that's why I knew he was very serious when he said all this. So, he's pushing me away again. I didn't expect this. When he said that maybe Dragan could move to my city where I live now, and be next to me. And he mentioned Dragan to me a few more times. I didn't understand why right away, but then I did. That was the last thing I understood and then I slapped him hard. You, you, you want to send me into Dragan's arms because you're not sure of yourself. How can you do that?

Do you know what you've done now???? I yelled at him. I've experienced all sorts of things from you, Zoran, but this was the lowest thing you could do to me.

Please, he told me, understand one thing, I might never be that Zoran again, I might never get back on my feet. That's why I'm telling you all this. I want you to be with someone who is reliable and who will love you.

-That means you don't love me- I screamed, or it seemed to me that I was screaming.

- Sara, every breath and exhalation from my body belongs to you. Please, never forget that but right now I think it's best for you to leave me. Please. I feel like you're with me out of pity. The last few days have been a beautiful dream for me. Please, Sara, don't think I'm a bad person but now I have to ask you this. My heart is breaking but I have to ask you to leave me alone. Thank you for an unforgettable time that you made me feel loved but this is the end. I don't want to think that I'm a burden to you. Please understand me. He cried like a little child. I managed to hug him and kiss him sincerely for the first time. He returned my kiss with a lot of emotion and I realized that it would be even harder for him if I kept kissing him.

For the first time I kissed him like that and I wanted to keep kissing him but then again he understood where it would lead us. He didn't want to hurt me even more. He told me in a hoarse voice

-I want you, you don't even realize how much but I don't want to hurt you. Please, go now. I promise you Sara if I recover and if you don't end up with some other guy I will look for you and we will be together. I didn't know how long I stood next to him and I was absorbing every millimeter of his face. I loved him so much.

I wanted to be with him so much. And then Dragan came out and asked me if we were leaving. So he and Zoran were talking about my relationship with him. Uh I looked at Zoran and smiled weakly. Now everything was clear to me. His mom came because Dragan asked her to come so that Zoran would still have company and I had to go. For Zoran's sake. And what about my own. No one thought about me and how I felt. Dragan came up to me and hugged me like a brother and said, "Don't worry, he'll get well soon and then he'll be all yours." Those were nice words, but...