6
"You okay, hun?" She felt Simon's arm around her waist as she started to take off her jewelery. "Yeah." He didnt buy it. "Kripa.." He held her arms and turned her around to face him. "Why are you frowning? Did something happen?"
She nodded her head and sat down in front of her dresser. "Its nothing, Simon. Really. I'm just really tired from the everything on my plate. All the photoshoots, the parties, the..." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I just feel really stressed out right now.
He kneeled down on his knee in front of her. "Look into my eyes. Did someone say something to you?" She looked at him for a second and then smiled. "Ofcourse not, Simon. And even if they did..you know that I never cared about what people thought of me. I really dont."
"I know..just making sure." She smiled and hugged him. She really wanted to be left alone at this point. She really didnt care about what Chandni had said to her earlier. She was truly tired. Tired of leading a lonely life, away from her family. Family. She thought of her parents for a second but her mind went back to reality. "Simon."
"yeah?"
"Can you please let me be for tonight? I just want some thinking time." He let go of her and nodded his head. "Just call me if you need a hug okay?" She smiled as he grabbed his jacket and left.
After a long shower, Kripa walked back to her closet in her towel and picked out some comfortable PJs and a cotton shirt. She used her blow dryer to dry her hair a bit and then slipped into her night clothes.
It had been a long time since she had relaxed. Most of the time she either fell asleep right after a party or after she had drank too much alcohol. But today was different. She had stayed away from the bar and even though she was tired, there was something in the air that made her feel relaxed. I'm gonna cancel my shoot tomorrow, she thought. She needed some rest before she could go back to her daily life.
She got cozy under her comforter and leaned back on the head board. She took a deep breath for a moment and then turned to her side table. Turning on the table lamp, she pulled the first drawer out. Inside it, lay a lead box. She grabbed the key out from under her mattress and slid it into the keyhole. Slowly turning it, she looked at its contents.
A smile suddenly struck her face. She took out the picture that had laid there for almost 10 years now. It was a picture of Angad and her at the Junior Prom of the year 1996. The smile still stayed as she picked it up in her hands. Suddenly her mind transported back to 1996 when she had met Angad for the first time.
[FLASHBACK]
"And the Junior Prom Queen is...Kripa Sharma!!!" She smiled a broad one and quickly walked to the stage and stood next to Angad Khanna, the Junior Prom King. Meeting him for the first time ever, she smiled. She wondered how she had never met him before. Maybe she was always too involved in her own things, she thought.
She expected him to smile back in a nice way. After all he had met her for the first time as well. But she didnt expect him to smile at her in a way that made her heart freeze for a moment. His eyes, those seductively friendly eyes suddenly had caught her attention. She quickly looked away when the music started and it was time for their couples dance.
[Flashback ends]
The phone interrupted her thoughts as she got up to get it. "Hello?" She said in her tired voice. "Kripa..its Angad." Why? She thought. Why was he calling her now? There was nothing to talk about. Other than that apology for letting Chandni treat her that way. "What do you need Angad"
"I need to talk to you. I'm really.."
"Sorry? Thats the only word I'll accept from you at this point."
"Sorry? For what?"
"Excuse me? For.." She took a deep breath. "Just leave me alone Angad.I think you have come back to my life with enough complications. I just need to rest a little."
"Wow. I cant believe you think I'm the problem in your life." She didnt say anything. "Kripa, you have to agree that whatever has happened in our lives is not only my fault. Its the both of us."
"Fault? I dont regret anything Angad. Whatever happened between us..it was a gift to my life. And if you regret it. Then its all your fault!"
"What? I never said I regretted anything."
"then what are you saying, Angad?" There was a brief pause. "All I'm saying is that..I wanna move on in life. But for some reason, I havent gotten over everything. There are still times that I hesitate about other women. Kripa after you, I havent been able to fall in love again. Not even with Chandni."
"Angad why are you telling me this? I just.."
"Please. Let me finish." She didnt say a word. He continued. "Six months ago, I met Chandni. She was this innocent girl who took me for what I was as a person. Not as a model or something. I began to fall for her but I could never love her the way I had loved you once. I care for her. I'd do anything to make her happy but I cant love her. Thats the truth. Because somewhere inside, maybe in a really deep corner in my heart..you still exist." She gasped. She had never expected him to say this. "Angad, I think youre drunk. We'll talk tomorrow. Please just..."
"I still think about what we had once shared Kripa. and I wonder where we would be today had we not taken that important decision that was just thrown on us by the world."
"We would have not been successful. We wouldnt have been what we always wanted to be. Our ambitions, our aspirations..they would have all died."
"Were our ambitions and aspirations so important to us that we killed our own love for the sake of keeping them alive?" She felt that pain return to her body. That pain that she she had vowed to let go and move on. "Angad, I cant talk to you right now. Bye." She hung up quickly and then held on to her comforter. She needed someone to hold her tight.
[Flashback]
"I will always love you, Angad. No matter what.." She whispered in his ears as they held on to each other while they lay under the open stars. He gently kissed her forehead and pulled her in tighter. "Kripa..thanks."
She pulled her head up and looked at his face. "For what?" He turned and looked at her. "For this. For this night. It was the most beautiful moment of my life. I will always cherish it." His words brought a smile to her face. She moved in a little and kissed his lips like she had for the first time that night when they were announced to be the Junior Prom King and Queen. Life had been so beautiful after that, she thought. They had been going out for a month now. It was love, and she knew it!
[Flashback ends]
Angad got back to his room and threw his jacket on the couch. He looked at Chandni, asleep on the bed. He slowly made his way to her and sat down right next to her. He stared at her for a few moments and then smiled. He touched her face and slowly carassed it until she opened her eyes. "Oh. I'm sorry. I didnt mean to wake you up." He moved away but she held his hands. "Did Angad Khanna just apologize to me?" He stopped but didnt look at her. "Go back to sleep Chandni. Its late."
When he tried to walk away, Chandni quickly got off the bed and ran to him. She hugged him from the back and held him close. "Dont leave me, Angad." He hesitated for a second and then closed his eyes. "Why would I?"
"I dont know. But I have this fear that you will...one day." Guilt, he thought. He still was guilty about not telling her his past. He took her hand in his and turned around. "Dont worry. I wont leave." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "I love you." He didnt say a word. He took her hand and walked her to the bed. Placing her on it, he got up to leave but she held his hand again. She sat up and looked into his eyes.
"Angad..for the past six months, there was never a time when I didnt love you. And I always will. I just..I wasnt ready for that next step in our relationship..the more physical level." Knowing what was coming, he shifted uncomfortably. "But Angad..you never pressured me into anything. It was just so..so wonderful of you. It made me love you more."
"Chand I.." She placed a finger on his lips. "I'm ready Angad. I'm ready to take that next step..." He froze. She smiled and held his face. "..because I love you Angad. With all my heart." With a few tears in her eyes, she moved forward and pulled him into a hug. He didnt know what to do for a second. But he couldnt let this happen. He pulled away suddenly. "Angad.."
"I'm sorry Chandni. You might be ready for this but..I'm not." Without giving her the chance to react, he got up and stormed out of his room. Chandni just sat there, humiliated and shaken. She pressed her lips together and pulled her knees closer. They had been together for the past six months but not once had they actually made love to each other. Yes, they had gotten close a couple of times but she was never ready, she remembered. And Angad had never forced or pressured her into anything. And today, with her own will, she wanted to stay in his arms for just once. Without worrying about anything else. Just once. And he had left her once again. Once again, in tears.
"Open the door Kripa!!" He knocked on it, furiously. Kripa made her way down the stairs as she wrapped her robe around her body. She quickly opened the door and looked at Angad standing there. "Angad?" He looked at her for a moment and then suddenly lost control of himself. When he was about to fall on her, she held him. "Angad!" She screamed and brought him into the house. "Angad you okay?" He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Kripa.."
"Youre drunk arent you?" He ignored her comment. "I need you kripa." He hugged her quickly. She froze. They hadnt really hugged for 10 years now. Yes, they had a few hours ago but chandni had interrupted them. Chandni, she though. Did she know where Angad was? "Angad where's Chandni?" He didnt say anything. "Angad?"
"Shes at home."
"At home? And what are you doing here?" He let go and just sat there. "Angad, answer me goddamitt!!"
"I just had to leave. I couldnt take it anymore..the guilt. That void inside me..I just cant."
"Angad, I think you need to go back home. Its..its really late and Chandni must be worried about you. Plus, i dont want her to get ideas about us if you stay here longer." He didnt move. "Angad.." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "I feel so horrible Kripa..for taking advantage of her." She didnt know what to say or do. She got up. "I'll get you some coffee and then I'll call my driver so he can drop you off." She turned to leave but then heard a loud sound and turned back. It was Angad. He had collapsed on her floor. She quickly went to him and placed his head on her lap. "Angad!!" He was unconscious. She took a deep breath and pressed her lips together.
With great difficulty, she placed Angad on her bed and then sat next to him. She took a breath of relief and then turned around to leave, noticing that Angad had hold of her hand. She tried to pull away but his grip was strong. She settled back on the bed and stared at him. His face was so worried and depressed she thought. She had never seen it on his face before. Now yesterday, not ten years ago. This guilt had been eating him for a long time, she thought.
She knew he was not going to wake up any time soon. She finally got her hands out of his and got a blanket for Angad. Pulling it over his body, she caressed his forehead. Taking a deep breath, she took a pillow and a blanket and settled into the couch.
She watched him. He looked the same she thought. He had always been tall and atheltic. A really popular guy in high school. She was popular too. But not as much as him. She smiled at the thought of the first time the met.
[Flashback]
"And now..its time for the couples dance. Will the King and Queen please take their places on the dance floor?" Angad looked at kripa with that smile and held his hand in front of her. "Can I have this dance with you?" She felt herself blushing as she took his hand. She felt the chills down her spine when she did. His hands were strong.
They made their way to the dance floor and Angad slid his hands around her waist and she put hers around his neck. From there on, they didnt lose that eye contact.
Pehla yeh pehla
pyaar tera mera soni
pehli yeh muiakaat hai
pehli yeh mulakaat hai
joh keh rahi hai aankhen
woh keh rahi hai baatein
jaagi tu bhi saari raat hai
jaagi tu bhi saari raat hai
pehla ha pehla
tera mera pyaar...
[Flashback ends]
She woke up, interrupted, when her alarm rang. She quickly shut it off because she didnt want to wake Angad up. Turning it off, she went back to her couch. Not being able to fall asleep after that dream.
She slowly stepped into her slippers and walked downstairs to the living room. As she passed through the living room, she quickly pulled out a CD and pushed the play button. Knowing that Angad wouldnt hear it, she walked to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee.
Dil pe chala na jab zorr koi
Dil pe chala na jab zorr koi
tu meri paas aa gayi
mein tere paas aa gaya
pyaasi hai teri saasein
pyaasi hai meri saasein
uspe yeh barsaat hai
pehla hai pehla tera mera pyaar
Kab se hum tum
tanha akele
kab se te hum tum
tanha akele
aaj mujhe chain mil gaya
aaj mujhe chain mil gaya
baahon mein meri tum
baahon mein tere hum
aur yeh jawan raat hai
pehla hai pehla tera mera pyaar..
The music turned off in the middle, alarming her. She quickly turned the stove down and walked towards the living room. When she got there, Angad was standing right in front of her. There was this smile on his face which made her a little uncomfortable. He walked upto her and held his hand in front of her. "Can I have this dance with you?" She looked so shocked. "Angad I dont think..."
"Come on. For old times sake.." There was mischief in his eyes that she could see now. She smiled a little hesitantly and took his hands into hers. He pulled her towards the center of the living room and quickly pressed play on the music system.
Rukh se gayi hai
teri meri raahein
Rukh si gayi hai
teri meri raahe
hum jo saath aa gaye
manzil ke paas aa gaye
aaye the kaha se dono
jaayenge kaha pe dono
yeh to ab kisse yaad hai
yeh to ab kisse yaad hai
pehla, hai pehla
tera mera pyaar
pehla yeh pehla
pyaar tera mera soni
pehli yeh mulakaat hai
pehli yeh mulakaat hai
joh keh rahi hai aankhen
woh keh rahi hai baatein
jaagi tu bhi saari raat hai
jaagi tu bhi saari raat hai
pehla ha pehla
tera mera pyaar...
hai pehla...tera mera pyaar....
She opened her eyes and found him really close to her. That smile was still there. Before she knew it, she pulled him closer and kissed his lips. There was nothing to say at this moment. People said that history repeated itself. Well, it was happening. That night, when they had met for the first time, she had felt the exact same way. Except, now she didnt want to.
When she realized what she was doing, she pushed him back. Shocked, he didnt know what to say. "This isnt right Angad." What? He thought. Was this the same Kripa who had slept with him even when she knew that he had a girlfriend? "I dont want any more complications. I'm happy the way I am. Away from you.." That hurt! She quickly turned to run up the stairs but his voice stopped her. "Do you still love me?" She didnt turn around.
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