Kalarikkal House [7]: Chapter 82, p. 16 - Page 11

Waiting and will always wait to know the closure of this story.. don't want anything to happen to Khushi, Arnav, Pallavi but than.. it's been long Devi.. Hope you are doing fine..

I have been in love with your work ever since i read your FF Lavender which is discontinued.

Chapter 82: The L Word

The doctor came and left, cleaning and binding the wound again and prescribing painkillers. He gave him a look once he realized it was a stab wound, but evidently took his role as Kalarikkal family's doctor seriously, because no questions were asked.

Kashi was in the kitchen with Pallavi, having left him to get dressed again after the doctor's visit. He was sure she was also burning those bloody sheets while she was at it. He walked out of the room and down the stairs, waiting now for the painkillers to kick in; there was no sex to distract him, and the last bout of it that he had indulged in had made the wound way worse. He flinched now, the side of his stomach on fire and gritted his teeth at the effort it took to climb down the stairs.

He could hear them talking as he approached the kitchen. It was in Malayalam, but he could make out some words. He was starting to get an ear for the language.

They both turned when they heard him.

There was a brief moment of silence while he thought they each contemplated what to say and not to say. And then he spoke, throwing all caution to wind.

"I see a woman in this illam sometimes. Someone other than Lakshmi.

He saw Kashi's eyes widen in surprise that he had actually brought up the subject.

He turned to Pallavi and for once saw that her expression superseded her sister's; she looked nothing short of shocked. Evidently, Kashi had not shared with her sister about his proclivity towards seeing ghosts.

"You've seen Lakshmi Antharjanam. Pallavi said now, her voice barely above a whisper.

"The first day itself. Dead-ringer for my wife. His attempt at levity fell flat as Pallavi turned to Kashi for confirmation of this news.

For once in her life, Kashi appeared contrite as she lowered her gaze from her sister's questioning one.

If Kashi was going to be uncharacteristically docile, it would only occur with two people in the world and one of them was the one who had fainted on their floor earlier that day.

He watched her as she kept her gaze down and felt a swell of emotion and squelched it down with some force. It was becoming entirely too easy for her to do that to him. But as he watched her now, he knew that he had become this to her, this burden that she had spoken of before...

What was it that she had said that day? There are enough tragedies to be had in life loving the ones you couldn't help but love. You don't think I would want to add another layer of complication by loving someone new, now would you?

The sentiment had so mirrored his own that he had been convinced that she had known all his secrets, that somehow this illam and this family had conspired to expose his innermost wounds.

Instead, she had been speaking of her own...

He wondered if that is why he had faller for her. That he had sensed the same loneliness that invaded his entire being in her as well. She looked up in that moment, just a slight shifting up of her gaze, although it was not at her sister, but rather at him.

She didn't seem surprised that he had been staring, but a moment later, she appeared to truly understand how he had been staring and then he did see the confusion in her eyes before she lowered them again.

Loneliness... that wasn't it. Or maybe that wasn't all of it.

It was the other L word... Loss.

He had never moved on from what he had lost.

Watching her with her sister, he thought he understood. She had grown up watching one loss after another. And maybe a shadow of the fear that brings had always been there. Watching all of these people get left behind by those they loved. But in falling for him, that shadow had lengthened until she couldn't see herself without its eclipse.

That loss that had consumed and shaped his entire existence... he knew she saw it now too. It lay in a long line in front of her. A loss that she thought would come her way too.

He closed his eyes. His mind shrunk inward until all that was left was that one memory of that long day from eons ago. The paralysis that he had felt in each molecule of his being when he had found his sister dead. Her face and body bearing no resemblance to the essence of his sister; as if, in leaving the body, her soul had erased all indications that she had ever existed in it. He didn't think he had lost faith in any God that day, because he doubted that he has ever truly held such beliefs even before then. What he had lost was not faith, but meaning... Any meaning that life itself could hold had been extinguished in that moment. It had been a relief. He could feel nothing. Nothing at all. As long as his lungs drew air, he would continue to live. But he knew then that he would care for nothing ever again.

"Arnav. It was her voice.

He exhaled now. Fifteen long years had passed. He had grown accustomed to the ascetic state that his soul was seeped in while his mind and body formed a shell around it that allowed nothing to touch him.

He kept his eyes closed as he drew in air. He could detect her scent, distinct as it was to him.

Then there was the slight tinkling of her anklets as he heard her approach.

She had undone in 24 hours what had held strong for fifteen years with nigh a breeze to rattle it.

His eyes opened when he felt her hand take his.

Her fingers were cool to the touch, but curled into his when he opened his palm. He took in her eyes fully now as it was leveled at him, offering solace and reassurance in equal measure, and thought that he gave himself too much credit.

He was sure he had fallen for her within that first hour itself. His hand engulfed hers now as he returned her gaze.

Loss. It was what she feared.

He had lost everything once. And unexpectedly, at the other end of that loss, this had been waiting... this illam with its ghosts, madmen, and snakes... with its ancient walls that whispered tales of epic love and grand tragedy... with its goddess who loved strong enough to resurrect a dead soul...

He would be damned if he would die again, just when he had found something to live for.

Yahooo!!!!Yahooo!!!!! You updated... this is the best thing happened today for me...

How raw it was!

Pain that binds them all.

Pallavi with her past, Arnav with his and Kashi fearful for what would happen to him because of her.

For fifteen years he was a different person. It is relatable to extreme loss and for one without any solace to find Kashi in this all; how he would have fought his feelings.

The struggle outside in trying to come out from the pain down to find her coincides with the struggle he is making on the inside to let it all go and be new again.

Change brings pain but it also brings hope.

Lovely part Devi.

Thanks for updating.

I've been trying to find words, quite unsuccessfully, to express my admiration not just for this chapter but for this story in general. Inadequate it may be, but you have a gift.

So much pain...an amazing update...loved it!!!:)

Oh!!!

i was waiting for a long time...finally!!!!! loving it

I really love your writing. I'm so glad you are continuing with this story!!!