Love, am I not worth it ?
Chapter 22
Taking Khushi's address from Aashiyaana, Arnav quickly reached Paradise. Entering inside he saw the most beautiful scene. Khushi was sitting and feeding their kids and the kids were playing around. He stood admiring them for sometime.
After sometime, Khushi finished feeding Ponies and washed her hands. She sat down in the sofa in the living room while Ponies were playing in front of her. She was watching Ponies play when Julian came down to talk about some work to Khushi.
Seeing Arnav standing at the entrance with a soft smile playing on his lips, Julian called out to him. That broke Arnav's trance and he looked at Julian. Khushi's attention also diverted to Arnav. Ponies stopped playing and started watching the new entrant in their house. Arnav looked all five persons in front of him.
His vision rested on his kids. They were keenly watching him. Seeing him looking at Ponies, Julian asked, " Yes, what do you want? Why are you here?"
Taking a deep breath, he got into the work for which he came. "I want to talk to Khushi." Khushi knew this was coming. From the time Arnav saw Ponies at hospital, she knew a thousand questions were running in his mind and he would definitely come there to get his answers. She was prepared.
Turning to Julian, she said, "Take Ponies upstairs and be with them there. Don't come down. I will come after talking."
Nodding his head, he unwillingly went upstairs with Ponies. The protective brother in him was reluctant to leave his sister who had hurt her. But nevertheless he obeyed her. Ponies were confused. Even though they knew about their father, they had never seen him nor knew how he looked.
After everyone left Arnav and Khushi stood looking at each other. Not beating around the bush,Arnav came directly to the question that was on his mind.
Arnav: Who are those kids?
Khushi ( taking a deep breath): They are my kids.
Arnav: Your kids?
Khushi: Yes.
Arnav: Who is their father?
Khushi: That is not your concern Mr. Raizada.
Arnav ( controlling his anger) : Who is their father, Khushi?
Khushi ( calmly): I told you Mr Raizada. That is none of your business. If you don't have anything else to talk then you can leave.
Arnav reached her taking long strides. He pulled her by holding her upper arms and shook her. Khushi came crashing into his chest.
Arnav ( screaming): Tell me dammit who is their father? Don't test my patients, Khushi. Are they my children?
Khushi ( equally angry and at loud voice): What if I say that they're not. What will you do, haan. Listen carefully Mr Raizada they are my children, only mine. Just by donating sperms nobody becomes father. So stay away from my children.
Arnav: So they are my children.
Khushi: Yes. But you don't have any rights on them. They're only mine.
Arnav: Enough Khushi. Stop it. How dare you, Khushi? How dare you do it. You kept my children away from me. You never told me about them. I never knew about their existence. I didn't knew my wife was pregnant. I never knew my children were going to come into this world. I never got chance to enjoy my wife's pregnancy. To see my kids when they were in your womb. To fulfill your craving when you were pregnant. To hold them when they were born. I wasn't there when they first opened their eyes. I wasn't there when they said their first word. I wasn't there to hold their hands when they took their first step. I lost everything. I lost all the precious moments of my kids' life. And it's all because of you, Khushi. It is all because you never told me about them. Why Khushi? Why did you do this? Why did you betrayed me like this? I loved you. But you kept such big truth of our life away from. Why Khushi? Why dammit?
When Arnav said about all that he missed in Ponies' life, Khushi felt bad. For a moment she felt guilty that because of her he lost all those precious moments. But when he accused her of betraying she felt angry. How dare that man accuse after all that he did to her.
Khushi (angry): Enough Mr. Raizada. You said enough and I heard enough. Now listen to me carefully. What did you said I betrayed you. Look who is talking about betrayal. If what I did to you was betrayal then what will you name that you did to me. Wasn't it betrayal. That's what is called biggest betrayal. You betrayed me, you broke my trust. You ruined my faith in relationship. Now you have come here and accusing me of betrayal. Wow. Hats off to you.
She mocked.
Arnav: Listen Khushi. It was all a misunderstanding. Ma and Di had manipulated me and forced me to marry Sheetal. It was not with my consent. I had to do it for saving my Ma.
Khushi: Your Ma, your Di, your family, your everything. What about me? Where am I in all this? You tell me that you love me. Then why don't you stand for your love. Always thinking about your Ma, your sister, your family. All you want was their happiness, their wishes to be fulfilled. What about me? Don't I deserve happiness, don't I have wishes, am I not a human being. You even care about your girlfriend's wishes but you don't have time for your wife. You don't think about your wife's happiness, her wishes, her needs.
Arnav(shouted): Sheetal was not my girlfriend.
Khushi (shouted): Then what was she. You have a wife at home whom you remember only during bedtime. Who you need only to spend night. All other time you spend with your so called girl friend. OK. I agree she was not your girlfriend. But who will believe it. All your time you spend with her. When you're at office, she will be in your cabin more than you, when you go to parties she will be accompanying you instead of your wife. Who will believe that she is not your girlfriend when you give her rights on you more than what your wife has. For the world she is your girlfriend not fake but real. The girl who your family flaunts. In every occasions your sister and your family members gave her more importance than your wife. What had you done about it ever. Always standing in a corner and silently letting your family members do whatever they wanted. You never stopped them. Your sister introduce her as your girlfriend to each and every person even in the presence of your wife. What had you done, nothing.
Arnav: Khushi, I was forced by Di to behave like that.
Khushi: Forced. Hahaha. That was a good joke. Are you a five year old child that someone forced you and you did what they said. Don't you have your own brain. Your Di forced you to accept Sheetal as your girlfriend. Your mother forced you to marry her. So tomorrow if they ask you to kill me and my babies. Will you do that also.
Arnav ( shocked): Khushi...
(Sighing): Khushi Please try to understand.
Khushi ( cutting him): Understand. That is what I have been doing from the first day of our marriage. I am trying to understand you and your circumstances. But do you know what the problem was. It was I who always tried to understand your point of view. But you never did that. You never thought about how I would feel about all these. From day one it was me who should understand and sacrifice things. But you never understood me.
Do you know how I have felt. No. You never cared. I was just eighteen years when I got married to you. I had not even thought about marriage till then. Nobody didn't ask my opinion in this marriage. Three weeks before marriage my Mother called me and said that they had fixed my marriage. I didn't even get time to prepare myself. All those things that I wished to do in my life, I had to do in that three weeks. I had to marry a person who was a complete stranger for me just because his family had put demand that my sister's marriage will happen only if I agree for this marriage. I am sure you also agreed for this marriage only because of your brother, right?
Arnav gulped. That was the bitter truth of their life. Even though he loved her, he agreed to marry her only because his brother's marriage was at stake. He was ready to marry any stranger girl just for his brother. He never thought about that girl. But due to his luck that girl turned out to be his lover. What if it wasn't her, what would have been that girl's life whose husband loved someone else. Not trusting his mouth, he simply nodded as an answer.
Khushi ( continued): I thought that at least in my in-laws place everyone would understand me and support me. At least my husband would be there with me. I trusted you, gave you my everything, hoped you to stand beside me and support me. But you did none. You never supported me. Whenever your sister and family gave importance to your so called girlfriend, you came running to me to ask if I am alright and to just clear your stand in front of me. But you never stopped your family from doing it. You indirectly encouraged all that they did. If your family had cheated you then it was because you allowed them to cheat you. You never stood against the wrong they did. You never opposed. I felt astonished to think that you are the same Arnav Singh Raizada who people called as Shark in business world, whom everyone feared. There was a time when I also used to crush on you for your sharp intelligence and business tactics. But today I feel ashamed that I had thought this weak man as my role model once.
Arnav was shocked. He never knew that his wife crushed on him. She thought him as her role model. But he felt miserable that he broke her trust and belief on him.
Khushi (continued): Today I feel ashamed that I loved such a spineless man. I gave my everything to such a man who couldn't even stand up for his own wife.
Arnav closed his eyes in pain. Yes she was right. He was a weak man who couldn't even stand up for his love. He let his family especially his sister play with his life. He felt ashamed of himself.
Khushi: And what you told I have snatched your rights by keeping away your kids from you right. Then what should I do? Say everything to a father who couldn't even save the life of his unborn child nor punish the people who had done it.
Arnav ( shocked): What?
Khushi: They are not my first child. Before I conceived them, I was pregnant once. Do you remember after about two months of our marriage we went to a party and I got drunk. Then I had pain.
With that she narrated all that happened during her first miscarriage and how she found out about the culprits.
Khushi (continued): At first I decided not to tell you seeing your happiness that day. But later I thought I should tell you. You have the right to know. I came to meet you the next day in your office. From your office I came to know that you had gone to some hotel. Reaching there I saw you enjoying and dancing with Sheetal. I felt miserable. My husband, the father of my lost baby was enjoying with the same person who killed my child. Do you know how I felt? You can't even imagine my hurt and pain at that time? I felt betrayed. What was I supposed to do? Tell me what was I supposed to do? ( clutching his collar)
Arnav felt like someone had knocked the air out of his lungs. His baby died and he wasn't aware. He couldn't do anything for his child, he let the culprits of his baby go without punishing them. He felt ashamed of himself. He still remember that day his clients had forced him to dance with Sheetal who had forcefully come with him that day. He closed his eyes in regret.
Arnav: Then why didn't you told me about Sheetal.
Khushi: Sheetal. What should have I told about her. That she was a bitch. That she killed my child. That she was behind you for your money. Would you have believed? Why are you quiet tell me would you have believed? We both know the answer.
With that both their minds went to that one incident which changed the equation of their relationship.
Flashback
It had been three weeks to their marriage. They both were happy with each other. His family members behavior was strange. They gave importance to Sheetal and somewhat ignored her except Dada- Dadi and Nana- Nani.
Sheetal and Shreya were constantly poking their nose in their matters. Anjali was also with them. She wouldn't leave even one chance to throw Sheetal on Arnav. And he was as usual silent.
Still Arnav and Khushi were happy. They were trying to understand each other. It was irking Shreya and Sheetal. They planned a trap for Khushi to demean her in front of everyone. Khushi unaware of the upcoming storm was trying to make her place in her sasural.
A pooja was supposed to be held in Shantivan for the welfare of the family. Khushi was helping everyone in arranging everything for the pooja.
She was in the mandir making arrangements. Everyone else were indulged in some other works. Sheetal came from behind and stood behind Khushi silently. Before Khushi could sense her presence Sheetal took the end of her dupatta (stole) and kept it on one of the hanging lightened diya.
No sooner the dupatta caught fire and Sheetal started screaming. Hearing it Khushi turned back and saw the burning dupatta. She immediately took the dupatta from Sheetal's shoulder and threw it away. She then started putting down the fire with her hands so that it doesn't spread.
Hearing Sheetal's crying everyone came there. Sheetal went running to them and said that Khushi had tried to kill her by putting fire on her and when everyone came she put down the fire so that she doesn't get caught.
Khushi was stunned hearing her accusation. She looked at everybody hoping that someone would believe her. She tried explaining herself but nobody believed her and went away taking Sheetal. Sheetal and Shreya smirked seeing their plan working.
Khushi went to Arnav hoping that at least he would believe her. But he was confused. Sheetal was crying constantly and started saying that Khushi didn't like her from first itself because she loved Arnav and that Khushi had tried to harm her many times. So Khushi tried to kill her.
Everyone believed her seeing her acting. They started accusing and blaming Khushi for Sheetal. Arnav also believed Sheetal. He started ignoring Khushi and didn't talked to her for few days. When Khushi tried to explain herself he didn't let her. In all these nobody noticed Khushi whose hands were burnt while putting down fire.
After few days, everything became normal. Arnav forgave her and started talking to her. But the family members always kept distance from her. They kept her away from themselves. Somewhat they never involved her among them. They always looked at her with accusing eyes.
Even after trying a lot their thoughts about never changed. They never included her in their talks. Always kept a unseen barrier between them. It hurt Khushi. She slowly started moving away from them. She was afraid that they would hurt her again.
Flashback ends.
Both came out of their thoughts.
Khushi: Do you remember the day when Sheetal accused me of trying to kill her. Nobody believed me. Not even you. I ran behind you for days trying to prove my innocence, pleading to you to believe me. But you didn't believe me. You ignored me. You trusted on the few fake tears that she shed. But you never believed me. No one believed me. I tried telling you the truth but you never heard me. When that day you didn't believed me when she threw such an accusation on me , do you think you would have believed me if I said she killed our child. You believed her just by few tears. What guarantee was there if I would have told truth and she would have cried telling that I am putting wrong accusation on her and you wouldn't have believed her. You and me both know. You would have believed her. No only you, each and everyone of your family members would have believed her and would have stood by her. So that only I never said.
Arnav was speechless. He didn't know what to say. She was right. He doesn't know how he would have reacted if Khushi would have told the truth to him. May be he wouldn't have believed her. He wasn't sure. He knew Sheetal from childhood. He always thought of her as a good girl. If Khushi would have accused her then he didn't know how he would have reacted. Would he have believed her. May be No. He always took decisions from brain. May be he would have believed Sheetal whom he knew for years than his wife of few months. He wasn't sure.
Khushi: It had happened like that all the time. For you all that mattered was your family, what they thought, what they wished. Every time either your family or your business came between us. You would be either busy in pampering your family or in your work and business meetings. Whenever I needed you, you were never there. On that day when I came to know about my miscarriage I wanted you beside me. True I only send you to office that day but I was broken. I wanted you beside me that time . I tried calling you but you didn't picked up the phone. When I reached home I came to know the truth. But I couldn't tell you seeing your happiness. But when I finally got courage to tell you, you were with your girl friend. Every time it happened. Every single time it happened.
Tears were rolling down her eyes remembering all those pain and sufferings. Arnav's eyes were also filled with unshed tears. He was numb. He didn't knew what to do. How to react.
Khushi ( wiping her tears): I was shattered when I lost my baby. Then I started waiting for my baby to come back to me. After few months I came to know I was pregnant again. I was happy. I couldn't explain how much happy I was. I wanted to share the biggest news of our life with you. But as usual you weren't there. You were gone for some business meeting for two weeks. I decided to wait for you to come back to tell you the news. (With that she narrated how she was poisoned and how she found out about it and the truth).
Khushi (continued): I was waiting for you to come back. I had decided to tell everything to you. When you came back I also told you that I wanted to talk to you. But during dinner you told that you're going to Singapore for a year. I was scared. If you would have gone, then Sheetal and Shreya would have killed my child. I tried telling you but you were busy in your work. You were busy packing and finishing your work before you leave. I tried to understand you and your work that time. So I didn't told you. But I couldn't risk my child's life so I faked an abortion and went to London. Do you know how much I craved for you in those nine months, how much I wanted you beside me. Many times I tried telling you but whenever you talked about your work. How much that project was important for you. How it was your dream project. I kept quiet. I didn't wanted to come in between your dream. I tried to understand you. Everyday you would call and I would be waiting for that one call for the whole day so I could hear your voice. Do you remember one day you called telling me that you felt like calling me that day was my delivery. All that time I was in delivery room giving birth to our babies when you talked to me.
Both Khushi and Arnav were crying thinking about all those beautiful moments they have missed being with each other. All those precious moments which circumstances had snatched from them.
Khushi: After four months of their birth, I came back. They were here. Beejibaa used to take care of them. That was the reason I always went out citing the excuse that I have work. I didn't go to work but used to go to meet my babies. They were so small at that time. In between all these I tried to tell you about them a lot of times but you would always be with Sheetal and I couldn't tell you the truth in front of her. I couldn't take risk and let her harm my babies. Every night I tried to tell, but all you will care about will be making love to me. You never heard what I wanted to talk. If you have something to talk then you will talk. But when I tried to talk to you something you always stopped me. You never allowed me to talk anything. All you ever did was make love to me. What sort of a relation was that between us. The only thing that ever existed between us was the time that we spend in bed. When you made love to me that was the only time we spend together. Was it the only thing that existed between a husband and wife. Because sometimes your behavior made me think I was really your wife or just a bedmate. Just a mist...
Arnav ( cutting her shouted): Don't. Don't you dare use that word for yourself. You are my wife, my love, my life, the other part of my soul, my everything. Now the mother of my kids. Don't you dare demean yourself by using that word for you, Khushi. You are the most precious thing in my life. You are the best that I ever got in my life. You are pure Khushi. Our relationship was pure. Never demean it. Please. Whatever that happened between us was wrong. But our relationship was never wrong. Don't make it wrong by using such words for yourself.
Khushi: If our relationship meant so much for you then why did you ruined it by marrying Sheetal. Do you know that day when I told you that I wanted to talk to you, I was about to tell you about our kids. But you never heard that. You went away even before I woke up. I waited for you the whole day but you left for Nainital. I thought that I would tell you after coming back from Lucknow. I was so much happy that day. I thought finally I would tell you about our babies and we will bring them home. We will be together as a family and my kids would get their father's name, love, care, warmth and protection. But you ruined it all. You ruined everything by marrying that bitch. You ruined not only my but also my babies' life. Because of you now my babies are living fatherless. All because of you. My babies had to live without their father.
Arnav: I am sorry. Please forgive me. Please give me a chance. I will set everything right. Please Khushi.
Khushi: Forgive you. Never. I will never forgive you. Even if I forgive you for what you had done to me I would never forgive you for all that my babies had to suffer just because of you. You are telling me that you will set everything right. What you will set right. Can you bring back those moments when my babies had to live without their father. Can you bring it back.
Arnav: Khushi please just one chance. Khushi, I want to meet them for once.
Khushi: No you won't meet them. My babies had learned to live without their father. I can't allow you to come into their life and make them hurt. Today you will be there with them but tomorrow when you will leave them like you had done to me, then my babies would be hurt. I can't allow that.
Arnav: Khushi, they are my kids also. Why will I hurt them. I won't leave them ever.
Khushi: No Mr Raizada. I don't believe you. By the way they are not your kids. They are only my kids. You don't have any right on them. Do you remember the papers that I made you sign that day before I left. Everyone including you thought that it's some property papers. But it wasn't. It was my babies' custody papers. You had by your own will gave away all your rights on my babies. Now they're only my babies.
Arnav (shocked): Khushi... How can you do that.
Khushi: I can very well do that Mr Raizada. I knew someday you or someone from your family would come and show your right on my babies. You will try to snatch my babies from me. But I won't allow you to do that. I won't let you snatch my kids away from me. Now go and tell your mother and sister about your kids. I know once they find out about my babies they will surely try to take them away from me but I won't allow that.
Khushi (hysterical): I won't allow that. Did you hear me I won't allow them to take my babies away from me. They are my babies. Only my babies. Go away. Go away from here. I don't want to see your again. Go away.
Arnav went out of the house silently. He lost his everything. Till yesterday he thought that he only lost his Khushi but today he came to know that he had lost his kids also. Because of his mistakes he lost the most important people of his life. He don't know he will ever get them back or not. Walking through the raining streets, he lost all his strength to even cry out loud.
Khushi ran into her room and closed the door. Sliding down on the door she sat down. She started crying. Even after two years all the wounds were fresh. All those memories still hurt her. Seeing that man all those wounds were reopened. She couldn't bear the pain. Why? Why he ruined everything? Why he ruined their life? Their babies' life. No she can't forgive him. The pain was too much. Her babies are still suffering. All because of that man. She can't forgive him. Ever...
Precap: Agnihotris and Raizadas
I don't know how this chapter came out. They were too many emotions involved. I don't know if I could do justice to them. Please comment. I know many people will have different opinions about this chapter. Pls comment.
According to my point of view, Arshi's relation was not correct from the starting. A relation should be build based on love and trust. In their relation, the starting itself they married for their family not because of their love. I wanted to give a new starting for their relation. Where they know each other well, understand each other, then friendship, love and finally that most important part trust. From now a new beginning for Arshi's love story and also I have to focus on other relations as well. I hope you all will support me. Any ideas please comment.
I want your valuable support from now on. So pls pls pls comment.
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