Eclipse - CH 2: Pg. 5 - Page 4

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Angela_Grokes thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#31

Originally posted by: 8520NK

And finally comes my unres!😆

Well, I love historical fiction and your style of writing is beyond amazing.
I was intrigued by the history of the kingdom and the way you have explained it, further captured all of my attention. The way you set the tone for the story, made it so clear for me to imagine everything. It was absolutely wonderful.
I got the ancient feel when I was reading the part where you described Angika's chambers and it was just as if everything was reeling in front of my eyes.
The way they converse reflects their royal stature and I was amazed at how beautifully you have sketched your characters. Though not much, but the chapter gave a very eloquent sneak peak of the different personalities.
Your research, shines out in parts of the chapter and flows in perfect coordination with the story.
Loved every bit!
Agni and Bhramadutta seem two very headstrong characters. The formers emotions came across well, especially in tge last line when she completes his sentence. I can't wait for there. Confrontation amd more.
Loved it Angie!❤️

Thanks Navika but there is a lot more to the story than just these characters. I am still setting the storyline up and once that is complete, which is the second chapter I guess, I will venture into a much more complex and entertaining phase of thise fiction. It is going to be one fun ride and I am excited to see how you people will like it.


Thanks a lot Navi. 🤗
Angela_Grokes thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#32

Originally posted by: Cortana

Res

Intriguing beginning and I am wondering whether the revelation will affect the marriage. I look forwards onto the next chapter to see how it all develops!

Thanks Arya!

It will affect a lot of people in many ways as the story proceeds. 😉
Angela_Grokes thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#33

Originally posted by: ..Ramya..

That was a brilliant first chapter! This story has such a captivating plot. And you've laid the base for it so fabulously well. The exactness with which you describe every little thing is simply outstanding, it makes it so easy to picturise exactly what's happening. And clearly, you've taken the trouble of researching every minute detail and the outcome is beyond amazing. Agni turning out to be an illegitimate child surprised me, can't wait to find out what happens next. Loved it!

Ramya, first... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 🥳
And then, I am so happy you like this.

Yes I had to do a lot of research and then match the plot with it but it was so fun and I hardly consider it work. It was just some fun time. 😊
Angela_Grokes thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#34
Thanks you all for liking and commenting. Thanks to the silent readers as well.🤗
Angela_Grokes thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#35
Chapter 2 : The Vow


Silence. Volumes were spoken in the next few minutes of silence. Vaidehi's heart screamed with hurt received from betrayal, Brahmadatta's demanded revenge and Agni's cried in silent agony. Tears appeared in Vaidehi's eyes. Agni stood before her sister, or step-sister. Would Vaidehi change after this revelation?

"Its time you are out of this place. Dirt is wiped away before it creates more of itself." Brahmadatta held Agni's hand and started dragging her toward the door.

Then, like a sword injures its deadliest enemy, Vaidehi's words followed Brahmadatta's, "Even a traitor is given a chance to defend himself. And she is not one. She must be given a chance to explain herself. That is how justice is ensured."

"Justice? What justice are you talking about Angika?" Brahmadatta said in a state of shock.

"In her veins flows the blood of king Dhadivahana, our father. And she is a part of this royal family." Vaidehi spoke with such resonance, it shocked Brahmadatta.

"She is the daughter of brothel owner!" Brahmadatta replied with disgust.

"The same brothel owner your father visited and fell in love with." Agni's words hit the other like a sharp dagger in heart. But while one composed herself to listen to the complete story, other decided to end this discussion here.

"My father did not..." Brahmadatta was stating when Agni freed herself from his hold and replied.

"Yes he did! The only reason he visited the brothel everyday was because he loved my mother. My mother, served only one man, Dhadivahana, sadly, he was the one who wrote a deadly end to her destiny. she was ostracized by other brothel owners because she refused to be with anyone else and we lived for years in hunger and she cried all night. She was refused by the civil society and the uncivil looked at her as an object. All because of your father."

"Women like you mother are born as objects."

"That is what kings like you think. The only reason my mother suffered was because she involved with one man. One man who became the ruler of her heart and owner of her affection. She never ever involved in any shady work. The only reason brothels function is because men like your father use women for fulfilling their horrific needs!"

Brahmadatta could not tolerate this insult thown at his father and his hand instantly rose up. But was stopped by Vaidehi. Who shook her head, her eyes fierce as Durga and her grip as strong as Kali.

"Truth cannot be stopped with force Brahmadatta. Our father..."

"Vaidehi, Our father was an honest man it was her mother who..."

"Don't. Never let your affection come in way of your judgement of right and wrong. A pearl is priceless because of its untouched purity. When the same pearl turns black due to impurities, its is regarded as a useless piece which has worth less than a stone. You know he was wrong!" Tears flowed down Vaidehi's eyes.

"He was a king!" Was Brahmadatta's reply.

"And that gives him the authority to play with three lives? Is he free to betray two women, one of which had to pay with her life!" Agni's voice raised to echo just like the thunder of the turbulent skies outside.

"Not one but two. Our mother killed herself when we were twelve." Vaidehi's voice lack composure.

"Mine killed herself when I was ten! And then he came. The king. Running to my house. To accept me. As his daughter. As the princess of Anga. He came at night. He was afraid of getting noticed during the day."

"He must have come because of the prophecy. The day Brahmadatta was named the crown-prince, a sage told father that his mistakes would destroy this kingdom. He would have come to redeem his mistakes."

"How easily men of great power forget that remorse only complicates. Redemption is a false illusion to satisfy the worried heart."

"Atleast he tried to correct his mistake! You just used this kingdom for your needs and tried suck all its wealth and power like a leech!" Brahmadatta spoke with absolute dislike.

Agni laughed. In her laugh, were the pains she had endured all these years. Ten years ago when she first entered the castle, Brahmadatta had tried to harm her. Attack her at night. He was not satisfied with his father's story of her being their long lost sister. That very night, he was sent to the gurushala, where he spent six years. When he came back, his composure hid the innermost desires of revenge. And when he came to know of the truth, it only gave him a stronger reason to dislike Agnijyotsna.

"Just like your mother, you blinded my father's sense of right and wrong. He sent his son away for his illegitimate daughter. He was afraid that the truth might leak in the kingdom and lead to a fierce revolt. So he tried his best. Conducted those fake ceremonies. And forgot his son. I lost my father's love to you and slowly you conquered Angika's senses too!" Brahmadatta, a warrior, was crying today. He was hurt. Memories of the past flooded his mind and tears just flowed away.

Silence again.

Vaidehi knew she could not stop Brahmadatta. Her love for Agnijyotsna increased when she knew that her sister had to endure hard days. Neither Agni nor her mother were responsible for their ill fate. Even Vaidehi's mother was guiltless. It was their father. A man who singlehandedly destoryed five lives, of his wife, of his lover, her child and that of his children.

Brahmadatta caught hold of Agni's arm again, and this time without any attention to Vaidehi's requests dragged her.

"No! Brahmadatta stop. She is our sister. She has lived with us for years. Don't!" Vaidehi, struggling to keep up pace with her brother, cried helplessly.

Finally, as he reached the entrance of the fortress he freed Agnijyotsna's hand and pushed her out of the doorpost. Agni lost her balance and fell on earth. She was hurt. But, like a tigeress, she rose up again. And in her eyes, was fire. Fire which could consume Brahmadatta's pride in seconds but she stopped. The next instant, she announced.

"You, weak king, blinded by power and wealth will pay for your deeds. I, Agnijyotsna, vow on the purity of my mother's heart that I shall be the reason of your destruction. First, you shall fall in my feet. Then, this great kingdom which you are proud of, shall be seized and finally, my revenge shall complete with your death. And only after my hands are red with your blood, shall I be freed from this filth you threw at me. Enjoy everyday you live Brahmadatta because now you will not be left with many. The destiny of this kingdom and that of your life, is now eclipsed and at the end of this eclipse, will arrive the light of happiness."

And then, without looking back she walk away. Leaving behind Brahmadatta, fuming with anger and Vaidehi whose heart was filled with countless fears of upcoming danger.

Edited by Angela_Grokes - 9 years ago
Angela_Grokes thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#36
[Quote]
Important Note
[/quote]
As usual, thefe is drama in my story and I left on a cliffhanger. Now you will have to read the next part to see what happens! 😈 How I love cliffhangers! *evil laugh*

Also, the other FF I write, Mahabharat Fanfiction : On The Quest, will be updated tomorrow so do check out that as well. 😊

Now before you forget, please like and comment your opinion.

Angela.
Edited by Angela_Grokes - 9 years ago
8520NK thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#37
Woah! I am sure you know by now just how much I am into drama, and this story really is my cup of coffee! (I don't drink tea😛)
Anyway, keeping my preference of beverages aside I will come to the update...
The conversation between Brahmadutta and Agni really brought forward flashes of the Karna-Draupadi conversation in the Dhyut Sabha. I guess the characters are inspired, but really I dislike him for having done what he did.
Having studies psychology, I can understand his state of mind because I firmly believe that no one is born seeking revenge or just 'bad' in general but his refusal to even try and understand Agni and blaming her for something she didn't even do is incorrect.
On the other hand, the way Vaidehi collected herself after the revelation is commendable. I already like her character.
But most of all, I loved how you have presented Agni's fierce character. From what I infer, she is a strong woman who is not afraid to stand up for herself and for what is right, and that she can different between right and wrong unlike her step brother. And most of all, that she is a ferocious ans dangerous wounded tigress, who can burn what threatened to destroy her.
I absolutely love her!
The use of language is amazing, and especially the way they speak. There is royalty in the way all three of them speak, irrespective of how they feel. I love your sketches of all three characters!
Can't wait for more...this was brilliant 👏👏
Edited by 8520NK - 9 years ago
sambhavami thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
#38
This was so bad of Brahmadatta! A daughter cannot suffer for the sins of her father! That's unfair.
MsChanadlerBong thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#39
This is time no res . I had res in the first chapter and forgot about that 😆
Chapter one

So Agni and Vahedi are sisters . I loved their bond . How Vahedi understands her little sister . The confusion in Agni's heart was really confusing 😆 And Brahma is Agni's father 🥱 really ? 😲 I was like huh at firs then I mean now I am getting it all right 😆😃
So Agni is daughter of a ***** ? Huh ? 🥱 What the ? That was the best cliff hanger.

Chapter two
I am hating this anger and revenge thing 🤢 but you know I so can imagine Aham and Pooja in the scene 😆 such a perfect combination for the scenario 🤣 . That story of Agni was so heart wrenching. The whole person to responsible is their father . I can understand both Vahedi and Brahma's dilemma . Agni has gone through hell and she still is suffering . Hope she gets happiness in her near future . Woah that last punch line was 👏👏.

Very interesting concept you have it here Di ! And your writing is just brilliant . 👏 I have really into this story please Di keep updating and at regular basis . Now looking forward for the two male entry . And you are so right when you leave in cliff hanger you have the urge to read more . Please please update soon Di . 😳

aanvi98 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#40
Res res big res! Ok lets see mujhe marne ka kya sharyantra rachi hai aapne...😆
This was just awesome!!😃😃 The flow u maintain with just simple words is an art indeed!! I just get flown like a feather in ocean while reading ur writings!!!😳

First of all,it was so much bad of brahmadutta!!😡 How could he say like this!I felt total justified for agni's mother! Each and every time it's deeds of a man and a woman suffers...

Loved the way agni retorted and vaidehi defended! Only a woman can understand another woman...

U know ur FF looks sumthig lyk bahubali! So exciting!!

Nd yeah u gave a shock... how can he just throw agni out!!! Today u revealed the real draupadi whose fire was only for injustice!😃

Nd how do u get such ideas haan! Give me some...😆 waiting impatiently for new update! 😃
Edited by aanvi98 - 9 years ago

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